Parents who constantly raise their voices at their children in order for them to pay attention aren’t doing themselves any favors. As a matter of fact, one parenting expert says that shouting at children is an ineffective way to parent. In fact, he says that raising your voice or talking in “all caps” is a fear-based approach that doesn’t work.
According to New Zealand’s Stuff.co.uk, parenting expert Te Karere Scarborough wants moms and dads to turn the volume down when it comes to their own voices. Instead of making threats, coming off as the more dominant person in your relationship with your child or simply screaming at them, Scarborough thinks that all you need to do is lower your voice and speak rationally if you are looking for immediate compliance.
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"Often, there's a really busy agenda going on in our head," he explained. Instead of putting that pressure on the kids, we should be "taking some of the pressure away from them.”More often than not parents find themselves asking their children twice, three times and sometimes even four times to get their kids to do simple chores, brush their teeth or get ready for bed.
Instead of shouting or getting angry, Scarborough suggests that parents take a step back and focus on what type of communication they are having with their kids. In other words, he says that it’s important to have more “face to face time” and not parent from the dinner table but actually make eye contact with their kids.
In addition, Scarborough says that when parents lower their voices, it forces kids to tune out all of the surrounding noise around them in order to listen to their parents. This way kids are forcing themselves to really pay attention to what their parents have to say, which might result in a more effective way of communication. Shouting, on the other hand, does nothing more than make kids want to tune out or in some cases, rebel.
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Scarborough further noted that while it’s possible for parents to stop raising their voices altogether, that doesn’t mean that their children will listen to them 100 percent of the time. He says that there is still a place for stern conversations or for parents to use a sterner tone if need be.