I honestly didn’t really give it much – if any – thought. I’ve had two kids, and during neither of my two pregnancies did I worry about intimacy after childbirth.
I think it’s because I have a way of sort of trusting that nature works things out. And also, once I decided that I wanted children, that was what was important to me – enjoying my pregnancies and bringing my babies safely and beautifully into the world. I knew my husband and I would navigate the road ahead successfully with great care and love, as we do with all things we do together.
But maybe I’m unique in my lack of worry. Plenty of women who use Whisper to confess their inner secrets owned up to worrying quite a bit about how intimacy would be after having a baby – or if they’d even be having it at all.
No one could blame you for being curious, anyway, or worrying a bit about how things might change.
For some women, things get better than ever. For others, intercourse is painful at first, and for others still, the pain persists even months after the baby is born.
Some have caring and patient partners – and others… not so much, it seems.
Have questions or concerns about sex after baby? Talk to your doctor. And if you’re curious to read the Whisper confessions of women doing it for the first time after giving birth, here are 18.
18 Massive D-Bag
Oh, no! It’s awful enough that this poor woman felt so scared, even terrified, about being intimate with her boyfriend after having a baby. And then to expect yourself to feel ready to go as usual and then not be – that’s pretty rough, too. But what really bothers us about this is that her boyfriend was “mad” that she didn’t find herself in the mood. Way to be sensitive, bro.
Maybe he sees her lack of readiness as something personal, like she’s not turned on by him. In reality, though, some women just need time. The body needs to feel ready. The mind needs to feel ready. There are hormonal changes at play, and additional hormones during breastfeeding.
The very worst part is that this confessor now thinks that something is wrong with her.
17 Forced After Three Days
We should never be reading the word “forced” in the same sentence with the word “sex.” That is not okay. It doesn’t matter if a couple is married or not. It should always be consensual, with both partners wanting to engage in the act.
We can only hope that the use of the word “force” was an exaggeration to some extent… but clearly this woman was not ready! Plus, the answer to the question she poses here is no! Most doctors will tell their patients that intercourse should wait until weeks later. Following an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, women often go in to see the OB for a postpartum checkup. If all is healed and back to normal, the doctor will give a new mom the OK and discuss birth control options with her.
16 Something Else In There
So, are you familiar with the term this confessor is talking about? I’d rather not type the word myself here, but I’ll try to explain to you ever so delicately what it is. Well, when someone passes gas, a sound is emitted from the bottom as the air escapes, right?
Well when air is pushed out of a woman’s private parts, it’s sometimes referred to as the term in question.
And yes, it’s true, some women do experience this phenomenon after giving birth. It’s all related to the passage of air. I guess where there’s space, there’s airflow…
How glorious that this woman says that she and her partner would laugh about it!
That’s probably the type of person it’s great to be intimate with – someone with whom there’s nothing too embarrassing, nothing taboo.
15 The Backdoor Approach
Okay, so this one gets a bit graphic. But it hits on a valuable point, we think. There are other ways couples find to be intimate. If it’s been a while since you and your partner have tried anything other than the more traditional approach, perhaps it’s a good time to get creative. And we’re not even trying to be gross or anything, because besides the methods of intimacy you may recall from your teenage years (hand stuff, etc.), there’s also cuddling. There’s massage. There’s… anything you can imagine that you are both currently comfortable with (and have clearance from your doc to do at this stage of your recovery).
So there you have it.
Seems like this gal was pretty stoked on her decision, even if it’s not exactly a choice that would be right for everyone.
14 The Doctor Was Wrong About...
This person seems to think they are quite an authority on the subject. Based on their spelling and grammar alone, though, we’re going to go ahead and assume that they didn’t exactly go to medical school, that they are not a doctor, and that they are therefore definitely not qualified to be telling others that it’s okay to be physically intimate prior to six weeks postpartum if you are “gentle.” Ridiculous.
A woman’s doctor will be the one to listen to as far as when it’s okay – or not – to resume intimacy after giving birth to a baby.
But there’s another element to this confession, too, one that should not be overlooked. This confessor did find the first time after having a baby “amazing.” Some women do feel back to normal – or even better – in the bedroom quite quickly after giving birth.
13 It Doesn't Just Go Away
This lucky gal claims that doing it six weeks after giving birth is just great, “amazing” in fact! And the fact that she did it again for the first time at six weeks postpartum means that she probably went ahead with it just as soon as her doctor gave her the green light. (It is often at six weeks that the postpartum checkup is scheduled and a physical exam is performed.)
It’s after the fact that wasn’t quite the same, when this particular individual says she realized she was still sore.
Well I can tell you that many, many women really do report that being physical is just great postpartum, if not quite the first few times than certainly in the months to come. Some report it being better than ever!
12 Was It Better Then Before?
This excited confessor used not one, not two, but – count ’em — three exclamation points, people. It seems some new mamas are almost counting down the days until they are cleared to get intimate again. And it makes sense!
Let’s say a couple does the deed at least once or twice a week normally. Then, according to other Whisper confessions we came across while researching for this article, some women decide to put the lovin’ on hold until after the baby is born (we’re talking seven or months of pregnancy dry spell in some cases). So it’s not always just six weeks that they (and their partners) are waiting to get back in the saddle.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder!
And hey, maybe you could look at it sort of like the excitement of your first night together all over again!
11 A Stupid Mistake?
Okay, first of all, three weeks? Really? Did you have your doctor’s clearance for that? It’s just that everything we’ve read and been told by our own doctors and nurses points to the fact that six weeks is generally the magic timespan at which a doctor will do an exam (after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery… It’s sometimes longer for a C-section) and give a gal the go-ahead.
And now let’s talk about the second sentence of this little confession: She says he pulled out (this generally means that the man makes his exit before ejaculating), but that she’s still nervous. I don’t know what your interpretation is, but it seems to us that she’s nervous that she might get pregnant again, probably because they didn’t use any form of birth control.
Pulling out is not an effective method to prevent pregnancy, and you can still get pregnant in the postpartum period before the return of your period (and while breastfeeding).
10 Don't Overthink It
There’s a hashtag for ya! This confessor joyfully (yet anonymously) spreads the word across the farthest reaches of the Internet that -- you heard it -- 'it' was great. In the words of Larry David, “good fer you!”
What’s notable in this little tidbit is that the new mama felt relieved. This gets back to the worry we mentioned some women experiencing. They can overthink it, feel nervous about how it will go and whether or not they’ll really be ready, and then sometimes it all goes just fine. Hey, sometimes, as we’ve seen from many confessors here today, it even goes just swell!
Isn’t the human body amazing? It can produce a child one week and be back in fighting form six later. There are surely some good lessons to be learned here.
9 Rough Rider
We felt the need to throw in one or two confessions from the other side of the partnership (aka the dude). This one just happens to be particularly crude and crass.
Apparently they’ve discussed the subject at enough length that he sees the occurrence as a given on this particular night. Let’s just say he sounds, um, excited.
There are a few different, ahem, angles from which to approach this one. One might be that he is just being an excited husband, incredibly eager for the chance to be intimate with his wife again after a long wait.
The other, though, is that he’s sorta saying right here that he’s not going to abide by her wishes to take it a bit easy. Aside from that being quite possibly wrong and gross, it also might sort of lessen his chances of getting to do it again any time soon, don’t you think?
8 Loose As A Goose
Let’s just come right out and say that the “it” in question is the vagina. There, we got that over with.
Some women do report feeling like things are a bit more spacious down there for a while after a baby has made its grand and beautiful exit. Other Whisperers have even confessed that their partners no longer feel quite as large.
It’s basically another way of approaching the same topic. And we’ll answer this little lady’s question right here and right now: Yes, probably. Exercises called Kegels can help a gal to regain her, um, tone down there. Many women choose to practice these exercises during pregnancy as well as after to keep things feeling tight.
Though things may never feel exactly the same as before childbirth, chances are that they will get closer to it.
7 Too Good To Be True?
This one, we are quite delighted to tell assure you, is NOT too good to be true. It’s wonderfully, gloriously true for many a lass that doing the deed is even better following the birth of a child. Some even report that it has gotten better after each subsequent child! How about that?
She says it feels “so much better,” and who wouldn’t enjoy that? I’d venture that there could be a wide variety of factors at play for the lucky ladies who experience more enjoyable intimacy following the birth of a child. First, there are hormonal changes. Additionally, there’s the unprecedented closeness with your partner – you are now united by the commonality of having brought a child into the world, as well as the common goal of raising it together, in many cases.
And then there’s also just that things may have shifted and changed a bit down there, which may – just may – make it easy for that G-spot to be stimulated.
6 Pain’s The Name Of The Game
Yeah, actually, we do have a suggestion for you, buddy. In including just a few Whispers from the male side of the partnership, we chose this one because it allows us to venture that (while the best person to go to for advice on all things health is the doctor) you might just want to give it some more time.
Two months isn’t that long! Many women aren’t even cleared to do the deed (by their doctors) until about six weeks or more after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery.
And you know what? There’s another suggestion, as well: lube.
It had to be said. Many women experience vaginal dryness (which could certainly cause significant discomfort during intercourse, if not at least less pleasure) during breastfeeding. It’s all those hormones at play again.
5 There's Another Way...
Here’s a happy lad. And good on him for holding off on going all the way until getting that all-important okay from the doctor at around six weeks.
He leaves you, readers, to imagine what exactly he means by “sex,” then… but we really don’t need to know all of those details, do we?
All we know is that one month after childbirth, both the husband and the wife were able to find satisfaction together. We don’t really know whether or not they had the okay for that from their doctor, but we do know that plenty of women achieve orgasm at some point prior to the six-week-postpartum mark.
Judging from the super cool emoticon of a smiley wearing shades, this guy is pretty satisfied with himself. Is the little bunny a reference to doing it like rabbits??
4 The Myth Is True
See, look how many of these are quite positive! Isn’t that nice. Maybe some of you out there are pregnant and reading this and feeling a bit reassured. Knowledge is power, and we know from experience that when you are pregnant, everything can seem a bit uncertain. It’s impossible to know exactly what to expect if you’ve just never done it before.
Everyone’s experience is different, but clearly there should be room for hope that all will be just dandy that first post-baby time.
And you have to love how many times women aren’t just saying that it was okay or not bad the first time they coupled up after delivery – nope, they often actually proudly proclaim that things are better than ever! Yay for them! Guess it’s one more perk of the job.
3 Going Through The Motions
Here’s a strange one we couldn’t resist throwing into the mix. We’ve heard of gals sharing that it was just fine, telling tales of it being better than ever before, and also of things not feeling quite like they did before. And here, we have this little confession.
Unlike others featured in this list, she wasn’t excited at all to get it on after becoming a mom. She claims that she doesn’t even love the guy anymore! Ouch. And so why are they still together?
He thinks he’s repairing the relationship by starting up again with intimacy. She thinks she’s just getting him to keep quiet. It’s all a bit confusing and strange, if you ask us.
But we include this because the reality is that not all couples that have babies are in loving and committed relationships. Not all of them stay together and parent their child behind a white picket fence. #RealTalk
2 The Emojis Say It All
A success story! Hooray! Those are always nice to hear. This confessor says she has “FINALLY” did it again after healing from having a baby. This lets us know that she has waited until she has healed. What’s not clear is whether she waited until a 6-week postpartum appointment at which her doctor gave her the go-ahead or if she waited even longer, until she felt ready to do it again.
Well whatever she did seems to have worked for her. The heart and hand symbol emojis let us know that all was well.
There seems to be a great sense of relief to have finally been able to be intimate again.
So there you have it! Though this list will include some unfortunate tales, it’s not always like that!
1 Never Going Back
Let us end on a high note, curious readers. This confession hits on something that is actually much more common than you might think. Some women are able to achieve the Big O more easily and more frequently after the birth of a child. (Expectant mothers everywhere begin to cheer…)
Sadly, some gals walking this earth don’t count on having orgasms each and every time. Some of them have NEVER BEFORE experienced one. (Women everywhere gasp…)
So for these ladies, experiencing childbirth and its aftermath can be a happy step in the journey of their sexuality.
This particular individual seems to imply that she didn’t always hit that high note before, whereas following the birth of the baby, she does every time.
If you have any questions or concerns about your sexual health or health in general, please do consult with a professional. But we hope you’ve enjoyed what these anonymous confessors have shared with you today.