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My Crazy Toddler Is Why I Drink

HOLY CRAP.

I've heard the phrase "terrible twos" since I was a young child. When Shep was born, I was too busy soaking up the newborn snuggles and squeals to think this far ahead. Or, maybe I wasn't capable of seeing into the future because my mushy mom brain was running on the fumes of exhaustion. Part of me suspects that confusion is by design. Regardless, we've arrived. Two. Two years old and two tons of emotions, with zero words to describe his inner turmoil.

Come to me, my sweet glass of wine.

What has happened to me sweet snuggling baby boy??? He used to be such a lover and now he's all drama, all the time. Rough and tumble, with no concept of how strong he actually is - he's bruised me up with his aggressive joy more than once. He uses his words to ask for "ice" (another popsicle), but then throws himself in tears onto the floor when I tell him that he's had enough for the day. If I am on the phone with the realtor, Shep has to physically climb up my back like I'm a jungle gym. Then, without warning, he will launch himself through the air and bellyflop directly onto his sister's face. Then she starts crying, and I chastise him, and he starts crying, and then I want to cry, too.

We're just a hot mess over here. But luckily, I'm old enough to legally drink alcohol. Unfortunately, I still have to be sober enough to responsibly care for my screaming children. Boooooooooo. Such killjoys.

Save some for me, little dude!

My saint of a mother somehow got through my childhood without drinking. Well, not just mine - I have two older siblings as well! And I don't really understand how or why, but my mother-in-law was a honest-to-goodness teetotaler until her forties! Knowing this has given me so much more respect for them. Without wine, I honestly think I'd lose my mind. I'm so glad we live in a day and age where I can not only enjoy drinking wine, but enjoy it openly. Yay for feminism!

In the last year, I saw a lot of articles that poo-poo'ed the "mommy needs wine" trope. And yes, in theory, I agree that stereotypes are more harmful than helpful. It puts a bad taste in my mouth to say that my kids are such a burden that I need to drink to cope. But you know what? Not every part of motherhood is some sort of soft-focus 80's bliss-out.

Lots of our time as mothers is spent wiping literal shit or getting pissed on. Pregnancy hurts like all hell, and no one gets out without some form of lasting marks. Childbirth is damn near (or, sometimes actually) deadly. I am not a very patient person, and children have a way of forcing us to grow in the most uncomfortable of ways. Some of the best advice I got when I was expecting Shep was this: "Remember that God gave this child to you because you are perfectly suited to be their parent. Not in your current state, but in the person they will grow you to be."

And you know what helps dull those growing pains?

Wine.

 

 

What's your favorite type of wine? Or do you prefer a different type of adult drink? Send me your favorite cocktail recipes @pi3sugarpi3

 

 

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