Last night, I was drying my daughter's hair as she sat on a step stool in front of me. Her hair is getting longer, but her patience and willingness to wait is not growing nearly fast enough. I was soaking in this sweet moment as I realized how much older she is getting. She is not a baby anymore. She is now a little girl. Her chubby baby cheeks are thinning, and her face is getting longer as she grows taller and older.
I was having multiple flashbacks of my own mom drying my hair as I sat back on the toilet as a child in our shared family bathroom. My hair has always been long and thick, taking forever to dry. I can remember repeatedly asking my mom if my hair was "dry enough yet" or if she was “done yet,” trying to rush the painstakingly long process. These moments in the bathroom with my mom were filled with care and gentleness. I didn't feel like she was rushed even if I wanted to rush her.
I don't always bother to dry my daughter's hair in the summertime, but as the weather is shifting and the nights are getting colder, I do not want to send her to bed with a wet head. I try to approach this process of drying her hair with the same care and softness that my own mother did. I take my time. These blow-drying experiences are a few minutes where it is just she and I, as her brother generally avoids the hairdryer because he thinks it is too loud.
Then, my mind jumped to a specific memory when I was pregnant with my daughter in my first trimester, utterly exhausted all of the time. In this particular memory, I was visiting my parents in my home town for a weekend. After a shower in the winter, my mom dried my hair. I struggled with headaches while pregnant. I was tired from working that day and driving several hours for our visit, and in typical caring mom fashion, she selflessly dried my hair.
As my mom and I get older, our special moments change. Now, the instances are more like my mom taking special care to help me around the house with my dishes or laundry or spending a special 3 days alone with my daughter at Grandma’s house. These moments warm my heart in the same way and give me the same feeling as sitting quietly drying my daughter’s hair. These are further examples of a mother’s selflessness to help her daughter. My mom does not want to wash more dishes or fold more towels, but she definitely wants to take the time to make my day a little easier or lift a bit of my heavy load.
We as parents are constantly told to savour every minute; however, as time goes on, I find myself longing to see what kind of relationship I will have with my daughter in the years to come. I recognize that this relationship between she and I will have its ups and downs. I hope she always remembers that she can trust me. I need her to know that I will support her through all of her challenges.
Not long ago, I was in my bathroom, just about to start drying my hair, when my daughter walked in to ask me if she could dry my hair. I welcomed the opportunity to again give her my full attention and to create an opportunity for her to show her mama some gentleness and selflessness. No surprise, her patience and attention span didn’t last more than a couple of minutes and not nearly long enough to consider my hair dry. But yet, I still am beaming with pride and love that she wanted to attempt to return the favour of drying my hair.
For about a year now, I have been trying to train my daughter to understand that no matter what happens, I will always love her.
Me: “When does Mommy love you?”
4-year-old: “Everyday!”
Me: “Do I love you when you make mistakes?”
4-year-old: “Yes.”
Me: Do I love you when you share with your brother?”
4-year-old: “Yes.”
Me: “Do I love you when you fall down?”
4-year-old: “Yes.”
Me: “Do I love you when you are helpful?”
4-year-old: “Yes.”
Through the good and the bad, I will always support my daughter, just as I know that my mom had my back in every possible scenario. So, for now, I will cherish these opportunities to dry my daughter’s hair because, in a few short years, she may not want me to dry her hair. But I want to make these special memories with her to help reinforce the love that I have for her and the trust that I hope she can find in our relationship