There are a lot of things parents look forward to sharing with their child's newest teacher. My kid was in the gifted program last year. My daughter has already been accepted to Yale. Yes, my son did spend the summer modeling in New York.
It's easy to brag, to share the things that make mom and dad proud as punch of the tiny little human they've made. Anything a parent needs to tell the teacher that makes them feel good about their child-rearing skills is easy to say, right?
My son volunteers at a soup kitchen. My daughter sews blankets for the elderly. Little Johnny was potty trained by his first birthday.
Other things - not so much.
My kid eats paste, my child licks walls, my daughter picks her nose and shares her finds with her neighbors; the things that cast the kiddos in a less-than-desirable light are the things parents like to keep to themselves. Not that mom and dad aren't proud of their little peanut, they're just...cautiously waiting to share. Waiting for a good time to drop that truth about their baby.
And sometimes they just never find the perfect time and keep the 411 from the teach.
20 My Kid Doesn't Always Make It To The Bathroom In Time
In mom's defense, they're just not easy words to say. Because no matter how you frame it, that teacher is going to end up looking at your kid like he's a walking, talking accident. And once those words are spoken, there is no taking them back, either.
Of course, as a teacher, you deserve to know if there are - ahem - issues that might affect one of your students, right? An educator would definitely want to be warned before the little munchkin comes to class and leaves his seat in a different state than it'd been in when he arrived that day.
"Clean up on aisle kindergarten!"
19 My Kid Had A Tiny Fever This Morning But It's Fine
Parents, you know you've done it one time or another. We all have. We've all had that day where we've made the executive decision to pretend the fever never happened. Whether it be because you know your kid isn't really sick or because reasons (work deadlines, no babysitter, etc.), you've kept a fever a secret from your kid's teacher.
Not only is this a bad idea - hello, spread of infections - but it's unfair to everyone in the class. In the school. Because now everyone else is going to have to face all of the same obstacles you did when their kid gets sick in a few days.
Just keep them home, ma.
18 My Kid Threw Up Last Night
NOPE. The teacher would be right to talk about this mom behind her back if she's sending her kid to school mere hours after the munchkin was ill. Even if it's just a quick bug, like a 24-hour thing, that kid is still going to be contagious.
And the last thing in the world a teacher wants is half the class getting a tummy-bug. Because not only does it affect her ability to teach, but where do you think some of those kids are going to toss their cookies?
Yep - in her classroom. Teachers have enough to deal with - they don't need to deal with holding little Jessie's hair back, too.
17 My Kid Doesn't Listen To Adults
So your kid is strong-willed. Independent and unflinchingly rigid when it comes to their ideas. These can be admirable traits...in adults, maybe. But in an elementary classroom, this kid is going to get stuck in the wheels that make everything work and really trip things up for the teacher.
Most moms know this, so it makes sense that they would want to keep it on the down-low. It's entirely logical that they might hope that their kid will decide to listen to this teacher instead of marching to the beat of his own drummer. This could be the teacher that gets him to behave.
Er, ok-kay, ma.
16 My Other Kid Has Pinkeye But I'm Sure This One Won't Get It
Pink eye. Two words that no teacher wants to hear. Crusty eyelashes and goopy, itchy little red eyes; no, no, thank you. That little infection takes off like wildfire, moving from one student to the next, and to the next - pretty much for infinity.
Hand-washing can slow the spread of this nuisance, but have you seen elementary students' attention to detail in regards to cleanliness? Pretty much nonexistent. So OF COURSE parents might decide to keep it on the DL until the kid in question actually has it.
No one wants their kid to be the pariah.
15 My Kid Talks To Herself. Loudly. All The Time.
I talk to myself all the time. It' s usually more of a grunt/expletive combo, but it's definitely just me communicating one-sidedly; no other conversationalists in the exchange.
But a good friend of mine had a little girl who talked to herself constantly. It was as if she was always checking the opinion of some invisible person sitting next to her.
Needless to say, when that kiddo started kindergarten, the teacher was fairly quick to call the mother and discuss the incessant conversation being had by that tiny girl and...well, that same tiny girl.
So she might as well have just spilled it to the teach ahead of time.
14 My Other Son Was Sent Home From School With Lice
Ugh. The "L" word. The "L" word that no one wants their kid to be associated with. Even though we know the facts about lice, we still feel ooglie about it, like it makes a statement about our cleanliness or something.
Newsflash: it doesn't.
But the stigma still exists, which makes it incredibly difficult for a mom to move her lips and speak those words. To look that teacher in the face and say what no teacher ever wants to hear.
"There are lice in my house."
It might be easier to blink the message in Morse code, or perhaps send a carrier pigeon with those words on a paper strapped around its neck.
13 My Kid Had Strep Over The Weekend
So my kid had a very contagious infection over the weekend; so what? He's on antibiotics and feels a lot better, so it's green lights for us, right?
Er, well...probably. Green lights for you, mom, but what about the rest of the kids in the class? And the teacher?
There are a lot of questions regarding how long a child is contagious once they're diagnosed with strep throat. They're good when they've been fever free for 24 hours, right? Or is it after they're on antibiotics for 24 hours? It seems everyone has a different answer, which is why mom might just decide to swallow down the fact and not share it with the teacher.
12 My Kid Argues About Everything
It's not uncommon for kids to argue from time-to-time. Whether it be about bedtime, what they're wearing or what they're eating, they don't always go along with what mom and dad say.
But have you ever known one of those kids who argues about everything? It can be something as trivial as a TV show, or something as monumental as a punishment. Regardless of what it is, that kid will talk your ear off and exhaust you as he gets in the last word every time.
Future prosecutor, right?
But the little dude's mom might choose to forego mentioning this to the teacher. And can you blame her?
11 My Kid "Borrows" Other People's Things
Why would a teacher need to know that a student likes to use other people's things? And why would she need to know that the student likes to use other people's things and sometimes take them home in their backpack?
Oh, yeah - so she can monitor the situation.
So when "the borrower's" mom fails to mention her kiddo's tendencies, she's not only robbing the educator of important knowledge, she's really just delaying the inevitable.
But again - we get it. It's tough for us mothers to not only admit to our kids' challenges, but admit to them to someone else.
10 My Kid Has A Tiny Case Of The Angries
A teacher needs to know if an incoming student has anger issues, even if the issues have been categorized by mommy as "a case of the angries." It might feel like you're protecting your child from prejudice by keeping it to yourself, but you're only slowing the chance at assistance.
Schools have counselors that are amazing at their jobs. If it's truly a small case of the angries, your child's educational facility may have experts on staff that can really help change their reactions and behaviors.
It's hard, but definitely share this one with the teacher. For the good of your child.
9 My Kid Cannot Sit Still. Not Even For A Second.
Bounce, bounce, bounce. Have you ever known one of those kids where that is the core of their behavior? Bouncing? They sit, they stand. They bounce, they tap. They are constant motion at any and all times.
So...does mom really need to mention this to a new teacher? I mean, technically, that kid is doing nothing wrong. They're just a walking, talking, human vibration. And five minutes into the first day, and Mrs. Educator will be well-aware of junior's propensity for movement.
So I think mom is cool to just let it ride. Get that kid a yoga ball and he'll be a star pupil.
8 We Transferred Schools Because My Kid's Teachers Didn't Like Him
No teacher wants to hear this, so mom is right to keep it to herself.
Because most of the time, the moms who think that teachers don't like her kid is wrong. Usually the kid is fine, but the mom is the problem.
There are the rare occasions where a teacher legitimately has a problem with a student, but it doesn't occur very often. That is usually the perception of the child, and in turn, the perception of the parent.
So if a mother thinks multiple teachers didn't like her child, then the odds are good she's quite a mom-handful of the helicoptering variety.
7 My Kid Is Extremely Melodramatic
It's not uncommon for preschoolers to cry a lot over little things, especially when they're tired. I have a 3-year-old, and she will cry her eyes out for things like clothes that don't match, socks with "crumbs" in them and even cookies that are all gone.
When you hit elementary school, thankfully, these behaviors subside. Kids mature and learn to handle their emotions better. And they tire less easily.
So if a mother has a munchkin who still melts down with a fair amount of frequency, she might want to mention this to the teacher. Warn her a little and give her a chance to come up with a contingency plan.
Do it, mom. Don't let it ride.
6 My Kid Fibs All The Time
Tell her, mom. Tell her right away, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Because as much as you don't want your little sweetheart to be looked at through a different lens, you also want the school to have a little context, right?
If Little Miss starts telling her teacher about how mean you are to her and how you make her scrub floors like Cinderella, you want the teacher to doubt your child first, not you, right?
That doesn't mean you can't frame it in a lighthearted, kids-will-be-kids kind of way. You can joke about phases and children and she will totally understand.
But make sure you mention it. You might regret it if you don't.
5 My Kid Tends To Eat From Whichever Lunch Box Has The Best Stuff Inside
Ah, this would be me as a child. My mother used to pack peanut butter sandwiches and shoestring potatoes in my lunch; can you say meh? Why on earth would I stick with my drab brown bag when the girl with the cute Scooby Doo lunchbox had Twinkies?
I mean, I didn't help myself to her whole lunch. She was welcome to her apples, her bologna sandwich and her carrots; I wanted no part of that. I simply wanted a Twinkie.
That was all. A Twinkie.
But I suppose my mother never warned a teacher about my propensity for other-eating. She was a pretty big deal in the PTA, though; she had a rep to protect.
4 My Kid Tends To Wander Off If Not Being Constantly Watched
Oof - this is a rough one. My neighbor's little girl used to just wander off all the time. At school, at home, at the store; the munchkin just bailed whenever she felt like it. If things were boring in the house, she'd quietly go outside and over to the next door neighbor's. If things weren't thrilling her at Sunday School, she'd quietly exit the classroom and explore the rest of the church.
That's kind of a tough - but necessary - trait to explain to a teacher.
Because if she looks away for a minute, all of a sudden that kid is wandering the halls of the elementary school without supervision.
3 My Kid Has A Very Needy Imaginary Friend
There are a lot of needy little kids out there. I need a drink, I need to go potty, I need a snack. That's normal for the grade school bunch.
But my co-worker's son had a very needy imaginary friend. Seriously. He wasn't being high maintenance - Jake was. Jake, his super cool imaginary friend.
Jake wants a drink. Jake doesn't like broccoli and would like something else. Jake doesn't want to take a nap.
I don't know about you, but the kid being needy is bad enough. If his invisible friend Jake is bugging me for every little thing I would be done with that very quickly.
2 My Kid Sings All The Time. Never Stops.
I had a college roommate - a music major - who sang all the time. ALL the dang time. While doing homework, while putting on makeup, while lying in bed; we are talking always. It may have led to me picking up more vices than I needed to freshman year, but that's another story entirely.
Would her mom have warned her teachers. Like, Hey, my kid is a great student, but you might hear the entire soundtrack to High School Musical in the course of a day. That's cool right?
No, mom. It is so not cool.
1 If My Kid Laughs Too Hard, He Throws Up.
There is absolutely no way to say this without eliciting quite the response in your kid's teacher. Talk about a good reason to put a moratorium on anything fun, funny or even just mildly amusing.
This teacher, if mom should decide to share, will make sure that the kiddos in the class are all-business, all the time. She'll rearrange the room so gag-boy is as far away from the funny kids as possible. She might even decide to forgo reading funny books entirely.
It's bad enough to clean up vomit that has sprung forth from your own child, but someone else's kid? Forget about it.
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