If the idea of getting a period is terrifying, I’m here to say, yes it is terrifying! Some of us may have it easier than others, but there's no such thing as having a “mild” or “enjoyable” period. There is absolutely nothing joyous about it, not even being reminded of the magical ability to create life is going to make any woman smile through a barrage of cramps and aches.
We get emotional, we get cravings, we feel uncomfortable, we feel exhausted, we may even feel sick to our stomach, but there are no sick days for having a period. I still find this to be a crime since the first day of mine always makes my legs feel like jelly and I spend more time holding onto walls for support than actually standing freely.
As women, we are forced to persevere, and if we moan about our cramps, we're seen as whiny, which is absolutely insulting! Women who complain about their menstrual pain are often met with, “Here, have some chocolate” or, “It can’t be that bad.”
Words usually uttered by men who’ve never had a period, and they can thank their lucky stars they’ll never have to experience one.
Thankfully, women have a sense of humour about the criticism they receive and are able to not only respond to it, but educate the ignorant and allow other women to feel less alone in their menstrual strife.
Today, I have fifteen amazing stories to share, each one is a witty response to those menstrual doubters and answers the question to how menstrual pain really feels.
15 Like The Uterus Is Literally Shredding Itself Apart
This amazing explanation of how getting your period feels was put together by a user at FunSubstance.com named Chickster. She created this in response to some dude hiding behind his screen claiming women were being “overdramatic.”
Really? Don’t you wish you could just make him have one for just one month? I know it would satiate my rage right now.
Chickster hilariously introduces it as a bedtime story where she wakes to find herself getting her period. She then goes on to describe the aftermath, the horrible cramps that customarily follow:
“You’re certain that someone must be stabbing you with a dull knife, but no, it’s just your uterus literally shredding itself apart and getting rid of the dead tissue.”
She goes on to say: “The pain is so debilitating that you rush back to the bathroom to vomit.” Proving that the cramps aren’t the end of it all, the pain can be absolutely nauseating!
14 Do Chickens Feel Like This When They Lay Eggs?
When Twitter issues a challenge, the universe responds! Women everywhere jumped at the opportunity to #LiveTweetYourPeriod in a hysterical exchange with a lot of truth to it. This gave women a chance to share in their discomfort and pain, allowing them to feel a little less alone.
You know the saying, “If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.” Well this is also true for those suffering with PMS. We need a good laugh and Twitter user @Blondiemocha completely hit a home run with her response and her chosen image, which can be seen above. She hilariously tweeted:
“I honestly feel like I’m dying. Do chickens feel this way when they lay eggs?”
I certainly hope chickens don’t feel that way, knowing how many eggs they lay. It seems like too much torture just for the promise of an omelet. The dying part is spot on, I’m sure most of us feel like death as we drag our limp bodies around just trying to get through our day.
13 Like Ripping Posters Off The Wall
“Curse those without cramps!” Kyris Marie shouts from the rooftops. Kyris is here to let us all know exactly what those cramps feel like! As someone who’s experienced the worst cramps, she’s not a fan of those who never suffer a single cramp! Those women are the one’s she despises because they get a hall pass of sorts.
In her passionate and elaborate YouTube story, Kyris uses the analogy of an apartment to explain what it feels like inside her uterus during her periods. She tells us that it’s comparative to, “Ripping posters off the wall of your apartment.” And she’s so right, it’s exactly like someone viciously ripping them down.
Her video response was triggered by her significant other telling her to “Thug it out,” which clearly offended her, as it would anyone suffering from cramps. Kyris goes on to say, “Don’t ask a girl why she’s miserable on her period.” How is someone in excruciating pain supposed to smile?
12 All The Pain And Suffering And Hunger
The New Girl is a great show for its comedic timing, and one thing is for sure, there’s a lot of truth in Jessica Day’s jokes. Especially, when she describes how her mensies are making her feel. She definitely captures the rage that menstrual pain brings out of all of us.
“I feel like I want to murder someone, and also, I want soft pretzels” should be written on a t-shirt somewhere and handed out for free to any woman in need of a smile while her monthly visitor is in town. Although fictional, Jess is our hero!
Being on your period is like an emotional roller-coaster, you’re angry because you’re in pain, you’re hungry because you feel weak, you’re satisfied with delicious calories, but then the vicious cycle starts again. At least Jess gets it; she’s a girl after our own hearts with her blunt honesty. Now someone please get her a pretzel!
11 Endometriosis Pain Is Unbearable
Chandelis Duster wrote this amazingly candid article about her painful menstrual periods. She suffers from endometriosis, which causes “agonizing periods, difficult bowel movements,” and “pelvic and lower back pain.”
There is absolutely nothing funny about this article, but it definitely gives you a glimpse into what it’s like to deal with severe menstrual pain.
She goes on to say that her “menstrual periods are beyond painful.” She can't walk, her lower back is wracked with unbearable pain and her pelvic area feels like it's on fire!
The most encouraging part of Duster’s article is the fact that she might have discovered a cure! So what is her miracle solution to the pain? It just so happens to be a tiny device called Livia, which sends electrical currents through patches placed at the source of the pain. I won’t lie, I’m curious to try it! No more cramps? Sounds like a dream!
10 Maybe I'm Dying
If there is one artist that gets how women really feel it’s Sarah Graley, who’s garnered quite a few followers with her witty truths about womanhood and many first world problems. This particular comic entitled “The Bloodening” is meant as a reference to the horror film genre, and there is no truer horror story than dealing with menstrual cramps, am I right?
Sarah’s art perfectly captures the fetal position most of us find ourselves in when we’re in unbearable pain. She then perfectly sums up our greatest fears, and don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind. You feel like you’re “dying” and until you get your period you feel like there is something terribly wrong with you.
Your period is just reassurance that it’s not death knocking at your door, just your monthly visitor popping in to say hello. Sarah perfectly sums up our sorrows with two carefully crafted frames and we love her for it!
9 Not Preggo, Just Cursed
Ali Mc is ready to kick some period butt! She even has tips for men and the best ways to help a woman on her “.” But the best way to do that is just send chocolate!
Ali Mc is a fitness guru who’s not afraid to get real with her audience. Even this fitness queen takes the first days of her period off, with no desire to workout. She admits to having days where she just can’t do it, and we’ve all been there.
She exclaims, “I hate cramps! Does anyone else’s insides feel like they’re about to have a baby? Because I could’ve sworn I was [expecting.] Oh ya, that’s right…I’m being cursed.”
Comparing cramps to a curse isn’t all that far off, and feeling like you’re about to give birth isn’t all that far off either! Ali admits that cramps and flow became worse after childbirth. So there’s always that to look forward to. Yeesh!
8 Periods Are Ruthless Like Joffery
The most hilarious and accurate description of menstrual cramps has to come from tumblr user Salroka aka Shelby. She just so perfectly captured menstruation in a single photo, thus sending the world on a meme-spree.
“Have you ever met someone who is like the human version of period cramps?”
The answer to that question is Joffrey! If you’ve watched or read the Game of Thrones series, you know that King Joffrey is perhaps the most detestable character of all time! He’s cringe-worthy because he shows no mercy, he’s vial because he loves seeing people writhe in pain, and he’s positively evil because everyone is his plaything.
Yup, sounds about right! We are slave to our relentless mensies, praying to be freed from its violent hold on us.
Salroka, the world needs to shake your hand because we now have a poster child for menstrual cramps! And I’m sure everyone will now understand out pain!
7 Periods Are Like A Shark Attack
Wendys-Scrapbook is calling out medical articles for depicting period cramps in a false manner. The pain looks so minimal in those photos, and all the photos look extremely posed. So she decided to update the photo with something more realistic imagery to give people the real feel of what's going on in that uterus.
I think the second picture is far more accurate, don’t you? A heating bag? When has that ever really stopped the pain? Now a shark attack, that’s something I can relate to!
This visual attempting to explain how menstrual pain feels, is funny because it’s true. Sometimes a visual is all you need to perfectly understand something. It’s beyond painful, a gnawing feeling from the inside, feels like you’re being torn apart viciously, feels like tiny razors tearing through your flesh, feels like you’re dying, noted!
One picture can tell you all that, meanwhile the first photo makes it look like a slight discomfort.
6 The Tears Of The womb
The women at Buzzfeed came together as a group and issued a challenge to their colleagues. In an attempt to describe what PMS felt like, they decided that rather than to write about it, that they would draw what their period felt like to them. The results were both funny and downright honest.
My favourite picture from the batch of drawings was the one you see above. It's of a uterus flooding with water, meant to symbolize the tears from our ovaries. Most of us find ourselves in tears over the pain, not to mention being an emotional wreck.
The caption exclaims "Where the blue in pad/tampon commercials come from." Which is something I’ve often pondered, why blue and not red? I guess because there is still something vulgar about the reality of our bodies? I’ll tell you what’s vulgar, the pain! Thank you BuzzFeed for keeping it real, we all need a dose of that sometimes
5 What Do Period Cramps Feel Like? Pain
When looking for answers about what period cramps really feel like, why not go straight to the experts that make our feminine products? One woman did just that and Kotex came to the rescue!
A woman anonymously asked Kotex experts: “What Exactly Does A Cramp Feel Like?” Since the woman had been experiencing stomach pain as well, she wanted to know if it was due to cramps, a delicate stomach or perhaps “too many M & M’s?”
Kotex invited peers to pitch in and answer the anonymous query. Laura Martin was first to the plate, responding that,
“Cramps are similar to stomach aches – it’s sort of this soreness and uncomfortable feeling that has you hunching over and holding your stomach in hopes that it’ll feel better. But unlike stomachaches, you feel cramps below your stomach and closer to your pelvic area.”
Cramps can definitely take your stomach for a joyride, a very unwelcome one.
4 Men Just Don't Understand Period Pain
An exchange in the Women’s Healthy section of Yahoo Answers asked:
“What's a good way to describe the pain level of Menstrual Cramps?”
Elizabeth asked this, because her boyfriend didn’t seem to understand why she spent all day in bed sobbing, he even dared call women “wusses” for their reaction to the pain. Yes, you can roll your eyes ladies, but he’s not the only man out there who thinks this way.
The best, and most popular response came from Rhiannon, who admitted:
“I used to have unbearable cramps and no one believed me until one day I fainted in a parking lot and my guy friend had to literally carry me.”
She went on to suggest:
“Kick your boyfriend in the stomach (or back, depending on where you're having cramps at that time) and if he cries tell him, "It can't be that bad, jeez, guys are just wusses and can't stand pain. It's no biggie."
3 Periods Hurt Worse Than A Heart Attack
Olivia Goldhil recently wrote an article entitled, “Bloody Pain” and exclaims that, “Period pain can be ‘almost as bad as a heart attack.’ Why aren’t we researching how to treat it?” Good point!
She adds, “Periods are one of the most basic facts of life. Any squeamishness around the subject is both ridiculous and harmful, because too many women are suffering in silence, grimacing through the agony they experience with their periods.”
For those unfamiliar with the term for severely painful menstruation, it’s called Dysmenorrhea. It can interfere with daily life of around one in five women. That is an extremely high percentage, and now it has me asking, yes, why is this being dismissed?
It’s terrifying to think that something as terrible as having a heart attack can be compared to period cramps, but according to the article, multiple women have described their pain in quite the same way.
2 Feels Like Unending Torture By Voldemort
Serena Westlane nearly made me pee my pants with her explanation of menstruation in five stages of pure torture. The stages are all equally hilarious and very random. I can appreciate her original take on trying to explain what’s happening inside our bodies, because there's nothing about it that feels normal!
My favourite stage is the second, in which she compares menstrual pain to a visit from Voldemort himself, Harry Potter’s evil nemesis.
Serena explains: “Second, Imagine Voldemort standing above you as your strapped to a metal table, absolutely awake, while he slowly cuts open your abdomen with his nails, and then stabs you for 3 hours. 10 seconds pushing in, a minute pulling out. Over, and over, and over, And Over, AND Over, AND OVER, ANDDD OVERR, AND FREAKING OVER AND OVER AGAIN... All your can do is just cry and twitch.”
Clearly you can see that Serena has a very vivid imagination, and in this particular case it works! I can’t really disagree with this analogy.
1 Crying All The Time
Meghan Rienks put together this amazing video about what PMS really feels like. It’s a montage of all our least-glamourous moments with a lot of humour along the way, because we all need a laugh when we’re suffering at the hand of our monthly visitor.
Even though it’s meant to be light and a bit of an exaggeration there are quite a few things that Meghan gets spot on! She mentions, “Mornings are the worst” and they truly are! It’s hard to get out of bed and the first think we hunt for is the ibuprofen.
Mood swings are real, they’re really real! It’s possible to be angry without a solid reason, we’re mostly just angry about feeling terrible. The next item she mentions goes hand in hand with mood, such as crying all the time. There is something cathartic about a good cry during your period, it’s almost necessary, call it a cleansing ritual.