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'Everything Happens For A Reason' Isn't An Acceptable Thing To Say To A Woman After A Miscarriage

I have four beautiful and perfect babies and I am so grateful for them. My children are everything right in this world. I know when I look at them that I did four perfect things in this world. Not only do I have four beautiful babies on this earth, but I also have two angel babies that I will never forget. I had two children very quickly and then I had two miscarriages in between my 2nd and 3rd child. It was a hard time for me emotionally and physically. Losing a baby is obviously really sad, traumatic and I still am haunted by those losses. It was also incredibly painful. Just imagine the worse period of your life. It was like I was getting punished for having a miscarriage.

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I am lucky that I had miscarriages that were so early on in my pregnancy. I can't even imagine losing a baby past the first trimester. My heart goes out to all of the women who have lost their babies. I never even heard a heartbeat, but I knew my little peanuts were growing. My HCG was rising and then it wasn't, It was a hard time. I was physically torn up inside. And then the comment that still haunts me, "well, everything happens for a reason." My heart dropped. That is not what you say to somebody who just went through a traumatic event. As I was experiencing my body lose the child, this person was telling me that it was happening for a reason. The only thing that is acceptable to tell somebody when they have had a miscarriage is, "I am sorry." I don't want to hear, "everything happens for a reason," or "at least you weren't that far along." Neither of these things is helpful or comforting to hear when you have lost something so precious and dear to you.

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If somebody you know has had a miscarriage and you don't know what to say then just say, "I am so sorry. That really sucks!" Do not start spouting off all the people that you have ever met that have experienced a miscarriage. Don't talk about how you never have had a miscarriage and you are so grateful for that. Don't say something like, "oh I think I had one once because I had a heavier period one month" because if you didn't even know you were pregnant than you never felt the sting of losing the human that was growing inside you! You would never understand the pain of losing a pregnancy unless you have experienced a miscarriage yourself.

I have had four healthy babies and I still miss those two pregnancies that I lost. It was really hard. Although it was very traumatic, due to the loss of those pregnancies I was even more grateful for all four of my healthy pregnancies. I am so thankful that I was able to bring my babies into this world. They are so perfect!

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