Let’s face it, while there are a lot of really good reasons to want kids, there are some equally poor reasons to want to have a baby. There is a lot of pressure in this day and age to do things in the right time table, when people want it, and to fit in.
Unfortunately, as it has been for a while, becoming a parents has fallen into this pressure vacuum to do things in just the right way at the right time. This pressure can push people into doing things that they are not ready for, either financially, emotionally, and more.
Becoming a parent should be something the mother (and father) should come to a decision on together, because they want a child and are prepared fully for the hardships of having a child, not because of pressure from others, or because they think babies are too cute, but have no idea what comes with having a baby.
Even with the help of others, which cannot be counted on, babies can be a difficulty some are not prepared for.
I am not saying that having babies is pure inconvenience, but sometimes, someone is doing it for the fully wrong reasons and is not prepared.
Babies are not easy, and they don’t get easier. As one milestone is passed, more comes up. There are different difficulties to raising a child of varying ages. And it’s very expensive as well. People need to be ready for all of that, and then some. There have been too many instances of people having children for the wrong reasons, and ending up hurting the children later on, or worse.
15 We Need A Boy!
We see this a lot, sometimes from a dad who just wants a little football player to play football with on Thanksgiving, and sometimes from a mom who needs a little prince to go with her princess. We may even hear it from those lovely grandparents we were just talking about. But, is the need for a male genetic heir really a good reason to have another baby?
Survey says: No, and in a big way. Babies themselves are a big decision, and adding another one into the mix is an equally big decision. That should not come just because there’s some unexplainable need to have a baby with the XY chromosome mix. If dad wants a baby to throw some pigskin with, take the little girl out and have fun.
They’re not as fragile as they look, we promise! If mom is feeling a need for a little prince, maybe sit back and think of the things she wants a boy for, and maybe do some of them with the daughter. Girls can do just as much as boys, so why act like we need one or the other for various reasons?
14 Get More Commited
We hear this one a lot too, and it’s something that usually makes eyes roll. The scenario: he is cheating on her or planning to leave, but they currently still sleep together. She decides, I know, I’ll get him to stick around by having unprotected sex, and ending up pregnant. He’ll stay to take care of the baby! But, does this work?
Do we really want it to work? First off, a bad relationship, as said before, will not improve because of the addition of a baby. Generally, the stress of parenthood will make things worse. Second, men do not get magically locked down by the addition of a bun in the oven. They can still leave, and mom can end up getting child support.
Men can get visitation and custody. Men do not have to be with the mother to be a good father. Unfortunately, some women still think that men will not and cannot leave them when they’re pregnant. If keeping a man is the reasoning behind getting pregnant, then just don’t.
13 Little Tax Breaks
If there’s a friend who has kids in the picture, then said friend has likely mentioned the fact that, come tax time, they may get a tax break for each child they have in the home. This may sound pretty appealing, right? I mean, a baby who happens to come with a refund check every year? What can go wrong?
Well, babies are not cash registers, for one, and they should never be treated as such. Number two, those tax breaks are nothing compared to the day to day costs of caring for a child, such as doctor’s bills, formula or breastfeeding accessories, and diapers. Babies also need clothing, and car seats, and a place to sleep.
It adds up, and it’s a lot more in one year than one little tax break will give someone. If the reasoning involves getting money, then this is definitely not the right time, especially from a financial standpoint, to be having a baby.
12 For The Grandparents
It’s no surprise that our parents, once we hit the age of around, say, 25, are chomping at the imaginary bit to be able to have grandchildren to play with and hold. And it should come as no shocker that they may be a little pushy about this topic. But, should we allow them to sway us into having a baby? I mean, if they want the baby so bad, they’ll help us to take care of it in some way, right?
Sometimes, the answer to that is no. And because of that, using our parents and their craving for sweet baby cheeks to pinch is not a good reason to start cranking out babies. Babies are expensive, and caring for them is hard. Guess who doesn’t have to shoulder any of that responsibility if they don’t want to. That’s right, dear ol’ Grandma and Grandpa.
So, if mom isn’t ready, don’t let them push the issue.
11 Biological Clock
Who else has heard this one a dozen times before? “Hey, the biological clock is ticking!” What does that even mean?? Well, it’s talking about how long a woman has before her fertility begins to go down. Does it have any merit? If mom is wanting kids, should she go ahead and have them now because every year that goes by is more fertile years wasted?
No. First off, studies are showing that a woman’s fertility does not begin to go down until around age 35, and even that varies from woman to woman. Likely, mom has nothing to worry about. Second, having a baby because of something like the biological clock is a poor idea in general, because if mom isn’t ready in other regards, then having a baby is, and will always be, a poor idea.
If there’s no money in the budget, and mom hasn’t got the means to take care of the baby, then it’s not the right time.
10 Partner Peer Pressure
Sometimes we don’t get the peer pressure from our parents, but instead, it’s from our partners. It can start before we’ve even delivered a child we’re already pregnant with. And they can be pretty persistent, too. Is it worth it to give in, and just have one more, for old time’s sake? It won’t hurt anything, right? A baby is a blessing, they’ll grow to be happy with the idea!
It can go alright, or it can lead to resentment. If mom doesn’t want more kids, then pushing her into more babies is not right. She has a say in what she does with her body. If dad isn’t into having another baby, then he has the right to have a say in whether or not they make another child on purpose.
Either way, both parties should always be in full agreement when they decide to try for another child.
9 It’s The Popular Thing
We see it all the time. Everyone around us is having a baby, and all of a sudden, mom is hit with baby fever. The new baby smell is in the air, and all she can think of is wanting another little one, or even her first little one. Everyone else is doing it, so why not, right? Things will work out, and then there will be an adorable little baby of our own to have, hold, and dress up all cute! Where can it go wrong?
It can go very wrong. Babies are not something to jump into for frivolous reasons, and that includes going with the crowd. Think about if a baby is going to fit into the day to day live that is already going on before getting pregnant. If a baby doesn’t fit into the day to day life, then don’t try and make it fit.
Give it time, and eventually a baby will fit into mom’s life and not be more of a hindrance. Remember, all the other moms will be busy with their kids, so trying to have a baby to be popular or fit in with them, is not the best bet.
8 One Is The Loneliest Number
Some women dread being alone. None of their relationships seem to work out, they’re away from family or not close to them in other ways, and they just hate coming home to an empty house. One of their biggest fears is that they will continue to come home to an empty house forever. So, someone suggests them having a baby. They’ll never be lonely again with a baby in the house!
This is wrong. A baby will not cure loneliness, if anything, for a while, it can make it worse. Caring for an infant can be very isolating, and can be just as lonely as not having anyone around anyhow. Sometimes having a child can make some friends seem to vanish as if they just popped into a magic box. If loneliness is the problem, get a puppy.
They’re easier to care for and cheaper too, and will provide love and attention just like a baby eventually would.
7 Band-Aid Babies
We’ve heard this time and time again. Failing relationship with a couple that’s still having sex. 9 months after someone neglects birth control, and there’s a bundle of joy who is going to make everything all better, right? It’s not like babies will add more stress to an already fragile relationship and make things harder, is it?
Yes, yes it is. Babies will not fix a relationship that is on the brink of ending, and that’s been proven countless times. It especially will not fix any kind of abusive relationship, because in the end, an abuser will likely not change their tune just because a baby is in the picture. Babies are hard.
The stress from the addition of a baby is not the way to go, it will only make things worse. Fix the relationship first, then add a baby. It’s the best way to go about doing things.
6 Future Caregivers
Sometimes, the thought process may go through a woman’s head about ‘when I get old, who is going to take care of me?’ The fear of being alone when there’s no one there can be daunting enough, but then thinking of the future, and the fears of who is going to care for us when we’re old can make even those who have kids get worried.
Well, don’t go having kids in the hopes they’ll do that job in the future. Kids do not have to step in and take care of their parents in the future, so putting all the eggs in one basket and banking on them stepping in when we’re too old to take care of ourselves is not the way to go.
Plan for the future and set up a retirement fund or something to help get one through those years. But don’t expect the kids to do it. If they do, that’s great, but it doesn’t always happen.
5 My Time In The Limelight!
Ugh, isn’t it annoying when our bff or our sister in law is pregnant, and they’re constantly rubbing it in, and getting on our nerves? It can be hard to see someone else getting all the attention, and all the sympathy. It can’t be that tough to be pregnant, right? So, why not get pregnant, and then it’s our turn to get all the attention and all the sympathy and all the special treatment.
Please for the love of all that’s sacred, no. Yes, pregnant women get a lot of sympathy and attention, but that is for a reason. Most of the time, it’s not all fun and games. It can be painful, tiring, and vomit-inducing, literally.
Sure, the end results are adorable and sweet, but the process to get there leaves many women aching, exhausted, and ready for it to be over. Don’t just jump into this for the attention, because there’s usually a reason for it.
4 Somebody To Love
Everybody wants somebody to love. Songs have been written about it, books have been written about it, and movies have been shown about it. The conquest to find love, any kind of love. So, when some people see babies, it’s easy to see where they’re coming from when they say, “If I have a baby, that’s someone with unconditional love, who will always love me and play with me and want to be around me!” But, is that how it works?
No, the answer is no. Yes, kids do often love their parents, but they do not always express it. Ever seen a kid throwing a fit and telling their mom that they hate them? Yeah, kids do that, because kids are brutally honest. They can and sometimes do get so mad that they feel like they hate us or others, and don’t want to be near us, because they are in fact tiny humans with full emotions.
When people say kids can be cruel, that’s one of the reasons why. Get a puppy if love is what is needed, save a baby until later on.
3 Put A Ring On It!
Ok, so having a baby to lock a man into their relationship just does not work, but, what if the man isn’t going anywhere? It’s a good, stable relationship, but he’s just not interested in putting a ring on it just yet. Well, getting pregnant will do it, right? He has to make an honest woman out of the mother of his child, right?
Yeah, no. Men, just like they don’t have to stay at all, certainly do not have to ask for mom’s hand in marriage just because she’s pregnant. It’s not a requirement to raising their child. And pushing the issue can make him even less likely to ask for her hand in marriage.
Besides that, babies are expensive, so if money wasn’t flowing like the Nile, then he may want to put off marriage, which is also expensive, in order to better care for the baby. Let him decide to ask on his own terms.
2 They’re So Cute!
It’s hard not to see a baby and not swoon and get all sparkly eyed over how adorable and sweet they are. Their adorable outfits, their cute smiles. Babies are absolutely gorgeous little things, and no one is disputing that. But, having a baby just because they’re adorable and can melt the heart… is that really a good reason?
Really, this is obvious. No. It’s not a good reason, because babies are equally as frustrating at times as they are adorable, and this is a fact. Sitting up half the night with a crying infant is sure not cute, and neither are blow out poop diapers that go all the way down their legs or up their backs.
Babies can make a person puke just as fast as they can make them smile. Make sure that everyone is prepared to handle all aspects of a baby, not just the cute parts, before getting into this ball game.
1 I’m Pregnant…
Well, nothing to be done about it now, right? After all of the careful planning, all of the birth control, something went awry and somehow, mom still ended up pregnant. Well, she’s stuck now, no matter what, right?
Wait, no. See, we still have options. Never jump into parenthood if someone isn’t ready for it. There is adoption, which is a great option for those who want to give birth to their child, but do not feel ready to raise it. Adoption agencies are looking to pair children up with wonderful, loving parents all the time.
There is also the more controversial option of abortion. Like it or not, it is still an option for women to use if things go wrong, the child’s health is not compatible to life, or the mother’s life is in danger. However, it can be emotionally draining, just as adoption can be.
Either way, though, there are options. Never feel pressed into parenthood because of birth control failure or an accidental pregnancy, or other, more upsetting circumstances. Seek help, look for a pregnancy crisis center, and good luck.