Most moms will definitely agree that parenting is the most complex job around. That is why one may hear other moms joke around online how they are literally just winging motherhood. And, they genuinely mean that considering that no one could have possibly prepared them for what is involved when it comes to child-rearing.
They may laugh about this on the surface, but they are not laughing about it deep down. Being a mom has been compared to having multiple jobs at once such as being a nurse, a chef, a chauffeur, a hairdresser, a teacher, and a maid- among other jobs. And, for the moms that have children with special needs are playing the role of additional jobs. And, the hardest thing about having these multiple jobs at once is that they don't get paid!
And, one would think that since mothers are required to play so many of those roles without the pay, they would actually be proud that they are managing as well as they can. The sad fact is that most mothers are anything but proud of their parenting efforts, or about anything about themselves in general. In fact, they are their own biggest critics and have many insecurities.
Let's talk about the 20 things that moms are very insecure about but don't want to make any of it known.
20 They Are Self-Conscious About Their Looks
So many women are insecure about their bodies, and it is a sad fact since they automatically criticize themselves instead of embracing everything about their appearance and beyond. And, according to Living Well Mom, many mothers struggle with this because of all of the physical changes they go through after they deliver their bundles. In fact, they can be unbelievably harsh with themselves.
That said, these moms need to learn to embrace and appreciate their new bodies, which includes all of the scars they have endured through giving birth the natural way or by C-section. Their bodies have transformed because they did something incredible, which was bringing new lives into the world. If these moms looked at their bodies from this perspective, they would be a lot more accepting of their appearances.
19 They Doubt Their Parenting Abilities
If anyone had ever told you that they knew of a perfect parent, then they are certainly not being honest. And, unfortunately, many mothers are not confident about their parenting abilities. According to Living Well Mom, it is a lot more common for moms to doubt their parenting skills than for those moms who are completely confident.
Moms and dads need to realize that there is never any kind of instructions that are delivered along with their new babies. What they need to remember is that if their kids are loved, fed, clothed, and thriving, then they are doing a great job- even if they are winging it. Because here is a little secret- most parents, in general, are winging it and their kids turn out just fine!
18 Can’t Relax About Things They Cannot Control
Whenever you think about those what ifs type of thoughts, you end up rattling yourself up and stressing yourself out. Unfortunately, things do happen that are beyond our control. No one can control a classmate that all of a sudden teases your child at recess until it is reported to a teacher on duty. And, no one can control a snowstorm that happens on the day of an important appointment that you had been waiting to set up for months.
According to Living Well Mom, there are more moms get lost in those anxiety-provoking what if thoughts than those moms who can easily roll with the punches. I am guilty of getting lost in those anxious thoughts too. I think the best advice is to focus on the stuff that you can control instead of something out of your control that may or may not happen.
17 They Blame Themselves If Anything Minor Happens To Their Kids
Here is one thing that all moms need to realize- kids always end up getting hurt. Their kids will have accidents such as falling down, scraping their knees or accidentally burning their mouths by attempting to eat something that has not had much time to cool down. According to Living Well Mom, it is unfortunately more common for moms to blame themselves when their kids end up getting hurt in an accident that was not preventable.
Kids are naturally curious and can be quite prone to having accidents, and parents do what they can to keep them safe. However, sometimes kids will end up unintentionally hurting themselves. And, they will cry at first, but then will heal from it, and hopefully, they will learn from it as well, and be more careful in the future.
16 They Have Twinges Of Jealousy Towards Other Moms
There is always going to be that mom that has a nicer figure, has nicer clothes, has more money, and appears to have very well behaved kids. And, if any of these issues are a big struggle for you, then you will not be able to help that green-eyed monster from emerging.
According to Very Well Mom, unfortunately, jealousy among moms has become even more common after social media starting becoming rampant.
And, any of these struggling moms in one way or another will think that the other moms on their friends lists or in groups have much better and easier lives than they do. The truth is these moms are just showing the best highlights to share, and no one knows what kind of struggles they are facing in real life.
15 They Berate Themselves For Not Being Organized
A mom's life is a hectic life. That is because they are having to juggle parenting, running errands, paying bills on time, and doing housework. It is extremely easy to forget to pay a bill on time or to forget to buy those apples from the grocery store even though it was one of the first things on the shopping list. When you are trying to manage all of these responsibilities, something can easily be forgotten and missed.
According to Very Well Mom, most mothers are the hardest on themselves because they believe that must do everything for their families. If they forget to clean the kitchen floor or forget to buy that laundry detergent, they berate themselves for not being organized enough. Moms, just remember one thing. Cut yourself some slack if you can relate to this, which I bet you can. You are human, and there is no such thing as perfection. Get dad to help out with some of the chores as well.
14 They Take Their Children’s Struggles Personally
Unfortunately, I know this too well since I have a child that is on the autism spectrum as well as ADHD. I will admit that I have taken his struggle personally and have even blamed myself for causing him to struggle as he does. That even goes for the typical struggles that my teen daughter faces as well.
According to Very Well Mom, unfortunately, more often than not, mothers do blame themselves for their kids' struggles. That even applies to kids that do not have conditions like autism or ADHD. If one of their kids are bullied by other classmates, they will blame themselves for that too and will think they did not teach their kids to be strong enough. You do your best with raising your kids and helping them when you can. However, it is best to always remember that even though you want to do your best with them, they will have lives of their own one day, and will be facing their own struggles that come with life have nothing to do with how you had raised them.
13 They Don’t Feel Like They Can Fit In
I have always been that outcast that never fit in no matter how I tried. It is a painful thing to deal with when you are going through the awkward stages of those teen years. And, even after outgrowing that phase, I have also experienced the same after having kids.
And, according to Living Well Mom, it is very common for mothers to feel like no matter how hard they try to fit in with other moms, they simply cannot. And, you know what? You will get to a point where you will simply not care to fit in. You may be very lucky to have a few friends to rely on. But, as time goes on, you are going to be less concerned about being part of a popular mom-circle. Especially after facing some personal hardships which will always change your perspective in the end. Then you will see that fitting in is really not that important like it was back in those high school days.
12 They Have Moments Of Real Frustration
Being a mom is a stressful job, and it is not a surprise that any mother will feel moments of anger or even rage. In fact, according to Psychologies, it is a lot more common for the average mother to experience moments of anger or fury than it is for moms that don't.
Being a parent is extremely demanding, and even more so when children have special needs. That said, when the stress becomes intense, who would not have the urge to punch the wall or scream into a pillow? There are very few mothers that are so incredibly easy going that they don't experience these moments of rage. And, if you are part of the majority, then you just found out that having these heated moments every now and then is not only normal but expected.
11 They Are Afraid To Talk About Their Experiences With Poor Mental Health
After I had my daughter, I experienced postpartum depression and I was embarrassed of it. I also deal with clinical depression but I am no longer afraid to admit it. That is because I not only know that I am not alone with my struggles but there is nothing wrong about talking about my experiences with mental illness.
And, according to Psychologies, even though there is a lot more awareness about mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety disorders, so many mothers still to this day are embarrassed to admit that they struggle with having poor mental health. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and you will not only feel better by speaking up so you can get the help you need- but you will help to weaken the stigma by being honest with your struggles.
10 They Feel Weak
Whenever the average mom has to deal with too many stressful situations at once, such as caring for a sick child and worrying about their financial struggles - she will not be thinking very positive thoughts. The stress will get to her, and she will berate herself for allowing herself to react in a negative way.
According to Psychologies, the average mom does not give herself enough credit for managing several stressful situations at once, and they often feel weak. I also can understand how that is. I have been through many stressful situations such as looking for the right school to send my son with autism while caring for a sick dog. Every time anyone had told me how strong I was for not breaking down based on these struggles, I would say - I am anything but strong.
9 They Take Judgment Directed Towards Them Too Seriously
Mothers are generally quite self-conscious about their parenting abilities. That is why they have a hard time whenever they feel like they are trying to calm down their toddlers having meltdowns at the supermarket while they are encountering so many people staring at them.
And, according to Psychologies, due to the rise in popularity with social media, mothers feel even more judged than they do just from experiencing the situation that was just described above. Since moms talk about their kids and their parenting tactics a lot online, they will worry that they are being judged by others that are reading their comments. This is one thing that all moms need to remember. People will judge, but that will not make a difference with how you choose to raise your kids and how to live your life.
8 They Feel Selfish For Meeting Their Needs
There is a reason that moms are encouraged to pamper themselves while the kids are sleeping by taking a bath or reading a book just for 15 minutes. Being a mom is a difficult job, and if their own needs are not met, then they will begin to become energetically depleted - which will have a negative impact on them managing their responsibilities.
According to Psychologies, the unfortunate fact is that even though mothers know they need to take care of themselves at times, they feel guilty. They think that them caring for their own needs is selfish on some level. And, the one thing they must remember is that no one can pour anything out from an empty pitcher. Mothers must take time for themselves to meet their own needs in order to be replenished energetically so they can meet the demands of their kids and the other responsibilities they have.
7 They Are Too Empathetic
Have you had moments of crying whenever you see a child that you don't even know that had gotten hurt? Or, do you feel like you have compassion for someone who isn't particularly nice that is going through a tough time only because they are in a bad situation?
And, the other question is, do you feel silly for having these empathetic feelings?
According to Psychologies, it is quite common for mothers to be embarrassed about the fact that they may be too empathetic. The reason it bothers them is that they think that their level of empathy gets into the way of their logical thinking. Having empathy is a great quality. However, the time when you have to worry about it getting into the way of your logic is when you feel the need to donate more money than you have to a charity.
6 They Think Others Have It Together
Anytime the average mom is stressed out to the point of her forgetting to brush her hair in the morning and throws on her old worn-out clothing looks at other moms that are nicely groomed- they have no idea how they appear to have it together. Especially since they know that most mothers face just as much stress as they do.
However, according to The Conversation, many moms, unfortunately, compare themselves to others and think that they are doing a lot better than they are based on appearances alone. This is a lot more common nowadays because of the fact that social media is the most popular way for people to what is going on in the lives of others. The one thing that these stressed-out moms don't remember is that these mothers who appear to have it together will not share those stressful moments online. They will only share their highlights. Because odds are, they are thinking the same thing about other moms too.
5 They Are Afraid Of Making Mistakes
So many moms want to make sure that they feed their kids healthy foods that are cooked perfectly, and they want to be sure that their kids are dressed in appropriate and in stylish clothing. And, if they accidentally burn their dinners by overcooking it, these moms act as if the world has ended. If this resonates with you, then you are not alone in your thinking.
According to Romper, one major thing that moms are worried about but don't like to talk about it is that they are afraid of making mistakes. The fact is that making mistakes in life is inevitable, especially when it comes to parenting. And, the one thing that they forget about making mistakes is that they will learn from it and work on not repeating it again. That is how anyone develops wisdom as well.
4 Their Homes Are Not Clean Enough
You may see many moms joke around online about how their houses are a mess and they even laugh about it. However, according to Romper, most moms do not find it funny that they are so busy that they don't have the energy to clean every room or spot thoroughly.
In fact, most moms that laugh about having toys strewn everywhere, or dirty laundry piling up, or forgetting to clean up a spill from the other day are hiding something. They are actually extremely self-conscious about the fact that their homes are not spotless because they did not have the time or energy to do a thorough cleaning. And, it is not realistic to think that when you have small children to take care of that you will have a spotless home - unless you have a nanny which most families cannot afford.
3 Their Meals Are Not Tasty Enough
Moms want to cook up nutritious meals for their families, and they also want to make sure that their kids and partners will enjoy the dinners they make. And, according to Romper, most mothers end up taking it very hard if the meals they had cooked do not meet the approval of their kids or their partners.
That is an understandable thing to be insecure about. You work very hard at making a meal and you want to make sure that it is not only rich in nutritional value, but that your family will enjoy it. If they dislike your cooking, it will feel like a personal insult. However, that is often never the case. If the kids are not happy with how their dinner tastes, then it should be taken as an opportunity to try new spices or a different way to cook.
2 They Wonder If Their Own Kids Love Them
It is very difficult that when you do everything you can to make sure that your kids are having the best lives possible by giving them hugs, kisses, nice clothing, tasty meals, and so on- and yet you wonder if your kids really love you.
According to Romper, this is a common worry that so many moms have. They really do wonder if their kids really love and appreciate them. And, I know from personal experience this is how a mother of a child with autism would feel since most kids on the spectrum are not able to express empathy. But, apparently, this one worry that most moms have, and will have at some point during their parenting journey. There is a much greater chance that their kids do love them than not, and kids just don't always know how to express it.
However, if your child sees that you are having a rough day and they give you a bear hug- then you know that your little one does love you.
1 That They Don’t Do Enough For Their Families
Most mothers work so hard at providing their families with the best of everything. However, if their kids or their partners are unhappy, going through a hard time, or if their kids are frequently getting sick- it is very easy for these moms to doubt that their efforts are paying off.
In fact, according to Romper, most mothers don't think they are doing enough to keep their families happy and healthy even though they really are giving them the best care possible. And, this feeling understandably is expressed the most among single mothers. However, it is important for all moms to remember that if they know they are doing the best they can, then they must cut themselves slack. And, even look into delegating some tasks onto others, if possible. Because there is only so much that any mom can do.
Sources: VeryWellFamily.com, Psychologies.co.uk, TheConversation.com, Romper.com