I am a hard working mother! I have four awesome children who I take care of all day long. I have a five year old, four year old, two year old and a three month old. Only one of my children is at school. I play, sing, read books, clean and get yelled at all day long. I also have a part-time writing job. I work hard! By the time that my kids go to sleep I am exhausted and I always think that right when my head is going to hit the pillow that I will pass out but I never do! I started to take Unisom (a sleep aid) every night to even get to sleep. Although, I am exhausted and nursing, I can't sleep!
I can't sleep because my brain will never turn off. I run through all of the events of the day. I think about all of the times that I lost my temper with my kids, I think about all the times I told them "just a second" and then I forgot to do what they had asked. I think about all of the things that I didn't get accomplished and I think about all of the things that I need to get done the next day. I lay awake stressing about all of the scary things in this world and I have anxiety about something happening to my children. I worry about them constantly. I can't sleep because I think about stupid things that I did when I was in 5th grade and how I am still embarrassed. I replay conversations I had with people and how I have a totally amazing comeback to somebody who wasn't very nice to me.
It is annoying that all day long I think about how tired I am and how much I want a nap. Then when I actually lay down my brain has time to think about all of the ways that I am screwing motherhood up and how much I need to change. I wish I was like my husband, I always ask him, "do you even have thoughts and feelings?" He can fall asleep so easy and it is really annoying. One time my husband even fell asleep in the middle of him saying the prayer. There he was thanking our Heavenly Father for our beautiful life and then he stopped and started heavily breathing. How is that even possible? My husband actually wakes up with the kids because he can fall right back to sleep and I cannot.
Am I the only one who just can't fall asleep? If I didn't take my sleep aid then it would sometimes take me over an hour to get to sleep. My brain just won't shut off no matter how hard I try! Am I the only one?