Every woman wants the perfect birth. It’s why they research the perfect birth plan—so they can find the right one for them. They pick the lighting and music to set the mood. They decide who’s going to be there and who can’t come within 100 feet of the birth room. They even go as far as to pick out the first outfit they’re going to wear so they can look halfway decent in those first photos.
What do we do when things really hit the fan? When our waters break, or those first contractions slam us, what do we really do? We rush our pregnant behinds to the hospital and put our trust in the doctors who we diligently researched when we knew we were having a baby, that’s what!
While we’re stripped down and counting the very seconds until we meet our newest little one, our entire well being is put in the hands of the doctors we’ve picked. Every aspect of our birth experience is handed over to the doctors and whatever their expertise dictates. What was the point of the birth plan if no one is going to listen to us? As we count through every contraction, it feels as if our entire birth experience goes on around us without any actual involvement from us.
15 When They Just Want It Over And Done With
Doctors are busy and in demand folks. We get that. They don't get paid the big bucks for anything after all. When labor is taking a lot longer than expected—where we’re walking halls and desperately trying to coax our bodies to that ten centimeters—the doctors are at the ready with their manufactured solutions.
According to WebMD, Pitocin and other medications become a quick, go-to option to get our bodies moving at a rate that they approve.
After all, time is money—right?
If time is money—and the doctors want to optimize their time—the easiest way to do so is to cut down on the natural timing of our bodies. The faster they can get our bodies go through the birth process, the faster they can move onto the next lady in labor. It makes their jobs easier and ours less so.
14 Frequent Peeks At A Lady’s Down Under
At some point, we’re going to put it all on display for everyone in the room. It doesn’t matter how many people are in the room or how little we want to do, because it’s going to happen. When that baby is coming, everyone gets front row seats.
Until then? We’d really like our privacy, but that’s not going to happen. We better get used to the extra attention down there because—whether we want it or not—the doctor is going to spend a lot of intermediate time checking to see how everything is going.
Mother Rising reports there will be checkups on the baby, checkups on the centimeters, and even checkups on how we’re doing. Everything must be in order and—no matter how much space we want—that just isn’t going to happen.
13 Failure To Communicate
Being experts in their field means our doctors know best, right? They do, but we also know what’s going on with our own bodies and how we want this birth to go down. In the chaos of contractions, pain, medical advice, and eventually pushing, QZ reports it becomes easier for doctors to do rather than discuss.
We become clueless as to what’s really going on with our own birth experience as the doctors give orders, perform procedures, and do things we don’t understand.
Why pause to explain all the little things when it’s easier and quicker to just go ahead and do it? A quick snip here, change this thing there—it saves time to just get it over with. Our understanding gets put on the back burner—leaving us wondering what’s going on and not knowing any better.
12 The Private Massage
The perineal massage. For so long it was thought to be a necessity to prevent tearing, but honestly—there’s some info showcasing there is a detriment to it more so than benefits. The excess swelling, the uncomfortable contact—it’s not a thing that all ladies want to go through! The more that goes on down there, the more some women feel like they’re turning into a three-ring circus with their lady bits as the main attraction.
It’s bad enough they already have a roomful of people who have front row seats to our down under—they really don’t need an extra hands-on approach. However, while the doctor is down there it’s a might as well situation, according to Mother Rising. No permission asked, they just find themselves with the doctor lending a helping hand they didn’t want to begin with.
11 Ripened Bun In The Oven? Let’s Get It Out
Forty weeks. That’s the time we get to help our little bun in the over ripen. It’s a perfect little baby. As much as we’re all ready by the end of that 40 weeks to get that baby out, we want it on our terms. When we show up at that 40 weeks appointment, our doctor seems to have a different idea.
According to WebMD, if we are one to two weeks past our due dates, it’s time to get that baby out! Induction!
The word gets thrown into the conversation—along with phrases like 'big baby', wait too long, and more.
Instead of giving our bodies the chance to play catch up with the date, our doctors are quick to give an induction date so make sure those bags are packed. It’s off to the hospital for us to make that baby come on out.
10 Can’t Tinkle Right Away? There’s Something For That
Once that beautiful babe has popped on out, all we want to do is cuddle our sweet little one. Well, too bad. While we all want the time to get to know our brand-new baby, the doctors have other plans. We have to pee. Yup! That’s right! Hand the baby off and let the nurses help you to the bathroom.
While we sit there and try to pee, it’s nurses in and out, out and in. If we can’t go with so many people around in a timely matter, it’s no worry. It’s their time or no time. Get ready to lie back and have a catheter put in because they’re going to empty us out one way or another with no regards to how much we insist we can get there, as per Mother Rising.
9 The Fix-All Option
Baby doesn’t want to come out? There’s a C-section for that. Labor taking too long? There’s a C-section for that. Removing the baby through a relatively quick surgery, the C-section is a relatively common procedure that any doctor on the birthing ward knows how to utilize, as per Belly Belly. They’re not afraid to either. It’s a great fix-it option—or so it seems.
As we’re walking the halls, bouncing on our birth balls, and trying every other trick we can to get labor progressing, the doctors are at the ready with their scalpels to cut that baby right out of us. It’s the easy way out—let's them get onward with their day. Who cares if we’re not up for a major surgery—because that’s what it is—the C-section is the ultimate fix-it-all for labor issues.
8 Energy Isn’t Effortless
Birth is exhausting! Hours on end of deep to the core pain followed by sometimes hours of pushing really takes its toll on our bodies. Hospital policy—ice chips and water. As fabulous and refreshing as ice chips and water can be, we need something more! We demand something more! We need real, durable sustenance—a way to keep our bodies functioning as we endure the grueling hours of labor and delivery.
The simple liquid diet is easier to keep us from accidentally letting loose in the back end when we push, and it quells pending nausea, but mostly it stems from concern that mom could vomit and aspirate during an emergency C-section.
it gives us the chance to stay hydrated and cooled down as we deal with the sweat and body heat—and that’s it.
Who really needs the extra nourishment and energy when a mess is a possibility, right?
7 Procedure Without Caution
Tearing. It’s the one thing we ladies are terrified of when it comes to birth. It’s already painful enough—no need for it to become worse. If that precious baby’s head is just a tad too big, tearing is a real possibility. The preventative measure? QZ reports doctors just surgically make the tear ahead of time! Sounds pleasant, doesn’t it?
As our doctors are down there ready to play catch with our babies, that split moment call happens before anything even does happen. Snip, snip—suddenly our postpartum recovery is so much longer. What if a tear wasn’t imminent? What if it wasn’t going to happen? We’ll never know and we never had the chance to know. Instead, we’re left with the ugly aftermath that haunts us for months—even for years—after we’ve given birth.
6 Legs Up, Love—It’s The Only Option
Speaking of being on display for an audience we don’t know, let’s talk about legs. More specifically those stirrups. There’s a wide number of options for how to push that are recommended by WebMD—sitting, squatting, laying back, and more. Some work better for certain people and some just don’t work at all. It just depends on each of us and our bodies.
The chance to explore different positions can ease our pressures for birth and give us the chance to find what works best for us. Our doctors have a different plan.
Our legs in the stirrups and our gowns hiked up around our hips are the easiest ways for the doctors to get access to everything down there—calling snap judgments and catching our baby. Therefore, easiest for them is best, so let’s throw our legs up!
5 The Bed Is A Girl’s Only Friend
For those of us ready to go at it au-naturale, the idea of being confined to a bed is the last thing we want. Recovery will do that for us just fine. We may want to walk, to bounce on a birth ball, or to dance through the pain of every contraction. In fact, it may even help us progress through labor quicker and with our sanity intact.
QZ says we may not have the chance—or even the choice to do so. The most moving around we get will be shifting around on the bed. With all the ins and outs of the doctors, the checkups, and the need to monitor progress, we get to start our being bed-stuck early. If we’re just lucky enough—we may not have to keep our legs up.
4 When Breaking The Water Is Too Much
We see it in the movies—a pregnant woman’s water suddenly breaks, and the rest succumbs to the snowball effect. It sounds great, doesn’t it? Let’s face it—we all want our labor and delivery to go down like that.
Unfortunately, most of us just aren’t that lucky. In fact, we’ll be lucky if our water breaks!
The contractions will hit, we’ll figure out the timing, get ourselves to the hospital, and be all ready for that baby to come on out—but our water will be intact. That means labor can’t go anywhere until the doctor intervenes.
Mother Rising says they do this with a hook—it looks like a crochet hook from grandma’s house—the doctor will reach on up in there and break it for us when they deem us ready. From there, it really is a snowball effect.
3 The Uninvited, Unwanted Guest
Months before we ever end up in that labor room, we’ve got a plan—which starts with exactly who can be in the labor room with us. After all, there are very few people we want to see us like that. The rest can wait until after the first postpartum shower before seeing us. We’ve got our checklist of who we want when we show up and then we get a curveball thrown at us.
Mother Rising reports the hospital chooses the audience. Residents! Midwives in training! Nurses in training! The selected audience we chose just increased in size and there’s nothing we can do about it. We’re stuck with our legs up and our gowns hiked for an audience of strangers we didn’t approve of. There’s no better way to make us feel completely uneasy as we bring our child into the world.
2 And Now… Push!
The female body is incredible, and birth is so natural. It’s no wonder in that moment of birth we find ourselves knowing what to do—our body’s giving us the cues we need, according to Mother Rising. But when that big moment comes, don’t worry. Our doctor has it covered because they know better than the instincts screaming through every part of our bodies, right?
Push, push, push! That’s what they tell us over and over, going off the monitors we’re hooked up to.
The timely fashion in which we’re instructed to push doesn’t take our need into consideration. We’re on their time, not ours. You know every need and instinct coursing through us? Ignore it. Fetal ejection reflex? Who has time for that? Instead, rest assured that the doctors are at the ready to tell us how to do it all.
1 The Waterfall Effect: One Yes Doesn’t Mean Yes To All
Let’s face it. Birth isn’t easy. In fact, it’s incredibly hard so there’s nothing wrong with us saying yes a few times—yes to an epidural or yes to a massage. Yes isn’t bad. However, yes to one thing doesn’t mean yes to everything. There’s the disconnect. As we’re on that hospital bed in pain and trying to get through birth with our dignity intact,
QZ reports that doctors take our single yes to mean that we’re down for whatever.
No, we are not down for whatever. We still want them to ask, but that very first yes we gave them creates a waterfall effect. Why should they bother asking? It becomes easier for them to keep the yes train going without having to stop every time to ask. Suddenly, we’re on their adventure and not our own.