For a lot of new mothers, they find themselves bonding with their babies right away. For others, it might take a couple of days, weeks or even years before they feel a bond with their child. That’s because a lot of women feel like they don’t have what it takes to be a good mother, especially if they experienced a stressful pregnancy. What’s more, many new mothers feel physically exhausted and unprepared for all the challenges that come with motherhood.
Now, for a lot of parents, they don’t like to admit that they are having a hard time bonding with their newborns. After all, every mother wants to succeed at parenthood. But that’s not always the case. Some mothers have openly admitted to struggling with their babies, both in and outside of the womb.
Some mothers find that they simply can’t get excited about their pregnancies or worse, regret the decision they made before they even give birth to their babies. Others try to find a bond with their child, but with all the crying, nonstop breast or bottle-feeding and sleepless nights, they just can’t do it, no matter how hard they try.
Here are 15 whisper confessions from parents who couldn’t bond with their babies.
15 Traumatic Birth And Postnatal Depression
For someone who has experienced a traumatic birth, many focus on their recovery before they begin to bond or even think about bonding with their child. It might take several days, weeks or in some cases even years before you feel like your former self again.
While every mother has different needs, you may or may not need medication for your postnatal depression. That decision is of course up to you and your doctor. But if there’s one thing you don’t want to do, it’s ignore the situation. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. A simple phone call to a trusted family member of friend can help. Talk about what your feelings. If you had a traumatic birth, you have several different options. Be kind to yourself, review your medical records and get the support and professional help you need.
14 No Bond Over Anxiety And Depression
Many statistics show that a lot of first-time mothers battle with anxiety and depression before, during and after their pregnancies. It’s very common for women to feel lonely, isolated or unconfident in their skills as a mother. And because of their struggles, they find it hard to bond with their baby.
While it’s absolutely normal to feel this way, seek help if you find yourself struggling with a mood disorder. You might feel down from time to time and because of it, you won’t feel the need or desire to bond with your baby. An estimated 7 to 20 percent of women say they’ve felt depressed during or after their pregnancies. If you believe that you might be suffering from clinical depression, reach out to a medical professional for help as the problem can get worse if it’s not properly treated.
13 Trouble Bonding With Second Child
It’s absolutely normal and very natural for many mothers to feel as though they are struggling to bond with their second born child. That’s because you spent a good amount of time bonding with your first child that you might feel as though you don’t have enough strength or energy to give your second child the attention he or she deserves.
Keep in mind that with parenting, everything takes time. If you bonded with your first-born child, there’s a good chance that you’ll find that same bond with your second child, too. Giving your children the quality time he or she need and deserve might not always be easy, but it’s possible. All it takes is a little one-on-one time with your second baby to make it happen. Continue to try and do your best.
12 Pregnant And Already Convinced Of No Bond
There’s a huge misconception that if you have negative feelings about your pregnancy that you’ll have no bond with your baby. Or perhaps, you won’t be a good mother. There are many pregnant women who feel indifferent.
First off, if you are pregnant and already feel convinced that you won’t have a bond with your baby, remember that you are not alone. There are a good number of future mothers who feel the same way. After all, a mother’s bond is built on many things. Even while your child is still in the womb, you can work on several different ways to hopefully build a bond during your pregnancy. Try talking to him or her, or better yet read to your child. And of course, give it time. You might feel differently once you meet your new bundle of joy.
11 Regretting A Planned Pregnancy
A lot of couple plan their pregnancy but in some cases, might regret the decision they made later on. Some feel as though they should have waited while others feel anxious about impending motherhood. And while there’s a lot of reasons behind pregnancy regret, there are also many ways that can help you overcome these feelings.
For instance, try focusing on yourself. Many women will tell you that you’ll body go through a dozen different changes throughout the course of your pregnancy. Focus on staying healthy, eating well, and of course light to moderate exercise. Try shopping for new maternity clothes or better yet, indulging in a spa treatment. It’s without a doubt that pregnancy is hard work. Reward yourself and focus on the bright side of things, and hopefully your positive outlook might change your outlook on your pregnancy and of course, your future as a mother.
10 No Bond With Baby In Belly
Many mothers will honestly say that they’ve had a hard time bonding with their baby while he or she was still in their belly. And not only is it completely natural, but very common, too, especially during the beginning stages of a woman’s pregnancy.
It takes time to bond with your child and that’s ok if you don’t feel any connection with him or her while they are still in your womb. You simply haven’t had the opportunity to meet your newborn, get to know them and of course, discover how special your child is. As a matter of fact, you can try rubbing or massaging your pregnant belly. Believe it or not, your child may respond to your touch. Even as you begin to feel your baby’s movements, you’ll notice that your baby will try and respond to your touch, too.
9 You're Not A Bad Mom
First and foremost, remember that every parent feels like they are not good enough or that they might have failed their child in many different ways. As parents, we put high expectations on ourselves. We understand that as mothers and fathers, being a parent to our child is very challenging, yet at the same time most rewarding job out there.
But that doesn’t mean that new mothers should give up on being a good mother, especially since they’ve only started. It takes years of practice before you reach a good level of confidence. It doesn’t matter if you have one child, two children or several children, every woman has had “bad mom” moments. It’s completely normal to feel like you could have done something better or done more for your child. Just remember that your child will still love you no matter how many times you feel like you've failed.
8 Fussy Baby And Always Crying
It’s without a doubt that newborn babies cry and for a lot of parents, it’s just too much for them to handle. There are several different reasons why your child is crying and unfortunately, you don’t know what they are. They might be in pain, they might be hungry, or they simply might be fussy because of a diaper rush, low milk supply, other food sensitivities or even nipple confusion.
There are several different ways and tried-and-tested methods to help you soothe a baby that is always fussy and crying. Sometimes simply carrying your baby while he or she is crying inconsolably might help relive gas or anything else that is bothering your child. Yes, it’s frustrating for both parent and child, but together you’ll overcome this difficult period in your lives.
7 Lack Of Baby Giddiness
Not every woman feels elated about their pregnancies. In fact, it might take several weeks for a woman to even “feel” pregnant, let alone feel the joy and happiness that comes with expecting your first child. Some women don’t begin to feel excited about meeting their newborn child until the last trimester or the last few weeks of their pregnancy, as that is when they are anticipating the birth the most.
And if you feel as though you lack the “giddiness” that some other mothers experience during their pregnancies, don’t worry. For some women, they don’t get excited until they actually meet their baby for the first time. It’s normal and it’s also no reason to panic, either. Even though you might not feel yourself bonding with your child inside your womb, you might feel totally different after you give birth.
6 No Immediate Bond
Love at first sight doesn’t work for everyone. It’s safe to say that not all new mothers feel an immediate bond or love for their precious newborn babies. And there might be several different reasons behind it too, from postpartum depression, a difficult post-birth recovery or simply feeling overwhelmed and restless as a new mom.
Give it some time and try a few different things that might help you connect to your child. Lie beside your baby. Try talking, singing, whispering, or even reading a book. You can also try bonding while doing simple things like changing your baby’s diaper, bath time, swaddling, or even a baby massage. Or better yet, spend as much time as you can with your baby. Every skin-to-skin and even eye-to-eye contact will help you slowly but surely develop your bond.
5 No Maternal Instincts
A lot of mothers secretly admit that they feel like they’ve never had any maternal instincts. While some women love to approach, hold, take care and play with babies and toddlers, others keep their distance. Some mothers know exactly what to do when a baby cries while others feel nothing but anxiety and stress whenever they hear a child scream.
Just because you’ve never felt any maternal instincts before, it doesn’t mean that you are going to be a bad mother. This mom simply needs to give herself a little time and of course, self-confidence. With parenting, you get on-the-job training everyday. And that training can easily last several weeks, months or even years as you continually learn something new about you and your child, too. Be patient and before you know it, that maternal instinct will kick in.
4 No Bond Over Breastfeeding
For many first time mothers, it’s no secret that they worry about breastfeeding. For some, it happens almost right away and automatically. Other mothers find themselves struggling to have their baby latch on during the first few days. And if they finally latch on to one breast, then they find themselves having difficulty latching on to the second breast.
It’s absolutely normal to feel as though you are having a hard time bonding with your baby while you are breastfeeding. Your hormones are still adjusting and with all the pressure that you feel with breastfeeding, you might not feel that you are bonding with your newborn baby right away. Eventually the feeling will kick in. It just takes some mothers longer than others, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
3 Pregnant And Single And Worried About The Future
If you find yourself both pregnant and single, there’s no doubt that you are not only worrying about your baby, but your future, too. This is especially true if you don’t have a strong back up system in place or you lack support from close friends and family.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you are going to fail as a single mother. As a matter of fact, many single moms single-handedly raise their children to be successful, outstanding citizens in our society. Single mothers do double the work, but they also put in double the love. While doing it on your own might feel stressful at times, it’s not impossible. It will take a lot of love, patience, understanding and even hard work to secure a better future for both you and your baby.
2 Calling The Baby ‘It’
A lot of parents like to refer to their children has “it” while they are still in the womb. That’s because they want to keep their baby’s sex a secret until birth. Yet, there are parents out there that still call their daughters and sons “it” several weeks or months after birth. That’s because they are struggling to adjust as a parent and having a new and little human being to take care of every day and around the clock.
Just like this mom, there’s no need to feel ashamed if you find yourself calling your baby “it” rather than “him” or “her.” Having and taking care of a newborn takes some time to get used to. As your baby begins to discover his or her surroundings and begins to develop their unique personalities, you’ll find yourself learning something new about him or her each and every day.
1 Mom Needs Space
Many new mothers feel absolutely overwhelmed with the expectations that come with taking care of a newborn, especially if they had a difficult birth or recovery period. If you are breastfeeding your child, you might feel as though you are lacking the personal space you need or even sometimes desire.
If you feel as though you need a little time away from your baby, or just an afternoon to take care of yourself, don’t worry. In fact, many medical and psychology experts even recommend that you take care of your needs before you take care of others. A good mother is one that is happy, healthy and of course, well rested. If you have a good support system around you, don’t hesitate to ask your partner or your loved ones for help.
Source: whattoexpect.com, babycenter.com, today.com, babble.com