My husband and I had a whirlwind "honeymoon period." We met in November, moved in together in December, engaged in February, married in June and pregnant in August.
It was a lot.
When the dust finally settled and we were newlyweds and first-time parents -- things got hard. We were still getting to know each other and we had a baby. My husband had never even changed a diaper, let alone know the first thing to do when babies are sick.
There was ebb and flow and stress and no-sleep and hormones and then another baby. The highs and lows hit us with tennis ball machine strength.
Being a parent is not simple. Being a married parent is not simple. Being a single parent is not simple. However, not one of these is harder than the other. Each have their merits, especially if children are in a dual-parent household and are exposed to fighting, unloving actions and a dead relationship. Kids are often better off seeing their parents thrive in a single-parent family than suffer in a situation that is meant to help them.
The parents, who took to Whisper to confess their dead relationship, seem to think that having two people they love who hate each other in the same house is better than their parents finding true happiness in two different homes.
It's all in the approach. If you act like divorce is a lifelong emotional scar, that is what it will be, but if you act like it is going to rejuvenate your family, things might have a more positive spin in your children's eyes.
Here are 15 parents who need to figure out their relationships before their kids follow in their footsteps:
15Couple's Love Life Extinguished -- Yet They Carry On
It's so hard to get caught up in a relationship. You take each step head on: moving in together, buying a house, getting married, honeymoon, baby and then...what? Then, things might get lost unless you keep working together like this couple.
Not sure if these two are married or not, but that doesn't matter when it comes to parents. If parents don't shift their focus from their little ones from time to time and back on each other, they lose sight of who they fell in love with.
Eventually, you'll miss each change they go through and one morning, you'll wake up and they are someone else and you don't like that person or, at least, don't know who they are. Take it from these people who are not feeling the love -- work on it while you have it.
14Step Dad's Heart Isn't In It
This is an interesting one. The wife realizes her husband (the stepdad to her oldest daughter), is no longer in love with her. Instead of moving on, she is allowing him to take care of her, without love, because he is worried about her.
I understand that this man's sacrifice is inspiring. He is a selfless person, and it probably made his wife love him a little more instead of a little less. However, everyone deserves to feel love, if they want it. Being in a marriage isn't about one person, it is about a team.
Until both parties in a marriage realize it is about them both and not one over the other, their marriage will continue to be a roller coaster until it explodes.
13Wife Uses Husband For Money But Claims It's For The Kids
This is one of my favorite quotes about divorce. It is something that I have told friends going through separations who stayed unhappy just to avoid the "Big D."
Let's just say, the fact that this Whisper starts with talking about money and then casually mentions her child solidifies that this unhappy marriage is continuing because of the money.
That being said, no amount of money is worth teaching your daughter it is perfectly acceptable to be with someone because of their paycheck and not for love. What kind of life is that to wish on your child? Because, essentially, by staying in a loveless marriage, you are saying it's okay, in their eyes.
12Husband Hiding In The Closet For His Kids
Now this the flip-side of the "try harder" coin. There is little to be done for a marriage in this situation. There's no trying; there's just ripping off the Band-Aid in your marriage and hopefully maintaining a healthy relationship.
Yes, this will still hurt your wife. Don't get me wrong, but, maybe, if you make it abundantly clear that you would try, if you could. Let her heal and be there for her. While you're not hurting her intentionally, she still will feel like the rug has been ripped out from under her.
It would be amazing for your daughter, who you love so much, to have an open and caring relationship between her parents -- even if it's in two separate households.
11Couple Remains Together For One Roof Family
Divorce is not simple. It is messy, it is (a lot of times) ugly and it is a complete upheaval of your family traditions as well as family schedule. You have to learn how to handle the holidays and just day-to-day life.
It's a lot to have to take on, I get that. It's a lot to figure out, I get that too. However, if you have two people who love their child so much they are willing to torture themselves, they will be willing to work together to ensure that child stays happy while transitioning to two households.
My advice is to take this angle when speaking to your spouse. Whatever your goal is, whether it's lighting a fire under your butts and trying harder or getting a divorce, have that ready to discuss as two rational, loving people looking out for your daughter's future happiness.
10Wife Lost In Turmoil Of Dead Marriage
This woman feels lost in her marriage -- does she love him? Is she in it for the right reasons? These are questions that keep her up at night and, not surprisingly, a lot of married couples go through the same phases.
Marriage is not "happily ever after." It should be "happy most of the time, homicidal a little bit and just okay for the rest of it."
Your partner is just like you: a human being. You fell in love with them once before. If there is no permanent damage to the relationship (cheating, second family, abuse, etc.), then take some time to rekindle that flame. You'd be surprised how quickly you can get back on the upswing of your relationship.
9She Wonders What's Holding Their Marriage Together
Now how do you deal with this? You are still in love, but your suspicions remain that your partner no longer loves you for the right reasons. Sure, you're the mother and they will always have a special place in his heart -- but you need more than that.
Only your significant other knows their true feelings. In my own marriage, sometimes I can feel that my husband is disconnected. We will have a conversation and he will reiterate outside factors are the cause, not me. This reassures me and I don't turn into a basket-case making the situation worse. So, I encourage anyone feeling unloved, to bring it to their partner's attention since they might not realize they are projecting that stance.
8Mom Uses Children As An Excuse To Hurt Their Father
This mother thinks it's okay to tell her child's father she is only with him for the kids just to hurt him. This is not okay. This is permanent relationship damage you might not be able to repair.
Once you say hurtful things, there's no taking them back. They will forever sit there like a bullet in the back of his mind. Why shouldn't it? You said it. Even if it wasn't truthful and you convince them you were just being mean. Who wants to be with someone that cruel?
Learning to manage your anger and bite your tongue is the best tool to a marriage that lasts. Saying things just to hurt the other person is a one-way ticket to Divorceville.
7Mom Watching Her Man Fall Out Of Love With Her
Watching someone fall out of love with you is not easy. However, it doesn't have to break you. You can rise from the ashes and prove to your children you fight for happiness and they should too.
Whether you choose to sit down with your boyfriend and attempt to repair the relationship, or part your separate ways and rebuild yourself, you children are watching. They need guidance on what to do if this happens to them in their adult lives -- show them the right way.
Don't be in it because you're scared. Don't do it because you have no other options. Don't do it because it's the easy way out. Do it because of happiness. That's all you need to do.
6Son Is The Glue In Their Marriage
It's hard to see the big picture when you're stewing in an unhappy marriage. There are so many unknowns and what-ifs. You know you're unhappy, but would you be happier alone?
That's the question you need to ask yourself. If everything turned around in your relationship and you were both trying to rekindle -- would that make you happy? If not, that's your answer. While moving on sounds like a mountain to climb, in the end, you and your children will be better off.
Take it one step at a time, one day at a time, one conversation at a time, if you must. Plan as you go, roll with the punches and be as civil as possible. Leave your anger at the door and things will turn out the best.
5Girlfriend Feels Alone With Baby's Father
It's easy to take the victim role in an unhappy relationship. To feel that the other person is the one responsible for falling out of love. However, it takes two to tango in a relationship and both parties carry a certain amount of responsibility for a broken relationship, especially when kids are involved.
Sure, before kids it was easy to flounce between different partners. Other than possibly moving and splitting of belongings, it never got too messy.
This isn't the same. When you are dating and you have children, there needs to be more of an effort made to repair what you have than moving onto the next one. You don't want the ending of this chapter to be something that haunts you -- you want to know you tried your hardest to fix it, but it was irreparable. It will help you sleep at night and move on faster.
4Couple Caught In Hamster Wheel Of Marriage
Let's get real for a second: marriage can be boring. There can be a straight month you feel like roommates or ships passing in the night. Routine is overwhelming and can be poisonous to a relationship.
There will always be work, sports, sleep, cleaning, cooking, etc. Sometimes, you just need to order pizza instead of cooking dinner and drink a glass of wine together and laugh. Break your traditions. Be spontaneous. Let that person know you love them -- even if it's just for five minutes. Everyone has five minutes.
You choose what's important to you in life. Your marriage should be top priority. That means sometimes the house isn't clean, but your heart is full. Believe me, it's worth it if your marriage is something that is important to you.
3New Dad Happy Yet Sad At The Same Time
In my opinion, the most trying and wonderful times in any relationship are when your children are born. Like this dad, you're overcome with happiness, but it puts a microscope on your marriage since you are now not just people; you're parents.
A certain level of relationship questioning is normal for new parents. You're tired. You're in pain. You're broke and, oh yeah, you're tired. This is the toughest, most wonderful time of your life and you don't know what to do with yourself.
You may question your relationship since you don't know how the other person is as a parent. However, let's hope, at some time, there was enough love there to make rebuilding that relationship worth it for those new babies.
2Wife Looking To Be Rescued From Boring Marriage
It's a story as old as time. One person in the couple thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Like this mom who is looking for a knight in shining armor to carry her away to a happy place.
Love isn't a fairy tale. No matter how spectacular the next person is, there will come a time that you need to fight through the boring times with that person. Your happiness is in your hands -- no one is going to show up on your doorstep and hand it to you.
1Mom Plans To Marry Boyfriend But Never Love Him
This breaks my heart. This woman is not in love, but feels forced to marry her baby's father in order to maintain a happy family.
Is it a happy family if there is no love? Is that what you want until death do you two part? Would you want your child to do the same thing? If the answer is no to any of these questions, please reevaluate your decision. No matter who you are, you deserve actual, honest-to-God love and you will never get it if you start a relationship with such apparent resignation.
Marriage is forever. It is for love. It is for life. It is not a business relationship. You'll never be able to fight for it if your hearts not in it -- and believe me, there will be many times before you die that you will fight for your relationship.
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