Parenting is hard. Like, really hard. We start our new roles out with almost no sleep and have to feed, change, and burp this tiny defenseless human being around the clock. It takes a lot of patience, supervision, and a big sense of humor because the things kids do and say are just...WOW. Sometimes, all it takes is a turned back for kids to do something seemingly innocent, that is (unbeknownst to them) gross or dangerous, and earns these moms a giant MOM FAIL award.
It's okay to have a mom fail or two under our belt, because we are all just learning as we go, and no matter how many books we read or seminars we attend, we all wind up flat on our backs with race bars vrooming over our legs and Barbie dolls set on our stomachs while our kids giggle and play as we close our eyes for a 20 second power nap to get through our busy days (and lives).
Mom fails aren't always about the dangerous or tiring parts though and can be more focused on the funny things our toddler and preschoolers say or do.
They are brutally honest and forthright with just about everything, which makes their actions and words that much more adorable, especially while they are trying to be serious.
20 Balloon Animals, Anyone?
Okay, we all have them - that pack of rubbers in the side drawer we pull out for a good time with the hubs. At least, you need to have them if you aren't relying on birth control pills or shots to keep your womb free and clear if you know what we're getting at.
This mom didn't seem to think that her 6-year-old would find them, open them, and then successfully blow one up to use as a balloon - but they did! While this is most certainly a mommy fail at its finest, the feat of blowing up a condom is a feat in itself, especially for a teeny tiny mouth! We aren't sure if her little one is a boy or a girl, but this sounds like a funny memory that this mom can use to embarrass them with later!
19 I Do Everything But It Isn't Enough
This is pretty sad to read - no one enjoys failing. But there's something both incredibly inspiring and heartbreaking about a single mother struggling to give her kids the best life she can while refusing to rely on anyone else's help or support.
This is one mom we'd love to give a big squeeze, a huge pat on the back, and maybe a spa certificate! Having four kids is a huge responsibility in itself, but to be doing it as a single parent is worthy of a gold medal and a 10 year advance on her retirement. If only that was possible!
We hope this mom knows she is not alone! Kudos to all those single moms out there that are pushing through each day to do what's best for their little ones, as stressful and chaotic as it may seem. You are not failing!
18 My 4-Year-Old's First Shave...
Uh-oh! This mommy fail reminds us of the movie Jumanji (the original) when Alan Parrish (Robin Williams) attempts to shave his jungle beard for the first time in several years and ends up with a bunch of toilet paper stuck to his face from all the cuts!
The only difference here is that instead of a 30-something man hacking off his beard, this adventurous little 4-year-old decided to shave his face with mommy's razor instead of scrubbing behind his ears. Why this little guy was in the shower unattended where razors were present is a mystery to us, but we're sure this mom learned her lesson! Hopefully, she'll keep the razors up and away (or at least keep her eyes on her little guy) when it comes time for a shower from now on.
17 Glitter Nail Polish For Everyone!
Oh, buddy...glitter nail polish. We all love it, especially when the holidays come around. What goes better with that red Christmas sweater than some glittery nail polish? It's just so festive and pretty! But, as gorgeous as glitter nail polish is, it is insanely difficult to remove. Which is probably why you won't catch us wearing it all the time.
This poor mama left her glitter within reach of her curious son's hands (and toes). Maybe he's watched his mom paint her toenails and wanted to join in on the fun by painting his own. Too bad for mom, he decided against the plain colors and opted for the jazzy and sparkly kind!
Hopefully, she's got some really good nail polish remover and a ton of patience, because she'll be wrestling her little guy and his toes for hours on end!
16 Lotions And Misunderstandings
Mom and Dad needed some lotion, didn't feel like getting up, so they asked their 3-year-old to grab them some lotion from their room. But instead of the lotion, he came back with a bottle of lube instead. These parents were either really amused or really mortified! Potato, PuhTahToe, mom!
We can only imagine the laughter that ensued once this mom and dad discovered that their son had mistaken their bottle of lube for lotion - he wasn't too far off with that assumption, however. We don't blame him, both bottles start with the letter 'L', and are in similarly shaped containers after all.
Perhaps mom should find a different spot for the lube, maybe in the sock drawer or the nightstand like the rest of us. Or she could just get up and grab the lotion for herself next time.
15 Not The BABY CURLS!
Aw, not the baby curls!
We think that the bigger issue here might not be the fact that those sweet little curls fell to the carpet while the mom was sleeping, but that this mom fell asleep and left her two kids to fend for themselves. And in that time she was asleep, her oldest son got hold of some scissors (eek!) and started cutting his sister's hair. The fact that he had access to the scissors is extremely dangerous! There are far worse things that could've happened while this mom was sleeping, and we're certainly more concerned with the huge safety issue here.
So, yes, huuuuuge mom fail here!
We are just glad to hear that nothing more serious happened, especially considering all the horrible possibilities that could occur with a toddler (we're guessing!) wielding something sharp like a pair of scissors.
14 What Color Will Your Baby Be?
Describing race to a small child can be pretty challenging. We as parents have a hard time explaining it even as our children get older, but it's so important to recognize people for who they are, not just what color they happen to be. After all, no one can help the genes they were given, and it's our job as parents to help children treat everyone with respect so that our world can be much more peaceful.
But try explaining that to this 3-year old! Three-year-olds, known for their brutal honesty and blunt humor, tell it like it is. Luckily for them, they are so adorable and they can get away with just about anything. Like this young lady who has a habit of asking pregnant women what color their baby is going to be.
We hope that the pregnant women subjected to the brutally honest questioning found her more hilarious than insulting!
13 The Wrong Bowl Of Cereal...
Well, it is important to eat breakfast each morning, and a bowl of cereal is always a great choice! Just not the toilet bowl full of cereal. This dad put Cheerios into the toilet bowl to help this couple's son learn to potty train successfully because learning to aim can be pretty difficult at first. Aiming at Cheerios can make peeing in the potty fun, and is a really common practice amongst mothers and fathers of little boys.
But this little sister either didn't get the memo that this bowl of cereal wasn't her breakfast, or she just happened upon this tasty toilet treat on her walk through the house. With no one around to stop her, she happily snacked on some delicious breakfast cereal and was discovered by some horrified parents.
It sounds like this mom is going to be disinfecting everything in her house now, and will probably nix the whole cereal-in-the-toilet idea for now. Big brother can learn to pee sitting down.
12 Parenting Is 'Hard'
The question we all have after reading this is...where did she come up with that? This one doesn't really sound all that legit unless we're missing a part of the confession where the daughter makes a stick figure woman and sits her on top of the man? Or maybe the daughter has heard that phrase (with different wording) from her mother and father after bedtime? We need some more clues to put this confession together!
Either way, this mom should probably talk to her daughter about the phrasing of her sentence, and reiterate that the sand gets hard when you mold it into different shapes. Which has nothing to do with sitting at all! Just a suggestion from one mom to another, because her wording would raise a few eyebrows in preschool, or a friend's house for sure.
So, yes this is a parenting fail indeed!
11 Playing 'Kitchen' Isn't The Same
What is it with kids and super sharp and dangerous stuff?
This mom found her son playing 'kitchen' outside with the largest knife from their actual kitchen! This sounds like every mother's nightmare, and she's incredibly lucky that her son didn't really hurt himself. She probably never imagined that her son would even be able to reach her sharp kitchen knives, let alone grab one of them and drag it outside into the sandbox. Luckily there weren't any other siblings or friends around when he decided on this prop!
Hopefully, this mom has learned to hide her knives, put them away in a safe place (preferably with a lock), or talked with her little man about using sharp objects. We'd recommend investing in an actual play kitchen for him since he seems so interested in the culinary arts.
10 Maybe She's Vegan
Okay, this has to be the funniest thing we've heard in a long time! Whoever taught this little lady to say, "I'd like to devour the unborn" must have had an incredible sense of humor. Like a scene from your favorite horror film, an innocent child says something so demonic while looking so sweet. Did this phrase come from dad? From mom? We aren't sure, but it has us cracking up to no end!
Only, this mom's little girl is actually referring to a chicken's unborn, meaning eggs. The waitress seemed puzzled by the daughter's response, looking to the mother for clarification. And by the mothers phrasing, we can only guess that this was expected behavior, and something she's had to explain more than one time. The next time you order eggs at your favorite diner, try out this phrase!
9 A Mom's Sanctuary
All moms do this! Whether it's the Snickers bar we found half-crushed at the bottom of our diaper bag (but it's still so delicious) or the very last package of Gushers - we love to hide away in the closet so that we won't have to share with the tiny humans!
And that's exactly what this mom has done in her confession by locking herself in the bathroom to enjoy a popsicle! Apparently, her four-year-old (like the rest of the preschoolers on the planet) knows that mom has access to all of the snacks and as soon as she sees Mommy enjoying her popsicle, she'll want one as well.
Well, mom's thought ahead on this one! What better way to enjoy a snack by yourself than locking yourself away in the bathroom? Hey, whatever works! We give this mom a high five.
8 Maybe Grandpa Will Know Why...
Ow! Talk about embarrassing! Not only do dads NOT want to think about their little girls doing the deed, they certainly don't want to hear from their grandchildren that Mommy has a 'penis' in her sock drawer!
Instead of asking their mom why she had this special friend in her drawer or letting her know that they had even found it in the first place, they thought to ask dear old Granddad instead. Maybe they have a close(r) relationship with their Granddad, or felt unsure asking their mom...either way, we could see how this mom would consider this to be her biggest mom fail to date.
We're just going to say that the fact that the kids could tell the artifact resembled a man's privates at all just goes to show how anatomically correct this toy was. Those poor kids.
7 Forget Candy Cigarettes...
Like the Great Gatsby holding a cigar in his mouth, this two-year-old found something resembling the shape of a cigar and touted it between her lips. To her mother's horror, she discovered that the 'play cigar' her daughter was playing with was actually a dried up dog turd that her toddler had chosen to put in her mouth! Gross! This mom also said that her toddler 'wandered over' with the dog turd in her mouth, so the 'cigar' had been in her daughter's mouth for God only knows how long. This mom certainly has earned herself a mom fail with this confession.
Before wagging her finger at her little one, she should probably start picking up the dog poo in her yard before her toddler decides to pick up and tout a fresher version of her cigar if you get what we're saying...
6 She's Moving Out
Arachnophobia is indeed a real phobia. It's the fear of spiders and is incredibly common. Who could blame you for being afraid of spiders, with those eight gangly legs and hundred eyes? They jump, spin webs, give birth to millions of babies, and terrorize those that fear them. Sometimes by just existing!
Well, this mom's four-year-old has had it with the spider situation in her home. Apparently, it's so bad that this preschooler has decided she'd be better off by packing her suitcase. The mom noticed her packing her things, and asked her what she was doing only to receive the cutest response ever -
'I saw a spider in my room, I just can't live in these conditions', she says.
Now, with her preschooler packed and sitting on the porch, this mom will have to negotiate with her daughter to stay. Should she waive her termination fee for that problematic spider? Worth it to keep this cutie around...
5 I Don't Negotiate
This young man seems to think he owns the rights to the world, including the one he lives in with his parents and stepmom. Divorced kids tend to get two Christmases after all, right?
He's basically saying that if he doesn't get what he wants, it will be 'bad for everyone involved'.
What exactly is that supposed to mean? While we don't really consider this confession to be a mom fail as much as it is a parenting fail for her stepson's father and mother, we do believe in teaching lessons. And it seems like this stepmom is all about serving the best lesson of all when it comes to Christmas...giving is better than receiving.
And it looks like this Christmas, he will be giving up his toys for other (more appreciative) children to receive.
4 I'm Watching You Go, Okay?
When you become a mom, and it's time to go, you usually have to bring the little one in with you so they don't get into trouble. Because when the cat is away, the mice will play.
This mother and daughter relationship has really flourished on that fact, and this daughter seems really excited to be able to join in on a traditionally private activity with her mom. She'll bear through the stink, grab her camping chair, and sit down with Mommy while she does her business.
As hilarious as it is, we hope for this mom's sake that she gets some private time to do her business in the near future, without a live audience to worry about. Maybe dad can distract this sweetie pie so mom can take a quick five in the loo.
3 Mommy Hack 101
Instead of hiding in the bathroom with all of your snacks that you refuse to share with the kids like a previous confession, just tell your kids that they all have alcohol in them! That'll work just fine...right?
Well, until your kids 1) figure out you've been lying and demand snacks ASAP (which happens sooner than you think!) or 2) tell all their friends just how much alcohol you drink/eat and how often.
Not that you should care what anyone else thinks because this mom doesn't seem to mind it as long as she can enjoy her chocolate cake in peace. But sooner or later, the truth will come out, and you might be accidentally outed as a closet drinker with how much 'alcohol' you consume. Kids are honest above anything else when it comes to their parents, and a sleepover at their friend's house might be a great time to be telling stories!
2 Ew, Mom.
There's nothing I'd love to hear more than the sound of my own mother doing the deed on the phone, said no daughter ever. This is one mom fail that will never be 'awarded' to its owner because this mom doesn't even know how terribly she failed.
While everyone does it, nobody really wants to hear their parents going at it. With all good intentions here, the mom did try to hang up or ignore her daughter's call, only to accidentally press the 'answer' button. It probably only took a split second for this unsuspecting daughter to realize that her mom was indisposed at the moment.
If she ever told her mother, which we are going to take a good guess and say she hasn't, it would make for one really awkward conversation!
1 I Fell Asleep
We do some crazy things as parents, don't we? One really common 'trick' that we moms try to do to get our kids to fall asleep is by staying in their rooms at night until we see them fall asleep. Or, we act as if we've fallen asleep by closing our eyes so that our kids will see that that's what they should be doing as well.
This mom, exhausted (and rightfully so), tried doing this trick to get her two-year-old to fall asleep by pretending and closing her eyes, and actually did fall asleep in the process. She must have only been asleep for a few minutes when she woke up to find her sweet toddler staring at her!
We pray that this mom can recruit dad to handle their toddler one morning so that she can get a much-needed day to sleep in and catch up on those Z's.