I have four children and I have sleep trained all of them. I don't use the cry it out method. My heart can't take it. I put the baby down wide awake in their bed and then I leave the room. If they wake up and whine a little bit I ignore them. There is no need to go in and get them if they are just complaining about life. However, right when they start screaming I go straight in there and grab them. It doesn't seem like I needed the cry-it-out method to actually achieve the desired goal which was to get them to be able to fall asleep without rocking them or soothing them.
Today was a bad day. I am trying to homeschool my two olds (6 & 5) while they try to maneuver their way around virtual learning. We are struggling with this task because it is so new to everybody. I am also trying to make sure my three-year-old doesn't go unnoticed and then my one-year-old is getting into everything. My baby is the busiest baby of all four children. She is constantly looking for trouble and she is not happy unless she is destroying something or getting into something that she shouldn't. I also work from home. So, you could imagine how crazy it is in our household.
There were a lot of tears today from three out of four children. My oldest was fine but it seemed like the other three were breaking. My baby is also teething and so it just is not good for anybody. I wouldn't want to have molars come through my gums either. Although I felt sorry for her I just couldn't handle her crying anymore. She was crying even though I had fed her food, nursed her, made sure that she had clean clothes, and a clean diaper. I tried to entertain her with toys and games but she wasn't interested in anything I had to offer. Every time I would sit down she would scream and come crawling on me. She is only one and so she doesn't understand when she is hurting me so she is grabbing at things and trying to hit me as she throws a little baby fit. I knew she was tired. I went in and laid her down on her bed and walked away. She usually falls asleep, but she didn't. She was throwing a fit and screaming. I went in and got her.
I cuddled my sweet baby as her tears filled her eyes. I went and put her back down in her crib and sat down for the first time in hours. She started crying again. I went in and got her and nursed her again because I thought maybe she was still hungry. I was getting very frustrated, tired, and I could feel a little bit of anger for my infant. I placed her in her crib again and I closed the door. She didn't make a noise and I thought that I was going to finally get relief. I didn't. Within minutes she was crying again. And you know what I did about it? Nothing. I just sat there. I ignored her. I took a deep breath and I tried to push away the voices of mom-shamers in my head. Heck, I tried to push away my own mom-shaming. I am often my worst enemy.
As I sat there with three boys chasing after each other and I heard my baby screaming upstairs all I could think about was that I just wasn't a good mom. I thought, maybe I just don't have what it takes to really do this. I see other moms and they obviously are way better at this than me! Then I started thinking about the fact that my daughter was perfectly safe. I wasn't ignoring her needs. She has a full belly, clean clothes, a fresh diaper and she was in a safe crib following safe sleep. She wasn't near any windows, outlets, and there was nothing that could harm her. She was fine. I am a good mom. I am not a bad mom.
It wasn't like she was hurt, or she was screaming for food. It wasn't that she was messy or wet. She was simply crying because she didn't want to be by herself and she was fighting the sleep that she so desperately needed. She was fine. I beat myself up so much and everybody finds any excuse to call out a mothers actions and say she is a bad mother. I am not okay with people mom-shaming other mothers for letting their kids cry it out. Although I didn't let my daughter cry until she fell asleep I let her scream for a good 15 minutes so that I could recharge. I went in there and I actually felt so much better and I was able to be a better mother for the rest of the day just because of that brief 15-minute break.
You are a good mother. You are doing great! Don't shame yourself and don't let others shame you. Do what is best for you and your baby. If your child's needs are met then they are fine. Keep up the good work mama.
Sources: Very Well Family, What to Expect, She Knows,