It’s a fascinating topic. For some, it means a big paycheck. For others, it’s a chance to do something important and meaningful for someone they care about, such as a sister or best friend.
It’s surrogacy, and it can be hard for some to understand how and why a woman would give so much of herself and her body to such a cause – bringing a child into the world for someone else to then parent.
That’s why we’re devoting a short series of articles to the topic here. We’ve already explored brutally honest Whisper confessions from women who are currently serving as surrogates. There have been deals gone bad, friendships gone south, and arrangements backed out on. But there has also been great love, great care, and a great sense of purpose.
We have heard from dozens of females who decided to use the app to divulge their secret feelings about what they are going through while pregnant with a child destined to belong to someone else.
And now, we zoom back out. We take a step back. Because we figure those interested in the topic of surrogate motherhood are probably even more fascinated by how people make the decision to do it in the first place.
So here are 17 Whisper confessions from women considering surrogacy.
17When Worlds Collide
This woman is considering doing something that could get, quite frankly, a bit messy. The couple she may surrogate for are not people she’s never heard of before. She wasn’t matched with them through a service or connected online.
The hopeful parents to be aren’t even friends of hers or members of her family. (You hear of a lot of sisters stepping up to provide surrogacy if you read around a little bit.)
Nope, these people are two partners (their genders are unclear from the text of the confession) whom her husband knows and works with.
There are a lot of factors to consider here. Many of you out here may be thinking that if she does decide to enter into this, she better have the arrangement in writing – in the form of a legal contract.
Also, how will this arrangement affect her husband’s work, if at all? What potential is there for awkwardness or for things to go poorly in one way or another?
16Dealing With Doubt
I’m so glad this woman has gotten frank about a certain topic in her confession about considering surrogacy. The big crazy question that comes to a lot of people’s minds regarding surrogacy is, won’t the surrogate feel attached to the baby she’s carried and not want to give it up?
And this female is actually the first ever I’ve stumbled upon who has confessed to being worried that she’ll become too attached and not be okay with handing the child over to be raised by someone else. I think this is like the most natural worry in the world! It’s why surrogacy is something that is really hard for me, personally, to understand.
I’ve been pregnant with my own children twice, and from the moment I started trying to conceive (or even before!) I began to feel incredibly bonded with them.
This woman is already pretty far along in the process of officially becoming a surrogate – but there is most certainly some ambivalence going on in her mind about the whole thing still.
She says she’s actually currently waiting for the final okay. Perhaps this means that she will have passed whatever health or other screenings are required.
But beyond that, based on reading through many other confessions from surrogates and those considering becoming surrogates, will she not still have to wait to be matched up with a woman or couple?
She’s way excited – but she’s also really, really nervous about the whole thing. We wonder what exactly has led her to get this far into the process.
I suppose doing anything for the first time, though, might naturally included feelings of nervousness.
Here’s another refreshingly honest confession that really gets to the core of a common worry about surrogacy – both on the part of the potential surrogate mother and the hopeful parents to be.
Expressed here – with not one, not two, but THREE exclamation points – is a simple sentence proclaiming that although this woman is indeed interested in becoming a surrogate, she’s also afraid!
That sounds completely natural to me!
How could you not get rather attached to a being you carry within you for around 40 weeks?
In my experience, even before you can feel the kicks and movements sometime around the midway point or a bit earlier, being pregnant is sort of always on your mind. The well-being and health of the baby quite natural become your number-one concern.
13Need The Details Of The Deal
Is it just me, or is this young woman not exactly 100 percent sure about what she has apparently already agreed to do?
She says she really doesn’t have any idea what this whole arrangement entails. She probably doesn’t even fully understand what it means to be pregnant – for the first time – and how that might change a person, and their body, forever.
She’s feeling pretty clueless, she says.
Because the couple (her best friend and that friend’s fiancé) are not yet actually married, it sounds like at least she will have some time to sort of mull things over and consider the realities of the situation – maybe do a little research to better understand what exactly this will mean for her.
If she changes her mind, though, what will that do to the friendship? Hopefully a true friend would completely understand.
12Let’s Make A Deal
This one is quite interesting because the confessor of these frank words gets right to the point about what’s going on with her own life – and she’s considering becoming a surrogate way down the line – in a decade, in fact.
This gal wants answers, and she needs to know that she will have suitable options for herself if she commits to this man, referred to simply as “he.” We don’t know if they are dating or if these are conditions of her accepting his proposal or if they are married or soon to be so. But it does seem clear, in any case, that she and he both are making a commitment to one another.
There is no clear answer about whether or not he wants to have children of his own. Since that’s undecided but she doesn’t want her reproductive potential to go to waste, they’ve hatched a plan!
Here’s a confession full of multiple concerns. Yes, this individual is very interested in the idea of becoming a surrogate, but there are so many unknowns.
Is there some societal stigma attached to becoming a surrogate mother? Is there maybe an air of confusion and mystery surrounding the whole thing for some?
The specific concern that this gal has is that her family might not like the idea of it. She’s concerned about what they will think if she actually pursues this path.
And then there’s also the worry about whether or not she can actually do it. It is perhaps a little bit unclear what she means by this phrase, but we’ve seen two things expressed somewhat commonly regarding considering becoming a surrogate mother. Some women are worried about whether they will actually physically be able to become pregnant and successfully carry the child, while others are worried about being able to give the baby over to someone else at pregnancy’s end.
10Vision Of Love
In so many of these confessions, the women don’t state specifically whether or not they already have their own children. Much of the time, they state that they are rather young, and sometimes they state that they don’t want or can’t yet support kids of their own.
And here we have some of the details actually filled in to more fully understand the situation and the speaker’s motivation for being interested in becoming a surrogate mother.
She already has a child of her own, and now’s not the right time for her to expand her own family.
She sees being a surrogate as something she could do to help someone else who wants to become a parent.
In fact, she says she’s always wanted to do something like this. And it all ends with a loving heart.
9One And Not Yet Done
Once this confessor has her first child, she really wants to become a surrogate. What’s not clear exactly is if she is just sort of planning for the future when she hopes to become pregnant and have her own child or if she actually is currently pregnant with her own child and about to become a mother in the near future.
If she is already through a good portion of a current pregnancy, perhaps she knows that it’s something she enjoys and would be excited to get to do again – although ask around and you’re bound to hear that a woman’s first pregnancy can be rather different from her second or subsequent ones. More aches and pains, more fatigue, showing sooner, being more (or sometimes less, but I wouldn’t count on that…) sick than the other time… Something to consider.
8At A Loss For Words
Here’s the thing: What if you ask someone to be your surrogate and they are not at all expecting it? There is the potential for quite a bit of awkwardness there – am I right?
And it’s her sister in this case… Will there forever be a grudge if the sister doesn’t agree to do this for her sis who requested it?
If she does take on the task but feels unsure about whether it’s what she really wants, will there be resentment on her end?
We’re not really sure which way she is leaning, but we do know from the words that she has shared here that this was not something she was at all expecting or prepared to be asked.
She had no clue, in fact, how to even respond!
I wonder what she did say…
7First Time For Everything
She has not yet experienced the changing of body (and some would also say of self) that occurs when someone becomes a mother. And she doesn’t care – she would gladly become pregnant and go through labor and birth for the first time in order to help someone else have a child.
This may be seen as quite generous, and brave, and beautiful, indeed.
But is anyone else out there, perhaps those who have been through pregnancy and childbirth before, wondering if her mindset might be different if she had already become a mom herself?
Would it be hard to imagine giving so much of your energy and yourself and your body – all to help somebody else?
Would it be impossible to commit to going through labor and birth, knowing that the baby you were pushing out would then be delivered into someone else’s arms?
6A New Direction
How pumped is this gal on the idea of becoming a surrogate mother? She expresses that she thinks it will give her life the purpose she’s been searching for all this time!
She ends her confession with a heart expressing her intentions of love and kindness.
She begins it with a phrase of extreme excitement and many, many exclamation points.
She’s pumped! And her heart is in what some might call “the right place.”
Perhaps she will be (or already has?) connected with a couple or individual for whom she can provide her life-changing service of carrying a baby.
Although not everyone understands it or can comprehend why someone would go this route, many may applaud the generous giving of time, body, and self that women like this one are willing to devote to help those dreaming of having a child.
Let’s start first in our analysis of this confession with the age included at the end. (It’s apparently not uncommonly included in this way at the end of the text with the age in numerals and the gender represented by “m” or “f.”)
This very young woman says that she is going to be her sister’s surrogate. This is quite a young age to be making a decision so big, and hopefully there will be at least a few years of thought before any sort of agreement is officially entered into. She is not yet even legally considered an adult at the tender age of 16.
We have to wonder, as well, how old the sister is and what her life situation is that has made it so that she already knows she wants or needs a surrogate’s services in order to have children.
4A Mama Matched
The excitement is tangible in this confession from a woman just about to begin the journey toward surrogacy. She hasn’t actually become a surrogate just yet.
But right now, she is very, very pumped!
She’s saying with gusto that she just got matched, perhaps implying that she signed up with some sort of service and that this agency has now connected her with an individual or couple in need of a surrogate.
She doesn’t include why exactly she is so excited, which leaves some questions. Once you look around a bit to try to discover the motivations behind women entering into a surrogate arrangement, you find that one person’s reasons can be very, very different from another’s.
We do know, at least, that in the excitement of the moment of having just found out she was matched, she’s incredibly happy.
3All In The Family
Here’s another worry that comes along with contemplating surrogacy, if the many confessions out there from those considering it are any indication, anyway: What if it doesn’t work?
Just as couples may worry, after hearing of the struggles of others they’ve known or read about to conceive, that there will be some issue and that it won’t be as easy as they might hope, women who have agreed to become a surrogate but aren’t actually pregnant yet might have very real worries that they won’t be able to become pregnant or carry the baby to term.
In this case, the woman seems to be ready to become a surrogate mother for someone in her family: her sister-in-law.
We’ve heard of this a lot in exploring surrogacy on the Whisper app, where the surrogate mother will then shift roles upon the birth of the child to become an auntie!
2In Search Of Info
Where do many of us turn when we need answers to questions both big and small (for better or worse…)?
Why, the Internet, of course!
This includes apps on our phones that allow us to make random and anonymous confessions.
And this woman lays it out straight: She is thinking about becoming a surrogate. But she’s only just started thinking about it, it seems, because she does not yet have any idea how to go about it.
Basically, she wants to know where she would even start in order to begin the process of potentially providing this service to someone else who wants children but can’t or chooses not to be pregnant herself.
Three thinking emoticons end the confession. She has still got some research and pondering ahead of her.
1In A Hurry
This confessor says that she can’t wait to become a surrogate. It is something that she considers to be a given – she is so set on it, it seems.
We’re wondering why.
Is she so eager to experience pregnancy?
Is she eager to receive the payment? It seems like it might be something more than that in this case.
Maybe, like some of the other kind-hearted confessors we’ve heard from in this and the other articles in this short series, she is excited to be able to provide this important assistance to someone. She’ll be able to change their lives by helping them to have a child that they have really been wishing for.
We don’t know her motivations in this case, but her excitement at the opportunity is clear.
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