I have been a stay-at-home mother for 5 beautiful, amazing, tiring and crazy years! I love being at home, but it is very hard! It can be lonely, it can be overwhelming, it can be filled with very little praise and most of what I do goes unnoticed. My husband is the bread winner. He brings home the money that feeds our family, keeps a roof over our head, put clothes on their backs and it allows us to do a lot of fun thing! He plays a huge role in our family and I don't know what I would do without him. But, here is the thing, I play a huge role too! My husband not only has a huge role of supporting our family financially but he has a huge role in supporting me as a stay-at-home mom! Many working dads want to know how they can help their wife as a stay-at-home mom!
- Don't comment on the house: My husband, Derek, has never once come home and commented about the cleanliness of the home. He knows that if the house is messy than sh** went down and it's safer if he just steps over the clutter. If the mess bothers him he comes home and encourages the boys to help him clean things up, or he starts tidying.
- If you don't see dinner, assume that you are on your own: My husband asks a lot "what is the plan for dinner" not because he is asking if I made something, but he wants to know if he needs to bring something home. Derek never expects food when he gets home and he doesn't get frustrated when the oven is empty and the stove is off. He kindly asks me what I would like for dinner. He will make the kids something, or he will go out and get food for the family. He knows that dinner is not my "job." Keeping the kids entertained and alive is my job.
- Tell her she looks beautiful: We know we don't look beautiful and we know that you are lying but tell us anyways! The worse we look, the worse day it was! If my hair is especially crazy, my clothes are dirty, and I have tired eyes, it means that it was a crap day. Telling your wife that she is beautiful when she really doesn't goes a long way!
- Give her a break: Look, I get it, you just worked a really hard day! I know you want to come home and take a break, but a lot of times your wife needs a break more than you! Come home and ask your wife if she needs a break. I love when my husband comes home and tells me to take a break. He plays with the kids while I take a bath, or watch a show. It means so much to me when I know he had a hard day but he wants to give me a break because he knew my day was harder!
- NEVER make it seem like it is YOUR money: Yes, we know, you make the money! Don't ever make it seem like the money you make is yours. As stay-at-home moms we do a lot and we don't make an income. If we weren't at home then you would be paying a lot of money for daycare or a sitter. Often, Stay-at-home moms are saving dad's money. I overheard one man telling me that he gives his wife an "allowance" and my jaw dropped to the floor. Oh my goodness! No, just no!
- Tell her you appreciate her: Stay-at-home moms spend all day getting yelled at by the little people you helped create. I get yelled at for not giving them the right color cup. I get yelled at if their show stops working. I break up fights and give them 7 million snacks. They say "thank you" when I tell them to but they are still in the stage where they think it is just my job to serve them like a peasant. It is your job as a dad to come home and tell mom that she is doing amazing and you are so proud of her!
Stay-at-home moms really do have an awesome job, but it is the hardest job in the world. It is demanding and stressful and we never get any raises. A supportive and assertive father can really help the mom through all of her struggles. My husband texts me throughout the day checking up on me. He is very supportive and he makes my life as a SAHM so much more bearable.