Abortion is a subject that no matter what side of the debate a person lands on, brings about incredibly strong opinions and feelings. Along with religion, politics and money, abortion is a topic not usually discussed in public or polite social circles. Mainly because the topic can lead to a heated debate of right versus wrong. Pro-lifers believe that life begins at conception and abortion is murder. Period. This is usually embedded deep into religious beliefs that all life is sacred. Whereas the pro-choice camp believes in a woman's right to choose what is best for her body, and that life begins at birth, or when the fetus is able to live outside of the mother's body.
Abortion brings up a lot of morality issues. Is it ever right to end a life? What if the mother's life is threatened? What if the pregnancy is the result of rape? What if she just doesn't want to be pregnant? What if the baby is unwanted and born into an abusive and neglectful home? Foster care in America is overrun with cases of children who have been abused and neglected, with more and more children having to be removed from these horrible families everyday. What if abortion wasn't legal? Desperate women would seek back alley abortions, or do horrible things to themselves to prevent that pregnancy from developing further, or that child from being born.
I have gathered 15 whisper confessions that reveal the good, bad and ugly that represent all sides of the abortion debate. My hope is that one day judgment will end, and everyone can have a civil discussion and understanding of abortion.
15Trying To Be A Good Person
I think most people have been through hard times in their life. Most have had to make life changing decisions as well. This poster says she had an abortion four years ago in the midst of a really dark place in her life. She doesn't know if she will ever stop hating herself for ending her pregnancy, despite her efforts of being the best person she can be.
Even good women face hard circumstances in which they feel it is for the best that they not continue an accidental pregnancy. Having an abortion does not make the woman's life less valuable and it should not mean they deserve hatred of any kind, especially towards themselves. Strangers will have opinions on others lives and believe that the different ways they'd handle a situation would be the best. But everyone's life is different. Everyday we all make decisions to live the best life we can. and be the best people we can.
14Despite Her Best Efforts
Society tends to place a lot of pressure on women saying that their greatest value in life is to be a mother - as if women cannot fight against their hormonal surges and impulses. Newsflash: women have as much control over their "urges" as men. And some know beyond a shadow of a doubt they do not want to be mothers. When a woman knows she doesn't want a child, or is not ready for a child, they are responsible and use methods to prevent pregnancy. Accidents happen. No birth control is 100% accurate.
The woman who posted this Whisper confession knows that she is a not meant to be, and frankly doesn't want to be, a mother. She says that it isn't always irresponsible women floating through life that get abortions. Educated, married women also make the decision to terminate their pregnancies as well.
13Don't Save Yourself The Guilt
A very valid argument on the pro-life point of view is that abortion is ending a baby's life. That as soon as conception occurs, even though not viable for life outside of the womb, a life begins. This whisper confession claims that people delude themselves into believing that pregnancy does not equal life, and that no matter what gestation, it is killing another living being. And that this belief is meant to relieve guilt in those who choose abortion.
There is not one school of thought as to when life begins. Some feel that life begins at conception. Others feel as if life truly begins when the fetus has reached viability and would be able to live life outside of the womb, or even at birth when he takes his first breath. Whether pro-life or pro-choice let us all remember our opinions and emotions are valid. Let us all be nice to each other.
12Foster Care Failures
This confession hurts my heart. As a former foster parent and an adoptive parent, it hurts me deeply that there are foster families out there that don't have the children's best interest at heart, and are in it for the paycheck. The trauma and abuse these children experience is so severe that being placed in a "normal" home even can be detrimental and further degrade their mental and emotional health.
It is very hard to imagine an innocent child's life has been so difficult that they would choose to not have been born over what they've experienced and lived with. It is important to not ignore this reality or dismiss it. Providing a good quality life for all children needs to be a priority as well as advocate for laws that reflect their own morals and values. Pro-life should mean all life is supported and cared for.
There are many reasons for a woman to have an abortion. It is safe to say that some of those reasons are to save the mother and baby to be a lot of pain and heartbreak. It isn't an easy choice for anyone to make. And yes, it could save that child from a horrible horrible life. There are people who shouldn't ever be parents. Early abortions could very well save these children pain and misery, and keep them from having to enter the foster care system.
There are also many pregnancy complications that makes termination the best option available. Severe developmental abnormalities that would make life outside of the womb impossible, and the emotional and physical toll of carrying it out to full term is sometimes more than the parents can handle. Medical conditions on the mother's part may cause complications that require abortion as well. Ectopic pregnancies, cancer diagnosis and treatment, are two complications that comes to mind.
This Whisper confession hits a bit close to home for me. I have had two ectopic pregnancies myself. My second pregnancy complications arose 5 weeks along and I was expected to miscarry. It took two to three weeks of constant monitoring to discover it was actually an ectopic, which meant that the fertilized egg attached in my left fallopian tube. I was given an IV of a drug called Methotrexate to help my body expel the pregnancy, in order to prevent surgery. It didn't work. A couple days later I was doubled over in an unbelievable amount of pain. The next morning I had surgery to remove my tube. I was devastated through those weeks. The only thing that made it easier was that I knew the pregnancy wasn't healthy, and even if it had attached in a normal place, I wouldn't have had a baby.
Seven years later I woke up and the moment I tried to stand up, I couldn't; the pain was unbelievable. I sat there breathing through the agony and had my oldest child bring me the phone. I called my mother in law; she came over right away to sit with my kids. I called my doctor who told me to go right to the ER. After many hours, blood tests, an ultrasound, and a CAT scan later, I was told I was pregnant and sent on my way. We didn't think it was possible. Shocked was an understatement. My OB had no reason to believe it was anything other than a normal pregnancy. My hormone levels and ultrasound looked great. I was very newly pregnant and other complications from PCOS were believed to be the cause of my pain. Nevertheless, he kept a very close eye on me. Two weeks later, I was again diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy, and was referred to an gynecological surgeon. My husband and I watched as our baby's heart beat was strong and steady on the ultrasound screen as my new doctor explained to me that he is pro-life and Catholic but he would perform my surgery because I would die otherwise. It was just another punch in the gut. Even though we were surprised by the pregnancy and the circumstances in our lives were not ones where we'd actively tried to conceive, we wanted and loved that baby! It was awful to know that its strong little heart would cease to beat because of my body being somehow defective. It is a shame and guilt that will likely never leave me.
Bulimia and other eating disorders carry a stigma. No one wishes one of these disorders on anyone else as they can be devastating to the person and their family. Eating disorders are known to be a disease. So it carries less personal shame than abortion. The woman who posted this confession said it is just easier letting her roommate believe that her morning sickness is bulimia, rather than explain her situation or her decision. Her roommate is probably pro-life which complicates the situation. This woman would be judged on the decisions she's made for her life by an outsider who has no personal responsibility in this woman's life.
Personal decisions that permanently affects a person's life should only be made by that person and the people who share their life. No matter what the situation, stigma or shame, no one should have to explain those types of decisions. I don't blame this poster. By keeping the truth from her roommate, she avoided a lot of drama and even more heartache.
8Saved Her Life
This Whisper confession comes from a woman who says that an abortion saved her life and that she knows beyond any doubt that she did the right thing. She didn't say exactly why she feels this way. But I can imagine a few scenarios. For one, mental health.
Depression and anxiety, among other very serious mental health conditions, are difficult enough to live through and manage. But with the changing and raging hormones that comes with pregnancy, they can become unmanageable. Medical treatment, including medication that can be harmful for a potential fetus, is necessary to treat these conditions.
Another reason I can think of is pain. Chronic pain issues are very serious, and pregnancy can exacerbate some of these issues. Also addiction issues. Many babies are born everyday affected by drugs and alcohol through no fault of their own. Withdrawal is heartbreaking, and the prenatal exposure can cause issues that can last a lifetime. Maybe though, the positive pregnancy test and resulting abortion was enough of a wake up call and she was able to pull herself and her life together after a downward spiral.
It is natural maternal instinct to bond and grow to love the baby growing inside of you when pregnant. For some women, that bond happens immediately. And for others, it takes a while to kick in. That first kick is amazing and mind blowing. It is around that time mom to be can't see her toes over her bulging belly. The baby growing inside of her also growing inside of her constantly sending her daily reminders that he or she is on her way.
Morning sickness, ligament pains, constant exhaustion, constipation, never ending hunger but getting full after only a few bites, hours sometimes days of labor - these are all things pregnant women go through to bring their little one into the world. All miserable. But once mom lays her eyes on that precious baby, she will fall deeper in love. In an instant all her hopes and dreams get transferred to her children. She dreams of who that baby will grow to be. She looks at her baby and cannot imagine the world without him in it.
6Best Parenting Move
It is important to be honest with our kids, and talk to them about what has happened to us in our lives so that they can learn from our past mistakes. This girl's mom told her about the abortion she had as a young woman. It might be a lot for a 14 year old to process. But kids are becoming sexually active quite young nowadays. It is important to learn about pregnancy scares, their options and how to prevent pregnancy.
From the girl's perspective, it must have been hard to learn that her mom had an abortion. In her confession she says that it was the best parenting move her mother could have made. It provides a real life education and point of view. And that her mother had waited to have children helped her be in a better place so that she could be an amazing mom to her.
5Keeping The Baby
Rape and sexual assault is the worst of crimes. It is an invasion and the victim often becomes victimized over and over again, between the medical exams and the court process. One way to take back her power and turn into a survivor is to make all the decisions as to what happens to her body. Sometimes a pregnancy can be a result of the rape, once again leaving her re-victimized. This confessioner was raped and became pregnant. She decided to keep the pregnancy and parent her baby. The decision to parent the baby was her way of taking back her own power over her body as well as asserting her role as a mother even though the conception was forced upon her.
Many in the pro-life camp admit that there is a gray area when abortion would be an acceptable solution in terms of pregnancies that result from rape or that put the mother's life at risk.
4Cutting Ties With Her Attacker
Many abortion clinics and Planned Parenthood offices are picketed and protested on a daily basis. It is important, in any case in which people feel strongly, that their constitutional right to assemble be protected. It is not at all acceptable to personally attack women using those services. Planned Parenthood offers many more services than abortion. No one knows the circumstances that lead a woman to make the decision to end her pregnancy. Furthermore, asking her to carry her rapist's child for 9 months is unimaginable. Screaming at her that she is a murderer isn't helpful, only harmful.
I'm happy to see that this poster received proper care post procedure. It is a medical procedure that comes with risks. Proper medical care will ensure the woman is able to retain her fertility, fully heals mentally, emotionally and physically.
3You Are NOT The Godmother
Best friend has an abortion a few years back, and is now upset with her bestie that she isn't allowed to be her son's godmother. I can understand how badly that hurts her feelings. But I also agree with the boy's mom in this situation. Being a godmother in many cases means that if something horrible were to happen to the child's parents, the godparent would step in to raise the child. It could also be more ceremonial and mean that the godparent will help teach the child the ways of their particular denomination or religion.
Being a parent is difficult and permanent. There is no wishing it away. It is through thick or thin, no end point. No way out. So if this mom has it in mind that the godparents will raise her children if something were to happen to her, it is important to choose someone who she feels will raise her children as they deserve to be raised. If the best friend made the choice to abort for a horrible reason, I can totally understand mom's point of view.
2Slap In The Face
Trying to conceive (TTC) while suffering infertility is exhausting. Month after month of the process and never getting pregnant is awful. It can go on for years upon years. It is a private battle that most with infertility fight. No one wants to share their sadness and vulnerability. I don't blame them. I've been there.
This poster's sister had an abortion in the early stages of her trying to conceive. That is hard. Longing for that positive pregnancy test, for pregnancy and all that it entails only to have her sister get pregnant and throw away the pregnancy - how cruel! Now, three years later, sister is once again pregnant and due to give birth sometime soon, while this confessor is still trying as hard as she can to bring a baby into the world for her and her husband to hold and cherish. Life isn't fair.
1Never Told Anyone
At 13 years old, I had a lot of responsibility. I babysat everyday, did dishes and laundry. I watched music videos and played at the park with my friends. Mom still took me and my friends to Pizza Hut for my birthday party. I was in no way ready for a sexual relationship. And definitely not prepared to take responsibility for birth control. The confession above happens all the time. Women who have had abortions keep everything to themselves so that they are not judged on their past mistakes, shamed or screamed at. Like this poster's best friend, the weight and the guilt has been eating her alive until she finally crumbled and had to confess.
I cannot imagine how the baby would fare being raised by a 13 year old for its mother. By the time she graduated high school, her child would be five years old. If she graduated that is. Working to support themselves is hard enough for an adult to do much less a young teenager, not even old enough to work a legitimate job.
Kudos to her pro-life friend who just held her and listened to her, instead of judging her unfairly. Many wouldn't have been so kind.
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