Baby names are really important. A person’s name will be the first impression others have of them, and will give the world an idea of what to expect as far as personality, background, and even social status. There are endless options for awesome names, whether you’re expecting a little boy or a little girl.
Some parents want a name that’s simple and traditional, while others may want something more fancy and distinguished. Then there are those special people who want to ruin their kids’ reputation for life, or at least until the kid is legally able to change the name. By then, though, the damage will have already been done.
Here, we have compiled a list of some of the worst, most offense, horrific names you could ever imagine naming your child. They will set a great example of what not to do, and remind you of just how ignorant and irrational human beings can be. Most of these names are so bad they should be illegal, and perhaps in places other than America, they would be. So, without further wait, here are 25 Of The Most Shocking Baby Names Ever Used. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
25 Budz Kronik
This name is the ULTIMATE rebellion against this age of rampant pharmaceutical abuse and government control. It just does not get more badass than “Budz Kronik.” Really though, we dare you to find a more bold name that shouts “FU” to the man.
Hmm, so I wonder if Budz has a sister named Mary-Jane? That would be totes adorbs, right? Now, don’t get me wrong, I love some medicinal healing as much as the next natural mama, but this is uber trashy and screams “put me in the system forever” with every single skeezy letter. It really does not matter what side of the “legalize it” debate you’re on, there is never an instance where a name like this is okay. The crappy spelling alone should lead to heavy court fines. Case closed.
Where to even begin with this one? We already said that a name sets the first impression, so what kind of impression did these parents think that Phelony would make? Not only is the spelling about as intelligent as a bag of rocks, the name alludes to a heavy crime involving a long prison sentence… exactly what every parent wants for their bundle of joy, right?
You hear a lot of really bad names lately but this one might just take the cake. I can’t imagine a single person aside from the parents thinking this name sounds nice, looks nice or fits any child well (or any living being on the planet, for that matter). To say this is bad would be an understatement.
You might think this one is a joke, but it’s not. The way we found out about this terrible name choice is from the deep, dark depths of the internet. A family member accidentally texted the wrong number to let them know that baby Uteraz was born, and the stranger responded with disbelief... and rightfully so.
It’s hard to believe ANYONE would think this name is a good idea. While the uterus is one of the most important parts of female anatomy, you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who thinks the word itself is pretty or fitting for a name. If I met a child with this name, I would not be able to stifle my laughter or shock, and that would not be too pleasant for the child given this awful moniker.
Color names are all the rage these days, whether it’s Lavender, Blue Ivy, Amber, Rose, or Indigo, there are tons of appropriate and cute choices out there. Cherry-blue is not one of them, however. Not only does it make you think of that overly sugary movie theatre drink, it just comes off as tacky and cheap for a baby.
If the parents loved this name, you’d think they would try to find a socially acceptable alternative, just to prevent bullying. They could have gone with Cheri, Blue, or even separated the names so that one was a first name and one a middle name. Any of these things would have made it a little bit better, but apparently, they didn’t really care about the future or reputation of their little one. SMH.
This name is the product of probably yet another parent who smoked a little bit too much Cali grown. They sat down and thought, long and hard, after a particularly long sesh with their favorite glass, and this is the jewel of a name they came up with. They undoubtedly thought to themselves, “It’s unique, it has to do with herb, and no one else will have the name.”
Well, they were right about all of their musings, but they probably didn’t stop to think about how effing dumb the name sounds and looks. Not to mention, what will the teachers and future prospective employers think when they see this on the roster? They will think to, “hell no… next!”
This one is just painful. Like what the actual heck were the parents thinking? This name is not only spelled stupidly, it seems to be begging for respect and treatment of honor and dignity, yet it is probably one of the worst turds of a name ever used.
If you want your kid to be treated like royalty, why not give them a classy name that was used for a king or queen in the past? There are so many amazing names to choose from. You could find a list of probably hundreds, if not thousands of names that have some royal meaning or correlation… but you chose THIS? Unacceptable.
19 Rocka Sixx
Here is another garbage name. There is literally nothing else you can say about the name, other than it is complete rubbish. Let’s talk about the fact that the name has a misspelled number in it… and it’s trying way too hard to be cool when instead, it just comes off as trashy and ridiculous.
The parents could have gone with the name Rocky and been a lot cooler than this steaming heap of poo. They could have even done the first name Rocky and middle name Six, and it would have been slightly less stupid. But, as you have learned by now, these parents on our list have zero fracks to give and think they are pretty freaking slick. They won’t think so when they’re paying for Rocka Sixx to live with them 'til he’s 45, though.
Tailing in the wake of the god-awful “Ya’Hyness”, is his idiot brother, Yr’Hyness. I can’t even imagine what kind of trap house the baby mama who chose this festering sore of a name came from. I’d imagine it was one sprinkled with the worst elements of every nightmare you’ve ever had, but worse…much, much worse.
I don’t know about you, but I personally can’t stand names that have invented spellings. Names that lack the proper vowels, form, and function, it is enough to drive a writer to pull their hair out. If I were this kid’s teacher, I would refuse to call them by this name. They would be referred to by last name or heck, even Joe. I don’t care, but I wouldn’t do it. Sorry, not sorry.
I am all for originality and unconventional spellings, where thoughtful consideration is used. The name, Ledjend, however, is complete rubbish. Forget the fact that the correct spelling instantly brings to mind a pretty outdated Will Smith movie, but spelled like this, it just says… “my parents are SO desperate for attention!”
Another thing- where is the “D” sound in legend? There is none. If anything, it’s a silent sound. This makes the name look almost like “ledger”, which may actually be more appropriate and cool for a child than this nonsense. LOL.
16 Sing Praises
Families of faith might choose a name that has religious ties, like Jesus, Gabriel, or perhaps even the word “Faith”, itself. Taking things a step further, though, is “Sing Praises.” Yes, I know what you’re thinking. This is a real name.
When you meet a beautiful baby, you might be tempted to sing its praises, but to go ahead and name it such is just setting the little one up for some serious teasing and awkward stares. Perhaps they could have gone with a name like Melody or Harper, if they loved the sound/musical quality so much. Food for thought.
15 Charley Horse D
Does it really need to be explained why this name is on the list? Now, it’s sad but true that you can have the last name Dick, or even Dick with a different spelling. I actually knew someone with the last name “Dik”, and that was unfortunate enough.
These parents CLEARLY must have despised their baby to go ahead and name him Charley with the middle name Horse and then this last name. I get that they wanted the world to know Charley was destined to be quite a man (and ladykiller), but this is just foul and wrong. And how was it LEGAL?! It’s offensive to probably 99 percent of the population.
ANYONE ELSE JUST PUKE IN THEIR MOUTH A LITTLE? Don’t adjust your glasses or the brightness on your screen, because this name does, in fact, say “LEMONJELLO”. Like the food. Like the creepy commercials with the since-disgraced Bill Cosby and some uncomfortably jiggling snacks.
The name makes me picture a nursing home dessert and also a very pregnant mama who is being starved through labor but manages to get her husband to steal a snack off the tray of a passerby in the hospital. Just terrible.
13 Resistance Warcry
One of the beautiful things about some Native cultures is that they assign meaningful names that have to do with nature and spirit guides and animal totems. This, however, was the name given to an average Caucasian child residing in the glorious United States.
It seems like someone’s parents must have gone a little overboard with the happy medicine out in the desert before stumbling upon this hippie gem of a name. They couldn’t be happy with something like River or Phoenix or Rainbow… they just had to go full crazy on us and make a name you’d only love if you were a news anchor interviewing a wild-eyed protestor on Fox News.
12 Corona Lime
Boozey names are all the rage among the lower class, it appears. While researching this list, several great names came up… such as Alize, Champagne, Tequila, and now, Corona Lime. The sad thing is, the name “Corona” could have worked by itself. It means “Crown” and is often a reference for the chakra or ring around the head of a prophetic figure, such as Jesus Christ.
This name, though, is simply a reference to a cheap beer enjoyed by many a partygoer and mama, alike. Perhaps the mama was going through some withdrawals when she picked out this name. Like, forget Apple or Cookie as a pregnancy craving and possible name (that would be tacky yet acceptable), let’s go balls to the wall and do Corona Lime.
No, these aren’t initials. This name is actually pronounced as the actual letters, “JLM.” Weird, right? These parents wanted to name their kid “Jesus Loves Me,” but they opted for an abbreviated version, instead.
The sentiment behind the name is sweet, especially if you’re a person of faith. But, what I’m wondering is, why couldn’t they just name the kid Jesus or some other religious name? Or give the boy a name where the letters would create these initials so that people wouldn’t be scratching their heads in wonder.
Some names just tell it like it is and give away the quality of the person. It is said that names can also dictate what type of personality and character a person has. That is why I am scratching my head wondering what geniuses thought “Ruthlyss” was a sweet name for a bouncing bundle of joy.
The original word “ruthless” brings to mind criminals and “bad guys”, the types of people you would never want your little one to be around. It makes zero sense that anyone could find this title cute or even acceptable for an infant. Sigh.
9 Champagne Chandelier
“I wanna swing, from the chandalierrrrr, from the chandalieeeeeer!” If you thought of the fun and catchy song by Sia, you’re not alone. If you thought of an exotic lady of the night, just working odd hours just to bring home a few stacks of singles to buy her baby some formula, you are also not alone.
This pregnant mama decided to name her baby after both an alcoholic beverage AND the fanciest French word she knew (and she only knew about three words, clearly). So, here you have Champagne Chandelier, a name guaranteed to cause bullying for a lifetime.
As the legend goes, an inventor was taking a hot bubble bath when a tremendous idea hit him, so he jumped up as fast as he could while screaming “EUREKA!” And then, a few years later, the vacuum cleaner came out. You know, your favorite household appliance for picking up after Fido’s shedding and baby’s spilled Cheerios.
What Eureka does not really fit, however, is a little girl. I can promise you NO child wants to be named after an appliance or after a word that means “to cry out in joy after a discovery!” Unless mama peed on the pregnancy stick and baby was named after what she screamed out, after seeing the double lines.
Hmm, so our hungry mama from a few minutes ago had twins, huh? And she couldn’t resist naming the other unfortunate baby “ORANJELLO.” What the actual heck?! Like, was she hoping to get her twins mocked for the rest of eternity? Did she think the names were sweet and appealing?
Come to think of it, I have the answer. She must have been a UK mama who was given too much laughing gas during labor and was high off her rocker when she finally picked a name after being indecisive through the pregnancy. At least there will be lots of laughter in these kids’ lives, right?
6 Free Fries
In a culture of Super-Size meals and instant everything, few words bring quite as much joy to lazy moms as “FREE FRIES!” I mean, you can hardly EVER get fries for free, though they are one of the cheapest commodities on the fast food menus.
I figured out how mom got the name for this unfortunate baby. She, she was an extreme couponer and was so cheap that she scouted the ads and took the surveys for anything McDonald’s related. This was her main hobby during pregnancy, aside from stocking the laundry room with bottle after bottle of fabric softener, so here we are with this name.
A really tacky and stupid twist on the name “Shadow”, this one honestly makes your head hurt, right? Let’s talk about how Shadow itself would best be reserved for the cat belonging to your creepy old neighbor, and then some desperate parent had an attempt at making the name sound glamorous and French, and they failed terribly.
Let’s be serious… there is nothing cute or exotic about the name. And not only that, it doesn’t sound quite right for a boy OR a girl. I mean, the nickname could be Chad, and it could be a girls name, but there are more girls named boys named “Shadow”, so it’s unlikely this was the case. Painful.
Thank goodness the age of giant hair is gone (for now). Looking back at pictures from 50’s all the way through the early 90’s, you can find a never-ending supply of terrible hairstyles fueled with Aquanet (a gloriously cheap hairspray that would stick with you from dusk ‘til dawn).
If you are a hormonal mama reminiscing about those glory days were cut up sweat pants and perms ruled everything, it is only natural to name your little girl “Aquanetta”… right? I can’t even. Stick a fork in me…I’m done!
Where to begin with this one? First of all, yes this is a real name. Second of all, yes, it is truly spelled out how you would think… without the asterisks. Just use your imagination because we can't write it! This makes you wonder… why would ANYONE name a child something that could be viewed as explicit, period?!
So, let’s brainstorm. Maybe they are of a different ethnicity. Maybe they didn’t even think of this pronunciation. Maybe they have a great uncle from a foreign country with this unfortunate name. Even still, someone should have stopped these people. And this is not even a one-time thing. There are SEVERAL kids with this name. Facepalm. It gets better, though…
We warned you. We are just getting started. Call it an ode to the female anatomy… I mean, feminism is finally making a big comeback, right? What better way to scream “girl power” than to dedicate your namesake to the sacred flower that is the Vajeen.
Now, don’t get it wrong… there is absolutely nothing wrong with the lady parts. They are, after all, where life comes from and where a lot of other great things happen. But this is just asking for your little diva to be the butt of years of harassment and jokes, and no one deserves that. Why not name her after a strong historical lady, instead? She could have been a Clara or a Michelle… tsk tsk.
1 Gaylord... WHAT?
Say it out loud with me… “Gay Packer.” That’s right. This is actually someone that I knew personally, growing up. His first name was Gaylord and his middle name was Packer. Gay Packer. He was a sweet kid, but good lord, why. His parents were total hippies and he liked to pick mushrooms on the farm and zone out for days. Kinda gives you a mental picture of what we are dealing with, here.
This name us think about “Meet The Fockers.” There are just some names that don’t sound right no matter how you try to justify them, and this name is no exception. His parents could have chosen one name or the other and it would have been fine, but to combine them definitely led to certain doom. I’m sorry if you’re reading this, Gay.
Sources: CafeMom, MomJunction