When it comes to parenting, parents need to joke around sometimes, if not all the time. Not being able to make light of parenting situations can drive any of us up the wall. A good laugh is just what the doctor ordered, for all of us as parents, or soon-to-be parents, everywhere.
Twitter is a great source for some hilarious parenting lines. You get the chance to read some quick jokes that go right to our heart as parents. It can lift our spirits to know others deal with the same parenting issues that we deal with day in and day out. Oftentimes, a nice laugh is all we need to get us through a crazy parenting day. We might be at our wit’s end, but a chuckle can help us through it all.
Even our favorite old and new comedians are around to share their funny parenting moments. We get to connect, all while rolling on the floor hysterically laughing because it is all so true, and so very, very funny. Read on for some of the best, and most hilarious tweets about parenting from comedians on twitter. Go ahead and retweet if you find it totally laugh out loud funny!
20 Funny Because It's True
We all know how events, such as plays, can go at our child’s school. They are kids, after all. Trying to put your best face forward can be difficult when you are faced with some interesting characters and kids who have no hope of ever winning an Oscar!
Okay, okay, okay, no one is showing up at the school play drunk! Well, at least probably not. Maybe not? Just one drink in? There is no denying that Conan O’Brien can make us laugh until we pee our pants, but we all have to admit, there is some truth to this. Perhaps if schools had an open bar, parents would not only be more than willing to go see their kid’s play, but they WOULD actually enjoy it!
19 Anyone Ever Hear Of Privacy?!
If you are a parent, then you definitely know what it is like to use the bathroom with an audience. For some reason, kids have no problems barging into the bathroom. Once considered an area where you had lots of privacy, once you have kids that dream is over.
Your children could be playing nicely, not paying any attention to you whatsoever. Then you try to use the bathroom. And it is true, it is like just thinking about going into the bathroom and closing the door behind you that sends some sort of signal to your kids. Time to bother mom, she’s on the toilet, let’s go!
18 They Do Look Up To Us
Our sweet little ones idolize us. They want to be us. To them, we are the most beautiful creature in the universe? Right?! Well, at the very least, that is what we can believe. They do tell us that, at least that is what we think they are saying!
It is so funny to listen to babies try to talk. Sure, Hot Mama could clearly be baby saying her oatmeal is hot, mama! But no, no, we have to agree, we are sure her mommy is one hot lady! It takes a baby to realize that, we know. And it totally does not matter that the hot mama is likely still in her pajamas with spit up all over her...
17 It Is Very Important
That is always the first question someone asks once you get married… so, when are you having kids?? Children are such a blessing. They will bring so much joy to your life. You have no idea how much your life will change once you have kids.
Well, ain’t that a fact! Yes, life does change once you are blessed with your kids who wake you up way too damn early so the most ridiculous reasons on the planet! What is it with kids and waking up before roosters do, anyway?! And why are they always sooo awake?! Their little minds are always thinking, and some of what they wonder about is downright adorable. Thing is though, no parent considers it cute at all when woken up that early, especially on a weekend morning!
16 Really, What Is The Point?!
Every kid has an agenda, and that is to be as messy as humanly possible. Even if they are not aware of this kid fact, they will make a huge mess. Toys everywhere, food on the floor, marker on the wall, clothes every place but the laundry basket, and so much more is all a reality for parents, no matter if you have one kid or twenty!
It sure is nice to have a clean house. But really, what IS the point to cleaning up when they are just going to mess it all up again?! It would be like you did all that work for absolutely nothing. And it is not like they will appreciate that you picked up and made everything sparkly clean. In fact, it may signal to kids to make an even bigger mess, are we right, or are we right?!
15 No Rest During War
Motherhood is an all out war. There is no time to sit! Even if you get a chance to rest your feet, forget it, you will be up in less than two seconds flat. Mothers are not allowed to sit! What would ever give you that impression?! Moms sitting and relaxing?! That sure is a joke!
The second you get to sit down, you will be interrupted. There will be fighting, arguing, things breaking, and so on. All motherhood really is, is repeating this constant process. Mom wants to sit, mom cannot sit, she must get up and fix whatever happened. That happens a few thousand times a day to every single mother, everywhere.
14 Divas And Divos
As parents, we often wait on our kids hand and foot. Before we even realize it, our kids are calling all the shots, and we start thinking, when did this all happen?! Our little princes and princesses know exactly what they want, no matter how unreasonable it is.
It never fails for a kid to want a certain cup, you give it to them, and then tears ensue because that is the wrong one. You are like, what, huh?! Of course, this is not limited to cups, either. What was once their ultra favorite thing in the world, suddenly is no longer, once you hand it to them. Seriously, it is like these kids are messing with our heads, right?!
13 Everyone Is Included
As parents, we all know that kids can cry over the darndest things. Kids can be so unpredictable when they get upset that we often can never know if it is something worthy of crying over, or just something plain ridiculous!
When your kid is throwing the ultimate tantrum and is absolutely hysterical, who would ever guess it would be over the fact that the dog doesn’t have to wear pants?! It is a dog, after all. We can all relate to this funny mama, because who knows, we all may have the same reaction as her, and end up putting a pair of pants on our pooch! Life is certainly unpredictably unpredictable when kids are involved!
12 Let It Go
When kids get into a craze, it can run- and ruin- your life as a parent. Every corner of your house is transformed with whatever the current theme is, and in the blink of an eye, all of that goes to waste because your kids are not into it anymore. Sound familiar?!
This comedian hits the nail on the head! We all are so sick of the Frozen franchise, which haunts our dreams. We all spent way too much on the movie and merchandise, only to have our kids turn around and literally, let it go. They are done with Frozen, but oh no, we paid too much for that damn movie!!
11 Modesty No More
When you have been breastfeeding long enough, whether it is one kid or eight, you start to throw modesty out the window. Your body has become this vessel for children, so who the heck cares who sees your boobs?! They served their purpose, so look if not, or look away if you don’t want to see!
Breastfeeding causes us to whip out boobs out whenever baby is hungry, no matter where we happen to be. At home, middle of a busy restaurant, high in the sky in an airplane, and more, when baby needs to eat, she needs to eat. So many strangers have seen your boobs as you have fed your baby, so really, it seems like who hasn’t seen them?!
10 You'll Know It By Heart
Does your kid have a favorite television show? Perhaps even a favorite episode of said show? Do you know way too much about cartoon characters that you feel like you have lost your mind? Then you are definitely a parent! So be prepared if you are having children, this will happen to you, even if you think it won’t!
When kids get into a show they love, that is often all they want. You find yourself putting on the same cartoon over and over again, just to get them to shut up! You try to drown out the annoying sounds coming from the equally annoying show, but know it is better to just give up and wait for this obsession to pass. Let’s face it though, that could be years!
9 So Many Kids
Having one kid seems rough. Two is even worse. Three, forget it, you have lost your mind. But four or more? You must be crazy! What is it like to add on a fourth kid when you are already outnumbered with three?!
Comedian Jim Gaffigan makes us laugh when talks about his brood. He keeps it real and tells it how it is. Having lots of kids is tough, and he makes no qualms about that! There is no sense in sugar coating how life is with children, whether it is one or many more. If we are honest about the difficulty that goes into raising our little ones, perhaps we can joke about it just like Jim Gaffigan does.
8 Oh, You Know The Smell
Let’s face it, you are not really a parent if you have never sniffed another baby’s bottom. There is nothing quite like being in a room of little ones to suddenly smell, 'the smell'. The smell of a baby who desperately needs to be changed. Well, which one is it? How are we going to find out?!
The most effective way to determine which baby produced that awful smell is to simply go around sniffing bottoms. Asking which baby pooped is not going to be effective in achieving your goal. There is nothing to do, just sniff some butts so you can determine it was not your kid- this time! In fact, most parents have no issues with sniffing babies bottoms, no problems at all. It is simply part of the game.
7 It Just Isn't Fair
When it comes to getting presents for your children on Christmas morning, you likely spend quite a lot of time deciding what to purchase so they will be over the moon happy, then spend hours wrapping all those gifts, only to watch them open them with glee while giving someone else credit entirely.
It is not fair, it really isn’t. Here you were, half the year, slaving away to have money to buy presents, spending time buying them, wrapping them, and hiding them, but you get no credit. None. Instead credit goes to this fictional character that did not help you one bit. Why should he be the hero? You did all the work!
6 Wishful Thinking
Kids run our lives. There is no relaxing when it comes to having kids. Have you ever traveled on an airplane with kids? That is often pure torture right there. Not only are you squished into a tiny seat, you have little people over, under, and all around you. A short flight can easily seem like days.
You know that movie with Jodie Foster, Flight Plan, where she falls asleep and wakes up to find her child missing. Seems horribly scary, right?! Is it really awful to fantasize about a few hours on a plane being able to just relax?! You’ll look eventually, you just need some time to yourself first!
5 They Have To Learn Eventually
Sometimes it can be just draining to do everything for our children. Can’t they do some things on their own? They really have to learn how to be more independent anyway, or else how will they function in real life?!
We all may be a little guilty of this one. Your kid wants toast, you tell them to make toast. Then you hear the smoke alarms go off. Wonderful. The kitchen is a mess. Your kids tried, they really did. Except the house could have burned down. While you were there. Just because you did not feel like getting up to get them some food! Oh well, it is a great way to test the fire alarms at the very least!
4 Save Your Breath
It is totally normal to wonder whether you gave birth to a human child or a wild animal. Kids can be crazy. And they often do not listen, yet can hear everything. What is up with that?! We call out their name, they ignore us. We make some rustling getting snacks and suddenly they are at our side like a pack of vultures.
It is so true. Why even bother yelling and wasting your voice when you need your kid’s attention. Just open a bag of chips. No matter where they are, it is like signal for them. Kids can hear the noise of chips opening from miles away! They will be running to get some chips before you know it. Simple as that.
3 Can't They Ever Cooperate?!
It is a trademark of children everywhere to not cooperate when we need to the most. The simplest tasks can seem like torture to our little ones, which only makes us more frustrated, causing them to resist the task even more. Morning routines are often the worst, since we all need to get out the door, and that is when toddlers seem to love to act up, when time is limited!
Is this tweet not every single house with a toddler? It is like a hair brush is something evil. Little kids see it and run as fast as they can. All we want is for them to look somewhat presentable in public. We are all probably guilty of sometimes giving up and just letting them go out looking like Albert Einstein!
2 Did I Say Something Wrong?!
Kids can drive us bonkers. We just want them to do the things they need to do without whining or complaining. That is never, ever the case. Even if we truly believe they will be wonderful children as we adore their infanthood, they will always turn into monsters. It just happens.
Kids have tempers. They get moody. Sometimes you never know what will set them off! Something as simple as asking them to get dressed can result in a serious meltdown. That seemingly easy to complete task just ruined their day- and yours. Who would’ve thought that would happen?! And the older they get, the worse it gets! The moodiness of a teenager begins way before they are actually teenagers!
Back to school time, woo hoo! Well, wait, except we have to buy all the crap, help with the mountain of homework assignments, drive them to their activities. Eh. Maybe school does suck. We are allowed to cry about it too, right?!
So who cries more about school? The kids or the parents? School can be a lot of work. For the parents that is. So give your kids a taste of their own medicine, and instead of them whining on about how much they hate school, you take over and show them what whining can really be like! Perhaps you carrying on and on will show them how ridiculous they can be when they do the same!