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I Was Diagnosed With An Anxiety Disorder During My Last Pregnancy

My pregnancy was very difficult. It was very physically exhausting. I puked so much that I now have ended up with 6 cavities that were not there before I was pregnant. I just could not keep anything down, I was losing weight and I also had three children who were not in school yet. At the time I had a 4-year-old, a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. I went to the doctors a couple of times to get fluids because I was dehydrated and struggling. I then started peeing blood at 20 weeks. I went into the doctor's and they said that I most likely had kidney stones. However, they couldn't check using a cat-scan because I was pregnant. So I just suffered through the pain and sickness. I finally went in and I got a stent after about a month and half of having bloody pee. The stent was supposed to help me with my ureters dilating.

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The stent was one of the worst experiences of my life. I felt like I had to pee all of the time but then I couldn't. It was terribly painful and I couldn't move. I just laid there and I could feel the awful foreign object up in my urethra. I can't even explain the pain and that I was feeling. I ended up having the most insane panic attack. I had a cold sweat, and panic rushed through my body. I could not get my heart rate down and I thought I was going to die. It was a crazy out of body experience. It got so bad that I was puking my guts out. I can't explain an anxiety attack to you unless you have had one yourself.  My husband rushed me to the hospital.

The worst part was that the doctors couldn't do anything about it! My heart rate was at 140 because my panic attack was so insane. It was the worst feeling I have ever had and that emotional pain outweighed any pain I have ever had physically. I kept begging for something to help me calm down! The medical staff said they couldn't give me anything for anxiety because it wasn't safe for pregnancy. I later found out that the medication they were talking about was a benzodiazepine. They sent me home because there was nothing they could do for me. Every single night I kept on having an anxiety attack because I was terrified of having that happen again. It was like I had anxiety about having another anxiety attack.

The emotional pain was debilitating. A few days after the intense panic attack that left me in the hospital, I went back into the hospital and I told them that they had to take out the stent! I was suffering from emotional and physical pain. They took out my stent and once they took it out they found out that there actually was a kidney stone lodged into my ureter which was making my ureter and kidneys dilate. I left the hospital and I could not get my emotional health under control. I was already on Serotonin and I had to take more of my daily medications. And then I started taking Unisom every single night just to sleep through the anxiety. I had several panic attacks at the end of my pregnancy. I had never had anxiety attacks before and I just was getting them all the time. I kept telling myself if I had another one I could just go to the hospital. That seemed to be the only thing to calm me down and then taking Unisom that would knock me out.

I had an anxiety attack the day after I gave birth to my daughter. I had anxiety because I realized that I couldn't calm myself down by saying, "I can go to the hospital." I realized I was on my own. I had a panic attack the day we went back home. It was terrible. I called my psychiatrist and they prescribed me a Benzo and just knowing I have that has calmed me down just a little bit. However, I get panic attacks now whenever my stomach hurts because I have a flashback to the time that I was in the hospital for kidney stones. I am constantly on edge about getting sick again. It's as if I have PTSD of my pregnancy. This experience has really proven that emotional and mental pain is so much more difficult to handle than physical pain.

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