When my first child was born, I had no idea what I was doing. I read all of the parenting books and had watched other people raise their children but that didn't mean I knew what I was doing. As my child grew, and as I added more children to the mix, I have realized more and more how inept I am at this whole parenting gig. I never know the right way to do anything with my children. When my kid is throwing a fit I don't know if I should talk to them, ignore them, punish them or just pick them up and throw them in their room. I don't know what is right. I have read an argument for each of these reactions and they all sound good, but which one would be the best for my child? I have no idea!
Each of my children is so completely different and so I actually have to parent them a little differently. My oldest is incredibly stubborn and has a little bit of a problem with authority. He also hates when people talk down to him. When he makes a mistake and you explain his mistake he will cross his arms and usually turn his back on you while you talk. It is obnoxious and we never know how to handle this! He is also a perfectionist. If he can't do something perfectly then he doesn't even want to try. We also have been having issues with him at school because he is incredibly brilliant and so he distracts the other children after he quickly finishes his assignments. He just got into trouble the other day because he was bored at circle time and he turned into a bowling ball and started knocking over other students. The children are given a color system; green means good, yellow means he is not making the best decisions and red means that he got in serious trouble. While other kids are getting greens, my son is getting a couple of yellows a week. We try really hard to talk with him about listening and try to handle it "right" but we don't even know the "right way."
Nobody really knows how to parent. We all have parenting hacks and we all have our way of doing things, but nobody knows what is right and wrong. My second child is a really hard kid. He is difficult because I never know what he is going to get mad about and his emotions are everywhere. He has big feelings, big reactions, and big emotions. He is stubborn too, but resilient. If he has his mind set on something he can't get it off that one thing. It is such a challenging parenting struggle. People often judge my kids when they see them act in a strange way and they often give advice, but they don't know what to do either!
That is why I think mom-shaming is so dumb! Every kid is so different and every person is so different so of course, every parent is going to different. Heck, I have to parent my children differently because they are so different. If my oldest is struggling with something I have to give him a moment to cool down. While my second if he is struggling with something he wants my undivided attention! If I raise my voice at my first he will stand straight up and listen. If I raise my voice at my second he will get his feelings hurt and shut down and often runs away to sob. Look, if you want to mom-shame me that is fine but you have to realize that you are doing things that I probably wouldn't do. There are some moms who let their kids co-sleep, let their kids go to bed with a bottle, buy their children their own tablets, and even have televisions in their rooms. We all do things differently. Why is your way better? Why is my way better? Absolutely not one person on this entire planet actually knows what they are doing when it comes to parenting. We are literally making it up as we go along.