When I was pregnant with my first baby I was about 37 weeks when I was just done being pregnant and I was ready to give birth and have him in my arms. I was so tired because I was so uncomfortable and I kept waking up every couple of minutes to go pee. My son was 10 lbs and so he was huge and he was giving me terrible acid reflux. I was convinced that life would be so much better when I would finally have him. I thought that I would get more sleep (I was an idiot) and I thought that I would panic less because I could see him and just know he was okay. Well, as you might have guessed, having a newborn was way more difficult than being pregnant. In fact, the newborn stage, for many new moms is the hardest.
Going from no children to being a mother was easily the hardest transition. I have been asked multiple times about the statement about newborns being much more difficult than any other time. People respond by saying, "newborns are easy they just sit there." Well, the newborn stage goes way beyond the complexity of the baby and way more about what I was going through. Sure, trying to take care of a mobile 3-year-old who has sass for days can be very difficult, but postpartum new mom takes the cake. It isn't just a matter taking care of the baby it is all about the change that I went through as a mother. I was recovering from a 4th-degree tear, suffering from mastitis, I was exhausted, my first wouldn't latch and I had to pump, and it was terrible. I was so tired. Both my husband and I were so tired. Postpartum depression hit at full force and it was just an exhausting miserable time. I have had three more children since then and I can honestly say that was the hardest time during my mothering journey. As I have opened up more with other mothers I have learned that many other moms share how the newborn stage has been the hardest for them as well.
One mother share on Popsugar that for her newborn stage was the hardest as well. When her child was first born her friend came up to her and asked if she was just loving being a mom. She was just in a fog of exhaustion. She shared, "My mind took me back to the night before when my son wouldn't stop crying. I rocked him and attempted to soothe him, but nothing seemed to work. The screams bounced off the walls, piercing any shred of confidence I may have had, and making me wonder what I had gotten myself into. Loving it didn't seem to describe it. Surviving it felt more like it. Still, I nodded and smiled, unable to admit to myself or anyone else that this was all way harder than I thought it would be."
Another mother shared on Today's Parent that she believed the newborn stage to be the hardest as well. She shared, "My son didn’t care about the schedule recommended in the baby books. He didn’t care how long it had been since he last ate. He didn’t care that I had just fallen asleep, sat down to eat or stepped into the shower. Obviously, I didn’t expect him to, but actually living that mercurial reality, day after day for months on end, was a shock to my system. As someone who prided herself on a high output of organized productivity, I was dumbfounded by my inability to accomplish anything. I was busy all day but had nothing to show for it." She finally quite miserable and sad and she finally went to her mother and told her how sad she was. Her mom said that she never was happy with the newborn stage. This mother started realizing that she was certainly not alone in believing that the first couple of months with a baby is not all that fun. She shared that once she had a grasp on motherhood a little bit better she was able to survive the newborn stage with her next babies a lot easier. She confessed, "I never really learned to appreciate the newborn phase with my first son. He was three months old by the time I figured out that one of the secrets to happy parenting is letting go of any expectation of predictability. But when I had my second and third sons, I had a new perspective on parenting that made those newborn days easier."
If you are a new mom and you feel like everybody else is happy with their new baby except for you it is important to understand you are not alone. Many mothers suffer in silence. Many mothers don't want to admit that they are suffering because they don't want it to seem like they don't love their children. They are afraid of admitting that they might not like their kid all that much. I was there. I remember feeling the guilt of not wanting the newborn around. I admit that I was in a position where there were some days that I just wanted him to be back in my stomach because life was so much easier then. You are not alone and it will get better.
Sources: Popsugar, Today's Parent, Mayo Clinic,