Since the beginning of time, man's primary focus in life has always been to find food, live a decent life, and spend the rest of his days with a good wife. Although there's so much involved in finding food and living a decent life, especially today when life is so complicated, finding a good wife has not changed much.
However, as soon as a man and a woman commit to spending the rest of their lives together, family members and friends begin to expect news about a baby within the first year. Children are a huge blessing in every marriage, and they're a sure indication that a family will continue for a few more generations. Nonetheless, since even what appears to be the best thing in the world has a downside to it, having children is not always a great thing for some couples.
Couples that are either not prepared or are ill-prepared for a baby are at the greatest risk of feeling as if getting a baby might not be the blessing that everyone says it is. In addition to the struggle of taking care of a newborn, some couples can start to grow apart as soon as the baby is born.
Although this is not the case with most couples, here are the main signs a couple will start to grow apart as soon as their baby is born. The best news here is that these are just signs and they should not always result in the couple growing apart. Even if a couple is in the process of growing apart, these two lovebirds can easily decide to solve the issues and grow even closer.
25 If Mom And Dad Have A Very Strict System Of Taking Care Of The House
Before getting children, most couples take care of their homes the way they want. These two can tidy up the house, do the laundry, clean the dishes, or do any other task in their home together or in turns, depending on what works for them. However, when their baby comes, their system of getting things done around the house is sure to change.
Couples have to accommodate the new baby, and if such changes can seriously affect their relationship, these two lovebirds might grow apart. Everything else stops, at least for moms, so that the baby can feed, change into clean clothes, bathe, and fall asleep. However, things get easier with time, especially after mom and dad establish their system around their baby's routine.
24 If Mom And Dad Support Each Other In Everything
Before introducing children into a relationship, two people in love often support and are always there for each other in almost everything. However, when a baby joins such a family, the couple might not be able to support each other as they did before.
If this support is a very big deal for either of them, then these two might grow apart upon the arrival of their baby. The mom might feel neglected by her man because she might feel as if he is not doing much to help her with the baby. On the other hand, the man might feel neglected by his woman because she spends all her time taking care of the baby.
23 If Mom And Dad Must Always Spend Time Alone Together
Soon-to-be parents should prepare well for the arrival of a new baby because a baby almost always takes over the couple's lives. The new addition to the family will always affect the time a couple spends together, especially if mom and dad have demanding jobs that leave both of them with little time to spend together.
If these two people value the time they have together so much that they would rather sacrifice anything to be together alone, chances are the new baby might force them apart. However, there are many ways around this and couples should always do their best to accommodate their children while valuing each other even more.
22 If Mom And Dad Hardly Ever Fight Or Get Into Disagreements
It is possible to come across couples who hardly ever fight or disagree, even if they have been together for a long time. Although this is a sure sign of maturity, it doesn't always mean that they can never fight. One of the reasons a couple can start to have disagreements is the arrival of a newborn because a baby is sure to push these two out of their comfort zone.
When a couple that was not used to fighting begins to fight a lot, they might start to grow apart, even though disagreements are part of every relationship. However, such disagreements should never lead the couple to make irrational decisions, since this is just a normal response to change and the pressure of taking care of another human being.
21 If Being Spontaneous Is One Of The Pillars Of Mom And Dad's Relationship
Most new couples often do fun things together at any time, regardless of whether it's during the day or at night. It is normal for such couples to go for trips abroad, go on exciting vacations wherever they can afford, and even go camping with friends on a whim. However, such spontaneity usually dies down with the introduction of a new baby into the relationship.
If being spontaneous is the main thing that holds a couple together, then having a baby might feel as if the relationship is not as exciting as it was before, and the two might start to grow apart. However, such couples must make sure to never drift apart for long, because they can also find ways of doing what they love together with their baby.
20 If Mom And Dad Have Different Views On Parenting
One of the main reasons many couples start to grow apart a short while after getting their first child is their different views on parenting. Obviously, mom and dad grew up in different families and were exposed to different ways of bringing up children.
Therefore, it's acceptable to find either the mom or the dad being very strict or very lenient with the children, which the other person might consider the wrong way of bringing them up. The tension that can build up between couples because of the different parenting styles can definitely lead the two to grow apart, which should never be the case. A couple should always seek to develop its unique way of bringing up children because each parent's input is very important here.
19 If Mom And Dad's Relationship Thrives On Closeness
One-on-one time is very important in any relationship because this is arguably the one thing a couple has that is unique only to them. However, when babies start to come, many couples' private moments are usually put on hold. This break, regardless of how long it usually is, is very important because it's a period mom needs to heal after the delivery, as well as for her to focus on taking good care of the newborn.
For a couple that always finds solutions to any if not all issues in their relationships through this act, having a baby will sure pull them apart. However, since a couple can find many ways of getting close, a newborn should never be the reason to let the fire in the relationship to deteriorate.
18 If Fun Is A Major Ingredient In Mom And Dad's Relationship
Often, many couples start to grow apart when one or both of the parties involved start to feel as if the relationship is getting boring. These are the couples that have developed a culture of always doing things together that bring them a lot of fun and excitement.
However, when a new baby comes, these two might not get the opportunity to do what they used to do, and it is possible for one or both of them to start feeling bored. If having fun all the time is a big deal for a couple, having a baby will obviously lead these two to start growing apart because a baby will always get in their way.
17 If A Couple Is Not Doing So Well Financially
One thing most new parents might not know so well is just how expensive it can be to get a baby. Of course, the nine months leading up to the delivery might not cost the couple too much money, and the insurance might even cover the delivery cost; however, everything after that can be too expensive for a couple.
If paying the bills and barely affording to meet daily expenses are a strain on a couple, then the cost of bringing up a baby will surely pull them apart. Money problems are some of the leading causes of relationship problems and divorces, a path every couple dreads to even think about. However, money problems should never spell the end of a relationship but the two lovebirds must work hard together to get out of their money problems.
16 If Mom And Dad Have Very Different Priorities
One of the surest ways to make a relationship work is to be on the same page with your spouse on all matters, including the things other people might consider too personal. For example, it's important for a couple to decide whether both the mom and dad will follow their careers to whatever height they get to, or whether one of them will sacrifice for the sake of raising the kids.
If these two do not agree on where to place their priorities, having a baby will make them grow apart. One of the parties might feel as if he or she is giving his or her all in the relationship or in raising the baby while the other might be focused on something else that appears to be not as important.
15 If Mom Is Used To Doing All The Housework Alone
Stay-at-home moms usually do everything around the house throughout the day because managing the house is a lot of work. A few of the things they do include doing the laundry, cooking, and cleaning the house. This means that their significant others focus on providing financially, and may not find much to do at home because their wives do almost everything.
Therefore, if such a couple was to get a baby, then chances that the two will start to grow apart are very high. The last few days before delivery and at least a month or two after delivery the man will have to take over almost all the house chores. If the couple does not look for a solution to this shift in good time, both the man and the woman will be frustrated.
14 If The Mom Might Start To Let Her Relationship Take The Back Seat
It is common for moms to establish a deep connection with the baby even before the baby is born, a bond that will go a long way to help the baby cope with the outside world. However, there's always the risk that some moms can develop a connection that's so strong with the little one that they end up forgetting their significant other.
If during the pregnancy all the soon-to-be mom talks about and does is related to the baby, then there could be a great chance that she will forget her man and the two are sure to grow apart. Of course, the baby needs his or her mom throughout until he or she gets to a certain age, but this does not mean the mom should neglect her man until then.
13 If It Appears As Though Dad's Life Will Go Back To Normal Too Fast
A couple in a relationship that is used to doing things together and participating in all the aspects of their lives equally might start to grow apart after the baby comes. The main reason for this might be that the involvement in taking care of the baby is sure to be different for both of them, and life after the baby will impact them differently.
Dad's life can quickly go back to normal after the baby is born and some moms might feel as if that is unfair. Moms take weeks or even months before they can even go back to work, and getting back to their normal routine might take even longer. Having an understanding that a baby comes with such changes beforehand can help a couple work towards solving any problem that might arise.
12 If The Couple Appears To Have Some Communication Problems
One of the building blocks of a strong and healthy relationship is communication because lack thereof or poor communication always results in a breakup. Therefore, if a couple appears to have some communication problems even before their baby comes, then chances that they will grow even further apart when the baby is born are very high.
Bringing up a child properly requires the mom and dad to do it together as a team, and for any team to succeed the communication between the different parties needs to be good. The good news here is that learning how to communicate properly is possible, regardless of how terrible two people appear to be at it.
11 When The In-laws Appear To Be Too Involved In The Pregnancy
Almost all the couples that have ever been in a premarital counseling class know that one of the biggest threats to their relationship is the in-laws. Of course, parents on both sides would want the relationship between their children to succeed, but the problem in giving them unlimited access to the couple's lives is that they unknowingly and unintentionally pull the couple apart.
In addition, if the in-laws appear to be there every step of the way during the pregnancy period, then chances are they will want to be there for their grandchild. Although nothing is wrong in a grandparent wanting to be there for his or her grandchild, the problem in such a situation arises when they want to take a leading role in bringing up the child. Such a situation will undoubtedly force mom and dad to grow apart.
10 If A Couple Has A Very Strict Sleeping Routine
How many hours should an adult spend sleeping in order to be at the peak of his or her productivity? Depending on the source you trust to give you the answer and the time you have to report to work in the morning, it is very important to come up with a very strict sleeping routine.
Couples that succeed in doing this and make a big deal out of how important it is to stick to their routine will have some big issues when their babies are born. This is because the little ones don't care about any routines, and he or she will demand attention in the most inconvenient times. The inconvenience and sleep deprivation that will result will be a problem, especially if one person's routine will suffer much more than the other, which is always the case.
9 If The Couple Is Forgetting To Be Courteous Towards Each Other
Couples in healthy relationships know that being courteous to each other goes a long way. Simple words such as good morning, have a great day, thank you, and please, helps couples maintain a sense of love and respect towards each other. Actually, such considerable words often improve the relationship and prevent the growth of small misunderstandings into unmanageable problems.
However, if a couple that's expecting a baby is not using these kind words with each other, it will be hard to start using them when their baby is born, owing to the pressure and inconveniences the baby will come with. Therefore, chances that a baby will cause such a couple to grow apart even further will be very high.
8 If The Dad Does Not Get Mom’s Baby Blues
Women go through so many changes during pregnancy including hormonal imbalances that make them too emotional. During such times, these women can be happy one minute and then sad the next. A man who does not understand what his woman is going through can be tempted to think that she has changed and start to regret being with her.
If such a man starts developing such feelings before the baby is born, then when the baby comes the situation is sure to be worse. The hormonal changes the new mom may go through after having the baby will cause her to experience the same mood swings, coupled with the frustrations of feeling inadequate as a mom and not pretty enough as a wife. The man, in this case, must be there for his woman to assure her of his undying love and adoration for her, regardless of her moods or appearance.
7 If The Couple Is Always Very Specific About The Woman's Appearance
One of the reasons most women are always so attractive is that they always make time to take care of themselves and to apply makeup. These women go for hair and nail appointments on a regular basis and they make an effort to dress up at all times, which is amazing.
However, if a couple's relationship is strong only because the woman is always so hot, things will definitely change when these two get their first child. After giving birth, some women lack the motivation to shower and change into fresh clothes, let alone take the time to apply makeup. This change is the result of mom shifting her attention from herself to the baby, in addition to the fatigue and the hormonal imbalances.
6 If The Man Is Hanging Out With The Boys A Bit More
For a relationship between a man and a woman to thrive, these two have to invest a lot of time into activities that bring them together, and less time in those that separate them. Therefore, it is normal for couples to go out on dates, for shopping, and on vacations together. In addition, they spend less time with their single friends and a bit more with their couple friends, which is good for their relationship.
However, if during the pregnancy the man starts getting opportunities to spend even more time with the boys because his wife cannot spend time with him the situation will get worse when their baby arrives. The more the man will enjoy spending time away from his woman the more the couple will grow apart.
5 If There Are Signs That The Baby Might Not Be Okay
Most couples are often happy and excited to meet their new bundles of joy, especially when they have tried to get pregnant and waited for so long. Arguably, the fact that couples will have small versions of themselves running around the house, playing all sorts of games, and engaging in many activities with them is what makes them so happy.
However, if during some of the tests they discover that their baby will be born with a form of a disability they might not be too excited about the challenges such complications will bring. A couple will usually require to go through counseling because if they do not, they might end up growing apart and even going their separate ways. This is very unfair for the new baby and the parent who has to bring him or her up singlehandedly.
4 If The Couple Is Keeping Score On Who Is Doing More Work
It is easy for a new couple to come up with a clear outline of all the household and relationship activities these two engage in, and to divide the work out equally between them. This is a great way of dealing with all the chores in the house, especially if both the man and the woman take their careers very seriously.
As much as such a schedule is important so as not to burden one person, keeping score when the baby has arrived will often do more harm than good to the relationship. Clearly, mom will not be able to do all the chores she is supposed to because of the new responsibilities she has, and dad will not be able to take care of the baby as mom would. Therefore, when one person does not live up to his or her expectation, these two will start to grow apart.
3 If The Couple Is Not Willing To Ask For Help
In most instances, couples will often employ the services of a nanny when they get their first baby, simply because they've never taken care of a baby before and they need all the help they can get. However, since hiring a nanny is not cheap, not all couples can go for this option, and they have to learn how to manage their situation on the job.
If a couple has no way of getting assistance at home, chances are that the demands of the new baby, in addition to their normal routines might pull them apart. One way around this problem is to ask for help from family members or even friends because the couple will really need assistance.
2 If The Couple Didn't Want To Get Pregnant In The First Place
Even though so many couples long to hold their own babies in their arms, there are some couples who are not so eager for such a time. It is common to find couples who have decided to focus on their careers for the first few years of being together, and then have kids when they have accumulated a bit of wealth.
If such a couple was to get pregnant, then it is likely that these two would immediately start to grow apart. Arguably, the mom would feel deeply hurt after giving birth because the dad will easily continue to achieve his career goals, but mom would have to wait. Furthermore, if the mom misses a promotion when she takes time off to raise her baby, she would be hurt even more.
1 If The Pregnancy Is Not Going As Well As The Couple Expected
When we watch movies or series where one of the actors plays the role of a pregnant woman who eventually gives birth, it's possible to fall in love with the process and desire to go through the same. However, more often than not, the pregnant women on TV hardly go through a fraction of the issues the real-life pregnant woman goes through.
If a couple wanted to have a baby because it looked so attractive on their favorite show, or if their favorite celebrity got a baby then the couple might be in for a rude shock. The whole experience might not only force them to never try to have another baby again but it might even force these two to grow apart.