Often times, kids find it difficult to open up to their parents about bullying. Most parents want to know what’s going on with their kids at school, but sometimes they don’t have the appropriate tools to help. Knowing the right questions to ask and how to engage with the child’s narrative are essential to identifying a bullying problem.

A question that doesn’t help in any case is “how was school?” Majority of parents know that this will only yield simple, one-word answers that don’t give any insight to what’s going on. One in five kids experience some kind of bullying, and they find it difficult to tell their parents about it. Without an engaging conversation, kids are more likely to hide it from their parents.

Parents should start early, and they should get into a daily habit of asking specific questions about their child’s peers. Instead of asking directly if they’ve encountered a bully, it would be better to inquire about their playmates. Asking who they played with, what they’re like, or what activities they did help the kids analyze their relationships with others. Once they get the hang of telling a story, they’ll be able to highlight certain things that they have realized make them uncomfortable or sad.

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Children’s books and TV shows are also good tools to use when bringing up the bullying conversation. Many have made an effort to deal with the subject matter, so it’s easier for parents to relate the story with their kid’s narrative. If the child can relate to the fictional story, then they may find it easier to tell their parents what’s going on using parallels in what they read or watched.

Taking the conversation to a different setting may also help the kid be more comfortable talking about their experiences. Instead of just sitting at the dinner table and talking about school as usual, taking them out for a walk or somewhere they can decompress can help with starting the talk. Some parents have found success at having the bullying conversation right before their kids go to bed because they’re more relaxed. The topic is hard for a kid to understand and deal with emotionally, so it’s important they’re comfortable and not stressed out when you want to talk to them about it.