The end of pregnancy and the birth of the new child is a time of excitement for the whole family. For nine long months, everyone has been waiting to meet the new family member. Unfortunately, in all the excitement many parents fail to address the issue of sibling bonding. After all the excitement has worn off, cracks may begin to appear as older siblings feel like they have been pushed aside. Older siblings may find it difficult to adjust to sharing their parents’ affection with another child.
Most mothers will admit that at some point, an older sibling has acted resentful towards the newborn. This usually happens when the older child feels like he has been replaced. You need to realize that this can be a confusing time for the older child. It is important to prepare children for the inevitable changes that happen when a new child is born. Introduce the new arrival and do what you can to help build a healthy sibling bond. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help the older siblings to bond with the newborn.
Preparing the Older Child
Start talking to the older child before the newborn comes home. Preparing the older child should begin as soon as the child understands that you are pregnant and what that entails. Using age-appropriate language, explain what it means to have a baby in your stomach. Help the child to understand that the baby will be a new member of the family. The child needs to understand that the new baby is a permanent addition and not a temporary assignment. Communication is important and should continue even after the baby comes home.
Explain About Baby Habits
It is important to explain to the older child that the new baby will have some peculiar habits. Explain about constant crying, strange food and sleeping habits, and other changes. The child will find it easier to make the adjustment when they know what to expect. The older child will also need to realize that it will take a while before the new baby can become a playmate. If the older child is still a toddler, they might imagine that the new baby will start playing with them within a few days. Toddlers lack comprehension skills and you need to explain things often.
Maintaining Their Routine
Having a newborn in the home can be hectic. This often means changing some of the things that you were doing before. Unfortunately, an older child can interpret this as having been replaced. Try as much as possible to continue doing the things that you were doing with the older child. Maintaining their routine will help the older sibling to realize that he is still an important part of the family. Avoid making drastic changes in the older child’s life. If you need to move things around to create space for the newborn, do so before the baby is born.
Involving the Older Child
One of the best ways to encourage sibling bonding is by making the older child feel useful. Allow him to help with the new baby and make him feel that he is making useful contributions. It does not have to be complicated. Give the child age-appropriate tasks that will make him feel helpful. Simple tasks like fetching the baby’s things and watching the baby can make the older child feel included. Make sure that you compliment the older child every time he does something for the baby. Constant affirmation and praise will help to boost his confidence.
Make Time for The Older Child
With everything that you are going through, it is important to make time to spend with the older child. Create a special time where you can focus on the older sibling without the baby. Having a special activity that you do with the older child will help to encourage a sense of belonging. Take time to talk to the child, listen to him, and reassure him of your love. When you give the older sibling extra attention, they will be more likely to act lovingly towards the baby. Help the child to realize his important role as the older sibling.
The older siblings’ age and development will determine how they react to the new baby. It is usually easier for older kids to adjust to a new sibling. Toddlers between ages 2 to 4, on the other hand, may take more time to adjust. The truth is that they are still babies themselves and they desire their parent’s undivided attention. Regardless of the siblings’ age, it is important to make sure that older children understand their new important role.
Sources: mayoclinic.org, positiveparentingsolutions.com, familylives.org.uk.