Communicating with a co-parent is hardly ever an easy task. There may be hurt feelings or divided opinions that make talking difficult. Or, you may have different communication styles that make it hard to resolve or plan anything efficiently.

The younger your child is, the harder it can be to co-parent and coordinate. Babies and toddlers need tight schedules and may also need to physically spend more time with mom, especially if breastfeeding.

As your child gets older, they’ll have more of a say in issues affecting co-parenting. But with young kids, the hard decisions are left entirely to the parents.

RELATED: How To Help Your Toddler Build Their Counting Skills

Consider the following tips to have an efficient conversation with your child’s other parent, so you can put their best interests first.

Put Your Personal Feelings Aside

How To Have An Argument When You  Have A Newborn In The House
Via iStock Photos

There’s likely history between the two of you, and there may also be unresolved feelings. But a co-parenting conversation isn’t the time to bring up personal feelings.

You may have a good reason to be angry with your child’s other parent. But you won’t be able to have a co-parenting conversation if you’re trying to discuss other issues. Only discuss things that are related to the parenting of your child.

Don’t Talk Unless You’re Calm

pexels-alex-green-5699684
via Pexels/Alex Green

Talking to a co-parent can be a stressful situation. If you’re already in a bad mood, it makes the likelihood of having an effective communication lower. You’re likely to be more disagreeable, irritated, and even rude if you enter an important conversation without being calm and collected.

If you’re not in a mood to be productive, ask the other parent if you can re-schedule. Be honest about how you’re feeling. You can’t make this a pattern – don’t cancel simply if you’re anxious or irritated at your child’s other parent. But when you’re genuinely in a bad mood, it’s okay to postpone.

Maintain Respect & Composure

15 Signs Your Relationship Will Survive Parenthood (& Red Flags It Won't)
Credit: Pexels/Cottonbro

During the conversation, it’s important to maintain your composure and show the co-parent respect. This means listening when they speak, and responding with neutral and understanding phrases. Avoid name-calling or sarcasm. Even if you feel the situation escalating, responding with aggressiveness will only exacerbate it further.

If you find it hard to keep the conversation in focus, come up with rules for communication. You should also be open to working on your communication skills on your own time.

Avoid Involving Other People

How To Have An Argument When You Have A Newborn In The House
Via iStock Photos

If there are other important people in your child’s life, particularly a stepparent, it may seem relevant to have them part of the co-parenting conversation. But many times, things are better when they’re simpler.

Adding another person to the conversation raises the risk of conflict, and adds another voice to the discussion, which can complicate things.

Stepparents only need to be included in conversation that directly pertains to their relationship with your child. Otherwise, any comments or opinions from them can be voiced through the co-parent.

Of course, every family is different. If you’re on good terms with your child’s step-parent or they spend a significant chunk of time with your child (like a stay-at-home parent), then it may make sense to have them involved in co-parenting conversations. Conversely, if there’s any tension, they should be left out.

Keep The Communication Brief

How To Have An Argument When You Have A Newborn In The House
Via iStock Photos

The longer the conversation, the more time there is for conflict to brew. Unless you’re on really good terms with your child’s other parent, it’s best to keep conversations brief. There’s no need to go into detail about what’s going on in your life unless it impacts your child, and neither should you be asking the co-parent questions of the same nature.

When choosing where to talk, pick a place that isn’t going to encourage you to stay long. Avoid going to a coffee shop or restaurant, where you feel inclined to sit down and things can get awkward or tense.

Face-to-face conversations are usually recommended, but in some cases, digital communication is preferable. There’s a growing number of apps designed to allow co-parents to speak effectively about topics on their child (and nothing else). Consider both downloading one and trying it out to see if it improves your communication.

Don’t Talk In Front Of The Child

Arguing In Front Of Your Toddler Is Harmful, Here's Why
Via iStock 

Finally, never have a co-parenting conversation in front of your child. It’s one thing to ask a question about scheduling or your child’s behavior at a drop-off. But if you’re planning on talking about any serious or sensitive subjects, do it without your child present.

Even babies and toddlers can sense tension and stress in a room. The older your child gets and the more they understand, certain words can stress them out, even if the conversation is amicable. There are long-term effects of arguing in front of children, so avoid all tense or disagreeable conversations.

Do your best to avoid co-parenting conversations in front of your child. Show them a healthy co-parenting relationship that reassures them not stresses them.

Sources: Love to Know, She Knows, Developmental Science, Help Guide,