20 Tweets Only Parents and Pregnant Women Will Understand

Do you ever feel alone in this game called parenting? It’s essential to remind yourself that you are not alone. Every parent and child are different, but we can all relate on some level. No matter what your beliefs are just remember - We are all parents. We all want our children to be safe, cared for and loved. We all have different opinions on how to care for and love a child, but the only thing that really matters is that the job gets done, and not how it’s done. The mom wars have gotten way to out of hand. What works for your child may not work for another. It’s hard enough being a parent without other parents criticizing your every move. These 20 tweets will lighten the mood and remind you that were all in this game together. These parents decided to take their stress out on twitter and boy are we glad they did! They have shown us that you can see the comedy in some of the not-so-fun things we must deal with. Parents, let’s unite and show the world that parenting does not have to be all stressful. Have some fun with your kids and relax. A happy kid will have happy parents!

20 Fun and Games

@misz_ty08 – "it’s all fun and games til somebody eat my shit #pregnantandpissed"

Pregnancy cravings are all too real. It’s not all about the pickles and peanut butter. Every new mom and each pregnancy will come with different cravings. Sweet snacks are popular among expecting moms. I lived for my daily dose of sour patch kids when I was pregnant. Salty and spicy snacks are also common with soon to be moms. BabyCenter mom Christina says the hotter the better, she even went to the extreme of eating fresh raw chilli peppers. Now that’s HOT! It’s less common but a lucky few will crave the healthy snacks they need like fruits and veggies. Judith Brown, author of What to Eat Before, During, and After Pregnancy, said “about half of women in the United States report at least one food craving during pregnancy.” Childhood comfort food is another common go to craving when you’re expecting a little one. Pregnancy cravings are a lot like pregnancy hormones, totally uncontrollable!

19 Mysterious Poo

@lunchboxdad – “Nothing says “Good Morning” like your toddler walking into the living room pointing to mysterious poo on his feet. #parenting"

A big part of parenting is dealing with poop. When your baby is born you will see the newborn poop, or meconium. After a few days you will notice your baby’s poop changing. You will start to see yellow or green poop, and it will vary depending on if your baby is formula fed or breastfed. With each milestone and dietary change there will be a change in your baby’s poop. If you’re lucky the poop has mostly stayed in your little ones diaper until potty training starts. My youngest son is what I like to call a “poop slinger.” From the age of 6 months, way before potty training could be considered, he would ripe off his diaper and throw poop all over his room. It was on the walls, all over the crib, in the carpet and covering the baby from head to toe. Various methods failed to stop the poop slinging. It never did completely stop. Now, at almost 2 years old, we're entering into the potty training stage. It was going well until last week when he climbed out of his crib (for the first time) and came into our room and pooped on my pillow! The poop slinger strikes again.

18 Miracles Do Happen

@kittykaitttt – “I shaved everything today so that’s a miracle. #preggoprobs"

Shaving is dreadful. Shaving while pregnant is even more dreadful to the point of, why bother? When your belly starts to pop it’s hard to see where and what needs to be shaved. Once those areas become out of sight it’s easier to put shaving out of mind and skip the process all together. If being hairy is not an option for you, you can invest in a mirror. Even with a mirror it will be a long process, so getting it all done at once is a miracle like @kittykaitttt said. Waxing is another option. You can just lay there and let a professional take care of you. If waxing isn’t your thing then you can always ask for help from your partner. If you’re hesitant to ask your partner, watch this hilarious clip of Scott Disick giving Kourtney Kardashian a little grooming assistance to take the edge off.

17 Be Quiet but Not Too Quiet

@ShoshannaEvers – “Me: *begs babies to chill out long enough for me to shower*

Ten minutes later…*omg they’re TOO QUIET what is wrong*

#newborn #twins"

“The grass is always greener on the other side” is a quote you have probably heard before. Parents can relate. It’s wanting a break from your child but then missing them so bad while they are gone. It’s wanting your partner to help you but then disliking the way they help you. It’s wanting your child to sleep through the night but then waking up in a panic because they didn’t wake up for their nightly feeding. Do any of those sound familiar? As a new parent you would probably try anything to keep your baby from crying, but all babies cry, it is normal and natural. When babies cry it is their way of telling you that they need something. The crying doubles when you are a new mom of twins like @ShoshannaEvers. It’s only natural that she would panic at the rare sound of silence.

16 Look but Don’t Touch

@amandaeff05 – “Accosted by a strange man interested in my pregnant belly. Thank god he didn’t try to touch it #hewouldhavelosthishand #preggoproblems"

This should be common knowledge - Don’t touch a pregnant women’s belly. Unfortunately, it is not. Strangers walking up and touching a pregnant women’s belly happens a lot. T-shirts with logos such as ‘I’m not Buddha don’t rub my belly’ and ‘Caution: DO NOT TOUCH’ have been made to help new mamas-to-be avoid belly touchers. Once your pregnant belly pops the strange people will come out of nowhere to ask you questions and give you unwanted advice. When I was eight months pregnant with my second child I was tired of all the comments and advice from strangers. When they came over to talk to me I would look at them with a serious face and say “I’m not pregnant” and walk away. It gave me a good laugh to see the look on their faces and they usually left me alone. Seriously though, you don’t know what someone’s situation is and they might not want to talk about their pregnancy, especially with random strangers.

15 It’s All Mine

@hafs_ - “Love my kid but I’m anxiously waiting until he’s asleep so I can finally enjoy my ice cream. #shitmomsdo"

It’s nearly impossible to enjoy sweet treats with the kids around. You’re either expected to share or dealing with a total meltdown when you don’t share. We teach our kids to share, so we should set a good example by sharing, but sometimes we don’t want to and that’s okay. Ice cream just doesn’t taste as good when it’s mixed with baby slobber and touched by dirty little fingers. The average kid under 12 consumes 49 pounds of sugar per year. No way, I don’t give my kids a lot of sugary snacks. Is that what you’re thinking? Parents advisor Jennifer Shu, MD says “most parents have no idea how much sugar their kids eat.” Sugar is hidden in all kinds of food that may appear to be healthy. If you’re feeling guilty about sneaking ice cream from the kids, don’t. Chances are they don’t need it anyway. Find a good hiding spot and enjoy your ice cream totally guilt free, you deserve it!

14 Bathroom Breaks

@NickyDiNicola – “1 bathroom trip is enough time to find & lick the flavoring off 10 Doritos & put them in moms underwear drawer #toddlerproblems #momlife”

Would you rather pee in peace and clean up a mess later or have little fingers grabbing at your legs and toes while you pee? It’s a toss-up and the answer to that question depends on the day. If they weren’t licking the Doritos and hiding them in the underwear drawer then they would have been at the bathroom door trying to claw their way inside while screaming. Shoes are a go to hiding spot for my toddlers. There’s nothing like putting on your tennis shoes and hearing a nice crunch inside. It can be frustrating and annoying to clean up the unnecessary messes and look for the things your toddler has misplaced, but like @NickyDiNicola says #momlife. This is our life as a mom or dad so do yourself a favor and try to enjoy the humor in the funny little things our kids do.

13 Pin the Tail on the…Baby?

@Mommy_cusses – “Parenting is a lot like that party game where they blind fold you, spin you around, guide you in a general direction and laugh.”

This tweet is right on the money! We have all felt this way from time to time. There is no “right” way to be a parent. The books and advice can become overwhelming. You can prepare all you want while you are pregnant but when your baby comes you still feel totally blindsided by some of the things you experience. The first few months you are sleep deprived and stuck in a whirlwind of uncontrollable emotions. The room is spinning and it feels as if it will never stop. Once you finally get your child on a schedule and feel like a pro at the whole parenting thing your baby turns into a toddler. Having a toddler is like a slap in the face, and sometimes you literally get slapped in the face. Toddlers will turn your world upside down in ways you could never imagine. While you’re learning and experiencing all the wonderful stages of parenthood you can count on your friends and family to laugh at your expense.

12 Pooh Bear Cares

@channingtatum – “I may have terrified all the children at our daughter’s Halloween carnival. Btw- I’m pooh bear in case you can’t tell.”

Any dad that would dress up as Pooh Bear for their child’s Halloween party cares deeply about their kid. Although, I highly doubt Channing Tatum could look terrifying in anything, he sure does make a hot Pooh Bear! Themed Halloween costumes are fun for the whole family. Involved parents help children become successful. Whether it is in school, sports, or even a Halloween party, children tend to do better when their parents are part of the process. As a parent, you will probably reach a point in your life when you have to wear a silly costume for you child. When the time comes, embrace it, and have fun!

11 Move Over

@ElleSanders72 – “Saw a group of basketball players going into 5 Guys. Ran as fast as I could so I could order before them. #hungry #preggoproblems"

If the world revolved around pregnant women and their needs then the basketball team would have let the pregnant @ElleSanders72 go ahead of them without thinking twice. All of us who have been pregnant know that is NOT how the world works so you better get moving fast. If you are past the point of moving fast, or moving at all, try some of these Pregnancy Power Foods to get you going. It is definitely a smart idea to keep snacks on hand just in case the basketball teams beats you to the front of the line. No one wants to mess with a hungry pregnant woman!

10 Keeping it Real

@CFOLikeaMother – “Tiptoed into room to play tooth fairy. Knocked over an entire Lego fortress. #toothfairyfail #parenting #shitmomsdo"

Do you remember losing your first tooth, or any tooth? Did you try to stay awake to catch the toothfairy? Did you try to sleep but couldn’t because you were so nervous? As parents playing the tooth fairy those nervous feelings will come back. Are they sleeping yet? Is it safe to go in? What’s my cover story if I get caught? Being the tooth fairy is almost as fun as the idea of the tooth fairy you had as a child. Pretend play is good for children and helps them use their imagination. You don’t always have to see it to believe it. However, the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Clause have become controversial issues with people arguing that it is lying to your kids and taking away the true meaning of the holidays. Really though, what’s NOT a controversial issue now-a-days?

9 On Repeat

@dbuenaseda –

“Diaper changed (check)

Clothes changed (check)

Pooped right after she was all cleaned up

Repeat the process! #mommyduties”

Part of your mommy duties will entail repeating yourself over and over - and over again. From raising newborns to teenagers your life will feel repetitive. It's exhausting. I love when moms like @dbuenaseda can laugh at the fact that her baby just had another diaper blow out. My first son had a poop blow out every time he went into his car seat. Literally every time. It was up his back, out of his clothes, covering the car seat and even made its way to the actual seat of the car. The padding had to be removed on his car seat and washed. Sometimes it took longer to figure out how to put the seat back together than it did to clean the whole mess up. If you are one of the not-so-lucky parents dealing with blowouts on the regular check out this article on how to clean up and avoid blow outs. Diaper Blowout VS. Mommy – The Poop is Winning.

8 Hot and Sweaty

@hayricho – “My very own personal radiator has arrived just in time for summer! #luckyme #preggoprobs”

Oh, the heat! If you or your partner have been through a pregnancy then you can both feel the pain of @hayricho being pregnant in the summer. Metabolism and hormones play a big role in why you are feeling so hot and sweaty. No matter what season it is when you are pregnant you will definitely feel the heat. I’ve seen pregnant women walking in the snow wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, oh wait that was me. It’s nice to have the cold outside to get away from the heat of being pregnant.

7 Fire Hazard

@meganmargulies – “Daughter had a meltdown (pun alert) bc I didn’t let her touch fire today. Clearly I’m an asshole #shitmomsdo"

It’s normal for kids to be curious about fire. A young child like @meganmargulies daughter won’t understand the dangers that come with fire. Fire looks so majestic and fun, no wonder she wants to touch it. When toddlers don’t get what they want a tantrum is usually in sight. Being a parent means being the bad guy and keeping your kids away from all the dangers they don’t understand yet. Once your child has a basic understanding of “hot fire” and “don’t touch” you can move on to more advanced fire safety tips because big kids are also curious about fire.

6 MOMager

@MightyMags12 – “When my infant gurgles she sounds like @rihanna singing Work. Get this baby a record deal! #goingplatinum #momager"

This tweet is for all you ‘MOMagers’ out there. Kris Jenner set the bar high showing just how much a mother can do for her children. Whether or not you are a ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ fan, you cannot deny that Kris Jenner set her children up for the success they wanted. That success may or may not be what you want for your child. When you can see all the potential in your baby’s every ‘goo’ and ‘gaa’ you might be a future momager. You better get moving @MightyMags12, get your baby a record deal, and give Rihanna a run for her money!

5 1 Step Forward 2 Steps Back

@NeilMedBaby – “Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. #momlife”

Yes, this tweet is very true. You work hard all day cleaning and organizing the house, but at the end of the day it looks as if you have done nothing. Comedian Phyllis Diller said “cleaning the house before your kids stop growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” Another great analogy. While it is a hard and never ending job, there are somethings you can do to help make your job a little easier.

4 Grandmothers

@TheWaitingBlog – “Grandmothers are great for when you want to be chastised for disciplining your kid.”

Grandparents love giving their two cents when it comes to their grand kids. While it can feel like they are putting down your parenting skills, chances are they are just trying to help. Grandparents can be extremely helpful even though they are not required to help you. They can watch the kids when you are sick or need a date night, buy clothes and toys for the kids to help financially, and most importantly they love your child. A child can never have too much love. Along with the help also comes the unwanted advice. Jill Spiegel, author of How to Talk to Anyone About Anything, says “if the advice or their actions are making interfering with your ability to parent, or making you feel guilty about your parenting decisions, it’s time to have a serious conversation.” It’s important to stand your ground with grandparents. We love the help, but when it comes to parenting decisions, just leave it to the parents.

3 The Waddle

@britalex28 – “it’s difficult to look graceful with a preggo waddle. If you see me ungracefully waddling very fast… I have to pee. #preggoprobs"

Have you seen or experienced the ‘preggo waddle’? It is a scientific fact that pregnant women waddle. Your center of gravity is off-balance due to the new distribution of weight in your belly. Your pelvis and hips will spread which could also affect the way you walk. If you are at the point in your pregnancy when the waddle starts to happen make sure you give yourself plenty of time to get to the places you need to go. When you’re in a new area check out the bathrooms as soon as you get there because we all know that you will need to pee more often when you're pregnant.

2 Multipurpose Items

@TheFunnyMoms – “You know it’s time to do laundry when you’re drying off with an oven mitt! #FunnyMom #SingleMomTheMusical”

The laundry is never done, the sink is full of dishes (my husband often asks if I’m playing jenga in the sink), toys are on the floor and beds are never made. Sound familiar? It’s hard to keep up with the day to day chores when you are also entertaining and caring for your children. The best thing you can do is get your kids involved in helping with the chores. Yes, it will take twice as long when you little one “helps” but at least it will get done. Two birds, one stone. You get your chores done while teaching your child about the importance of caring for your home and everything in it. Even with your little helper the chores can still get ahead of you, but don’t stress about it. It happens to the best of us!

1 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR

@martinisandmini – “Is it bad that I use an advent calendar to countdown the days until school starts? Each day is a different tiny bottle of liquor. #Parenting"

With school quickly, but not quick enough, approaching this is totally relatable. When the kids go to bed sometimes we need a little help unwinding from the busy day of being a parent. So to answer your question @martinisandmini, no I don’t think it’s bad, especially if you’re only using tiny liquor bottles. I can’t say that I’ve never finished a whole bottle of wine after the kids go to bed. As long as you are not crossing the line between parent and alcoholic then it’s okay to have some down time to yourself without feeling bad about it. Don't forget, your morning after will start bright and early and there is no calling in sick.

Sources: EverydayHealth.com, PsychologyToday.com, Parents.com, BabyCenter.com

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