The Duggars, of 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On fame, are one of the most controversial reality TV families today. They are staunch in their belief system, which sometimes includes strict regimens with their large brood of kids. But there are some parenting take-aways from the Duggars you might learn from, even if there are also some Duggar parenting lessons to avoid.
Now, there are more Duggar-adjacent families to learn from since so many of the adult Duggar kids are getting married and starting their own families. However, it’s safe to say that most of the adult kids have learned a lot of their parenting lessons from their parents. And while these are some of those very rules and tips, these are also some of the Duggar parenting ways to avoid if you can.
10 Great Tip: Take Your Kids To See Other Parts Of The World
In the early days of 19 Kids and Counting, Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar took their kids on frequent trips around the world. Past episodes of the series show them traveling to places like Canada and even China. Part of that might have had to do with getting traveling deals or comps from TLC, the network which aired their series. So while it might not be feasible for all families, the Duggars did show how important it is to take family trips and expose your children to other cultures and other parts of the world. For a family who has roots in rural Arkansas, that’s kind of a big deal.
9 Avoid: Blanket Training
One of the practices the Duggars put into place to rear their children is blanket training. It’s a method meant to "train" babies to stay on a blanket for an extended period of time and discipline them into finding ways to entertain themselves on the blanket rather than crawling away out of their parents’ line of sight. It’s a method shared by some of the adult Duggar children now, but at its core, it is arguably more about the parents’ convenience than it is about instilling any sort of values into children — especially at that age.
8 Great Tip: Limit Screen Time
In the Duggars’ case, the limit on screen time is almost a complete ban on it. Instead of exposing their younger kids to TV or iPads, Michelle and Jim-Bob are firm believers in allowing their kids to make fun for themselves throughout the house and outside.
This results in all kinds of projects that stimulate their minds rather than turn them into TV-watching zombies. That might not be the most realistic practice for families who are more worldly than the Duggars, but there is something to be said for limiting screen time when you can.
7 Avoid: A Lack Of Emphasis On Education
Michelle homeschooled all of her children and continues to work on lessons with the younger ones who still live at home. While there is nothing wrong with homeschooling itself, the Duggars seem to lack emphasis on higher education. Instead, the adult sons typically work for one of the family’s businesses or branch off to create similar local businesses in the name of the Duggars. Again, there is nothing inherently wrong with that either, but there seems to be no plan in place or encouragement for any of the Duggars to attend four-year colleges once they are of age.
6 Great Tip: Keep The Lines Of Communication Open
Michelle wrote on the Duggar Family Blog that she tries to communicate with her kids as best as she can as the mom to more than a dozen children. In a 2013 post, Michelle wrote that it’s important to keep communication open with all of your children, whether they themselves are open to it or not. She explained in the post that even for the kids who might not be as open about talking, it’s important to give them the time and space they need to be able to communicate as well.
5 Avoid: Sibling "Buddies"
For as long as fans can remember, the Duggars have subscribed to the "buddy system" with all of the kids. The system is set up to give younger children in the family the chance to be led and guided by older siblings. This can be a fun system, if it weren't also about the older kids being given responsibilities they themselves are probably too young to take on. And, like blanket training, the buddy system is more so one that caters to Michelle and Jim-Bob’s needs rather than those of their kids.
4 Great Tip: Be Willing To Apologize For Your Mistakes As A Parent
Another tip Michelle wrote about in the Duggar Family Blog is to not be above apologizing to your child if you make a mistake. Parents make plenty of mistakes, but one big issue that can arise is not owning up to those mistakes with their children. While Michelle is likely guilty of her fair share of mistakes too, she wrote that in cases of raising your voice, getting frustrated, or otherwise upsetting or being upset by your kids, it’s important to apologize and be accountable for your actions afterward.
3 Avoid: No bedtime Structure
On a dated episode of 19 Kids and Counting, the Duggars proudly said that the bedtime routine in their home is very loosely structured. With so many kids, that is to be expected, but having older and little ones fall asleep around midnight is no way to instill healthy sleeping habits.
Sure, they don't have to wake up early the following morning to attend a school off their compound, but kids need routines to function properly. And even if you’re homeschooled in a family of 19 kids, you need to have a more acceptable bedtime.
2 Great Tip: Promote Sibling Friendships
One of the big take-aways you can't help but notice when it comes to the dynamic between the Duggar kids is all of their interwoven friendships. But growing up with siblings near the same age, it was easy for all of them to build close friendships in the process.
They went through homeschooling together, shared bedrooms, and grew up on the family compound in rural Arkansas. To be fair, kids should also maintain healthy friendships outside of the family, but not everyone can say they grew up with siblings were who were more like best friends than anything else.
1 Avoid: Not Giving More Options To Their Daughters
Like the issue with advanced education, the Duggars have no expectations when it comes to giving their daughters options other than entering into courtship to be married and, soon after, start families of their own. They then typically follow their new headships in the form of their husband and trade one life of servitude for another. While some of the adult Duggar daughters might welcome this, it leaves no room for any other opportunities or options for them as they grow up.
Whether you love the Duggars or love to hate on them, there are some parenting take-aways you can learn from them. Even so, there are those undeniable traits you should still probably ignore. As with all things parenting, you win some and you lose some.