Everyone has an opinion on the best way to make a baby. Doctors. Moms. Those Old Wives we hear so much about.
But don’t take their word for it. Despite the advances in medicine in the last few decades, we still live in a world of myths and when it comes to conception. Doctors know a little – but even they don’t always agree.
In an effort to get pregnant, most couples these days apply a mixture of common sense, doctor’s advice, research, and pure, unadulterated crap they heard from a friend of a friend’s mother who read it on the internet. And you can’t just blame the men for being fertility challenged. Women have been just as willing to stick their feet in the air or scarf down a plate of yams in pursuit of a baby.
But aren’t a few of these conception myths actually true? Yeah. A few. Some others – maybe a little. Most? Don’t be ridiculous.
Still, we all tend to get a little stupid when it comes to making a baby. Why not hedge your bets, and roll the dice on every myth out there and see what happens? What could go wrong?
Well, death I suppose. Worst case scenario. And disappointment. And did I mention death?
Here are just a few of the conception myths revealed, explained and/or debunked:
16 It’s How You Do It
Nope. Sexual positions really don’t factor that much in conception. Missionary is no more effective than, say, the Angry Pirate, the Sultry Saddle or the Double Salchow. Doctors say deeper penetration is a good thing, but won’t necessarily get your sperm to their goal any quicker or with any more reliability.
There are a million of those little sperm guys. And they already know where they are going and how to get there. They’re smart that way. It’s in their programming.
Still, a little variety can’t hurt? Mixing things up might even spice it up in the bedroom and lead to more sex (procreative and non-procreative).Which is certainly not a bad thing. Not if you’re doing it right.
Still for those of you who are obsessed with positions you might want to try:
- - One leg up in the air for a deeper connection while love making.
- - Taking your legs off altogether, let him really get in there.
- - The Double Salchow, it works for so many women. What do you mean you don't know what that is?
15 Satisfaction Not Guaranteed
Oh no. It is with great trepidation I inform all you guys out there that conception is not dependent on a woman having an orgasm. Nope. Well, maybe a little.
Oh sure. In theory an orgasm contracts the uterus and maybe that helps the sperm move towards their ultimate goal a little easier. But, as we’ve already established, sperm really don’t need that much help on their mission, thank you very much.
To repeat – her orgasm doesn’t technically matter conception-wise. But honestly, are you lazy guys out there going to tell her that? How does that conversation go exactly? “But honey - your orgasms don’t matter! I read it on the internet.”
Does that sound like pillow talk to you? Come on dudes. Get with the program. She still needs to want to have sex with you in order to have a baby. And if you don’t like catering to her needs, that may not be happening for you either.
Just keep repeating aloud ‘ Her orgasm is as important as my own’ and you will start to sound like you believe it after a while. And no, the female orgasm is not a myth.
How can you help your significant other get there? Did you click on the links form the following page? If not go back and click, or you can take this advice.
- - Take your time and do your duty properly
- - Find out what she's into, what she would like to do.
- - There's a little movie called 50 Shades of Grey, have you taken her to see it yet?
14 The Younger The Better
Time is a bitch in general and no friend to conception. Getting pregnant is just easier for the younger woman. But how young exactly?
The general belief is that a woman starts becoming less fertile at 35. But it’s much earlier. Doctors say you are far more likely to get pregnant between the ages of 22 and 26.
But don’t worry if you missed that window what with all that keg partying, career-establishing and having a life. It’s not like the odds stop favoring you at a spritely 30. Some research suggests 75-per-cent of women between 30 and 34 get pregnant within a year of trying. Sixty-six-per-cent of women from 35 to 40 also experience success within a year.
The odds get a bit longer after that but not impossible. Even over 40, you still have a 44-per-cent chance of impregnation within a year.
That’s good news. If you were a baseball player with a batting average of .440 in the major leagues, you would quickly be joining Ty Cobb and Wee Willie Keeler in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Hmmm. I suspect Wee Willie likely had other issues in the bedroom. Just a hunch.
They should have a Pregnancy Hall of Fame. Wouldn’t that be interesting? I’d visit. Vegas would be a good location.
So when should you give up the idea of conception?
- - When you haven't had your period in like a year, and it's not because you've been getting Clomid shots.
13 Chill Out
You may have heard this one before from your friends and your well-meaning relatives. Apparently, you can’t get pregnant because you’re just trying too hard. You’re stressed out. Just relax and it will all just happen.
Well, it’s not that simple. But doctors have found a correlation between stress and fertility problems. It seems that the more laid back folks out there simply have better luck with conception. Doctors aren’t exactly sure why this is true yet, just that it seems to be true.
So what do you do? Depends. What relaxes you? Yoga? Cards? Scented candles? Unfortunately, I don’t think sex will work as a stress-reducer in this case. It’s sort of the problem…
12 Old Wives Fails
Some myths are more believable than others. Yet, the strangest ones still persist.
It’s hard to believe some folks still adhere to these out-there myths in this day and age. Maybe it’s just a case of knowing it won’t work but what will it hurt?
But no. You are not more likely to conceive if you sit in a seat formerly occupied by a pregnant woman. Her magical butt cooties will not make you fertile. Trust me. Nor will wearing a maternity shirt and carrying a newborn. That myth sounds like it might get you arrested (depending on where you got the newborn).
And swallowing sperm won’t make you more fertile either. Yes, that’s an actual thing some folks believe. Ridiculous, though you got to admire the balls on the guy who came up with that myth. Smart – in a devious way.
Here's some tips to help you relax and get that baby making happening.
- - Go on dates and get back that romance.
- - Stop listening to the advice of others on how to get the job done.
- - Suprize sex, but not in a rapey kind of way.
11 Slip Sliding Okay
Lubing it up won’t help the sperm slide their way to pay dirt any quicker. Sorry. As we’ve been saying all along, them sperm be smart. They don’t need or want much help.
However, lubricants have been known to inhibit fertilization – if not kill the sperm. Sperm-challenged lubricants include common names like Astroglide and KY Jelly.
On the flipside, there are lots of specialty lubricants built for the couple looking to get preggers,/em>. The names of most sperm-friendly products tend to be a tipoff – Pre-Seed, Conceive Plus and Yes, Baby.
10 Laws of Gravity
Sorry guys. While it may be fun to watch your better half elevate her hips and stick them feet in the air after sex, it’s no baby-maker. Apparently, there’s no scientific proof that spending 20 minutes with your legs elevated will help them darn sperm get to their destination. Again, they know what they are doing and don’t necessarily need you or gravity to help out.
Still, just hanging around after sex can’t hurt and may even help. Staying in bed, cuddling, watching Sportsdesk, or even talking to your man for 20 minutes will help a gal avoid losing any of them pesky sperm. In other words – he may repulse you at that moment, but best not to head to the door right away. Otherwise, you might just have to have sex with him again.
The 20 minute rule, of course, doesn’t apply to you guys out there. But there’s no guarantee you’ll get to that door without taking a shoe to the head.
Here's what you can learn from this:
- - Lubricants can be fun, but also sperm killers. Make sure you're using the right one.
- - Yoga can be fun, but it doesn't necessarily have to be done right after fornicating for conception to take place.
9 Less is More
This one sounds to me like some line a single guy gives a would-be paramour at the bar. “Yeah baby. The only way to stop from getting pregnant is more sex. It’s just science.” Yet, that suspicious line is actually true.
More frequent sex – like every day – can mean less a chance of a couple getting pregnant. It seems there’s only a limited amount of them sperm fellows at a given time. And it takes a while to restock the shelves. So the more times you release them to the world, the less of them are around the next time.
So couples trying to conceive should consider less sex. Unless you’re not having that much to begin with. Doctors recommend you knock off the once-a-day sex, and go with every other day for better results.
8 Working For The Weekend
Here’s another bit of fascinating trivia from the Amazing Book of Sperm, (not an actual book.) It’s a common belief that you can only get pregnant during sex. Oh sure, the sex is necessary – at least initially. However, sperm are hardy little guys. They’ll keep working inside you for up to 3 to 5 days.
A full work week? Impressive. They’re like little teamsters.
Of course, this fact also sounds like a good alibi for the cads out there who want to shirk responsibility. “Hey – I wasn’t anywhere near that woman when she got pregnant.”
Here's what you need to know about sperm:
- - They might not be the smartest swimmers in that sea, but they have 3-5 days to reach their destination.
- - Sperm can only swim forward, so they will not turn around and ask for directions.
- - Only 5% of the sperm released in ejaculation are fertile sperm.
7 Pants on Fire
An overblown belief is that boxers are the way for a man to go when a couple is trying to get pregnant. The theory is that the tighty-whities compress the ‘boys’ to the body. This increases the sperm temperature – which is a bad thing for sperm production. Remember Kramer from Seinfeld was concerned about his little swimmers, well this is why. Of course you can always try boxer briefs for the comfort and cool.
And that is true, but a little exaggerated. Briefs only raise the sperm temperature a little, so the result isn’t devastating conception-wise. You will be far better off to avoid hot situations involving saunas, hot tubs, and hot yoga,.
Hot tubs? I thought that was a good thing when it came to baby-making. Durn it. What’s next? Liquor? As a matter of fact...
6 Liquor Is Not Quicker
Yes, there are a lot of people out there who can trace their pregnancy directly to liquor. It was late. I’d had a few drinks. And one thing led to another…
However, as far as conception goes, binge drinking and partying down is not a good idea. It may mess with the female cycle and make it hard to chart a conception temperature to any accuracy. Of course, chances are you aren’t getting drunk and stupid while you are trying to get pregnant. That would be pretty messed up actually.
Drinking moderately is fine. Danish researchers have found that, for the 30ish female, seven drinks a week is okay. More than that is not fine.
So don't be doing this when trying to conceive:
- - Throwing massive keggers.
- - Letting it all hang out.
- - Letting it all hang out while throwing massive keggers.
5 Big Surprise – Smoking Is Bad
Not only does smoking kill people, it has been shown to reduce fertility in women and men. So if you’re thinking of having a kid, stop smoking. Ditto for the occasional toke as well. And coffee. Caffeine in general is bad. Just go easy and you will be okay. Moderation is the word.
As for heavier drugs, do we really need to go there? You’re trying to have a baby, dammit! Get your act together! If you want to try to quit smoking you can always try the patch.
13. I Yam What I Yam
This one is weird. Apparently, there’s some actual African village where the citizens give birth to an extremely large amount of twins. No kidding. Researchers found no reason for this to be happening beyond the fact the villagers ate a lot of yams. So – as the theory goes – if you want to double your baby chances, eat yams.
A message from the Yam Growers Association of North America perhaps? It does make you wonder.
Ultimately, this is just bad science (and questionable logic). Yams certainly aren’t bad for you. But there’s only a little support for the whole twin theory. However, there are foods that are recommended for conception…
14. Fertile Foods
Eating healthy is always a good idea. Yet some foods are just a good idea when it comes to conception. They just bring with them vital vitamins, nutrients, and acids that are recommended for those seeking to conceive. Stuff like asparagus (Folic Acid), shellfish (B12), eggs (Vitamin D), and Tofu (Women need Iron) are all classified as conception Superfoods that may be lacking in your system.
Bad foods (the Lex Luthors to the Superfoods) include such usual suspects as red meat, which is not only bad for female conception, but messes with male fertility. Refined sugar is another conception no-no.
Slathering frosting on your rare steak is, of course, about as bad as it gets for conception. But it might come into play during your pregnancy cravings.
So put down those cigarettes and go into the kitchen to eat yams and other healthy foods that will help you conceive. Having some trouble quitting, here are some suggestions for breaking that bad habit:
- - Talk to your doctor.
- - Get hypnotized so you forget that you like smoking.
4 Vitamin Enriched
A man can do his part in conception by taking a multivitamin (featuring zinc and selenium) for the three months leading up to conception. Doctors say this will help with the development of sperm, who take 90 days before they are ready and raring to go.
Start taking your supplimenets today if you're looking to increase your sperm count.
3 Fat Chance
Sorry to say, but being overweight is not only a major health issue but a fertility issue. Several studies have found that women who were obese had more trouble getting pregnant than a woman of standard weight. Being too thin is also bad.
But far from being sexist, a weight problem also affects male fertility. Overweight men apparently can have lowered sperm counts or ‘poor quality’ sperm.
Are they truly poor quality? Or were they just raised that way and don’t know any better? Just give them a chance to prove themselves.
2 Baby Makes Four?
Ha! This old wives tale sounds ridiculous on the surface. However, like all good myths, there’s a seed of logic and truth in it. This one emerges from the theory that a mother who adopts a child and has a child around becomes ‘naturally’ more fertile. Something about that baby (Baby essence? Baby juju?) gets her body all worked up and makes her more motherly. It’s simple science, as they say.
Simple indeed. No there’s no evidence for this theory. Yet, it does have a certain laughable irony to it that makes it fun to recount at cocktail parties.Hey, did you hear what happened to the Jones family? Yeah! Hilarious.
1 Breast Not
Breast-feeding will suppress ovulation and the menstrual cycle. It’s like the body has concluded that it can feed one kid, but probably shouldn’t bring in a second one right away. So if you must have another baby right now no matter what, then stop breast-feeding.
On the flip side, breast-feeding can be a bit risky as a contraceptive. Apparently, some research has concluded you need to breast-feed six to eight times a day to be on the safe side when it comes to ovulation. And don’t let that baby sleep through the night. You got to feed that baby at all hours.
Wow. I thought contraceptives were supposed to help you sleep better at night?
With all these myths flying around conception, just remember what's important.
- - Relax and let it happen.
- - As with everything in life, moderation is key. Whether it's alcohol, love making, or hot tubbing.
- - And be healthy. It's that simple. Don't eat McDonalds every day and you'll have a baby in no time.