Children are lovely individuals, but this in no way implies that being a parent is for everyone. Fortunately, we live in a time when people have become more ‘accepting’ towards others’ decision of not having children – of remaining ‘child-free.’ But even in these times, people who do not wish to have children are at times accused of selfishness, and this is the point of view that we need to change.
Women are typically brought up being told that having a child is their only means of seeking fulfillment in life. They grow up with the notion that they MUST become pregnant, go into labor, give birth and experience the amazing joys that motherhood brings. If they don’t do all that, there’s no way they will ever be able to have a ‘complete’ life.
However, there’s a growing trend toward childlessness, according to the US Census Bureau, nearly 47.6 percent of women aged between 15 and 44 were childless in 2014 – and this trend has continued to grow.
Women who make up these percentages are at times regarded as self-serving, lazy and selfish. They’re put through alienation and shame, thereby making things hard for them. But there are a variety of reasons for which women may not want to have children – and all of them show how it’s not selfish for them to not want children. A few reasons why these women are not selfish for not wanting to have children are:
7 Not Having Children is a Personal Decision
Whether a woman wants to have children or wishes to remain child-free is an extremely personal decision for her and her partner. Eventually, it comes down to the couple to decide whether they want to become parents or not and nobody has the right to say anything against their decision – nobody should tell them whether their decision is right or wrong.
Some people just don’t want to be parents. Others choose not to have children for health or economic reasons. At times they just want to stay focused on their careers – they have the right to make the ‘right’ choice for themselves. To have or not to have children is a very personal, visceral decision. It is just something that comes from within.
People wish for a million things in their lives, and some of them do not have any thoughts of having children for even a mere minute. That’s them. They must be out of the ordinary, but even with all that, they are normal human beings who can make decisions for themselves.
It comes down to lifestyle
There are people who can integrate a child fairly well into their lifestyle. However, there are those too who need to make drastic changes in their lifestyles so as to bring up a child. For some, it may even mean having to start from scratch.
This may be a major reason why they don’t want to take up parenthood. To them, having a child may mean having to give up on the fulfillment they enjoy in life – and this choice of theirs is not wrong by any means.
6 Don’t Have Children if You Don’t ‘Want’ Them
If you look back in time, people used to have children because this is what was expected of them. Due to this messed up reason, childhood became miserable for a lot of these children. The thing with kids is that they should only be brought into this world if their parents really want them. There’s no sense in having children just because it is the ‘norm’ or because your parents want you to have kids.
It also doesn’t make sense for you to have kids because you’re scared of being lonely when you get old. If anything, it is best for you to enjoy your child-free life rather than have children that you really don’t want.
Children need love – a lot of it. However, if you think you won’t be able to give your child the love s/he deserves, then opting to stay child-free does not make you selfish. If you want a successful career that may not allow you to spend too much time at home, then do you really think it makes sense for you to have a child that you won’t be able to stay dedicated to? Of course not!
At times, two is enough
That’s right. The idea that marriage is simply meant for reproduction is obsolete now. Yes, most married women have children, some really aren’t interested in having a full house – and this is totally acceptable. To them, just having their partner along is more than enough and there’s no reason why anyone should point fingers their way for this decision of theirs.
5 Why Mock People Who Don’t Want to Increase Earth’s Population?
Human population is at an all-time high these days. Our planet is already packed full and it can’t afford to keep undertaking the burden of a growing population. Although it should be done for the tangible benefits that it offers to the environment, a woman’s decision of not having children can help us move away from a population crash that would affect other humans in the long run too.
The fact of the matter is that overpopulation and its drawbacks affect not just humans, but the environment too – that too rather negatively. There is no reason as to why one should attempt to perpetuate the human species. There are even certain movements around these days that advocate for the eventual phasing out of humanity by averting human breeding as a means to let the Earth’s biosphere recuperate from the damage over-population has inflicted upon it.
If this is the reason why a woman or a couple decides to refrain from having children, then instead of pressurizing or mocking them, we should appreciate their decision and show how grateful we are for their thought. Only an extremely noble person would think this way and take such an initiative to help the Earth regenerate itself.
There are plenty of orphans around – consider adoption
Yes, there are countless orphaned and homeless children around wherever we look these days. How can anyone label a woman selfish if she decides not to have any children of her own and instead adopts one? Adopting children is such a selfless and adorable act – one that is totally unselfish.
4 People at Times Have a Lot on Their Plate Already
There’s no denying the fact that children are a huge responsibility. When people have kids, their priorities shift and things eventually fall to the wayside. In case someone already has a lot going on in their life that they don’t want to compromise on, then it’s best for them to refrain from having kids as children are just going to add to the chaos and mess up their priorities completely.
At times people have many others around them who depend on them. This could include other family members, friends, colleagues and even members of their communities. Such people, in most cases, already live extremely hectic lives as they’re involved in their communities or do a lot of charity work.
A woman who has this lifestyle may already be content with her life dynamic and may not want to disrupt things around her. If she thinks it’s best for her to remain childfree, who are we to say a thing to her? It’s her life and her choices – she can set her priorities on her own without people casting pathetic glances at them.
Save an innocent life from unwanted suffering
A lot of people who have children totally overlook the atrociousness associated with having kids. They keep seeing parenthood from their one-sided perspective – self-fulfillment, convention and unconditional love. With that, they completely miss the fact that their child may not be able to prosper as such in life and may even have an extremely troubled life filled with pain.
There aren’t any guarantees in life except for that of suffering. Little or a lot, everyone suffers. Hence, not having a child so as to avoid inflicting today’s society on an innocent being is a rather selfless act.
3 It Just Makes Sense
There are quite a few practical reasons why not having children is a very sensible decision. To begin with, children are expensive to raise, and if you don’t have enough income or job security, how do you think you’ll be able to pay the bills if you have children around? You may also have to put up with a demanding job that isn’t what you can consider ‘family-friendly’, or you may live in a tiny apartment – how do you think you will make amendments?
Why should you make all those compromises? Heck, you may not even have met someone you’d want to raise a family with – why should you make this compromise then? At times couples think that having kids will bring them closer to each other. To them, children are a means of enhancing their relationship and can help make it stronger. Why so?
For the simple reason that they will now be able to bond over a little person that they created together. However, there is no guarantee as such that this plan of theirs is going to work. Believe it or not, but marital satisfaction literally plummets after the couple has children.
What about unrealistic expectations?
The Gottham Relationship Institute states that around 70 percent of couple experience a serious slump in the quality of their relationship within the first three years of the birth of their child. This slump is largely attributed to sleeplessness, unrealistic expectations and the fact that the parents may have clashing ideas in terms of raising their child. You’re not selfish because you chose not to have children to maintain stability in your relationship – you’re just devoted to your partner!
2 Women Have More Choices Now
Women these days are extremely lucky to have more and more options open to them. For instance, women can enter a variety of career fields and basically just do whatever they want to. Considering that they have so many choices now, parenthood has lost much of its appeal. Women have the right to choose whatever fulfills them – and if it means remaining child-free, so be it.
The reason people struggle with others not wanting to have children is this: I don’t want to have kids. To be honest, with the endless confusion and debates that this reason has struck, it’s a serious contender for the Nobel Peace Prize. Honestly, I personally know so many people who mock women who don’t want to have children and tell them that they have brought shame to their families by not giving birth.
Such women are largely called selfish and empty. They get ‘the speech’ with ‘the look’ with people telling them that they don’t want what they want yet. The worst part is that it is mostly females who bring up these arguments. With so much going on with their battles for gender equality, they reduce the meaning of other females to a single purpose – reproducing.
Not wanting to have a child is totally fine. Yes, women who make this decision will never experience certain things like giving birth, the feeling women have upon holding their baby for the first time and all, but as long as they are fine with it, nobody should be bothered.
1 Focusing on Yourself Isn’t Selfish
Who says a woman is selfish just because she doesn’t want to have kids and just wishes to focus on herself? She isn’t. The fact of the matter is that people live with themselves every day. For this reason it’s extremely important for them to like the person they are – the person they’re stuck with forever. By working to improve oneself, a person can go a long way in understanding what he wants and doesn’t want in life.
It provides them with the opportunity to trim the fat in their lives and stick to what’s really important irrespective of whether it’s their relationships, their life goals or their careers etc. The moment they get to know themselves better, they can refocus and become a better friend, an amazing coworker, a wonderful family member and an outstanding community member.
Having the ability to look inward and change is priceless
At times people refrain from having kids because they’re already a great influence on a child’s life. There is no necessity for an individual to become a parent to be able to impact a child. There are countless child-free people out there who play an important role in a child’s life, irrespective of whether it’s a friend’s child, their niece or nephew or even their godchild.Not having parenting instincts isn’t a sin
There are people who are meant to be parents, and there are some who aren’t. Those who don’t have parenting instincts have nothing to be ashamed of. If they don’t want to have children for this reason, it’s totally alright. If that ‘nurturing instinct’ isn’t there, there’s no reason why such a couple should be forced to have kids.