As a new parent with a soon-to-be one-year-old, I’ve already had my fair share of embarrassing parenting moments. I’m the mom who couldn’t keep her newly mobile son from squirming around long enough for the nurse to get a head-to-toe measurement at his last check-up. The good news? I’m not alone.
I asked my friends to share some of their embarrassing toddler tales. The results were gross and often hilarious!
8 Poo happens.
“When I was pregnant with my son, I watched my niece for my sister. This was 18 years ago, and I was trying so hard to prove I was going to be a good mother,” Sarah begins.
Each day was the same routine. Sarah’s niece Haley would go down for a nap right after lunch and wake up promptly an hour and a half later. “She would summon me to her room with loud screeches like a cobra was in her crib and she needed saving. It was terrifying,” Sarah remembers.
One afternoon towards the end of her pregnancy, Sarah put Haley down for a nap and then took a snooze herself. After about two hours, Sarah woke up. She hadn’t heard a peep out of Haley the whole time. “This scared me because I thought for sure she something was wrong. I waddled my giant pregnant self down the hall to her room, worried.”
Sarah was about three feet from the door when the smell hit her. “Do you remember the movie Labyrinth?” Sarah asked. “I can only imagine that what I smelled was the very same smell from the Bog of Eternal Stench. It was the absolute worst thing I have ever smelled.”
As Sarah turned the corner, there was her sweet little niece covered in her own poo. “And when I say covered, only her giant blue eyes and a tiny wisp of her blonde hair shown through the poopy brown mud she was covered in.” The little girl looked up from the diaper she was playing with and smiled at me with one tooth. Sarah’s heightened sense of smell kicked in and she immediately felt like she was going to be sick. And, where did she get sick? Right into the crib. Haley thought this was fantastic, and began to giggle and scream and splash around in the mess.
“Somehow I managed to get Haley out of her crib and both of us into the shower. Once we were all clean I had to roll her mattress out into the yard and spray it off with the hose. My sister never knew what happened. Only once did she ask me when she got home that day why the house smelled so gross.”
7 Poo happens a lot.
Picture this: it’s Memorial Day weekend and for the first time this year, the pool is finally open. Packed with all of their belongings and ready to go, Heather and her son Joe headed to the pool to enjoy the fantastic weather along with everyone else in the neighborhood.
“After about an hour of swimming and splashing around, Joe pooped in the pool. Those swim diapers are useless!” Heather recalls. The pool was shut down for cleaning.
6 Sometimes Poo Happens in the Worst Place.
“I was concerned that my nine-month-old son hadn’t pooped for two days. He’s usually pretty regular, so it was unusual for him to go that long.”
Jessica’s pediatrician explained that as the baby’s digestive system matured, and her son got used to new, solid foods that sometimes constipation could happen. But, throughout the second day with no poo, Jessica noticed her son straining and making a noise like he was going to poop. Only when Jessica checked his diaper, there was nothing.
“It sure looked like he was going to poo, but there was nothing. This happened like three or four times throughout the day, and then as we were getting him ready for bed, it happened again and, this time, he started to cry.”
Worried that he was in pain, Jessica looked through her cabinets, trying to come up with a solution. He’d had prunes, she’d tried gripe water, and she’d made sure he increased his fluid intake. And then, thankfully, she came across a sample size of baby constipation medicine, which was basically prune juice. She gave him a dose and waited to see what happened. Nothing happened.
Since the baby continued to fuss, Jessica suggested putting him in a warm bath, hoping the warm water would be comforting and maybe help him relax.
“He splashed around and played with his toys for almost twenty minutes, having a grand old time,” Jessica said. “Then he held up his arms and got to his feet like he wanted out. I was about to pick him up when he started grunting and groaning again, and then…plop!”
Jessica held her son up while he finished doing what he needed to do—right in the tub. She felt awful that he was in pain and that this was how the evening was ending, but she couldn’t help laughing at the stinky situation.
“I don’t know if it was the prune juice or warm bath, but finally, he was better.”
5 And Sometimes Poo Doesn’t Happen.
My husband, nine-month-old son, and I were headed to the grocery store to do our weekly grocery shopping, run a bunch of errands, and go out to lunch,” Jen says. “We were on the highway and in his car seat, all of a sudden, our son starts grunting and groaning.”
She and her husband giggled, but they knew what all the noise meant. It was time for a big diaper change when they got to the store. But then, Jen realized her biggest fear—she’d forgotten the diaper bag at home. “We always leave it in the car, but I had taken it out of the car to refill it. And of course, I never put the bag back in.”
As their son continued to groan and strain, and let out the loudest, most appalling gaseous sounds, the couple couldn’t help giggling. And then, Jen admitted her mistake to her husband. “No big deal,” he told her. “Just run into the store and buy some diapers and wipes and I’ll get him ready.”
When they finally made it to the store, the poo had gone on for what seemed like forever. Jen hurried through the grocery store, straight to aisle 7, and bought packs of diapers and wipes which she vowed to leave in the car so that this wouldn’t happen again. She hoped that there wasn’t a blowout, because of course, she didn’t have any emergency clothes for the baby, either. They were in the diaper bag.
“When I got back to the car, my husband had our son laid out on the back seat and was getting his pants off. We both expected to find this gigantic poo, but there was nothing—not a single thing in his diaper. It had all just been gas. It sounded like it was going to be this massive poop but there was nothing.”
They now have diapers and wipes in both cars at all time, though, just in case.
4 That’s Nuts!
Ruth’s daughter was playing happily on the floor, surrounded by toys. Suddenly, the three-year-old pointed to her nose and said, “Up.”
“I wasn’t sure what she meant, but I had a bad feeling,” Ruth said. Her daughter continued to point to her nose. Ruth tried peering into the little girl’s nostrils, but couldn’t see anything. Because her daughter continued to point to her nostril and say the word, “Up,” Ruth decided that maybe she better take her daughter to the ER, just in case.
“I sat her on the table and the doctor shined a pen light up her nose. The doctor could definitely see something. He reached up into her nostril with a pair of tiny forceps and ended up pulling out a nut—a metal nut, like the one that goes around a bolt.”
Ruth wasn’t sure where it came from, how her daughter found it, or why on earth she stuck it up her nose, but she was grateful that the doctor was able to remove the nut so easily.
3 Kids Say (and Do) the Darnedest Things!
You never know what a kid will say or do. At four-years-old, one of Judy’s twin daughters stated very seriously, “I used to live in your uterus.”
Her other daughter used to wander up to people in the store to strike up a conversation. When the person would bend over to say hello, her daughter would try to touch them on the butt. “Said daughter also stuck her hand in the toilet at Wal-Mart. There are so many stories.”
As a mom to multiples and an older son, we’re sure Judy has many stories to tell.
2 Hearing Things?
While Ruth had friends over, her daughter was playing happily in her bedroom, doing what she often did—drawing and coloring on scrap pieces of paper.
One of Ruth’s friends went upstairs to go to the bathroom, and as she passed the little girl’s door, she heard several voices coming from inside. She paused to listen and was startled to hear a man and a woman talking in the girl’s room. She hurried downstairs to let Ruth know. “I think someone is in the room with Jessi. It sounds like there’s a man in there.”
Ruth, of course, knew that there was no one in the room, but her friend insisted that it sounded creepy. So, Ruth went upstairs to check. The little girl was lying on her stomach on the floor, drawing. She fancied herself a bit of a cartoonist and liked to narrate her pictures as she drew them, using different voices to tell her stories.
What Ruth’s friend actually heard was Jessi pretending to be all of the characters in the story she was drawing. To someone not used to the little girl’s hobby, it probably sounded like she had multiple personalities, but Ruth knew her daughter was just babbling to herself.
1 Whatcha Doin’?
Kathy and Dave made sure that their three children all knew to knock before opening a door, and to respect other people’s privacy. One night, when they thought all of their children were in bed, they decided to get intimate.
And then, there was a knock on the door. The parents told Rob, their youngest son, to go back to bed. There was quiet for a few minutes.
Then, there was another knock on the door. The couple decided to ignore it until they heard some shuffling and a loud, “…DOING, GUYS?” That’s kid-speak for “What are you doing, guys?”
Kathy leaned out of bed to peer at the door. Rob’s tiny fingers peeked under the door, waving as he repeated his question. “Doing, guys?”
Kathy and Dave burst out laughing as Rob continued to ask his question. Needless to say, you really have to work to keep the romance alive when you have three young kids at home.