A recent Reddit thread shared by r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide shows a disturbing checklist titled, “First Dance Kit.” Posted byu/higginsnburke under the heading, “Just so we are clear. This is the kind of language that gets women killed,” the flyer features advice for young girls going to their first dance.
Among the absurd suggestions, the flyer tells girls to paint their nails, wear lip gloss and to not forget to brush their teeth. The leaflet, which would appear to have been written in the 1950s were it not for the cheesy font, recommends that girls never say “no to a guy who had the courage to walk over and ask you to dance.”
Among the reactions on Reddit, Ghlhzmbqn was appalled, writing, "Never say no! What if you crush a teenage boy's fragile ego and he learns he can't always get what he wants?" Meanwhile, marnieeez was more direct, stating, "This is disgusting, what the hell?"
Upon further investigation, this writer found that the list seems to have been written by someone in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The sixth item on the list — know your standards — includes For the Strength of Youth in parentheses. This refers to a pamphlet distributed by the LDS Church that "summarizes standards from scripture and from the writings and teachings of Church leaders."
The pamphlet’s audience is young men and young women of the LDS Church. First published in 1965, its 9th and the most recent edition was released in 2011. It discusses a range of subjects, including dating, appearance, music and dancing, health, and sexual purity, and forbids anything that "arouses" any sexual feelings or emotions in one's "own body." It also refers to homosexuality as an abomination.
Needless to say, most Reddit users found the flyer offensive, given that it recommends that girls dress ‘appropriately’ to avoid making a boy feel uncomfortable. It also advises girls to not spend too much time talking to their friends in order to appear available to boys looking to dance. Yet it is the “Never say No” instruction that seems the most alarming.
According to the FBI, in 2018, there were an estimated 139,380 rapes reported to law enforcement in 2018. This estimate was 2.7 percent higher than the 2017 estimate and 18.1 percent higher than the 2014 estimate. Therefore, recommending that women never say no is not only offensive, it is also dangerous.