Arguments are normal and even though both parties do not want it to escalate, it usually turns into a full blown fight. While fighting is a natural occurrence for every couple and in many cases helps with the growth of the relationship, some fights are unproductive and completely avoidable. We have all experienced going to bed angry with our significant other and it is definitely one of the worst feelings in the world. Then, you both wake up the next morning with issues unresolved and usually suffering from sleep deprivation.
What typically follows is a period of silent treatment or more arguments that can make the problem bigger. Surely, the best way to proceed is to talk about the main issues in a calm manner but this is easier said than done. There can be many causes of fights in a relationship but you need to try various means to manage your relationship. It all comes down to improving communication with your significant other and applying strategies that can help stop a fight even before it starts. Remember that it is very important to end the day in peace so here are some ways you can stop fighting with your significant other.
8 Take a Soft Approach
Aggression is the enemy and only adds fuel to the fire so be careful with your tone when approaching your significant other for that much needed talk. You can try posing a question like “sweetheart, can we talk?” or schedule an intimate dinner with your partner where you will be discussing some issues. You need to set the stage for equal engagement which will help increase the likelihood of getting a positive, productive response.
7 Take a Break
If the moment has escalated to a point where both parties are combative and mean words are being exchanged, it is time to take a breather. Inform your partner by saying you need a short break so things can settle down a little bit. Of course, it would be helpful to tell your loved one that you don’t want to fight but would like to settle the problem.
Listening is one of the most important parts of communication. You should listen to your partner and give him/her your complete attention even when you are not fighting. Of course, this is not easy especially when you are doing lots of things at one time. Make sure your partner can always speak his/her mind and understand what he/she is saying. Let the venting process proceed and wait for your turn to say what’s in your mind. Avoid interrupting which is disrespectful and usually leads to escalation.
5 Do Not Be Defensive
If you are really looking for a resolution to the fight with your loved one, one of you needs to drop the defense. There are two teams during a dispute (me and you) and somebody has to play offense or sort of become the “bigger person”. It is easy to react and be defensive when your significant other is starting an argument or fight but it would be more productive to tackle the main issue and work towards a resolution even though you are giving way to your partner and somehow losing the argument/fight.
4 Never Devalue
Patience is very important especially when the argument has escalated. When you are stating your position and pouring your heart out, you obviously do not want to hear “that’s ridiculous/stupid”. Such phrases causes an immediate shut down and makes your partner feel that their feelings and thoughts are invalid to you. Instead, make your loved one feel comfortable in expressing his/her thoughts and feelings. Patience is the key.
3 Find the Main Problem
You and your partner should find the actual root of the problem and come up with an acceptable solution for both parties. Whether it is not flushing the toilet or coming home too late, skip the trivial bickering and skip to finding the best solution. Do not be afraid to talk about the issue that needs to be confronted. Once you figure out the main problem, proceed to the solution so that you can both move forward.
2 Show Respect Always
No matter how heated the argument, always be respectful and keep the feelings of your significant other in mind. It is not always possible to see eye to eye all the time but all you have to do is to aim for understanding. In many cases, you cannot convince your partner to see it your way so it is okay to disagree even on the big things. Explain your side and hear his/her side then just agree to disagree respectfully.
1 Admit Your Mistakes
Your pride and ego can end the relationship. If you don’t want this to happen then just admit if you are wrong. Do not blame your partner for your behaviour which is being immature and irrational. Stop ducking the real issue and take ownership of your mistakes. Then explain why you did it and apologize so you can both move forward. If it is really warranted then suck it up and absorb your partners’ venting. We all mistakes and it happens even to the best of us so sitting in the hot seat every now and then is normal.
Fighting with your significant other can be very difficult and even lead to a breakup. However, there are many ways you can stop fighting with your partner. Always keep in mind the ways mentioned in this article and take note that there are many other ways. It is up to you and your partner to find the ways that fit your unique relationship. For instance, sex can be a way to stop fighting for some couples. Just remember that sex doesn’t really fix the problem but merely helps open up and improve communication.