When it comes to delivering a baby, things can happen pretty quickly and be pretty unexpectedly, especially for first-time moms. The end result is obviously supposed to be a baby, but what can happen leading up to that can be quite a surprise for some.
While most delivery room nurses and doctors will admittedly say they've pretty much seen it all, even moms with a few children can still get thrown the occasional curveball during delivery. Honestly, when it comes down to it, things can get kind of awkward in the delivery room. Whether one chalks it up to the range of emotions the mom to be is experiencing or just the pure excitement about welcoming a newborn baby, both mom and dad can act a little unlike themselves when it's time to finally have the baby.
So, let's face facts and put it all out into the open: some pretty weird things can happen behind those delivery room doors. For those new moms wondering what delivery is really like, or those veteran moms who just want to vent about what no one warned them about, read on for 20 crazy awkward delivery situations that doctors don't warn mom about.
20 When Nature Calls
All that pushing and pushing is bound to have some results, and aside from pushing out the baby, some moms have regrettably gone number two while giving birth. As gross as it sounds, it's actually pretty normal. Doctors tend not to tell moms about this more harrowing feature about giving birth, mostly because it happens pretty often. It even happened to mom blogger Rita Templeton, but she said it actually wasn't that bad. "My nightmare had come true … but only part of it. Because there was no laughter. There were no expressions of revulsion. Nobody even thought twice about it. In fact, I wasn’t completely sure I had pooped until my husband graciously confirmed it."
19 Sorry About Those Shoes...
If you feel you are laboring but your pesky water just won't break, you may head to the hospital anyway. If this happens to be you, try not to stand directly above anyone's shoes, because for several mothers, including Miranda from one of my favorite series, breaking water on someone's shoes is a pretty common occurrence. If a nurse wants to help you out of bed while laboring, kindly ask her to stand to the side, it's the only way to preserve her shoes in the event that your water breaks. If this does happen to you it can be really awkward and your apologies will surely be drowned out by the growling.
18 Human Whoopie Cushion
So, you may pass gas... And we mean a lot of gas. It may come out in one long stream or trumpet in a few short but frequent bursts. Which can be pretty awkward, especially if you mix in the trumpet sounds in with the growling and not so nice words that can happen. Your doctors may not have told you about this, but it is totally normal, and is only one day and will be a very isolated instance, hopefully. After that, you should be able to go back to silent gas as per the usual. Smile, mom, at the end of it all you get a baby.
17 Catch! It's A Baby!
I heard that one can actually negotiate this element into the birth plan or discuss this with doctors and nurses beforehand. Although, for many mothers, things happen so quickly that one never gets around to requesting that the doctors don't toss the baby fresh out the womb onto mom. No one warns you that you'll have to play catch — it's a baby! It seems almost barbaric to just toss a baby after it comes out of one's body. Though many mothers are awestruck by the human they just spent so many hours working to bring into the world, surely they are less disturbed by all the bits that surround their little bundle of joy.
16 The Things Said During Labor Aren't The Sweetest
Almost every romantic comedy featuring a birth scene shows a woman in labor yelling out some things you just can not take back. Only to exclaim how much she loves her partner once the baby is finally out. That can be pretty awkward, especially in real life. We suggest getting out any greasy laundry before your little one's birth, because during labor, who knows what will come out, and there will be witnesses. So mom to avoid a super awkward moment in the delivery room, maybe write in a diary, talk to your partner, or advise your doctors to just tune you out beforehand.
15 Chattering Teeth
For mother Barbie A., labor pushed her to the verge of actually shaking. "Your teeth will chatter," she told me when I asked her what to expect in labor. It can be pretty awkward to have your teeth just start chattering out of nowhere, but hey, whatever works to keep the labor progressing.
According to Parents.com, about half of women in labor speak of feeling cold, shivering and having their teeth chatter, even though their body temperature is actually higher than normal. Go figure, right? So mom, this is just a little heads up from us to you, perhaps ask for extra blankets beforehand, just in case.
14 Toss One's Lunch
So, this one is not so attractive, and is usually a result of any pain meds mom can take. You may toss your lunch. Yeah we know, the doc probably didn't tell you about that... The thing is, you never really know how your body will react to any pills unless you have taken it before. Not to worry mom, this is a pretty normal thing that happens so sure enough the nurses and doctors on call that day will have seen at least one other mom do the same thing. That's one of the reasons doctors prefer moms don't eat during active labor or before.
13 She's So Cute... I Think?
Arguably the most awkward item on this list is the look on moms face if she does not find her baby super cute at first. Especially if the doctors try to make her play catch and throw the baby onto moms chest just after delivery. The thing is, it's normal. I have heard the story of my birth over and over, my dad exclaimed that my head was cone-shaped from the birth canal, no less, and everyone in the room except my mother laughed. It happens! Doctors won't tell you, but you just may not find your little one adorable at first. Give it time though, Mom; he or she will grow on you.
12 Not All Remedies Are Done Orally
There are a lot of meds that get administered during delivery and rarely are they given the oral route. Aside from those pesky IV drips, giving medicine in mom's behind is actually kind of the norm during labor and delivery. This method of delivering medicine is very common, especially if moms have to get an episiotomy during delivery. It basically just numbs the area, according to the National Institutes of Health. So although it can be a bit awkward to receive, mom will be really relieved to get it at all. Ask your doctor about this if you are concerned.
11 Discuss Who's Cutting The Cord Prior To Delivery
Again, this can often be worked into one's birth plan once parents decide who they would like to cut the cord, but many parents just figure the doctors will do it. The thing is, it kind of puts dad on the spot if the doctor asks, "Okay, who wants to cut the cord?"' And if no one says anything, talk about awkward. I suppose there is no wrong way to cut it, but my partner was afraid he would somehow mess it up and our son would have an awkward belly button for life and it would be all his fault.
10 Nurses Rotation
Why doesn't anyone tell us moms about the number of nurses that come in to check and probe during labor and delivery? Why does one nurse draw liquid, one gives results, one checks the position of the baby, one gives the ultrasound, one hooks you up to the monitor, and one checks your cervix? Why!? Talk about all hands on deck!
Before you go into labor, no one tells you just how awkward it will be to have everyone, quite literally, up in your business. Luckily when the contractions get closer together and things start to progress you care less and less who is around.
9 Open And On Display
Oh yes, did they mention the after birth? Not many doctors do. You would be surprised how many moms go into labor thinking "okay we get this baby out and then we can rest..." Not so much. After you deliver, you still have to sit there for a while with your legs wide open after. Meaning you will still be on display after some of the adrenaline wears off and you come back to your senses – talk about awkward. But if it makes you feel better, the afterbirth is much easier compared to pushing out a baby; it typically doesn't take that long, and by that point, the people in the room have already seen it all.
8 Open Back Gowns Are Not In Season
What woman does not like a little peek a boo open back gown? They reveal just enough while still being elegant. Unfortunately, if you are scheduled for a C-section, many doctors will make you walk from your room to the operating room with the open back hospital gown. And no, these gowns are never in season, they are not even in style. The gowns provide easy access to your spine, which is necessary to give a spinal block to ease any discomfort for the mother during surgery. Still, no one tells you that you'll have to go full monty to have your baby.
7 Undie Free Is The Way To Be
Oh, yeah, we forgot to mention that the open back gown you'll be wearing for the C-section, you can't have on any underwear either. Little weird, right? I mean one would think since the incision is just below your belly you could at least cover up downstairs, but nope. C-sections—just like traditional birth—requires mom to lay down with no undies on. At least we told you first. Although it will be admittedly awkward to stroll down the hallway open back with your back actually out, as we mentioned before, these docs have pretty much seen it all. So, momma, since you've got it, flaunt it!
6 Stretch Marks Are Bound To Happen
We have all heard about stretch marks. We all know they are, for most women, just another part of pregnancy, but what doctors don't tell you is just how much those stretch marks will be on display in the delivery room, or that those stretch marks can appear in more places and be visible for all to see, in other places aside from just one's belly.
During pregnancy one's entire body expands, legs, arms, sides, hips, everything prepares for a baby. If your skin is a little less supple than a rubber band, you may develop slight tears called stretch marks, and when laboring you will contort yourself into whatever position possible to try to "comfortably" deliver your baby.
5 Doctors Check: Number One
Toward the end of mom's pregnancy, the prenatal checkups go from once every other week to about every week to almost daily if she goes over her due date. Typically, these visits are pretty noninvasive, and the number of times one needs to be seen so the doctors can tell how well their pregnancy is progressing is still not really enough to prepare you for the number of doctors that check you. It is so awkward having that many doctors and nurses, check on you. It kind of seems like anyone who has a glove on can check your cervix to see how dilated you are when you're laboring.
4 Doctors Check: Number Two
After delivery, no one tells you how many rounds doctors will be making to make sure your stitches are healing correctly. Oh yeah, that's a thing, too, stitches. Yup, even if you don't get a C-section. According to Live Science, about 14 percent of women have to get episiotomies, which is basically just a cut doctors make to make birth a bit easier, and then you'll need stitches. It can be kind of awkward to have already delivered and think your private business will be private again only to have a few medical staffers come in to check that area all over again. Several. Times. Per. Day.
You heard it here first, mom.
3 Doctors Check: Number Three
Once you start to heal a bit, think day two, now the doctor's checks will be more handsy than just visual like they were before. Before they would just take a look because mom is typically still sore having just given birth and all, but once things are feeling a bit better, doctors will check your incision scar and areas to make sure it’s not infected. And they will use their hands... Luckily for you, mom, you're a trooper and you will be so in love with your new little human you won't even have much time to pay attention to anything else but that adorable little newborn face.
2 Dad Being Your Biggest Cheerleader
"'Uh, dad, calm down,' the doctor actually had to say this to my husband because he was cheering me on so loudly in the birthing suite," says the mother of two Janette C.
Having dad cheer mom on can be really nice, and for some, it really brings it all together. On the other hand, it can be really awkward to have dad be so excited while mom feels like half her body is being manhandled. Let's keep the cheering positive, dads, but just try not to overdo it. It's true that no one can plan how one will react in that situation until it actually happens, but, just so you know mom, it's a possibility.
1 The Real Momma Bear
Surely you've heard the expression "momma bear" before. Most people think it's because moms protect their children with a fierceness that resembles that of an actual mother bear, but the delivery room will make you question otherwise.
The sounds you will make while laboring, namely the growling and grunting sounds, that also resemble a bear, can make you feel pretty awkward when it's all over. You'd be surprised how loud you can get. Some women, like the Amish, make no sound at all. But for most of us moms, it helps to let out a few sounds. So sit back, relax and try not to watch too many nature docs before labor.