Do you ever wonder what your husband’s first thought really was when you discovered that your life as a couple was about to change forever? Finding out that a baby is on the way is, beyond question, one of the most exciting moments your husband will ever have. You and hubby both will go through a range of emotions once you learn there is a baby on board. These emotions in fact, are preparation for the wonderful ride that becoming a parent is.
No worries, though. We do fit into our roles as parents pretty naturally, I can assure you that. In the process of becoming moms-to-be, I think women attune to the role pretty quickly as soon as our bodies begin to transform into a shape we never knew possible. We feel joy when our little one kicks for the first time, and while we know that our partners are excited and delighted, too there is nothing like the blessed feeling of carrying another being inside your body.
Our husbands will feel some of the elation, along with apprehension - the same as we do being pregnant women, but somehow they aren’t quite as able to express those emotions as we are. Could it be because their hormones aren’t raging quite as crazily as ours are?
Men know that becoming a father is the beginning of the end, and I mean that in a totally positive, awesome kind of way. If they're having conflicting feelings about it, chances are their buddies will hear all about it long before you ever will. Some dads-to-be do struggle a bit as the big day approaches, but there are others who embrace the role right from day one.
So yes, as quiet emotionally as your husband be may be throughout the nine month journey to daddyhood, all of those emotions will rise to the surface on delivery day and burst like a broken water main. Of course, the scene on the big day will be much more pleasant than that analogy, but nonetheless the force of the emotions will be like a geyser and your guy won’t have any control over them whatsoever.
What emotions will your husband truly feel on delivery day when he is your partner and advocate in labor? Read on as we take a glimpse at what is probably going on in your husband’s head (and heart), the emotional ups and downs, as you prepare to welcome your little miracle into your lives.
Ladies, we know it must be true that our men do feel a little helpless in the delivery room as they watch from the sidelines. You’ve got to admit, it has to be tough and terrifying watching us deal with the stages of labor. Men really have no idea how to determine if we are indeed in labor, (it’s kind of a mystery to all of us) and they know that the decision to go to the hospital ultimately has to come from us.
Once there, they can only stand beside us, trying to coach as best they can and basically can only watch the entire event take place. That’s kind of how the last nine months have gone, if you think about it. Your husband has only been able to stand aside and watch your body go through the miraculous changes that come from carrying a child.
He hates seeing you in pain and doesn't know what he should do
It is a good idea to communicate your labor plan to your husband before you are in the middle of the event; as much as hubby wants to be your advocate, he needs some guidelines to go on. For instance, if your birth plan says no pain meds, but you have decided to go with an epidural so you can rest a bit during a long labor, hubby needs to be aware that you are open to possible changes in advance so he can convey your wishes to your care team.
Give dad guidelines - that way the helplessness will give way to helpfulness which in turn, benefits you both.
Your partner may feel a little numb or dazed as the hours go by in the delivery room. After all, fatigue will set in for him too. Don’t take this as a sign of apathy - you are exhibiting a strength you never knew you possessed and maybe your significant other is finding it just a little hard to measure up.
The bottom line is this: women are amazing and strong and unmistakably lucky to go through pregnancy and delivery. I for one felt so blessed as a woman, so privileged to bring a child into the world. Our hubbies are quite possibly in awe of us at this point and can feel numb as they try to process the emotion. Men are going through the single most joyous moment ever too, and it is worth saying that men need to draw strength from us right about now.
Trying to stay alert and ready has caused him to appear numb
Chances are, your husband’s emotions may be abated somewhat as a protective measure. Truth be known, some husbands have admitted to being queasy, near to vomiting, or even close to passing out when involved in the delivery of their child. (Dads, don’t be afraid to sit for a minute if you need to, or even step outside into the hallway to gather your composure, You wouldn’t be the first to have done so.)
Reassure your husband in his emotions - watching you as you await the final stages of delivering your precious gift can be genuinely tough.
The funny thing is, even though you have had many anxious moments throughout your pregnancy, your husband has had them, too. But it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that for the last nine months, your partner has pushed the anxiety aside in the interest of enjoying the last few months of being kid free.
I really do get that - my husband kind of did the same thing. You know, a lot of nights out with the boys and plenty of evenings working overtime at the office. In reality though, I think it was all for the sake of anxiety. Will I be a good father? Will I be able to provide for my family? And truthfully, will I ever have time for myself again?
Rest assured, the second your baby is born your hubby will come back to earth and realize that it’s the little things that matter. And we are talking about one very important little being, who works their way into your heart right at first cry.
Being a parent is hard on both of you
Hubby may feel that he is trading in his freedom and sanity for a lifetime of dirty diapers and interrupted sleep. Exhaustion, and a crying baby at all hours of the night will give way before you know it, to a priceless smile that lights up when you enter the room. Your little son will love you more than anything and every emotion ever felt will be replaced by unconditional love towards your child.
Help him understand that you are in this together. The three of you. One happy family.
Unbeknownst to your significant other before delivery day, watching your wife give birth is a real eye opener to the power of women. Kudos to us for the astonishing strength and determination. It’s an incredible reminder to men, though. You know, as they realize that we have power beyond belief.
Visually beholding the culmination of the past nine months in all of its climactic fashion can be a shock to our men, to say the least. Our bodies, as well as they perform and as miraculously made for birthing as they are, go through physical impact and an experience likened to a marathon when we deliver a baby. For our husbands to witness this let’s say, from a completely different angle than we do, can mean utter reverence, surprise and awe about this milestone in life.
He is proud of you and what you can do
Attending prenatal classes together throughout the pregnancy is a good way to prepare your husband (and yourself) for the beautiful, extreme event that labor is. I can honestly say, after your man sees you deliver his baby, he will look at you in a new and totally devoted way.
By all means your husband is experiencing fear big time in the delivery room. It’s not just a cliché, but also the simple truth, that every parent just wants a healthy baby. I can guarantee that your husband is right now, as you breathe through contractions, feeling fearful about whether you and babe will make it through the delivery safely.
He does not want you to be in too much pain and wants the labor to go just as you had hoped. However, birth plans often go awry, and your labor can, too. No matter what the outcome, natural, with epidural or by cesarean, nothing can compare with the moment your angel arrives giving you a new perspective on life.
The realization of what being a dad hits him full force an he's scared for a moment
Not to mention, your husband feels he is with certainty, jumping into the unknown the very first time he holds his precious son. Quite frankly, even though society is gradually changing, women are looked upon as the natural caregiver of children. Your husband may be nervous that he will make mistakes or do something wrong. And maybe the responsibility is just a bit overwhelming.
Naturally, the same thing will happen to your husband as happens to all dads. Relax in the wisdom of this: when cherished babe makes his entrance into the world, your husband will be transformed from a person to a dad, and he will never forget that moment.
This is kind of when the geyser reaches full height for our guys. I describe euphoria as jubilation, pride, happiness and exhilaration all wrapped into one package. Your husband may be asking himself, is this precious gift truly mine?
Once your baby arrives and you have had a little opportunity for skin to skin bonding, it will be time to pass your baby over to his dad. Holding their child in the first moments of life is an experience like no other. It just can’t be beat.
Once your baby is born, he will feel an overwhelming expression of joy
I’ve heard husbands say that watching their wife and child together for the first time is so intensely moving. Holding the baby themselves is beyond words. I mean, can you imagine? Dads, can you barely wait for the moment?
Husbands feel that watching their long awaited baby being born can bring tears, if not during the delivery, then not long after. Tears of joy, emotions beyond control and a euphoria never imagined are part and parcel of the labor process.
And it only gets better. The things that your child will do for you as a newborn and as they grow are legacies beyond compare. Forgive me for being a bit sappy, but my emotions are getting the better of me, okay?
We all feel uncertainties in the first few hours and days after our children are born. But I sincerely think, as women we go with the flow and it all comes by nature.
Our partners can quite possibly still be wrestling with a range of emotions. Dads may feel uncertain about simple confidence issues like, “will my wife love the baby more than me?” Feeling left out is a common emotion for men - which is perfectly logical since a newborn demands so much of mommy’s time.
Jealousy of the closeness between mom and child is a legitimate uncertainty many dads can face in the early moments and days of fatherhood. It may seem as though we may not want to spend time with our husbands, when in truth it is all out fatigue taking over, or a need to get other things done around the house that we feel are necessary.
He feels like you and the baby don't need him
Housework, laundry and other mundane tasks unfortunately have a place in the early days of parenthood. As a couple, you should take a few moments together daily in order to keep your marriage as good as it was before baby came into the picture.
Men often are uncertain about exactly that: what is going to happen to the relationship you two had before your baby was born. This demanding little gem is now the star of the show, but it doesn’t mean that your love for each other won’t become front and center again. Give yourselves time. Reassure your hubby of your love and try to include him in the care of the baby as much as possible.
No doubt about it, both of you will become experts at parenting before you know it. Daily practise makes perfect and parenting together is how you will get there, discussing emotions that make your family so special. Focus on the fun and excitement. We aren’t saying that there won’t be plenty of tough times and rough roads to travel, but you made it this far and it only gets better!