Are "Tiger Moms" smart or are they just crazy? We need to find out the answer.
Once women learn the ways of these strict and bossy mothers, they'll be able to decide whether they're doing what's best for their children...or just making their kid's lives a living hell. In general, I think extremes in parenting are not good. Whether a mom is too lax or too strict, it's not going to work out too well.
With Tiger Moms, the parenting style is old-fashioned and harsh. It's all about pushing the kids to excel in school and to achieve a lot at young ages. It's about setting the stage for big success later on.
But does it actually work?
Everyone is different. Tiger Moms set big goals for their kids. They put pressure on them and they think that they are pushing them to help them develop into adults who are well-rounded and successful.
In some cases, this type of parenting does backfire. Kids tend to rebel when they need to follow so many rules day in and day out.
15 She Won’t Let Her Kids Watch Television
Imagine your life without the pleasures of Netflix and Crave! Wouldn't it be a harder life? If I couldn't space out with TV sometimes, I'd probably be more stressed out.
If you're the child of a Tiger Mom, you will need to live your life TV-free. Tiger Moms don't want their precious angels wasting time on television. They'd rather that their little darlings practice their violin for hours or do a bit of extra studying. While too much TV is bad, no TV seems a bit cruel. It's true that kids who don't spend hours zoning out in front of televisions may develop their talents in other ways. Maybe they'll make amazing structures out of LEGO or draw pictures or write stories. Maybe they'll get good at sports. However, they'll never experience the joys of watching cartoons on TV while they enjoy some tasty snacks.
14 Her Children Can’t Play Video Games
So far, I'm failing as a Tiger Mom. I watch TV with my son and he plays video games, too. I'm 0 for 2 at this point. I think he's turning out just fine, but most Tiger Moms would be pretty disgusted with my easy-going parenting style. I think kids who are good at video games are smart because some video games are very tough to play. I'm actually impressed that my kid can do some of the complex puzzles and things that come up in his video games. He's good at these games, which I'm terrible at. He has the right kind of brain for video games. So, I don't see the point in stopping him from doing what he's good at.
There is a lot of debate about video games and whether they are good or bad. Some of the criticism against video games is probably valid. For example, a little kid shouldn't be playing Grand Theft Auto or some other violent video game. It's just not appropriate.
13 She Doesn’t Allow Sleepovers
What's wrong with a sleepover? Nothing. Sleepovers are usually a treasured part of childhood. They are a chance to hang out with close buddies who stay the night. However, most Tiger Moms forbid sleepovers. Their kids aren't allowed to have kids over for sleepovers or to go to other people's houses for sleepovers.
What do Tiger Moms think that their kids are going to do during sleepovers? Do they think they'll start drinking Jack Daniels, streaking through the neighborhood and stealing cars? I'm not really sure. Anyway, they don't approve of sleepovers.
Maybe they think they sleepovers give kids too much freedom and encourage bad behavior. It must be something along those lines. Maybe they don't want kids to be able to whisper to each other in the dark and exchange their thoughts and feelings in a way that they can't do during school classes.
12 She Forbids Playdates
Forbidding playdates is another sign that she's a Tiger Mom. It's pretty rare that kids aren't allowed to have playdates, so you may consider this sign to be a big red flag. Tiger Moms clearly don't see the value of play and socialization. They think that their kids will do better without the playdates.
I'm not sure how they plan to make sure that their kids aren't lonely with this attitude. I guess they figure that their kids get to be around other children in class and that's good enough.
I feel sorry for kids of Tiger Moms who are only children. My son is an only child and I think that forbidding playdates would have been very detrimental to his development and happiness. My son is older now, but he still hangs out with the same kids that he had playdates with when he was a toddler.
11 Her Children Must Be Perfect
This is another harsh and clear sign that she's a Tiger Mom. Forcing your kids to get straight As is pretty authoritarian. Some kids have higher IQs than others and asking kids who don't have really high IQs to get the best marks every time is kind of mean.
Yes, kids with lower IQs can work harder and do very well. However, there are a lot of reasons why kids don't get A grades. It's about more than just IQ. Some of it may be the teachers, or maybe the assignment is really hard, or the subject isn't the child's favorite.
When kids of Tiger Moms come home with Bs or lower grades, they get told off. There's a YouTube video out there of a Tiger Mom freaking out on her kid because of an A minus!
10 She’s Borderline OCD
Amy Chua wrote Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and it's safe to say that she's the "queen" of Tiger Moms. It's also safe to say that she's a perfectionist. I looked up her zodiac sign and she's a Scorpio. They are into power and control. Amy brings her lust for power and control into her parenting style. She has power over her kids and controls their every move. The kids are older now, but the experience of having Amy as a Mom was likely pretty intense for them.
Amy is an attorney and she's also a writer and academic. She has two daughters who bore the brunt of her Tiger Mom ways.
Chua is a perfectionist. She achieves greatly in her career because she gets everything right. She wants the same for her kids. If you're a perfectionist, you may be more likely to be a Tiger Mom. It's probably rare to find a Tiger Mom who doesn't have this type of personality. Tiger Moms are "type A" people who are committed to doing the right things to be successful and they make their kids do the right things, too.
9 She’s Too Competitive
Some people are so competitive. I know this woman and her whole life is about trying to be better than other people. I think being too competitive is a good trait if you want to win an Olympic gold medal. I think it's a sign of poor character if it bleeds into every interaction in your life, including your relationship with your kids.
If a mom is very competitive, she may just be a Tiger Mom. These ladies want their kids to be the best. In a sense, they are living through their children and that's also not such a good thing. If your kid doesn't do a good job in the school play, is that really a reflection on you as a parent and person? No, it's not. The kid may have been nervous or slept badly or something like that. Everything that a child does isn't about the mother or father, except in Tiger Mom world. Tiger Moms who are very competitive may savor every "victory" that their children have, and feel empty inside when their kids "lose".
8 Her Threats To Her Kids Are Over The Top
Pictured above is Lulu Chua-Rubenfeld, one of Tiger Mom Amy Chua's daughters. She's talked about her mother's extreme rules, which may be interpreted as threats sometimes. Lulu told a Slate reporter that she wasn't too close to her Mom, who literally wrote the book on Tiger Mom parenting (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother).
When Lulu was younger, she found that her Mom's rules and threats made her "a bit of a menace". Lulu couldn't watch any TV until she went off to a new life at college.
These days, Lulu and her Mom are closer. Lulu says that she's started to understand that certain aspects of Tiger Mom parenting do provide advantages to kids. Lulu is at Harvard and getting into that Ivy League school isn't easy. So, maybe the discipline that Amy instilled in her daughter allowed her to thrive academically.
7 She Imposes Too Many Rules On Her Children
Rules are needed. However, good times are also needed. If a mom imposes too many rules on her children, she may be moving into Tiger Mom territory. In Amy Chua's book about the Tiger Mom lifestyle, she showcases the unbelievable amount of rules that her kids needed to follow when they were younger. They had to play violin and piano for hours, study extremely hard to get good grades and follow tons of other rules, such as no sleepovers, no dates and complete respect for Mom and Dad.
Amy says that her style of parenting is traditionally Chinese and she says that she was raised the same way. Amy's husband isn't Chinese, but Amy had no problem raising the kids the Tiger Mom way. Apparently, her hubby was fine with it.
Are all of these rules a good thing? Do children have to sacrifice the joys of childhood in order to give their Tiger Moms what they want? How bad a Tiger Mom-led childhood really is, probably depends on the child. Some kids surely respond to this hard-working lifestyle better than others.
6 Her Love For Her Kids Is Conditional
If your love for your child is conditional, you should contemplate the fact that you may be a Tiger Mom. Love for a child is supposed to be unconditional. It's not supposed to depend on whether or not your kid is doing well in school and extracurricular activities. It's not supposed to matter whether your child gets into a great college or not. You're supposed to love them for who they really are.
When love is conditional, kids feel it. Tiger Moms use their leverage over their kids to get better results from their kids. If children feel that they will lose the love of their Tiger Mom if they make mistakes or fail to measure up at school or other activities, they may work harder.
Conditional love has to be earned and this just isn't cool. Kids who have parents who love them conditionally are to be pitied. They don't have the experience of being loved no matter what.
5 She’s A Nag
Nagging is pretty brutal. If you've ever been nagged, you know what I mean. Nagging the kids is a sign that you may be a Tiger Mom. If you're always on your kids to do what you want them to do, and they are reluctant to do what you want, you're probably shooting yourself in the foot. There is only so much nagging that actually registers. At some point, the ones you nag are going to start tuning you out. No one wants to be bossed around and pestered all of the time.
Nagging makes sense in certain situations. If you want a kid to wear a coat outside because it's winter and freezing, you're just trying to be a good mom. If you're constantly nagging about every little thing, you may be exhibiting the characteristic roar of the Tiger Mom. Try to dial back the nagging. Use a different communication method and see what happens. You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
4 She Over-Monitors The Kids And They Have No Freedom
A Psychology Today article said that Tiger Mom, Amy Chua, who is the leader of the Tiger Mom parenting movement, is like a "circus trainer". Chua is calling her parenting style the Chinese style, but do all Chinese parents shame, insult, threaten and bribe their kids in order to ensure that the children come out on top in academic results and extracurricular competitions? Do they make promises to their kids, such as the promise of free time in the future, and then back out on their promises?
I doubt it very much.
A Psychology Today reporter read Amy's book and found her parenting methods extreme and unkind. By comparing Amy to an animal trainer, he showed disrespect for Chua's strict and rigid mothering. The level of monitoring of the children that Amy did was incredible. The kids were trapped in these really hard schedules and didn't have the freedom to just live. A mixture of hard work and fun might be better, don't you think?
3 She’s A Tough Cookie
If you're comfortable making your kids work most of the time, rather than letting them play, you're probably a pretty tough cookie and being a tough cookie is a sign that you may be a real Tiger Mom.
It takes some grit (that's one word for it, anyway) to boss kids around all day long, rather than just hanging out with them. Kids do need to learn how to work hard, but they don't usually have to work all of the time when they are at home. They have to go to school and that's work. Tiger parenting stands out because it's not the norm. It takes a tough-minded woman to be a Tiger Mom all of the time.
According to what I've read, the goal of Tiger Moms is to push their kids into careers that pay well. Is that what life is all about? Everyone needs money, but maybe they need hugs, laughter, and acceptance for who they are just as much, if not more.
2 She’s A Cold Mom, Rather Than Being Warm And Maternal
The author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother says that her parenting style is traditionally Chinese and that it's the key to getting a child set up for an awesome and lucrative career. Chua seems a bit cold and at least one of her daughters said that she wasn't buddy-buddy with her Mom when she was growing up. Chua's daughter, Lulu, probably found Mom's parenting style to be a bit frosty.
When you're more worried about your child's achievements than how your child feels on the inside, you're practicing Tiger Mom parenting. Maybe your child would rather feel some warmth from you.Positive reinforcement would probably work just as well as nagging, threatening and other Tiger Mom manipulation techniques. Kids need praise as well as criticism.
1 Her Kids Never Have Any Fun
Tiger Mom's kids may be smiling on the outside and screaming on the inside. Being the child of one of these achievement-oriented and strict moms means tons of hard work and hardly any fun. Without TV, video games, dates, playdates, and sleepovers, what's left? Music lessons, schoolwork, and meals, I guess.
Lots of Asian kids who grow up with Tiger Moms don't mind too much because they say that their Asian friends are living the same lifestyles. One former Tiger Mom kid named Diana said that she had to spend every Saturday for seven years studying and practicing music and doing other hard work. Diana wasn't even sure if she liked the instrument that she was being forced to play. Today, Diana is afraid of turning into her mother.
Sources: Wikipedia.com, TheGuardian.com, TheCut.com