After The Surrogate Gives Birth: 20 Things That Happen When Mom Finally Steps In

More and more women are turning to surrogates these days. According to The American Society for Reproductive Medicine, births via surrogates have doubled over the last thirteen years. Most American surrogates earn between twenty-five and thirty-five thousand bucks for their services. Surrogates in developing nations may receive much less.

So, why are women who want to be moms more interested in surrogacy these days? There are a few key reasons. Women are having babies later in life these days. Some women take the time to establish themselves at work before they decide to become parents. When they wait, they may run into fertility issues which lead them to seek out services from surrogates. Women who've had very rough pregnancies, or just don't want to carry babies for any other reason, may also make the choice to hire surrogates. Another scenario is that couples of the same gender may want to have children, and then choose surrogates to achieve their goals.

When a woman carries another woman's baby, she's bonding with that infant, long before it's actually born. That's why caring parents-to-be make sure that their surrogates get the very best medical care...and everything else that they need. They also make a point of initiating an "emotional transition" process that helps babies adjust to being cared for by different women.

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20 Some Moms Feel Guilty


Kim enlisted the services of a surrogate when she wanted to have a third child with her husband, Kanye West. Kim had severe problems during her pregnancies. It's not surprising that she would opt for surrogacy. Kim has dealt with guilt during the process. She even felt guilty because she chose not to invite the surrogate to the baby shower.

Right now, Kim is planning for baby number four, also by a surrogate. In fact, a surrogate is currently carrying her fourth baby, who is a boy. According to People.com, Kim believes that a higher power made her daughter, Chicago, look just like her. This striking resemblance made it so easy to bond with her daughter.

19 A Gentle Emotional Transition Begins


Babies born by surrogate need time to emotionally transition from the women who carried them to their mothers. New moms can facilitate the process by following advice from the experts. For example, during the delivery, a newborn may be placed upon the skin of the new mother to create a sense of closeness.

Actress Amy Smart had a baby daughter by surrogate. Amy had endured years of fertility problems before making the decision to hire a surrogate. Her daughter, Flora, with hubby Carter Oosterhouse, was born the day after Christmas in 2017. Amy and Carter held Flora the day she was born.

18 The Surrogate Is Still Important


Tyra Banks's son, York, was carried by a surrogate. A surrogate is a VIP and should always be treated that way. Carrying a baby for someone else is a very big deal. Most new moms continue to value surrogates, long after delivery.

The baby bonded with the surrogate within the womb. The surrogate may also have bonded with the unborn baby. Most surrogates are realistic about things. They know that they're performing a service. They are ready to give the babies to others once they are born. However, they still have the bond with the babies.

New moms who are loving people respect this bond and continue to care for their surrogates.

17 Dads Need An Adjustment Period, Too


Andy Cohen just had his baby shower. He's expecting his first child via surrogate. Many "real housewives" were in attendance at the shower, including Beverly Hills housewife, Kyle Richards.

When Andy's baby arrives, he'll need to help his bundle of joy adjust to life outside of the womb, just like a new mother would. This means ensuring a very gentle emotional transition.

Snarky Andy will need to show his softer side as he embraces fatherhood. I'm sure that fatherhood will bring out the very best in him. Cohen wore a baby blue suit to his baby shower because he is expecting a bouncing baby boy.

16 Some Moms Are Able To Nurse Their Babies


Did you know that some moms are able to nurse their babies, even if the babies were carried by surrogates? Nursing is possible, but it takes a little commitment. Mom-to-be need to talk to their doctors and explain that they want to nurse. If their doctors give the ok, they then take medication which makes lactation possible.

Nursing a baby born via surrogate will be a good way to bond deeply with an infant, but it's not the only way. Moms who don't nurse babies born via surrogates are able to establish meaningful bonds in other ways. Bonding is mostly about love.

15 Surrogates May Miss The Babies

It's understandable that some surrogates feel a sense of loss after they give birth. They've been carrying around babies for nine months. They've had their pregnancy symptoms. They've felt the babies kick. There is a bond and it can't be denied.

There are surrogates who miss the babies after they are born. That is very sad. Most surrogates who don't go through a grieving process come out of surrogacy emotionally healthy, because they don't feel that they were carrying their own babies. They feel that they were carrying other people's babies.

Traditional surrogate whose own eggs are used may feel more of a sense of loss than gestational surrogates, who carry implanted embryos.

14 Babies May Have Adjustment Problems Later On


We've already talked about how babies bond with their carriers in the womb. Unborn babies hear and smell. They use many senses to bond with the women who carry them. When they are delivered, they are passed to other women, who are their mothers. This is a different bonding process than most babies go through.

Most babies continue bonding with the women who carried them unless they are adopted. While most babies who are born via surrogacy turn out just fine, some may have adjustment problems later on. There is evidence that babies born by a surrogate are more likely to have adjustment issues when they are older.

13 Moms Plan How They'll Tell Their Kids

After the baby is brought home, a mom may start to plan out the future. One thing that she'll think about is how and when she will tell her child that another woman carried him or her.

It is better to tell a child the truth, but it needs to be done correctly. This type of news may cause emotional issues if it's not communicated in a sensitive manner. Experts recommend telling a child as soon as possible. It's better not to wait.

It's also better not to pretend that surrogacy didn't happen. Children may be emotionally damaged if they find out about surrogacy later. They may feel duped and angry.

12 Most Moms Talk To Their Babies A Lot


Bonding is the name of the game and a lot of talking will help a new mom to form a close and loving connection with her baby. Most moms really enjoy talking to their babies.

If you're home with a newborn who was born via surrogate, and you're not talking to your baby a lot, try to chatter a bit more. Tell the baby what's happening in your day, how cute the baby looks...or just talk about the weather. Your baby needs to be very familiar with your voice. It's going to become a voice that your infant will love and trust.

11 Babies May Be Offered Toys That Carry The Surrogate's Scent


Babies get used to the scents of the women who carried them. To make a baby born by surrogate feel more secure, a mother may offer a toy or piece of clothing (or a blanket) that carries the surrogate's scent. This is offered to comfort the baby. It's one more element of a smooth and peaceful emotional transition.

While every new mother of a surrogate-born baby doesn't do this, it is quite common. Doing it makes sense. A baby will feel more comfortable with this familiar scent around. As you can see, there is so much that a new mom can do to help her baby get used to life outside of the womb.

10 Bonding May Take Some Time


Moms who bring babies born by surrogate home need to know that bonding may take a little time. The circumstances are a little different than typical. A baby may need a little extra time to adjust to things. Most moms understand this. They read up on surrogacy before they make the decision to become intended parents.

Intended parents is the phrase used to describe "parents-in-waiting", who are expecting babies via surrogates. The truth is that some moms who give birth to their own babies need more time to create strong bonds with their infants than other moms do.  Bonding experiences really vary.

9 Moms Begin To Put Their Fertility Problems Behind Them


Many women turn to surrogacy due to fertility problems that have caused them a lot of emotional pain. For example, they may have tried IVF, with poor results, or lost babies during gestation periods, or gone through other traumatic experiences.

When they finally become mothers, thanks to surrogacy, they are able to start to heal. This is yet another beautiful aspect of surrogacy. It gives women who wouldn't otherwise be able to become mothers, except by adoption, the chance to make their dreams of parenthood come true.

With the gestational form of surrogacy, it's possible to have a biological child.

8 Most Moms (And Dads) Feel Immense Gratitude


Gratitude is par for the course. Mothers of surrogate-born babies (and dads, too, of course) often experience a deep and profound sense of gratitude towards their surrogates. They love and honor their surrogates.

So many Hollywood celebs have chosen surrogacy and all of the ones that I researched expressed strong feelings of gratitude towards their surrogates. Jordana Brewster from the Fast & Furious movies had a baby by surrogate. Nicole Kidman's two daughters were also born via surrogate.

But it's not just rich celebs who make this choice...and it's not just rich celeb moms who feel a powerful sense of gratitude.

7 Some New Moms May Feel Pressure To Make Things Work


It's easy to see why a mom who has just brought home a baby born via surrogate would feel some pressure to do everything right and make things work. After all, another woman carried her baby.

Moms who are home with these babies need to go easy on themselves. It will take time to bond, but there is plenty of advice on how to bond available out there, from doctors or psychologists or other surrogacy experts.

Moms who follow expert advice and offer proper baby care are doing all that they can to make things work. With a new baby, there's always going to be stress sometimes, whether a baby is born by surrogate or not.

6 Infant Massage Is Soothing For Moms And Babies


Some new moms utilize baby massage to relax their infants and to bond. This is a sweet thing to do, no matter how a baby is born. There are some adorable baby massage videos on YouTube. Almost everyone, including infants, responds positively to tender and soothing touch.

If you're interested in learning baby massage techniques, grab a book on the subject, or watch videos, or look for classes in your community. Mastering the art of baby massage will be fun and empowering. Quiet time spent performing baby massage is such a great way to establish a deeper connection with a baby.

5 Playtime Helps To Build Attachments


Playing with a newborn isn't really possible, but babies start to grow awfully fast. Moms of surrogate-born babies introduce play when it's appropriate. Play is imaginative and also a means of developing motor skills...and bonding with mom.

Play is an essential part of childhood and moms who play with their babies, as soon as it's safe to do so, are able to connect with their infants in a lighthearted and positive way. Naturally, all babies benefit from playtime with mom and/or dad. Playtime makes babies happy. Seeing a baby giggle and a laugh is also very inspiring for parents.

4 Moms Need To Be Patient


Since bonding may take time, due to the fact that babies bond with their surrogates in the womb, moms need to be very patient.

Sure, a mom who brings home a baby born by surrogate is going to want to establish a deep bond immediately. This may happen sometimes, but there is the chance that it will take longer.

With patience and love, everything will work out. Moms may feel anxiety because they fear that a bond won't develop. Moms need to relax. When love is given to a baby every day and night, there's every chance that it will be returned in full force.

3 Moms Need To Show Trustworthiness


A baby may need a little time to trust its mother completely. The baby is used to the scent and sound of another woman, who was the surrogate.

As the baby gets used to your scent and your voice, you will need to show your baby that you can always be counted on. Use a soft, soothing tone of voice, cuddle up with your baby as much as you can, and generally provide a safe and secure life to your infant. In time, the baby will learn that you are a very trustworthy woman.

Babies need to feel safe. When you make your baby feel safe, you'll be rewarded with a strong bond.

2 Some Moms Detach From Surrogates Eventually


The bond between the surrogate and the mother of the baby may get weaker over time. It really depends.

Some moms do detach from surrogates eventually. For example, Kim Kardashian is using a different surrogate for baby number four than baby number three. However, there are many other reasons beyond detaching from a surrogate for why a mom would use a different surrogate the second time.

As a mom feels more comfortable with her baby, and a bond develops, a mom may pull away from a surrogate a bit or a lot. This is natural and to be expected. Every family handles the relationship with the surrogate in its own way.

1 Cuddling Is Very Important


Mothers who welcome babies born by surrogate love to cuddle with their newborns. Some of these moms have been through the wringer with fertility problems. For them, having babies is really a miracle.

All babies need cuddles. It's not just babies who entered the world via surrogates. Cuddling and eye contact are wonderful ways to bond. It's true that newborns can't see too well, but holding them close and looking into their eyes is always amazing. Babies born by surrogate have every chance of bonding deeply with mothers and enjoying happy lives.

Cuddling is a great starting point. It's also fun for baby and mom.

Sources: Newrepublic.com, People.com, Usmagazine.com, Thelist.com, Today.com, Surrogate.com

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