There is a lot to say about being pregnant. It is a wonderful, magical time that a lot of women enjoy. It is also a dark place. It is a time filled with sickness, aches and pains and a lot of mixed feelings. Women who are seeing those two pink lines for the first time are filled with a lot of feelings, and sometimes they are hard to work through. There is initial excitement and joy (especially if this baby was planned and waited for).
It doesn’t take long for those feelings to turn a little dark, or obsessive. There are a lot of things to fear when it comes to pregnancy, from the thought of loss to the imminent approaching childbirth. Every woman has these thoughts no matter what number pregnancy she is on, but it does seem to be more intense and apparent with a woman who is about to be a first-time mom.
I can say that I have some experience in this world of overthinking and obsessing over every little thing. My first pregnancy was full of the what-ifs, and the internet searchers that never helped (trust me, they just make it worse). I did go on to deliver a healthy baby girl, but my pregnancy was full of worry. I am now currently pregnant with my second child and the difference is astounding. Who knows if it is because I am more ‘experienced’ with being pregnant, or because I am too busy chasing a toddler around to worry.
Here is a list of the top 15 things that almost all (if not every) first-time pregnant mom obsesses over, and how it is time to relax!
15 Toilet Paper Ritual
The number one way to ruin a pregnancy experience is by worrying about every little thing that could possibly go wrong. It takes a lot of people a long time to understand that worrying about what could happen doesn’t change whether it will happen or not. It can consume a woman’s mind, where she no longer savours every moment. Once someone becomes pregnant, one of the biggest worries on her mind is if she will miscarry, and then comes the toilet paper ritual as I like to call it.
The toilet paper ritual is when an expectant woman goes to the bathroom and starts checking the toilet paper after she wipes. She is looking for any trace of pink or red to let her know that something is wrong. When she sees nothing, she is instantly relieved. Her mind could pay tricks on her and make her think she sees something she really doesn’t.
14 Why Is Everyone So Obsessed With Me?
This is something that a woman may not obsess about until closer to the end of her pregnancy. That is the thought that everyone and their cousin is just staring at her. This happens closer to the end of a woman’s pregnancy because her baby is almost fully grown, so her belly is protruding more than ever. It is suddenly not so easy to hide that baby bump anymore.
What makes the stares even worse, is that no one is looking you in the eyes anymore. They all look directly at your stomach. They talk to your stomach, and if they could they would give your stomach a handshake. It can be pretty uncomfortable, and have mom wishing someone would just talk to her and not to her baby bump. The best word of advice for any mom who has this worry, is enjoy the attention now because once that baby comes that is when you will really disappear.
13 What Was That Pain?
The good thing about being on your second or third pregnancy is you have a gauge on what is normal vs. strange aches and pains. Pregnancy makes your body change in the most amazing and troubling way, and some of the side effects of these changes are pains in your pelvic area. If you are a first-time pregnant mom, these may be enough to have you on the phone with your doctor, convinced something is wrong.
Chances are these are just round ligament pains, normal pains and aches that are a direct result of your uterus growing and expanding. The problem is that a lot of women go to Dr. Google to try and calm their minds. They hope to read that it is normal and to be expected, but sometimes they come across the complete opposite. It really is best to relax and see if the pains ache, because normally they do, you can call your doctor if it will help ease your mind as well.
12 Do These Maternity Pants Make Me Look Bad?
It has never been a secret that pregnancy changes your body. That it makes you stomach bump up and causes stretch marks. The severity of each will really depend on each individual woman, but it doesn’t stop every first-time mom from having a little bit of negative feelings toward how her body is changing.
If you are a first-time mom and thinking you got out of the woods and this feeling hasn’t hit you yet, don’t get too comfortable. This obsession normally starts the first time you go to put on your favourite pair of jeans and you notice that they do not fit anymore. That is when it becomes real that your body is changing. Mothers who have more than one child tend to let these thoughts go easier. They know how to get their pre-pregnancy body back and they have been through it all before.
11 Ability To Parent (This Is A Big One)
A lot of moms overthink their inability to parent their little baby they are bringing into the world. Again, this is not something that starts the moment that pregnancy test goes positive. In the beginning, mom is more worried about controlling her morning sickness and planning her baby shower in her head.
There will come a point where she will begin to worry about what kind of parent she will be, and it will take over her entire mind. These thoughts will normally come closer to when mom is due because that is when reality will hit her. All the fun pregnancy moments are over, and now all that is left is for her to give birth. We were all first-time moms at some point, and we made it, so you will as well. Don’t overthink it, you will just drive yourself crazy. Just do what you feel is right, and things will all fall into place.
10 Well, No Clothes For Me!
The issue of maternity wear is not so easy. When a woman reaches that point where none of her clothes fit her anymore, she has a choice to make. She can either go to a maternity store and buy some new clothes, or she can just go naked. A lot of women overthink maternity clothes and are convinced that they are just going to have to run away and join a nudist colony.
The problem is maternity clothes are expensive. In a time when we are entering one of the most financially expensive times of our lives (having children) you would think that the maternity clothes designer people could cut us some slack. Nope, the clothes are overpriced because they know we need them. Well, a quick solution for all you overthinkers out there are to check out thrift stores, mommy trade groups on Facebook or ask friends or family members who have all been pregnant before for some hand-me-downs.
9 Vain Baby Thoughts
Pregnant women create very important bonds with their babies. After all, they are spending 9 months together and mom gets to feel all those kicks and movements. It would only seem natural that mom would start to imagine what her little one looks like. Does she look like mom or dad? Will she be a beautiful baby? These may seem like vain thoughts, but they will start to take over mom’s mind and be all she can think about.
Mom will also start to think about who her little baby will be. What will his personality and temperament be. It is important to not overthink and obsess over this. You will think your baby is beautiful, and you will play a large part in raising them to become who they are going to be. This is definitely one of those things that mom should just let go and let be whatever will be.
8 Kick Counts
A highlight of pregnancy is that moment you start feeling your little one kick and move inside you. For a mom who is experiencing her first pregnancy, this is something that she is very inpatient about. She wonders when she will feel those first few flutters and starts worrying and researching when she should feel them. Most first-time moms do not feel anything until well into the second trimester.
When you get into your third trimester, they may suggest you start doing some kick counts to make sure everything is OK with your baby. This can be a very helpful tool, but it can also come with its own anxiety and worries if mom doesn’t feel anything for a while. Babies movements are muffled when mom is up and moving around, both because she is preoccupied and because the movement of her hips is putting her little one to sleep. When she is still that is when she will feel movements because that is when baby is most awake and active.
7 Food, Food And More Food!
Food is either your best friend when you are pregnant or your worst enemy and there are few things moms overthink more in pregnancy than the amount of food they are eating and if it is healthy food. When you are pregnant you have a weird relationship with food. You can have intense (and sometimes weird) cravings, or you can have this insatiable hunger but everything around you makes you sick. It is a hard balance.
Women also overthink the proper foods you should eat when pregnant. There are many lists of foods that are potentially dangerous to mom and her growing fetus. Please, don’t over think and over analyze this. If you find out that you are not supposed to eat deli meats, but you just ate a foot-long submarine sand which, don’t start to fret. Chances are everything is fine, and there is no need to run to your OB to get a check up!
6 Internal Caffeine Counter
Along with food, we are told to watch the amount of caffeine we intake throughout the day. Of course, most people think of coffee immediately, but there are a lot of foods and drinks out there that also have caffeine. Women start to obsess over whether they have consumed too much caffeine and are immediately sure that they have harmed their baby. You can cut out coffee from your diet, but it is almost impossible to cut out all caffeine from your diet.
When I was pregnant with my first, I would not consume any caffeine if possible. I went to decaf (which still has a small amount of caffeine in it) and I am a coffee lover. I was so worried and over obsessed. Now that I am pregnant with my second, I have welcomed coffee to stay in my life. Possibly because I have a toddler as well and I need the fuel. Either way, if you stay within the limits of 200 mg a day, you are going to be fine.
5 Is This Labour?
When the end of your pregnancy is in sight, women who are in their first pregnancy start to obsess about when labour will start. It is a challenging time; very rarely do you get an exact date and time for when you will feel that first contraction. The other issue is that you have no idea what a contraction feels like. You’ve never done this before, so every ache and pain will have you immediately pulling out a stop watch to time them.
There are a lot of aches and pains when it comes to the third trimester. Your body is tired and ready for this all to be over. It is hard to explain to a first-time mom-to-be what a contraction feels like because women experience them differently depending on their pain tolerance level. For me, it felt like a mixture of a very bad menstrual cramp and the cramps you get when you need to go number #2. What you are looking for is consistency. A pain that mirrors what I explained and that comes every few minutes. That’s when it is go time!
4 Yup, This Is It, I Am Freaking Out!
Then the moment comes, the moment when you know that you are in labour and that this baby is coming. If you are a first-time pregnant mom this is probably when you start to freak out. You start rushing around the house ant throwing last minute items into the hospital bags. However, this feeling of panic has probably started a long time ago. Women who have never experienced child birth before tend to over think it.
They look at TV shows and movies as their only guideline for how child birth goes, and they make it look very dramatic. Is it painful? Yes. It is exhausting? Yes. I am not going to lie to you. What I can tell you is that your body knows what to do and you will survive. When we are nervous and overthinking things, we tend to think about the worst possible case scenario. This is not very helpful!
3 EVERYTHING That Could Go Wrong!
Speaking of worst case scenarios, a lot of people in general tend to think the worst possible when something negative happens. The difference between a normal person and a woman expecting a child is that two lives are involved, and one of those lives is considered a precious gift.
The internet is at fault for this one. We are so used to have all this information at the tips of our fingers that we don’t even hesitate to look something up when we have a weird mole, ache or pain. The problem is, if I can get a little psychological for a minute, is our brains our wired to protect us. This means that they will automatically concentrate and focus on the worst possible scenario. It goes into survival mode and wants us to prepare for emergency, disaster situation. Your best source of information should be your OB or midwife, end of story.
2 All Alone
There may be a time in a woman’s pregnancy where she feels all alone. There comes a time in pregnancy when you are extremely irritable, tired and so completely over it. You are certain that at this moment in time, you are the only one on the planet who feels like this. In the logical side of your mind, you know this is not true, hundreds if not thousands of women are pregnant right now all over the world.
The stares don’t help. The looks that you may get because you are just not feeling yourself and you are too tired to hide how you are feeling. Remember, people like to stare at pregnant women. Another reason this happens is because the one person you are around the most, your husband, does not understand. He may say he does, and that just makes it worse because there is absolutely no way he could ever understand how you are feeling.
1 Will My Husband Love Me After?
One main thing a lot of women over think is how their life will change after the baby is born. They worry about their body and the changes that happen throughout pregnancy being permanent. They worry about being a parent and the impact this will have on their life. They also worry and overthink about how their relationship will change once there are three instead of two.
Women overthink the fact that there may be a reason their husband does not ‘want’ them anymore once they have a baby. That their body has changed too much, and that their husband or boyfriend will no longer be attracted to them. This is a common thought, and it can only be solved by having a good conversation with your partner about your fears. Chances are they are going to reassure you that they will only love you more after seeing you go through all of this for his child!