Funny and labor were not two words I would normally string together, but just like many things in the human condition, there is unpredictability. And as people, we have two choices, we can laugh at the absurdity of things or cry.
Laughter is always the best route to take though. We feel better, the moment or moments pass quickly, and well, life is just easier. What about during labor though, one of the most painful things most of us ladies will ever endure? It still can apply. Laughter can get us through the painful parts, and make things move quickly. And even if they don’t, it’s a lot better than panic. Trust me.
Most of us have had funny things happen to us during labor. Even the gross things become funny after, and the writer in me made sure to make jokes about some of my humorous moments that occurred. So what are some of the funniest things to happen during labor? Here are a few:
Gross, but funny I remember thinking. I would be changing my soon to be son when he did this, but I had to sit in the car in my wet pants while my partner drove to the hospital. I was looking for the silly in what happened as I was so embarrassed by the leakage factor and the light cramps I was having. Not too bad yet.
The hardest thing was walking into the hospital with the leakage factor and cramps. Pregnancy makes it all hang out and as a woman, it is the beginning of learning to be more laissez-faire about body parts and functions. It is actually more liberating.
As a new Mom, you will be handling a lot more than a little bit of leakage between yours or baby’s legs. You will have to handle getting up at night regularly, diaper changes and figuring out different baby cries, needs and wants. You will become your baby’s super detective and know them like no other.
Due to my water breaking at home and starting some light cramps on the car drive over, my partner got me a wheelchair when we arrived in the hospital and wheeled me to the maternity ward where we registered. There was an old nurse there that saw me and immediately got angry that I was in the wheelchair, uttering stuff like “You’re having a baby. You’re not sick.”
True, but I was feeling woozy and weird, and embarrassed that I was leaking fluid everywhere. I got out of the wheelchair grumbling in a loud voice; “Wow, nurses can be rude. I guess she knows exactly how I am feeling right now with a first labor, and it’s the end of the world I sat in a wheelchair.”
I walked to my room and consoled myself when I saw her later looking a little embarrassed. Not one of my prouder moments, but I was glad I stood up for myself.
Yes, gross is the first word that comes out, followed by, I can’t possibly survive the embarrassment to myself, my partner, and towards the doctors and medical staff in the room. The reality? You don’t give a hoot. When you’re in labor and everything is on fire at once, you are dealing with climbing a big mountain.
With each breath, it is like taking another step to the summit towards that glorious moment when you bring life into the world. A little bit of poop never hurt anyone, and though you will be slightly mortified a few days later, trust me, at that moment thoughts are going through your head that have nothing to do with embarrassment.
It’s more like, “Kid get outta me now! I need a break!” After that, it is water and rest that you crave. You will be embarrassed, but all in all, it’s minor compared to what you just did, which is to bring a baby into the world.
Ah, yes. This is the stuff of sitcoms, right? That doesn’t actually happen. But it does. Really. Not every woman threatens her partner, those around her, or gets angry, but trust me, it does cross your mind that all the fun you had making baby is now causing you this much pain. Was it really worth it? Of course it was, but while you are trying to handle labor, it can be hard to remember the fun times, shall we say. Instead, focus on breathing, and if your partner is supportive as most are, ask for a back hub, water, or just general coaching and encouragement to get you through labor. If they are more worried than you, yelling, it is time for you to calmly ask them to take it outside until they get their cool back. Then they are able to help you through the next awesome stage.
I have heard many of these stories. I know a friend who is a doctor that described the first baby to pee on her in the delivery room when she was an intern. Let's just say she now laughs about it and remembers it nostalgically. Of course it is gross, but hey, babies don’t care.
Imagine if you just came out of somewhere warm, quiet and cozy, into lights, camera, action of busy loud humans in your face. You may freak and lose control of your bodily functions, right?
Also, depending on when baby last went, if nature calls, she calls. So grin and bear it. Trust me, medical staff have seen everything. They will not freak out over a little bit of pee. They are used to handling life and death situations in split seconds. So this is one of those moments to laugh it off. Plus it is something you can embarrass your kid with in later years if they are ticking you off.
It’s a girl, no wait, it's a boy! That’s not the umbilical cord. Ha ha. Even when I was in the delivery room and my partner and I were filling out the paperwork, the nurse asked for baby’s name, and joked about having a backup name for the opposite gender, just in case. I was shocked as I was one of those Moms who when the technician saw the first ultrasound and had a smile on his face, I pretty much figured out my hunch of having a boy was right.
My partner and I saw evidence of his gender directly on the screen. But it has happened, that baby boy has been a little shy of his assets shall we say, so Mom, Dad and doctor get a surprise. Still, the important thing is that baby is healthy and all the pink or blue stuff you bought, well, you just wing it.
Ah yes, all the good intentions of breathing through the pain, discomfort, and feeling joined and a part of the millions of women who’ve done this before you and will do this after you, just goes out the window. Wow! That’s a contradiction.
And the next thing you know, you’re screaming like a banshee to get this baby out! Now! I don’t care what you have to do! And no drugs? I must have been insane. Drugs. Sweet drugs. Or maybe that was just me.
Regardless, words you didn’t think you knew may escape your lips, foul words that you have heard teenage boys using when they're posturing to look cool around one another. But in your case, it’s to handle quite likely the worst pain you will ever deal with in your life. Sigh.
Again, try and breathe. Calm down. And medical staff have heard it all so rest assured you are not alone.
Ah yes, you are in need of support, feeling scared, in pain, or just wanting to share the next leg of your journey, and poof, there goes your partner crumpling to the floor and distracting the medical personnel away from you who’s just trying to have a baby. No biggie.
This is one of those funny after moments, because when it happens you are so ticked off at your partner you could scream out obscenities (see point above). All you need to do is remember to focus on your breathing, and on getting baby out safely. The doctors will get your partner comfortable and you could give them heck afterwards.
Your priority at that moment is you and baby. The laughing and reminiscing will come later.
A friend of mine told a story that her son literally emerged out of her body, and while her husband and her looked happily at their firstborn, he gave them the once over and she swore if he could talk, he would have said, “You guys are my parents?”
I’ve heard this story countless times before. Babies come out of the womb, and seriously give their Moms and Dads a dirty look. Maybe it’s the trauma of birth, maybe they have gas, who knows. But there are some really funny baby/mom reunion moments where you can tell that baby looks a little peeved.
It’s great material to tease the kiddies with for years to come. You will start accumulating a lot of these stories as they get older, trust me.
Ok, this was me. Totally.
I started out trying for natural childbirth in a hospital setting, but then circumstances out of my control led to an emergency c-section. With the first epidural they gave to try and help me along without a c-section, it was a blessing to have the pain of labor removed so I could try and push baby out.
After that, when the emergency c-section was ordered, I found myself begging for the epidural and praising drugs. Feeling no pain was wonderful, and I have to say, the surgery went well. I often joke that I experienced everything they taught us in the prenatal class. It was quite an adventure, and one I can laugh about now as my son came into the world safely.
So there are some of the funniest things that happen during labor. We all have our own stories. The most important thing to remember is to keep your sense of humor. This is a temporary discomfort for something magical that will be happening in your life, becoming a parent to a beautiful baby, your child.