Confronting any sort of mental health battle is difficult. Whether it be depression, anxiety, or a more in-depth diagnosis, the struggle is there and it is very real.
When a woman is pregnant and feels negative or saddening emotions creep up on her, feelings of guilt and confusion can make an appearance as well. She may wonder why she is feeling so unhappy when she should be enjoying every second her pregnancy? She may question her abilities as a mother and wonder how she is going to move forward pushing aside such deafening emotions.
Pushing aside those feelings may not be the safest choice and putting yourself smack in the middle of the cliche that demands you "enjoy every second of your pregnancy" is unrealistic. As a mother, confronting those emotions in a realistic way can provide a more satisfying outcome in the end for both the woman and their little one.
"After childbirth, the levels of hormones (estrogen and progesterone) in a woman’s body quickly drop. This leads to chemical changes in her brain that may trigger mood swings. Constant sleep deprivation can lead to physical discomfort and exhaustion, which can contribute to the symptoms of postpartum depression," explains the National Institute of Mental Health.
They added, "Postpartum depression does not have a single cause, but likely results from a combination of physical and emotional factors. Postpartum depression does not occur because of something a mother does or does not do." That final statement is critical to a new mother both emotionally and mentally and once that truth is faced, the bond between baby and mother can grow.
Face the Feelings
"My PPD was kept secret and I wish I had told my husband and parents," admits mother of one, Meghan Moran. "I fought back at those thoughts and made sure that the time I spent with my son was about us, but it was always in the back of my mind. It took me about three months to get over it, but next time, I will be seeking and asking for help."
Fighting those feelings can be incredibly helpful, but seeking out professional or social support can often be the necessary move that is needed when confronting PPD or "baby blues." As Meghan stated, becoming aware of your emotions and making the time you spend with your little one genuinely about your connection can be what grows that mother-child bond.
"I also kept my feelings hidden. I think I was most afraid to admit that things were out of my control," mother of one, Catina Sonner, states. "I think if I had just sought professional help, it might have been easier. All in all, our bond is unbreakable. Also, I've gotta keep reminding myself that the fear, doubts, mom guilt, 'am I good enough' - they're all just in my head." By getting out of your head, taking time for yourself, and focusing on your new role as a mother, bonds can strengthen and the mental health struggle can weaken.
"I Was Never Quiet About it."
Since many women are often blindsided by these struggles, they hide their emotions which then does not allow them to fully open up to the relationship with their child. The dark feelings bring forth fear and the fear replaces the bonding experience every new mother desperately wants. Facing reality, seeking support, and speaking out can not only bring peace to your growing relationship but bring froth support to other mothers trying to do the same.
"PPD hit me hard. But I was never quiet about it. I talked to friends and family. I went to therapy, and talked to my spouse often. I spent a year and a half in that dark place. I just couldn’t enjoy being a mother," admits mother-of-one, Chelsea Renee. "It has lifted now, and I take every moment to enjoy my son. But I wouldn’t have made it through being quiet. I’m glad that I shared my feelings because so many women keep their PPD a secret."
By keeping your emotions in the dark, you are only growing the darkness when you should be bringing light to the relationship with your child. It isn't easy to open up and admit to feelings of sorrow and uncertainty during the "best time in a woman's life." However, motherhood doesn't have to rainbows and glitter all the time and it is okay to admit that.
It is okay not to always enjoy motherhood because mothers are simply human. Feeling these emotions and facing the struggles many new mothers face is not uncommon. What is important is facing those difficulties for both you and your little one. Once you unravel where your depression or "baby blues" are rooted, your bond can grow with your beautiful, bundle of joy. Though every moment may not be joyous, you can work towards finding joy in little moments.
Resources: National Institute of Mental Health; all of the direct quotes used in this article were from real-life mothers who gave full permission for usage through the Facebook page: Momhood Mayhem