Being a mother is hard, but no one tells you this. They tell you about breastfeeding, diaper changes, and sleepless nights but they don’t tell you about the mental, physical, and emotional turmoil that comes along with being a parent. Mothers are not just moms, they are chefs, chauffeurs, personal assistants, tailors, referees, and so one. They wear many hats that remove them from who they were before baby.
From the time a woman finds out she’s pregnant, her life becomes about baby. She grows a little person inside of her tummy and when the bouncing bundle of joy arrives, she will care for and provide for her offspring until he or she can survive on their own, or even longer. She will trade her girl’s night out for mommy and me play dates, her weekly brunches with mimosas for soccer and Pinterest inspired snacks. And when her tiny human is all grown up, they will leave the nest to start families of their own.
It is a little girl’s dream. They bathe, feed, and dress their baby dolls, mimicking actions they have seen their own mothers perform in hopes of one day raising their own babies. It’s what all women want, right? Wrong. Because society has pushed this idea that being a mother validates a woman’s place in the world, many women don’t find out until it’s too late that they actually hate being a parent.
15 “I Fantasize About Leaving My Family”
We all get a little fed up with our families and wish we could disappear. Moms are no different. Reddit user thrymom wishes she could start a new life where no one needs her. Feeding, disciplining, and caring for another person is just too much for her.
She had a rough pregnancy and the birth of her daughter didn’t bring her as much joy as she thought it would. For some reason, she didn’t think she ‘was going to have to deal with a baby when it was over’. Her only relief came when she could return to work, leaving her little one with dad for most of the time. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long. Once her husband returned to work, she was forced to take on more parenting responsibilities. She writes, “I just can’t believe I ever thought this would be a good.” Her only solace is that her child doesn’t need her full attention.
14 “I Didn’t Get All Those Feels”
Pregnancy and birth are hard but the moment mom gets to hold her baby for the first time it’s all worth it, right? Not for a single mom and Reddit writer Forever_1228. While she loved her baby the first second she saw her, her first day with the newborn was the most disappointing day of her life and it didn’t end there. Her daughter is now four and she still feels the same, if not worse.
Like most single moms, Forever_1228 has no time to herself. While she tries her best to bond with her child by cooking with her, cuddling, and taking her to play laser tag, she can’t find it in her to enjoy being a mother. To make matters worse, her depressive state has caused had a negative effect on her daughters. She details how her daughter cries, screams, and hits her all the time. Being a single mom is hard, being the child of a mom who doesn’t want you is even harder.
13 “I Would Change It All”
Anonymous Scary Mommy author is fed up with moms who detail how hard motherhood is and finish with “I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world.” Motherhood should be rewarding and fulfilling but this mother wishes she could change it all. Like most moms, she loves her children but she hates being their mom. She writes, “It’s not the trivial things that people complain about like peeing with an audience or having to drive to endless lacrosse games. It’s the fact that I truly liked my life better before I was a parent.”
When she isn’t forcing herself to care for her children, she’s daydreaming about her life before they were born, wishing that those days had gone on forever. The guilt of leaving is the only thing that keeps her going so she suffers in silence. It’s reasonable to miss alone time but if a mother feels like she’s playing a role that wasn’t meant for her, she probably realized too late that she hates being a parent.
12 “What If I Was Free”
Being a mom is tough. Being a single mom with no support system is worse. Reddit user unfitmom is raising her three-year old daughter alone and hates it. She doesn’t just hate being a single mom, she hates being a mom. She hates it so much that she hides in the laundry room and tries to avoid touching her daughter. Her own mother offers no support and even makes her situation worse, be requiring that the home they share be completely silent by 7 pm. This means unfitmom must give into her daughter’s every demand and temper tantrum to avoid making too much noise and finding herself on the street.
To make matters worse, being stuck with a child means she can’t find a decent date and she’s stuck in a crappy job. Her daughter’s dad is missing from their life, leaving her with all the financial and emotional burdens of caring for a child. She goes on to admit that it isn’t fair for her daughter to have a “crappy life” because of her poor decisions.
11 “I’m So Worn Out Everyday”
When her children got older and things weren’t as easy as they were when during the infant years, she realized she hated her life. She writes, “All my snuggly bliss has been replaced with two children constantly fighting and needing me every minute, for everything.” Not just her kids, her husband too; she is constantly on call and it is draining. However, she makes it clear that she doesn’t hate her kids, just her life with them.
10 “I Just Want To ‘Do’ Me Sometimes”
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In her article “Sometimes, I hate being a mom”, HuffPost Author Rebecca Lammeson details the struggle of “discovering your purpose when you have children.” Moms don’t stop being themselves when they have kids. They still have dreams and goals to accomplish. It’s unfair to ask them to give these things up just because they also wanted little humans. It’s especially unfair when dads don’t have to do the same.
Rebecca would rather write and teach than play with her children. The guilt of feeling like a bad mother for thinking that is overwhelming. While she “genuinely appreciates and loves them as the people they have become,” she still wishes they would disappear so that she could be free of the burden of being their everything. While it would easier to not have them, she admits that they have made her who she is. Being responsible for another human being has a way of bringing out the best, and the worst, in you.
9 “I Don’t Like It All”
It can be awkward for mothers to admit to friends and family that they actually hate what’s doted as ‘the most important job in the world.’ No one want to seem as if they hate their kids but it can be refreshing to admit how one really feels. Not only can moms who hate being moms freely express themselves in this moment, but they may also find help from others.
In an article for Mommywise, Natalie Nevers touches on the importance of mothers sharing how they really feel with friends, strangers, and whoever else will listen. An unnamed friend of hers felt crippled being a stay at home, breastfeeding mother to a 7-month old while dad worked all day. The burden of parenting often falls on mothers, leaving them sleep-deprived, stressed, and sometimes depressed. Natalie herself even had to admit that while she loves her kids, she didn’t enjoy being a mom. It’s not fun. It’s demanding work but if moms can stop putting themselves on a pedestal, they can release some of the guilt they feel. As Natalie writes, “Perhaps if we didn’t expect that mothering would be the most joyous time of our lives, we wouldn’t feel so blindsided and guilt-ridden.”
8 “I Adore My Children So Why Do I Feel They Destroyed My Life?”
In the article, I Do Not Like Being a Mother, Dr. Carrie Barron details the troubles her client, Didi, faces with being a stay at mom. Didi says, “"What I cannot figure out is why or how this is supposed to be enjoyable. It makes no sense that you spend your life trying to get them to brush their teeth, pick up their clothes, do their homework, practice, get out of bed and stop fighting when this is simply not what they want to do.”
To add to Didi’s frustration, her son sufferers from a behavioral problem that causes him to hit his mother. She finds it hard to be affectionate with him when he’s physically causing her harm. Instead, she cries in the car and compares her life to that of friends who live seemingly carefree lives, unburdened by the trials of motherhood. She chose to stay home with her children but often wonders if it were worth it.
7 “I Love My Son But He’s A Nightmare”
First-time mom and Mumsnet forum writer Emj86 loves her son, as most moms do, but as she puts it “he’s a nightmare.” Her hyperactive 17-month-old is a crier, never sleeps, and breaks everything in sight. Her only reprieve is going to a part-time job just to get out of the house. Her partner helps, but not enough. Leaving her with the overwhelming responsibility of feeding their son and taking him to the park in hopes of wearing him so that she can get some sleep. Even with the help of a babysitter, she is overwhelmed. It doesn’t help that all her friends with children claim to love their lives and relish in the joys of motherhood.
It is perfectly okay to admit not liking motherhood. It’s a job that no one can prepare for, no matter if it’s their first or third child. It’s demanding work but by admitting that, moms can relieve themselves of some of the pressure to be perfect. Being perfect is impossible.
6 “I am Expected To Love This Job”
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In a poem for Hipmama, Brenna Richart details her struggles with motherhood creatively. She is a mother of a “six-year-old type 1 diabetic obsessed with superheroes” son. As a full-time student, she juggles pursuing her dreams, homework assignments, and raising her son alone. She is responsible for giving him his insulin shots, which he hates, all the while hating where life has brought her. Her only reprieve is the few minutes alone that she has between getting off her bus and waiting for him to be dropped off by his. As a young mother, she faces criticism from friends, family, and strangers. People who don’t know her give her advice about how to live her life and raise her child. She didn’t feel joy or excitement when she found she was pregnant, she explored her other options – including abortion.
Young mothers often struggle with finding their way through life while still carrying the heavy responsibility of raising respectful, well-behaved children. It’s hard. They lose friends and sometimes they lose themselves, but they’re also their child’s best friends. They get the rare occurrence of figuring out life right along with their tiny humans.
5 “I am No Longer Just A Woman Anymore”
Huffpost writer Toni Yagi dislikes what motherhood has done to her as a woman. She will forever be a mom and she accepts that. What she can’t accept is society’s pressure on women and mothers. The pressure to be a perfect mother, to make every right decision is daunting. Breastfed or bottle-fed? Organic of McDonald’s? Cry it out or coddle? Mothers are bombarded with dozens of decisions and criticized no matter what they choose to do.
Even learning what other mothers are doing is taxing and can cause a woman to question how good of a mother she really is. To be clear, Toni doesn’t seem to hate the actual mothering part. She hates what it means to be a mother. To be a mother means a woman must be expected to forgo being wrong about anything. The stress and anxiety of this make motherhood dismal when it should be joyful.
4 I Want To Live On My Own, Look After Myself And Just Relax
Reddit confessor throwaway_mumma had her first son because of her older boyfriend, now husband was “desperate to start a family.” He was 29 and she was 22. A year later, she found herself with two kids (she’d gotten pregnant 4 months after her first child was born) and married. Instead of going to law school like she had dreamed, her life now consists of unsuccessful potty-training a two-year-old and keeping a young toddler from destroying important documents and resisting the urge to run away. Her husband who so badly wanted children is lost on his phone, offering no emotional or mental support.
Women give up their entire lives for their children. While it may be rewarding in the end, in the present moment it is stressful and time-consuming. Being depended on is hard. It’s worse when you realize your children didn’t ask to be here.
3 It Must Be Nice To Sleep
Medium writer Emiko Torito is a first-time mother to a six-week old bouncing baby girl, but already she has her frustrations with her new role. Firstly, her baby suffers from colic so she cries all night at off house, leaving Emiko tired and drained. Secondly, because her life now revolves around her little one she has little to no time to enjoy family and friends, including her husband. While her husband travels for work, she’s home with a crying baby. Her friends are no better, they all want to do fun stuff as if babysitters grow on trees. Her life has changed and it’s hard to convey that to friends with no kids.
Her body is also very different. Growing a baby is arduous work. Things move differently and strange things grow where they didn’t grow anymore. It’s also mentally taxing to be pregnant and give birth (and be a mom). Eniko says, “Motherhood has currently stripped me of the ability to think about much else, and I wonder if it’s making me insane.”
2 This Is Not What I Signed Up For
Stepmoms are moms, too. It doesn’t matter if they birthed the child or not, they are responsible for the upbringing of the child. It is especially noble since they have chosen to accept someone else’s children into their homes and lives. It doesn’t mean they have to like it, does it?
StepTalk forum user newsm2011 is fed up with her life. She loves her husband and accepted that he was a package deal when they get married. She knew she wouldn’t just be marrying him, but his children too. However, she didn’t know it would be like this. She was unaware of the many hours in child support court that would come along with her new role. She definitely didn’t predict helping to raise “spoiled children” or being told, ‘it’s not fun over here’, or ‘my mother buys me what I want when I want, why can't you?’ With medical bills piling up and the looming black cloud of debt over head, she is tired of being a mother.
1 "I’ve Never Enjoyed It"
An anonymous user of Netmums really, really, really hates being a mom. So much so, that she’s turning to strangers on the internet for advice. She writes, “absolutely hate being a mum, hate the responsibility, hate who its turned me into. From the moment I had them, I’ve never enjoyed it & just feel alone all the time.” All of these things make feel like a failure, filled with intense dread each day. A larger part of her dislike for motherhood seems to stem from comparing herself and her children to other families. She doesn’t keep as clean of a house as she would like and while her kids aren’t “naughty”, she’s still embarrassed by them.
It’s important for moms to not compare themselves to others. No parenting skills are alike just as no two people, including children, are alike. It’s up to moms to set their own standards for her they want to run their home and raise their children. Each home is different.