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25 Hipster Baby Names That Went Too Far

The newest trend in raising children is doing so in a chill, ironic, oh-so-aloof kind of way... a.k.a. hipster parenting. Hipster moms and pops are changing the parenting game one vintage toy purchase and mustache binky at a time. They’re wise, they’re extra, and they don’t care what the rest of the world thinks about them and their kale-fed children.

Hipster parents march to the beats of their own drums, and don’t feel they should have to change who they are just because they have welcomed new life to the world. Ariel Gore, author of the book The Hip Mama Survival Guide, told MSNBC: "If I'm a punk rocker or I'm really into Hungarian folk dancing ... and that's who I am, why should I have to leave that behind and raise my kid in some generic middle class American reality that doesn't feel authentic to me?"

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with hipster parenting, some of the names selected by hipster parents are, simply put, totally uncool. It’s one thing to play your kids Beatles songs on your rustic record player, but it’s another entirely to force them to go through life with a designation that was never meant to be a person’s name.

Read on for 20 hipster baby names that went too far.

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25 Fedora

Fedoras are totally hip hats that those with style to spare are seen sporting on a regular basis. These haut headgear options may be a fun style accessory, but this doesn’t justify naming a baby after them. Dora is a sweet shortening of this name that makes it just a little easier to stomach... but still.

Fedora is a name of Greek and Russian origin and is considered a variation of the name Theodora. In Italian, it means – wait for it – hat. Hats off to the hipster parents-to-be out there who make the wise decision not to give this name to their tots.

24 Chia

Chia seeds are all-the-rage these days, especially in the hipster community. They contain fiber, protein, magnesium, phosphorus and manganese. It’s not difficult to understand why people are going crazy for chia pudding and chia smoothies. Some folks love these little oval-shaped seeds so much they have taken to naming their children after them.

Chia is a name of Spanish origin that currently ranks as the 6,114th most popular name for girls in the United States, and has fallen 1,524 spots in popularity since last year. For boys, it ranks 8,209th, and is up a surprising 92 spots since 2017.

23 Zen

Actress Zoe Saldana started a hipster trend when she chose the name Zen for her son in 2016. It currently ranks as the 1,470th most popular name for boys in the United States. For girls, it currently ranks as the 2,968th most popular choice and has risen a very impressive 888 spots since 2017.

Zen is a name of Japanese origin and is a form of Buddhism. It isn’t uncommon for parents to name their children after religious practices, but achieving the state of this name may be a bit too much for a tiny toddler filled with energy and a propensity for throwing tantrums to live up to.

22 Insta

Insta is a nickname for the wildly popular social media platform Instagram. It isn’t uncommon to hear hipster parents uttering phrases like, “For more info on my new bee colony, check my Insta” or “I just shared my ironic cat sweater on Insta.” Believe it or not, some moms and pops of the hipster variety love Instagram so, so very much, they are naming their babies after it.

While the name Insta is not currently ranking on any baby naming charts, we won’t be too surprised if it does in the future. Mashable recently reported that social media is inspiring all kinds of similar names that are just as uncool. The site has confirmed that Facebook, Hashtag and even the @ symbol are actual names that have been given to actual babies.

21 Kale

Kale is defined on Nameberry.com as “an invented name.” The alternative spelling, Cale, is a diminutive of the Hebrew name Caleb that is far less pretentious. To put things bluntly, if a child is named Kale, he’s named after the bitter lettuce that people choke down or mix into smoothies in an attempt to be healthy forever and ever.

There is nothing wrong with naming a child after a food, but there are so many more appealing options. Taco, Cupcake and even Apple are a few alternatives to Kale that are much cuter, and much more beloved by taste buds the world over.

20 Pandora

Pandora is a name of Greek origin that means all gifted. It is the name of the mythological first woman whose curiosity got the best of her. She couldn’t help herself and opened a forbidden box, unleashing evil in all its forms upon humanity. In more recent years, Pandora is also known as a great place to go to find rockin’ tunes. We can’t help but wonder if hipster parents who select this name are naming their children after the latter.

Currently, Pandora ranks as the 4,343rd most popular name for girls in the United States. It is worth mentioning that Dora and Dori are two adorable shortenings of this ancient designation that help add to its overall appeal. 

19 Joplynn

Joplynn is an alternative spelling of the name Joplin, a variation of the biblical name Job, that means the afflicted. Joplin is also the name of a Missouri town known for being a stopping place for the notorious criminals Bonnie and Clyde. Joplin spelled the traditional way is unique, a bit whimsical and effortlessly cool. Changing the spelling to make it even edgier seems to be taking things one step too far.

Presently, Joplynn does not appear on any baby naming charts. The last time it ranked was in 2015, when it was the 16,220th most popular name for girls in the United States... for good reason.

18 Craven

Craven is a haunting name of English origin that means garlic place. Nameberry.com states, “Since this is a word that pertains to cowardice, not the most appealing choice. Raven, Arven and Haven might be more positive options for those drawn to the name by its sound.” Nevertheless, hipster mothers and fathers have gone ahead and assigned this name to their unsuspecting little ones.

In 2017, Craven ranked as the 17,428th most popular name for boys. This year, it is not appearing baby name charts. Love for this name may have been short-lived, possibly because parents realized that by choosing the name Craven, they had actually named their treasured tot coward.

17 Phelony

Phelony is a made up name that doesn’t mean anything and does not currently register on any popular baby naming charts. Sure, it rhymes with the name Melanie, a designation that was kinda popular in the ‘90s, but the change in the first two letters makes it a moniker that should be, well, against the law. 

Changing the spelling of the word to phelony does not a baby name make. A poster on Reddit summed things up nicely by sharing online, “A girl I knew had her third baby, a girl. She named her daughter Phelony. Yes... Poor kid.”

16 Tulsa

Naming children after cities is a time-honored tradition that will never go out of style. Parents love to name their children after iconic, lovely places like Paris, London and Austin, but hipster parents have decided to branch out a bit and select unexpected city names for their kids. One example? Tulsa.

While there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the name Tulsa, there isn't a lot right with it either. Nameberry.com states, "Unlike many other western city names, Tulsa has not proved attractive to parents." At least a few parents have selected this unexpected choice for their tots in recent year. It ranked as the 13,611th most popular name for boys in 2016, meaning someone out there somewhere deemed it a name fit for a child.

15 Midnight

Midnight is an English word name that is mysterious, foreboding and a little spooky. Hipster celebs Nicole Richie and Joel Madden selected this name for their son, Sparrow James Midnight, placing it firmly on the baby name map for the rest of time.

Midnight currently ranks as the 10,926th most popular name for boys in the United States. For girls, it has not ranked since 2016 when it was the 16,270th most popular choice. According to Nameberry.com, Midnight is considered a day name. These names "have their roots in the African tradition of naming a child after a day of the week, time of day, or season in which he or she was born.” Hey, could be worse. We’ve yet to encounter a child named Noon.

14 Rustic

Adjective names can be fun, but parents considering using a descriptive word for their child may wish to carefully consider any and all ramifications before assigning one to their beloved babies. The name Rustic is such an obscure name choice, it is not currently ranked on any popular baby name charts. However, Nameberry.com boasts multiple baby name threads for which Rustic is the topic. They include: “Rustic Baby Names”, “Nature/Rustic Boy Names”, “Rustic Woodland Baby Names”, and “Rustic and Country Inspired Boy Names”.

The parents who have selected this name for their children must have decided that the amount of rustic options available to them was just too vast to choose from. A great solution? Go all in and just call your kid Rustic.

13 Matrix

Matrix is yet another name that is currently too obscure to register on any popular baby name websites. It is a math term, a successful film trilogy and a far-out baby name that may be just a bit too intense for most.

In 2017, Matrix ranked as the 13,164th most popular name for boys in the United States and, as far as we know, has never been used for a girl. Matey is a possible nickname for Matrix that is popular among pirates, and Trix is a cool shortening that saves this name from being a complete and total disaster of a moniker.

12 Sincere

Sincere is a word name that is definitely an admirable trait. Speaking about this somewhat intense characteristic name, Nameberry.com states, “Does it really work as a name? Enough parents though so to put in the top 700 in one recent year.”

Sincere currently ranks well within the top 1,000 names for American boys at 771st. For girls, it currently ranks as the 6,175th most popular choice. Maybe parents are hoping their little men will be more sincere if they stick them with this word as their name. Who knows? What we do sincerely hope is that children with this name doesn't become a walking contradiction due to an honesty problem. 

11 Trigger

Trigger is a name that is defined as a small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism. It is mentioned in the Nameberry.com blog post entitled, “The 12 Best Bond Girl Names”, and is in good company with other ridiculous names used for Bond girls that include the names Kissy and Plenty.

Presently, Trigger ranks as the 6,769th most popular name for boys in the United States, and has risen a staggering 4,289 spots in popularity since last year. It’s safe to say that parents who adore this name are going ahead and pulling the trigger and love for the name Trigger is on the rise.

10 Bright

Bright is another interesting and odd adjective name that is defined as giving out or reflecting a lot of light; shining. Brighton has long been considered a viable name option. Shortening it to Bright is a blinding choice that may or may not be an acceptable name to assign to an innocent child.

Today, the name Bright ranks as the 4,433rd most popular name for American boys and has risen 98 places in popularity since 2017. For girls, Bright currently ranks as the 11,880th most popular choice and is up an astronomical 7,793 spots in popularity since last year. Look on the bright side, it's spelled correctly! 

9 Sketch

Unlike the interesting hipster names Catch, Scotch, Switch, Ketch and Fletch, Sketch is an undeniably one-of-a kind choice that has not yet ranked on any baby naming charts. However, if hipster parents have their way, it may be a name that will become a chart topper in the future.

Taking time to sketch with pencil on paper is a great pastime that many people enjoy, but the word sketch has also become a term used to describe someone who can’t quite be trusted, or is even slightly creepy. For this reason, Sketch may not be the best choice for a child who will go through life with his sketchy name preceding him.

8 Waldorf

Waldorf is the name of a delicious salad made complete with juicy apples, crunchy walnuts and succulent grapes. It was first served at the famous Waldorf Astoria hotel in 1893, and became an instant hit. Now, this delightful dish is served all over the world. Is this first course in a fancy meal tasty enough to name a child after? That’s for parents-to-be to decide.

Another reason some moms and pops may fancy the name Waldorf is the fact that Blair Waldorf was one formidable and fashionable character on the hit series Gossip Girl. As lovely as the aforementioned famous Waldorf's taste and look, we still can’t justify naming a child after either of them.

7 Harvest

Harvest is a word name of English origin. According to Nameberry.com, “Harvest has been occasionally used as a name since the eighteenth century...given the rise of such popular baby names as Harper and August, plus new word names from Heaven to True, Harvest sounds more possible now than ever.”

Harvest currently ranks as the 11,880th most popular name for girls in the United States. For American boys, it currently ranks as the 10,950th most popular choice, and has risen 6,484 spost since 2017. What does this mean? Autumn-loving hipster parents are falling hard for the name Harvest.

6 Jairyd

Jairyd is a fairly ridiculous reimagining of the biblical beauty Jared, a name of Hebrew origin that means he descends. Those who choose a name for a child that causes those who see it written out to scratch their heads in confusion may have taken things too far with their creative spelling. This is one hipster name that most definitely belongs in the compost pile.

Jared currently ranks as the 447th most popular name for boys in the United States, but when it is spelled Jairyd, it doesn’t rank at all, for good reason. It’s the worst version of this lovely name we’ve ever encountered. Hipster parents should simply avoid it at all costs.

5 Unica

What do many hipsters love more than anything else? Unicorns, that’s what. Another thing they really love is being unique. Combine these two hipster favorites, and the name Unica is born. Nameberry.com states that Unica is “actually from an Icelandic word for ‘smart, sharp-witted person.”

Today, it ranks as the 12,503rd most popular name for girls in the United States. It may not be popular yet, but it’s also important to note that this name has risen a very impressive 4,194 spots in popularity since 2017. All we can say to hipster parents is, please avoid the nickname Uni at all costs. We’d also like to add that shortening Caca isn’t much better.

4 Blayde

What happens when parents-to-be take a weapon word and add an unnecessary “y” to it? The name Blayde, that's what. Nameberry.com states “[Blade is] one of the new crop of boys’ names that manage to be unconventional and macho at the same time...though Blade verges on threatening.”

Currently, the alternative spelling of this name, Blade, ranks as the 3,987th most popular name for boys in the United States and has risen 2,808 spots since 2017. When the arbitrary “y” is added, Blayde ranks as the 10,892nd most popular name for American boys. It is important to note that this version of the name has risen 6,536 spots since 2017.

3 Maybry

The hit cult television series Arrested Development put the name Maybe on the map when it was used for one of the show’s most calm, cool and collected characters. It only makes sense that hipsters would love an ironic name from an obscure show. What takes this name to a whole new level? Apparently, adding a random “r” will do the trick.

Maybry ranked as the 16,697th most popular name for girls in the United States in 2016, and hasn’t registered on baby name charts since. The reason? Maybe this name sounds too much like the original to make any sort of sense. Just a thought.

2 Jaxzon

Jaxzon is a phonetically challenged variation of the popular name Jackson that means son of Jack. The alternate spelling Jackson is currently a huge hit among all parents, and currently ranks as the 11th most popular choice for boys in the United States.

Jaxzon currently ranks as the 17,072nd most popular name for boys in the United States, and has risen a whopping 356 spots in popularity since last year. Hipster parents are known for spelling the names of their children in new and unique ways. This name combines the currently trending letters x and z into a hipster baby name disasterpiece.

1 Cherubina

Cherubina is an interesting name choice that invokes images of chubby angel babies. While it's very uncommon, this name is not unheard of. It currently ranks as the 19,657th most popular name for girls in the United States.

Cherubina may sound like a name someone invented out of thin air, but Nameberry.com confirms it is a "variant on the word cherub that showed up as a name in Rome in 1527." Sure, this name may sound a bit pretentious to some, but it's got a timeless, vintage flare to it that hipster parents may not be able to resist. In short, it's bad, but it's not the worst.

Sources: Babble.com, Nameberry.com, BabyCenter.com, CatholicEducation.com, BabyNames.com, Mashable.com

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