Dads are no longer secondary parents. For centuries, moms have stayed home and taken care of the kids, but the parenting landscape has tremendously changed in just a couple of decades.
Fathers are now more involved than ever, but with this change also comes a whole slew of new challenges. An increasing number of moms are dropping the parenting ball, while more dads are around to pick it up and take over. If we were to believe everything the media has fed us to believe, then we might think that dads aren’t capable of being as good parents as mothers because they don't inherently possess the same "maternal instinct". But the fact of the matter is that fathers have their own fatherly instinct that enables them to be amazing parents when they want to be.
All 19 of these confessions showcase the struggles that many modern fathers have to go through, with everything from having to survive with the children after the mother has abandoned the family, all the way to infidelity and daily unhappiness. In almost all of them, the moms have dropped the ball, but the fathers are still commendably trucking on, no matter how hard it is.
19 Co-Parenting Troubles
While we don’t exactly feel sorry for his initial complaint, we do feel sorry for the second. Although it’s hard to see because of the writing, the outfit doesn’t look too bad. Kids have certainly gone to school in more inappropriate outfits than that.
The fact that she apparently “steals” all her his things for her is a bigger issue. The only obvious explanation is that all the clothes and shoes that he buys his daughter, the ex-wife then never sends her daughter back with those same clothes. At the same time though, does it even matter if the daughter still gets to wear those clothes while at her mom’s? Still, trying to co-parent in the middle of an obvious warzone does make us feel sorry for all three of them.
18 Just The Beginning
Speaking of warzones, here’s a heartbreaking one. Although the deployment length of time varies but there is a good chance that he should be back within 12-18 months.
Despite his gut feeling on this third one, it still won’t be clear skies once he’s back. Their baby will already be about a year or older by then and it will take a bit of time to get the bonding process going. Not only that, but it’s also not uncommon for military families to move ten times more than a civilian family. The trauma and PTSD that he is likely to come back with is also sure to play a huge role on his family life and familial life. The impact of deployment on families extends way further than just not being there for the birth of his child. Technically speaking, that is where the heartbreak begins.
17 Triple The Agony
Not only did his wife cheat on him, but she also got pregnant and left him for the other man. Ouch! As crazy as it sounds, such a situation isn’t exactly unheard of and happens way more than we actually hear about. Despite being easy to miss, there is one detail that stands out. He writes that she only took the baby to “meet the man” once she had it.
The wording implies that he may have forgiven her for the infidelity and agreed to raise the child as his own, only to have her leave anyway. It’s not entirely impossible and it definitely sounds like that may have happened, making this situation even sadder for the husband in question. It might even be possible that he may have been happy-ish at the news as a result of having experienced infertility in the past.
16 Commendable & Sad
As bad as this one may be, it’s still the reality of many parents around the world, both moms and dads alike. The advice of fellow Whisper user Rachel was spot on: "Just take care of you and your kids. You keep doing the right thing and life will start looking up for you."
There really isn’t much more to do, but depending on how bad the mom’s addiction is (and it sounds pretty bad), the dad may want to file for full custody. It’s certainly not a decision to be taken lightly, but at some point, changes need to be made in the spirit of the children’s’ well-being. The thought is probably a daunting one for the dad though, who may be wondering if he would be able to survive on his own with three kids to care for, but ultimately, we all just do the best we can.
15 Unimaginable Pain
Depression is a terrible beast and this story is absolutely gut-wrenching. There are no words that can describe the amount of pain that this husband would have gone through, especially with kids in tow. To all of a sudden wake up and find your wife gone and unreachable is unimaginable.
The fact that he says that she left without signing the paper does make it seem as though they may have been in the process of getting a divorce, which may have aggravated her depression. We don’t have any way of knowing what she may have written in her e-mail, but one thing for certain, there was likely nothing he could do to prevent it. The warning signs aren’t always there and although he undoubtedly blames himself, he probably did the best he could.
14 Money Doesn't Equal Happiness
Here’s a confession on the other end of the addiction spectrum. In a previous confession, the father deplored the fact that his wife is addicted to drugs. In this one, a different father describes how despite overcoming his addiction, he now has more than enough money, but his wife is still leaving him.
The fact that he apparently speaks seven languages does make us wonder about the truthfulness behind this confession, but even if that part isn’t entirely truth, the rest is definitely believable as money doesn’t exactly buy happiness. He obviously wouldn’t say why his wife is leaving him, but it’s still a sad situation given the amount of obstacles he would have overcome to get to the point where he is now. Quitting drugs and turning his life around wouldn’t have been easy, especially with kids in his life.
13 To Be Expected
As terrible as it is to say it, a situation like this is to be expected. Social media channel and online forums are littered with stories about a partner cheating, while the other was deployed. Even worse is that it happens even more often, but just isn’t talked about, turning instead into a secret that the wife keeps forever. Despite this unspoken fact about the military family life, it’s still hard not to sympathize with a story like this one. Not only did he serve his country, risking his life for however many months (or maybe even years), but he had to find out about her infidelity through the worst way possible: an STD. The bigger question is whether he found out because she copped to having it or because she transmitted it to him.
Fellow Whisper user Danny sympathized: "Sorry man. Dump her and take the kid. Best wishes. Thank you for your sacrifice."
12 Common Complaint
This one is probably the #1 complaint from husbands and boyfriends across the world. The life in the sack is rarely the same after having a baby and rightfully so! Not only can it be difficult to find the time for a quickie while an itty-bitty baby is crying for a bottle, but it takes time for a woman to bounce back after the pregnancy. Some don’t bounce back until over a year later!
Danica’s suggestion is definitely a step in the right direction: "Do something to make yourself desirable." Meanwhile, Annie wrote: "That's a lot on a woman's body. Making love is often painful for a while after. You need to stop thinking of only yourself and think about her too."
Ryan replied: "That's a lot on a woman's body. Making love is often painful for a while after. You need to stop thinking of only yourself and think about her too."
11 Single Parent Problems
As much as we envision parenting being a two-parent job, it simply isn’t always. Most parents aren’t properly equipped to handle the demands of being a parent. On the bright side, at least this dad has fully taken on the task. It’s never easy when the other parent isn’t fit, but it would be interesting to know the reason behind her inability to be a mom.
We have been so accustomed to seeing fathers as secondary parents, but the fact of the matter is that every year, an increasing number of dads are stepping up to the plate. As much as it used to be that dads went to works and moms stayed home, the parenting landscape is definitely changing for the better. While this confession is disheartening, it is also heart-warming at the same time since he is there 100% for his daughter.
10 Time For A Change
As hard as it may be to leave, it sounds like that may be his only option. By being silent, he’s only making the situation worse for both himself and those around him. If he’s not happy, then there is no point in staying in a loveless marriage. This one definitely makes us feel sorry for the dad though since he is only staying for his five month old daughter.
Rather than being silent, he might want to try suggesting counseling or any other solutions. A new baby in the household has the power to disrupt everything and if the wife is making him miserable, then there is a good chance that she is simply feeling overwhelmed by having to take care of a little baby 24/7.
9 More Options Than He Thinks
Sounds like this husband too needs to speak up! He wishes he had more life choices in life, but without realizing, he actually does. He’s staying in the unhappy situation because he doesn’t want to miss his kids, but at the same time, leaving or staying aren’t the only options. Counseling or simply talking to his wife could help to resolve some of the issues, especially since he says they’re small in nature.
The nagging is another common complaint, but even that one could potentially be solved by implementing a different routine. Although he doesn’t mention what the nagging is about, there is a good chance that the wife feels that she does everything by herself. It would probably help to develop a clearer division of tasks to ensure that no one feels overwhelmed.
8 Actions Speak Louder Than Words
While some may be quick to give this dad flack, the fact remains that taking on the responsibility of caring for three kids that aren’t yours is incredibly hard. He’s probably just going through some issues right now and as much as he wrote that he “absolutely [hates] being a stepdad”, the situation probably isn’t as grim as it sounds.
After all, there is something to be said about how despite his feelings, he hasn’t left and is still toughing it out. If he hates the situation so much, he can leave. Otherwise, the fact that he is still choosing to stay does speak volumes. Every parent and step-parent goes through hurdles with the kids and as tough as it may be now, it’s almost for certain that it will get better.
7 Hardest Job In The World
Every single parent can easily relate to this confession. Taking caring of kids is one of the hardest jobs in the world that no one can understand until they have gone through it. As a single parent especially, he would definitely be feeling the challenges even more, especially if the mom isn’t in the picture at all.
Just because he says he is a single dad doesn’t mean he has sole custody, but it is a possibility. Whether he has sole custody or not, it’s still important that he finds time for himself to mentally decompress. Life can’t all be about the kids all the time. Just a couple of hours per week at the gym or any other activity can make a world of a difference in his happiness.
6 When Finances Are Tight
Speaking of parenting being hard, it is even harder when finances are uncertain. This one especially is sure to tug on the heartstrings of most as it’s a situation that no one would want to find themselves in. As it is with most stories posted on the web, another Whisper user actually did some more digging and replied: "Just a presumption from your username and nothing against mj, but maybe cut back a bit and you'd have your stuff together a bit more?"
Wow! If that’s true, then he should definitely consider kicking the habit as it’s one that can easily rack up a couple hundred in expenses every month. At the same time, we can’t make the assumption just based off the username and it’s quite possible that it isn’t even an issue.
5 Solutions Are Everywhere
Depression isn’t a choice, but getting help definitely is. As bleak as his life might seem, there is always a solution. Talking to someone would be the number one recommendation, but even antidepressants and a number of other solutions could all help him. There is no one size fits all solutions though and he would need to actually want to get better. Depression hurts, but luckily, the solutions are endless.
First thing is first, if he hates his job, then he should definitely look into switching employers. It may seem overwhelming to change jobs when bills need to get paid, but even taking classes on the side or looking for another job while staying at this one could all be solutions. With three kids, it might be difficult to find time to get enough sleep, but even that could make a huge difference.
4 Easily Relatable
On top of the romantic life taking a break post-pregnancy as another confession lamented, it can also take a break during pregnancy and it’s totally normal. As hard as it can be for the husband, the fact remains that not all women experience a surge of desire. For some, pregnancy has the opposite effect and it’s just a matter of waiting it out.
The same can even be said for husbands who aren’t attracted to their wives during pregnancy – it happens! Relationships all have their dry spells and it’s totally normal. With that being said, we can still all related to this poor husband. It’s a difficult period but hopefully one that won’t last that much longer. Some women merely experience a short dry spell, only to feel a revival.
3 Crowded Household
There’s no way around it: kids are loud. They relentlessly talk, scream, hum and sing! The chaos can be incredibly hard for a usually quieter person by nature to get used to and some simply never do. It’s completely normal, but it’s also a matter of setting up a better routine. Making sure to get some much deserved me-time and going out with friends can all help, but even reading a book or taking a bath alone with headphones can all help.
Most parents usually look forward to bedtime and even that is a time that should be taken advantage of for some much needed quiet time. Prioritizing sleep is also highly important, but so is his first complaint. As hard as it may be, preserving the relationship is equally as important as well.
2 Missing Information
The fact of the matter is that no one is stuck in their situations. This confession is definitely all over the place because despite living a seemingly good life, he hates his wife. Yet at the same time, he is grateful to her for having the family life be the way it is.
As Gerard pointed out: "How can you call hating your partner and spouse a good life? You are destined for worse things than dissatisfaction with that attitude."
Mandy replied: "Tell enough lies to yourself and you're bound to believe them. You don't 'have' to do anything, you just think you do."
Both replies are spot-on, especially since as much as we can sympathize with his feelings of dissatisfaction, there is still the grander issue of how he’s not exactly doing anything about it. The only reasonable explanation is that there must be another factor that he didn't mention. Why does he hate his wife, despite living a good life? Did he cheat?
1 Turning Into A Scrooge
As much as it’s possible that she took the kid with her, the wording of this one definitely suggests that the wife abandoned both the husband and the kid. As much as it’s a bit of a taboo subject, it does happen that mothers leave out of the blue. Depression and a slew of other factors can all play a part in the decision, but let’s just hope that this one doesn’t turn into a similar story to the other one where the dad randomly got an e-mail from the wife three years later.
His hate for the holidays is positively understandable as her leaving would have thrown everything into chaos. More importantly, he needs to pull himself together for all future holidays and ensure that they are good memories for his child.
Mariah encouragingly wrote: "It wasn't meant to be with her. It was meant to make you and your family stronger."