24 Impossible Tasks for Super Pregnant Women

Chances are when you first saw that little plus sign in the window of your pregnancy stick all those months ago, you were super excited about all that you would soon be gaining, specifically a baby (although probably not the extra pounds!)

But as each week has crawled past, you’re probably noticing yet another activity you’ve been temporarily banned from due to your short-lived condition. And as you draw closer to your due date, you can have no doubt that there will be a laundry list of items off-limits to you for a variety of reasons.

Rest assured, it will all be over soon and you can get back to your usual routines in no time. But until then, you may as well relax, put your feet up, and maybe have a bit of a laugh at 24 impossible tasks for super pregnant women.

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24 Going Out in Public Without Being Approached by Strangers

Ever wonder what it feels like to be famous? All those grabby fans mobbing you, asking for selfies and autographs, watching your every move? Well, get yourself knocked up, head out publicly, and you’ll soon get a taste of it. Even wallflowers will turn into waddling fish bowls as soon as a belly bump is visible.

Strangers will have no qualms in approaching you now that you are in a family way, and while most will be kind and helpful and tell you how beautiful you look, you’ll get one or two wackos who will ask if they can touch your belly, regale you with horror stories of their own pregnancies, and quite possibly even chastise you on your selfishness and the negative effects your pregnancy is having on the environment.

Some people won’t hesitate to comment when they see you drinking a soft drink or coffee. When I was heavily pregnant with my third child, a waiter refused to serve me a Diet Coke! Others will ask you personal questions such as if you and your partner had been trying long in order to get pregnant.

Consider this the dress rehearsal for when your baby arrives and strangers come out of the woodwork to offer all sorts of unsolicited advice or to ask if you are breastfeeding or if they can hold your baby!

23 Riding a Roller Coaster

If you’ve ever ridden a roller coaster before, then you’ve probably noticed that one of the very first warnings typically posted on the ride is "do not ride if pregnant." There’s good reason for caution as the jarring movements experienced could possibly result in a condition called placental abruption. This is when the placenta separates from the uterus wall. It can lead to your baby being born prematurely, underweight and, in some instances, it can even result in fetal death.

Pregnancy is its very own roller coaster with highs and lows, sudden drops, and unexpected acceleration. So sit back, enjoy the ride, and try to remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.

22 Taking in a Nice Breath of Fresh Air

Nasal congestion, sometimes referred to as rhinitis of pregnancy, is a common symptom often accompanying pregnancy. Due to an increase of hormones, your nasal passages may become inflamed resulting in a chronic stuffed-up nose. But if you’re like me, the minute that baby enters this world, you’ll be able to breathe deeply and take a huge whiff of that delicious new baby smell.

21 Rolling Over In Bed

So you’re in the middle of a dream involving George Clooney and two pounds of mac and cheese when you wake up and realize that your whole one side is numb from the pressure of the bowling ball you’re lugging around in your womb. You now have to maneuver yourself up and over to your other side without the help of any large construction equipment. Your best bet is to physically get out of bed and then get back in or else you run the risk of bouncing your partner out of bed and straight into a wall!

20 Eating Dinner at a Restaurant

As much as you won’t feel like cooking and then dealing with the washing up, it may be the better alternative when you think about having to sit in an uncomfortable restaurant chair or squeezed into a booth for a couple of hours. That’s not even mentioning the heartburn and queasiness that will haunt you afterward from all the nachos you insist on scarfing down in record time— you guessed it, I’m speaking from personal experience.

19 Bathing Your Children

If you have older children who still require help with bathing, chances are you’ve already experienced the impossibility of trying to wash them with your pregnant belly in the way. Kneeling is temporarily unavailable to you, standing and bending are pretty much impossible feats and even sitting on a stool or chair will make it difficult to reach them. A couple of options available to you include climbing into the bath with them if you feel like a soak yourself or bathing them in the kitchen sink if they are small enough.

However, if you’re anything like me, your older children will end up being dirty little pig pens for the remainder of your pregnancy unless you can convince your partner to take over the bath duties.

18 Extreme Activities

Maybe you’ve always been a bit of a thrill seeker and enjoy your fair share of extreme and adventurous activities. Be that as it may, your pregnancy should take top priority at this point in your life which means things like scuba-diving, skydiving, bungee jumping, skiing, skating, horseback riding, and all contact sports need to be put on the back burner until your baby has arrived and you are back on track.

The primary concern with these sorts of activities is the risk of trauma to your abdomen. There is also the worry of suffering injuries from a fall.

17 Wearing High Heels

When you’re 50 pounds heavier than usual and teetering around on stilettos, wearing heels can rank up there with extreme activities. With your body temporarily top-heavy and bigger than usual, it is a lot easier to lose your balance than you’d think. Not to mention that pregnancy can sometimes cause dizziness or even fainting spells, so why risk it?

And the potential danger is not only to you and your baby but also for anyone around you who could end up bearing the force of your pregnant impact if one of those heels happens to snap off unexpectedly. Play it safe and stick with cute ballet flats or even unappealing flip flops.

16 Standing Up Gracefully

You can kiss your polished poise goodbye (at least temporarily) when standing up involves creaking, cracking, groaning, and profanity. But don’t worry--if anyone is witness to this display, they are probably sympathetic to your plight--or at least too busy laughing to notice.

15 Flying to Australia

When you get down to the wire in your pregnancy, pretty much any flight but especially a grueling, ocean-crossing voyage will be at the top of the no-no list for you.

If you’ve had a relatively healthy, uneventful pregnancy, most airlines will allow you to fly up to the 36-week mark (if you’re carrying twins, don’t be surprised if you’re curbed at 32 weeks). Flying can lead to circulation issues such as developing blood clots or varicose veins. You are also more prone to suffering from dehydration. The concern is these issues could lead to miscarriage, premature labor, and other potentially dangerous consequences for your fetus.

14 Heavy Lifting

At this point in time, it’s best to keep your heavy lifting to a minimum. So plan ahead and don’t move house or clean out your basement until your little angel has arrived. Even if in pre-pregnancy you could easily lift certain objects, things change once you are pregnant. There is no way to gauge how your body will react to even something as seemingly innocent as picking up a bag of groceries. Heavy lifting can lead to a pulled muscle, hernia or possibly even premature labor. That said, it’s important to err on the side of caution and ask for help when it comes to any lifting whatsoever.

13 Blood Donation

Because blood donation can deplete your iron supply and possibly result in anemia, pregnant women are not allowed to give blood. This is an iron-clad rule followed by the American Red Cross as well as all other American blood collection agencies. It is also recommended that even after giving birth, women wait at least six weeks before donating blood.

12 Sitting On the Floor

You probably won't realize how many times you actually are required to sit on a floor until sitting on a floor becomes an exercise in graceless futility for you. Attending a story time program for older children, playing a game with your toddler, even going to the beach--all of these activities will likely involve you sitting on the ground. Just be sure there are strong individuals in the vicinity who can help pull you back into a standing position when needed!

11 Going to the Movies

Even if you fancy yourself a cinephile and pre-baby were at the movies every week, you may want to consider curbing your visits until post-baby for a couple of reasons. First off, if you’ve never noticed how cramped and uncomfortable theater seating is, then you are about to discover it the hard way. And because there is no “pause” button at the cinema, you will probably miss bits and pieces of your movie while you are at the mercy of your sensitive bladder.

From my own personal pregnant movie-going experiences, the intense volume resulted in all three of my in utero angels pummeling me from the inside. I quickly learned my lesson and figured it was just easier to lay on the couch in sweats watching Seinfeld reruns.

10 Sleeping Through the Night

If you’re worried about handling the late nights and the nocturnal ups and downs that will soon fill your life, don’t stress as you’ll get plenty of practice with your own night time dramas. Not only will you be waking up throughout the night thanks to various body parts going numb, but your bladder will keep you busy as well.

And if you think that’s all that will be bothering you throughout the dark hours, think again! There are the weird pregnancy dreams that are sure to haunt your nights, the chronic back pain, searing heartburn, the stuffy nose, and swollen ankles as well!

9 House Work

This is actually a major benefit of being super preggers. Can anyone actually expect you to mop and vacuum floors or get down on your hands and knees and scrub a bathroom? I think not. As long as a bit of dirt and grime won’t get you down, then relax and enjoy the reprieve. And if you can’t bear to live in filth, splurge and hire a cleaning service for the remainder of your pregnancy.

8 Soaking In a Hot Tub

Over-heating your core body temperature during pregnancy has been linked to birth defects in your unborn baby. Play it safe and save the soak in a hot tub or steam session in the sauna for after you’ve given birth.

7 Sleeping On Your Stomach or Back

Unless you have ambitions of becoming a human seesaw, probably the least uncomfortable sleeping position for you will be curled up on your side with a pillow supporting some of your extra weight. If you are typically a stomach sleeper, you’ll need to figure something else out for the time being--trust me. And even after your baby arrives, you won’t want to apply too much pressure to your rock hard breasts.

Even sleeping straight on your back won’t be the best option for you once you feel that baby pushing against your spine. Lying flat on your back shifts the entire weight of your uterus, placenta, and baby directly onto your main blood vessels. Not only is this uncomfortable, but it can cause circulation problems for you (which may lead to dizziness and fainting) as well as for your baby.

6 Taking a Hike

As you near the end of your nine-month odyssey, you may find that simply waddling to and from your car is enough exercise for your legs to handle. Many super pregnant women complain of soreness in their back while also suffering from shortness of breath. Your best bet is to save the intense nature hikes for a time in your life that your feet will actually fit comfortably into sneakers. It won’t be for much longer so don’t despair.

5 Retrieving Something Off the Floor

Forget the five-second rule, if anything falls on the floor, it’s gone forever--or at the very least, until falling victim to either the dog or the vacuum cleaner, whichever happens first. My money is on the dog.

4 Strenuous Exercise

Even if exercise has always been a large part of your daily regime, you will most likely have to make some concessions for your own well-being as well as that of your unborn baby as you head toward the nine-month mark. In most cases, continuing with an established exercise routine is fine early on in your pregnancy. But as your pregnancy progresses, so does your risk for sustaining a sprained ankle or abdominal trauma, suffering from dehydration or even inadvertently diminishing your uterine blood flow.

Talk to your doctor or midwife about what exercises are safe for you to continue doing. And do yourself a favor--save the long-distance running and weight-training for after your baby’s arrival.

When exercising, if you experience any of the following symptoms:

  • Dizziness
  • Joint pain
  • Pain in your back and/or abdomen
  • Vaginal spotting or bleeding
  • Shortness of breath

Immediately stop what you are doing and consult with your healthcare provider.

3 Admiring Your Pedicure From an Upright Position

As the weeks have passed and you’ve eagerly documented your weight gain and belly growth, it may come as a sudden shock when you look down and realize your toes are no longer visible. Especially during the summer months, this may not necessarily be a bad thing as your grotesquely swollen feet may actually resemble bloated, misshapen puppies.

2 Yard Work

Bending over a garden all day long may be your idea of heaven, but it can quickly turn hellish if you put your extremely pregnant body through more than it can handle. When it comes to pregnancy and gardening, one of the biggest concerns is an infection called toxoplasmosis. This is a parasite that can sometimes be found in animal feces and if you are gardening, you may unknowingly come into contact with the contaminant. If you become infected during pregnancy, this can result in serious birth defects and even miscarriage.

When it comes to doing any type of yard work, you need to remain consciously aware of your pregnancy and not overdo it. Keep in mind that the repetitive motions of raking leaves, mowing the lawn and pulling weeds can wreak havoc on a person in tip-top condition, let alone someone sustaining a life force in their womb.

1 Getting Pregnant

You’re already knocked-up which means you no longer have to concern yourself with birth control for the next little while. Despite the fact that there are so many things you CAN’T do when you’re super pregnant, you can be sure that having great sex is not one of them. So, forget about killing the mood with birth control; be spontaneous and get busy!

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