Having a baby is a natural evolution for most marriages. When a party of two expands to a family of three, the nature of the couple’s relationship is bound to change.
In this new stage of parenthood, life takes a completely different focus. Schedules now revolve around the baby. Sleep deprivation is making you both irritable. Financial demands are causing tension. With new responsibilities comes new stress.
To family and friends, a new addition is a blessing. To mothers and fathers, life does a 180. This is known as a “ baby quake.” For some, a baby can bring couples closer together. For others, a fragile marriage and a new baby can drive couples apart.
Studies show that two-thirds of parents are less satisfied with their marriage after having a baby. Both parents are exhausted and anxious. Mothers need to physically recover after birth. Fathers find it harder to bond with their newborn when mom gets most of the baby’s attention.
Jealous fathers perceive their child as a threat. Time, love and affection have shifted from husband to baby. In their wife’s absence, sadness, resentment, and a secret shame of jealousy begin.
Here are seven candid confessions from dads who are jealous of their newborns.
7 Confession : I’m jealous of the time that my wife spends with our son.
Neglect is a common complaint of new dads. Pre-baby, fathers received full attention and affection. After the baby is born, relationships suffer partly because wives lose sight of their partners.
Because they are enjoying the blessings of motherhood, women will talk about their children often. It’s a primal instinct for mothers to protect their little one. In doing so, some women are oblivious to the fact that fathers will feel pushed away, becoming resentful of the newborn.
A jealous father will not appreciate his wife coming home with a gift for her baby if there is nothing for him. Husbands appreciate that their wives cherish their children, but not at the dad’s expense.
There is no doubt that the demands of motherhood can wear thin. Around the clock childcare is a full time job. Cooking, cleaning, and paying bills require overtime. Where does the husband fit in after all of that? Feeling alone when you are not alone is painful. Eventually, men feel forced out, choosing to spend time with the boys, or other women.
Being a doting mother doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice your relationship with your husband. He may become vulnerable to foreign temptation.
Everyone needs nurturing. Safeguard your relationship by taking practical steps. It will show your husband that he is important, and that you value your relationship.
Use these tips to help your husband from feeling neglected:
- ·take the baby to your parents’ house to spend the night
- ·hire a babysitter to watch the baby in the nursery for a few hours
- ·ask a friend to take the baby for a walk
While the baby is away, reconnect as a couple by:
- ·having a cuddly nap
- ·making dinner together
- ·talking about other things that the baby
6 Confession : I don’t spend enough alone time with my wife.
Jealous dad number two confessed that when the children came, he felt he had lost his best friend. His wife became a friend to their kids, but made him feel like a stranger.
There was a time when you only had eyes for each other. You used to engage in witty conversation. Socializing with friends happened weekly, as did a physical romance.
Before the baby, you showered your spouse with affection. There was an infinite supply of freedom. In comes children, and out goes unlimited romantic time. You become less intimate.
After delivering a baby, women are generally less interested in intimacy. By the end of the day, you may be together, but you’re also exhausted. Suddenly, your relationship is on hold for the sake of the children. When did the relationship switch from lovers to roommates?
You are not alone. The birth of a baby is a huge culture shock for most new parents. With increased demands, there is so much to do and less time to do it. The day-to-day responsibilities of household and kids take over. Life becomes all-consuming. It’s understandable that a marriage after a baby would take a challenging path.
This is the time when fathers can feel insecure. When the spotlight moves from father to baby, dad may feel like he is competing for time and affection with his wife.
After having children, you are often in the same room, but you’re hardly ever alone. Yes, you are parents, but you are still a couple. Couples time encourages communication, stimulates intimacy, and reinforces the marriage. Schedule some private time to get your relationship back on the intimate track.
Also, schedule some kid-free time to unwind. Spontaneous plans are not likely to happen because a babysitter needs to be arranged. Believe it or not, you can have a newborn and a life. Quiet time together will revitalize your relationship.
Keep the romance alive with your husband by:
- ·enjoying dinner and a movie away from home
- ·taking a walk together while the baby sleeps in the stroller
- ·talking for at least five uninterrupted minutes every day
5 Confession : The baby only wants mom.
Jealous dad number three was devastated when his son screamed for his mom. Whenever it happened, his heart broke quietly.
This situation is actually very common. Baby bonds with its mom, and dad tries not to take it personally. Perhaps the guilt of jealousy also adds tension.
When a baby prefers to be with mom, dads feel rejected. Even worse, fathers will start to doubt their parenting abilities.
Babies tend to be mother-centric. Because of the maternal bond that starts in utero, it is common for dads to feel like the odd man out. It’s virtually impossible for fathers to compete with the mother-baby bond.
For nine months, the baby listens to their mother’s voice and heartbeat. They also learn language patterns, and share emotions. From the start, there is a stronger bond with the mother that often leaves dad feeling out in the cold.
It is natural for a newborn to prefer a breastfeeding mom because they are the food source. There is something to be said for mother’s intuition. Most mothers have a nurturing primal instinct. That doesn’t mean mothers know more than fathers. Spend more time with a child, and you will become more attuned to their needs.
Take heed dad, when baby cries, don’t hand him back to mom. Try to soothe baby’s tears by singing. Give your baby a bottle, and then rock him gently. In time, your baby will learn that comfort doesn’t only come from mom.
All is not lost as long as dads get their fair share. Let your husband and baby bond with some alone time. This will benefit all three of you.
Give dad more time with the baby by:
- ·asking him to take the night shift of feedings
- ·allowing him to take paternity leave
- ·leaving the room to allow dad and baby special play time
4 Confession : I’m not allowed to play with her breasts anymore.
Jealous dad number 4 revealed that before childbirth, his wife’s breast used to belong to him. He could do whatever he wanted with them. Now, he can’t even hug her because her breasts are so swollen and sensitive.
Breasts become one or two cups larger in size during the breastfeeding stage. To your husband, they are more attractive than ever. To a lactating mother, their function changes from sexy-breast to nutritional-breast. They are no longer erotic lumps. Instead, they are baby feeding machines.
It is very common for breastfeeding mothers to implement a breast ban with their partners. Newborns literally chomp on the nipple to latch on. They’re tender, they leak, and they are supported by a utilitarian nursing bra 24-7. These are all turnoffs for women.
Men, on the other hand, want to share your breasts. They are fun for him. Sexual contact is also a powerful reassurance for a man. To have a part of your body off limits to your husband would be considered an insult. For couples in the trenches, this subject is bound to be a matter of contention if ignored. Criticism may ignite a counterattack, so choose your words carefully.
All dads need knowledge, support, confidence, and comfort. As long as there is communication, a solution can be found to satisfy everyone. Discuss with your partner when your breasts will be in action. If you need a little help to feel sexier, buy new bras and underwear.
Give your husband:
- ·compliments to remind him that he is desirable
- ·honest and open communication
- ·a plan when regular sexual play will resume
3 Confession : I can’t wait to have sex.
Jealous dad number six assumed that his marriage was rocky because he and his wife didn’t have sex for six months after having the baby. His wife was just saying no to sex, but he thought she was not interested in him anymore.
Men prefer to show their love with actions. Fixing a leaky faucet or taking out the garbage may be his way of showing affection. Guys strengthen their relationship through shared activities, like sex.
Typically, men 60 years of age and under think about sex once a day or more. New dads are bound to take it personally when they are being rejected over and over again.
It’s no secret that sex slows down after childbirth. A big reason for this is lack of sleep. New moms are physically and emotionally spent. Mothers can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, as people often advise.
Under that recommendation, she wouldn’t be able to take care of her own needs, like eating, showering, or going to the bathroom. Tiredness is just one of the many reasons why women are turned off by sex after having a baby.
When a wife has lost that loving feeling, a husband can feel isolated. New mothers do not intend to make their partners miserable.
If a man’s needs are not met in the relationship, he will find appreciation outside of the home. This may mean working longer hours, hanging out with the guys, or even extra marital affairs.
Asking a man to go without sex for a long stretch can be a relationship killer. With a steady divorce rate in tow, ensure your marriage with compromise.
Show your husband some love by:
- ·writing him a love letter
- ·going away for the weekend to a quaint bed and breakfast
- ·buying sexy bras and lingerie
2 Confession : I don’t matter to her anymore.
Jealous dad number 6 says that he got married because he was in love with his wife. Children weren’t part of the plan. Once his baby was born, the relationship with his wife changed. His idea was to be at the center of his wife’s universe forever. According to this jealous dad, the hugs from his kids took away from the intimacy with his wife, and he resented it.
Fathers need to evaluate who makes them jealous. Is that green eyed monster rearing its ugly head because your wife has a closer relationship with your baby than you? Are you envious of your baby coming between you and your wife?
Whatever the case, these resentful feelings will eventually damage your entire experience of fatherhood if they are not resolved. Avoiding those feelings of jealousy will bring it back more intense and darker than ever.
New parents have not only produced a child, they have also produced a new marriage. Ready or not, they take on a monumental task where everything about normal life changes. Becoming parents tend to divide couples.
Moms fall in love instantly with their kids, whereas men bond with children gradually. Many mothers can’t understand why dads aren’t head over heels infatuated with their children. How could anyone have a negative opinion about a tiny defenceless infant?
The decline in marriage quality begins with this discord. New parents expect their child to bring them closer. When they drift apart, it’s very disappointing.
Dads resent this separation. Bitterness is directed towards the child because your wife only has time for the baby. She’s always tired, and she’s never in the mood. Sex is suddenly on the back burner. You may have gained a child, but you have temporarily lost your wife, and a friend.
The number one silent death blow of a marriage is resentment. When a mother makes it clear that the kids come first, a man can feel like a sperm donor rather than a husband and father.
Showing appreciation is absolutely critical. Men revel in knowing that their wives are proud of them. Pay attention to his actions, and thank him for a job well done.
Show your husband you appreciate him by:
- ·snuggling on the couch
- ·giving a back rub and body massage
- ·offering praise, allowing him to feel good about himself
1 Confession : I hate my baby.
Jealous dad number 7 describes his post-natal life as confusing, draining, and helpless, as if he was trapped. He felt caught off guard by fatherhood, feeling anxious within moments after the birth of his daughter. Anger and frustration convinced him that he hated his baby. Having a newborn isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues all ask new dads the same question: “How’s fatherhood?” Do you admit that sleep deprivation is causing your hair to fall out? Do they really want to hear about the spit up and explosive diarrhea that requires you to change your clothes five times a day?
Is it necessary to express your disdain for inconsolable crying? A sad dad’s response is probably dishonest. “Wonderful,” you lie.
The truth is taking care of a newborn is one of the hardest jobs a person will ever tackle. To be 100% responsible for a delicate, wrinkled human being can be paralyzing. Financial management is a constant worry, and emotions are running wild.
Many fathers find that their emotional needs are sacrificed after having a baby. They spend less time with their wives, and wonder whether they will ever have sex again. To add insult to injury, newborns require loads of attention, and mothers will occupy most of their time.
For the most part, Dad will be watching from the sidelines, spend far less one-on-one quality time with both mother and child. Stress and a whirlwind of activity can lead to burn out.
Most people do not realize that men can suffer postpartum depression. Having a newborn is a big deal. You are being homebound more often. Sleepless nights become stressful days. Children require money, and support. It feels like your life is no longer your own. New fathers can feel overwhelmed by these new responsibilities.
Often men do not talk to their postpartum partners about how they are feeling. After all, it’s your wife who just had a baby. They fear that women will think they are weak and needy. However, if these issues are left unsaid, there could be serious consequences. If there is a family history of depression, see a mental-health professional.
Take a break. It’s possible. Ask for help, and leave the baby with someone you trust. A couple of hours off will do wonders for your mood.
Help yourself through this sadness by:
- ·talking about what is causing the depression
- ·going to couples counselling
- ·initiating stress relieving activities, including sex and exercise
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