We love to gawk at the luxurious lifestyles of celebrities and poke fun at every wrong or silly thing they do. But probably our favorite past time is to obsess over their bold choices for naming their children.
It kinda makes sense - if their kid is going to be lavished with attention anyway, why not give them a name that matches their fame? But that doesn’t mean we can’t still poke a *little* fun at their parents and wonder just what the hell they were thinking when they chose those names. Some of these names are so ridiculous that we may need to get the Swedish government to enforce their baby naming law beyond their borders!
17 Tu Morrow
Clearly Rob Morrow wanted to prove that he’s future-focused AND undeniably clever and hilarious. Let’s hope that a momentary laugh is worth a lifetime of confusing misspellings and misunderstanding. This name may also be confusing to Spanish speakers, as it translates to “You Morrow.”
And those of you who still don’t get it, it literally translates into “tomorrow.”
16 Moxie Crimefighter
As a popular magician, Penn Jillette, really worked his magic on this name for his daughter. If he wants his daughter to be the character in a 1970s lady cop movie, then he totally succeeded! For any other career in a different time period though, Moxie will be putting up with a lot of taunting. Let’s hope she has the “moxie” to put up with it!
15 Pilot Inspektor
Looks like actor Jason Lee has some high hopes for his child being the main character in a futuristic British sci-fi TV show.
We’re just a little confused by the need to misspell “inspector” with a K, but to a lot of us, that’s the least concerning part of this name. Why a pilot? Why? Why, Jason? Tell us!!
14 Rocket Worthington
We love Sam Worthington’s loud and brash acting skills, so this name is actually no surprise.
But seriously though, who the F names their child Rocket? But then who knows, maybe this name means he had some very wishful thinking for how the birth would go. Or he thought it would be a good way for his kid to “launch” his career.
13 Bronx Mowgli Wentz
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson either did too much planning, or simply not enough. Let’s hope it was unintentional that their child’s initials are BMW, or else that’s a lot of love for a luxury car brand and for Mowgli.
Also, try saying “Bronx Wentz” ten times; it’s harder than it looks.
12 Spurgeon Seewald
Where do we begin with the child of “19 Kids and Counting” star Jessa Duggar? Naming your child after a famous Baptist minister is a bit, uh, overzealous. Plus, the word “Spurgeon” itself sounds like a misspelling of surgeon at best, and something you’d rather not want to see on big screens (if she wants her child to follow her footsteps).
But then again, that’s just our opinion.
11 Kyd Duchovny
We imagine that when David Duchovny decided to name his child, "Kyd," he chuckled quietly to himself and said “nailed it!” and then turned to high fived his wife.
“Kyd” in itself is a pretty okay-ish name, but when coupled with that unique surname, it sure as hell becomes something a little more than ridiculous.
10 Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
Presumably Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale named their child before knowing that Zumba would become a very common exercise trend. It would just be cruel, otherwise. For the rest of the (very long) name, we think they just walked outside and picked the first two things they saw in their backyard.
9 Reign Aston Disick
The last name may say Disick on the birth certificate, but we all know this is a true Kardashian child - so where’s the K, Kourtney? One more silent letter can’t hurt, and we love the air of mystery that comes with seeing the name "Kreign" on a name tag.
Anyway, we wonder what the couple thought their child would reign? Reality TV, perhaps? Who knows.
8 Jermajesty Jackson
This name is actually pretty clever, but also hilariously silly. You already have the name Jackson popstar fame Jermaine, do you really need more royalty in your child’s name?
7 Banjo Taylor
There are a lot of great instruments out there, but Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor decided to go with one of the more annoying ones. Sure, banjo has that nice country twang to it, which is what we assume they were going for, but that doesn’t make it any less awful.
Well, at least they didn’t name him Tuba.
6 Princess Tiaamii
It makes sense that British TV personality Katie Price would want a name with personality, but this one is a bit more embarrassing than enticing.
Not to mention how all those vowels have a typical, stupid, highschool cheerleader vibe to them! This is one name that won’t go over well when called out at Starbucks.
5 Saint West
We get it, Kim and Kanye. We really, really get it. You’re obsessed with yourselves and your kids are going to be equally self-obsessed ego monsters. Great.
Really. We’ll be over here, mocking how silly it is to name your child “Saint” while you fly them around in your private jet. But that still won't stop you from being terrible people to pick names for children (remember North?)
4 "Blanket" Jackson
For Michael Jackson, may he rest in peace, nicknaming his child "Blanket" was actually one of the least weird aspects of his life. Which is actually an impressive feat, considering how weird this nickname really is.
By the way, "Blanket" is the name that stuck even though his real name is Prince Michael Jackson II. Michael Jackson actually gave all 3 of his kids his name. However, recently Blanket changed his name to Bigi, a German name that means "idealistic, sensitive and inspirational."
3 Bear Silverstone
If Alicia Silverstone wanted her child to sound like a character from a children’s story book (remember Goldilocks and the 3 bears?) novel then she hit the nail right on the head. This is certainly one of the more… not so weird celebrity names we’ve come across.
Although why this particular animal, we have no idea.
2 Denim Braxton
Toni Braxton has come up with some very interesting names for her kids, but Denim stands out as the strangest. This name is both comfortable and durable, and can fit any number of needs. Maybe that’s why she didn’t opt for Velvet or Flannel.
1 Apple Martin
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s name for their child is probably the most contested and mocked in celebrity baby name history (although compared to many on this list, it seems pretty tame.) Seeing how she’s a health food guru, it makes sense that Gwyneth went with the healthiest choice for a baby name.
Think about it – wouldn’t Cupcake Martin would just be embarrassing at this point?