Melissa Raunch is an American actress and comedian who achieved fame thanks to her role as Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz on the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. What began as a secondary role in the hit television series became a main character, thanks to the charisma and uniqueness of Bernadette, which caused strong audience reactions.
But in real life Melissa is not as open as her character Bernadette, when it comes to sharing what's going on in her life with the rest of the world. In fact, very little is known about the actress. She often uses her social networks as a platform to talk about projects that seek to add something positive to the world or to promote new personal projects in her career, but in regards to her private life, she usually maintains a very low profile.
For this reason, she surprised everyone when she shared her motherhood journey in a open letter for Glamour where she discussed the pregnancy that ended before she was able to have her child. In an honest way, the actress shared a common reality that afflicts many women and is often considered an issue that people just don't talk about. “Here is the only statement regarding my pregnancy that doesn’t make me feel like a complete fraud,” she wrote. Melissa was expecting her first child when she wrote the essay. She was completely overjoyed, but also worried about the future.
20 She Is Married To Winston Beigel
Melissa Rauch met her Mr. Right when she was in college studying for a Fine Arts degree in acting. In 2007 she tied the knot with Winston Beigel, her beau from Marymount Manhattan College. Since they meet they have become a writing duo, having collaborated in different projects together, such as The Miss Education of Jenna Bush, and The Bronze.
The couple created a deep bond, and have been there for each other since the beginning. In fact, Rauch told Esquire that when she was out of work when she first moved to L.A., one of the first things her husband and she did was buy season passes to Disney. Whenever she was bummed out about work, they would go to Space Mountain, and for her it was like an injection of anti-depressants.
19 Motherhood Was A Difficult Journey For Her
One of the myths among adult women is that getting pregnant is a matter of snapping your fingers, when in fact it is not that easy. Unfortunately we have grown up believing that getting pregnant is an easy and fast process, and although for some women it is like that, a great majority face the frustration of not getting pregnant when they start looking to have children.
The actress Melissa Rauch was not the exception of that second group of women. After getting married in 2007, Melissa and her husband decided to wait a bit before starting to try for a baby, but to their surprise when they started trying the result was not what they expected. Melissa was facing infertility problems.
18 Her Character On Tv Show The Big Bang Theory Was Pregnant Before Her
For many actresses in Hollywood who have gone through problems of infertility, there is nothing harder than playing the role of a pregnant woman. And this was the case for Melissa who had to play the role of a pregnant Bernadette in 2015 during the season number 9 of The Big Bang Theory.
Of course, for Melissa this was a difficult task, because she had to represent the happiness of an expectant mother while she was struggling with her husband to get pregnant in her real life away from the cameras. But regardless of the circumstances she was going through, Melissa gave the best of herself to represent the happiness of two beloved characters in the series.
17 She struggled after her first pregnancy
After months of trying to get pregnant Melissa received the news she was looking forward to, but unfortunately the outcome of that pregnancy was not what they were expecting and they lost the baby.
Like many mothers who have suffered from a miscarriage, Melissa faced various emotions of guilt for which she fell into depression. In her open letter for Glamour she shared that the miscarriage she experienced was one of the most profound sorrows she has ever felt in her life. It kick-started a primal depression that lingered in her. So she had to find the strength to get ahead with the help of her family and her husband.
16 When She Was Struggling to become pregnant, Every Expectant Baby Announcement hurt
Another difficult situation faced by many mothers who are going through fertility issues is to see how their circle of friends and family are achieving that goal of creating life.
She said in her essay that during the time when she was grieving over her pregnancy loss or struggling with fertility issues, every joyful, expectant baby announcement felt like a tiny stab in the heart. But she clarified that it’s not because she wasn’t happy for these people, but she would think, why are these shiny, carefree, fertile women so easily able to do what she cannot? And then she’d immediately feel guilt for harbouring that jealousy.
15 She had a Hormone Imbalance
Many women, after experiencing a miscarriage, face hormonal imbalances. This means that they can have longer and even heavier periods than they used to. According to experts hormonal imbalances not only trigger growing sizes, they also cause many other disorders such as PMS, acne, painful chest, migraines, a disrupted monthly cycle, menopausal issues, burn-outs, and anxiety.
Melissa went through all these changes in her body making it harder for her to heal her wounded heart after the loss of her baby. In one point of her essay she expressed "I was constantly wishing that the feeling of being desperately lonely in my own body would dissipate. It didn’t help that I was also fighting against these feelings with thoughts like, You should be over this by now, and people go through a heck of a lot worse, you miserable sad sack!"
14 She Thinks We Should Talk More About Prenatal Loss
Over the decades, talking about a miscarriage has been considered a subject people shouldn't talk about. According to Verywell family, about 15-20% of all women with a verified pregnancy will end up having a miscarriage. Eighty percent of these miscarriages will occur in the first trimester. Many women around the world do not know these numbers, and although each body is different and we can not generalize. If they are within that painful percentage, often they do not know how to react to the loss.
Melissa explained that experience in her essay, saying that what she realized, though, is that because this kind of loss is not openly talked about nearly as much as it should be, there really is no template for how to process these emotions.
13 She Felt Deeply Guilty After Her Loss
Miscarriage is a topic rarely discussed in our society, which is why many women are daunted by not knowing what to do or how to react when they face the loss of a baby. Luckily, today it is more common to hear about women sharing their stories with others, to inspire them and show them that they are not alone.
Melissa wrote in her essay that she was supposed to be harnessing this power to guilt her future child, not using it on herself! she knew in her heart there wasn’t anything she could have done to prevent what happened. But that didn’t stop her from the futile exercise of mentally replaying every day of the pregnancy up until that point over and over again, wondering whether there was something she did that could’ve caused the miscarriage.
12 After Months of Trying, She Finally Got Pregnant Again
After going through that painful loss, Melissa and her husband finally received the beautiful news that they were pregnant again.
The couple was full of joy after everything that had happened. The arrival of that new baby meant everything to them, but of course, at first they were scared and could not believe they finally made it, which is why they decided to keep the news in private. Only their inner circle knew about the baby, and they decided to keep it from them for a while before the Melissa's growing baby bump was too noticeable. Melissa shared the news with the rest of the world in July 2017.
11 She Felt Weird Announcing Her Pregnancy
After having gone through a loss, that experience made her understand what many women feel and keep quiet when they are going through this painful circumstance, for this reason when she finally managed to get pregnant a part of her felt guilty and uncomfortable to share their happiness.
She felt weird even announcing this at all. She wrote in her open letter to Glamour that she would rather wait until her child heads off to college to tell anyone, but she figures she should probably share this news before someone sees her waddling around with her midsection protruding and announces it first.
10 The Actress and Her Husband Welcomed a Baby Girl
In December of 2017 the actress and her husband welcomed their first child, a beautiful girl whom they decided to call Sadie.
Rauch shared the news with an image in her Instagram reading "It's a Girl" accompanied by the following caption: "I am beyond over the moon to share that our beautiful baby girl, Sadie Rauch, has arrived and our hearts are bursting at the seams with love for her. I will never take for granted the difficult road it took to get here. To those on that road: I'm sending you so much love today and always."
9 She Hopes That Everything She Went Through Makes Her a Better Mother
After a miscarriage, it is normal for many women to feel that experience has changed their way of perceiving life. They learn to value more the small details and do not take anything for granted. And the same thing happened with Melissa, she thinks that all she really know for sure is that this experience has changed her forever. She knows it’s made her grateful for every moment of her current pregnancy, and she hopes it will make her a better mother in some capacity when she can finally hold the child that has been in her heart and in her arms. Although she can’t categorize these lessons of humble appreciation and gratitude as “reasons for this happening,” she will consider them a silver lining.
8 She Thinks It Is Perfectly Ok to Not Be Ok
After what Melissa went through the actress realized that It is OK to not be OK right now, and that's what she started saying to herself during the bad days.
Healing after a loss is not the same for everyone, each person recovers at their own pace . In her essay she explains that in those cases there was nothing those women could’ve done to change the situation. As much as she wanted to “move on” and gain some sense of control over what happened by beating herself up, she came to understand that thoughts like that have no productive place in grief. Our pain is something to be worked through until it isn’t anymore.
7 She Has Kept Her Life More Private After the Birth of Her Daughter
Fame has a price like almost everything in life. Many celebrities after achieving the recognition they sought, they meet the harsh reality of exposing their lives to public scrutiny, a situation that is not at all pleasant, so when they face low points in their lives they tend to be met with criticism by the world and being involved in stories that become headlines in the entertainment industry.
For this reason, many celebrities increasingly choose to become more private and not present their romantic and family life in front of the cameras. Melissa has always tried to keep her life love-key, but since the birth of her daughter she has become more private, in fact, she has not shared a single photo of Sadie.
6 She Shared Her Story Because She Wanted to Help Someone Going Through a Similar Pain
In her essay, Melissa wanted to create awareness about motherhood. Not for all women is a fairy tale, for some it can become a long and painful process, which is why she suggests that we should reconsider the way we approach the issue in our societies. She hopes that if we as a society become more aware of how common fertility struggles are, perhaps we won’t be so cavalier in questioning women about what's on their baby agenda.
Melissa also explains that there are so many other things to ask women about than procreating. So, she suggested that before any of us ask a woman about popping out a baby, let’s think to ourselves: We don’t know what she’s going through, what her body is capable of, or what she personally desires.
5 She Suggests To Women Be Kind To Themselves
Melissa thinks that there is a golden rule in this type of painful circumstances and it is about to be kind with ourselves. A loss is something horrible for future parents, but there are thousands of factors that we can not control in the reproduction process and not because a pregnancy has not come to a happy end means we are guilty of that loss.
She explains that the word miscarriage, deserves to be ranked as one of the worst, most blame-inducing medical terms ever. To her, it immediately conjures up an implication that it was the woman’s fault, like she somehow “mishandled the carrying of this baby.” And because of this she emphasizes that we should stop blaming ourselves because we did everything we could and blaming ourselves will not help us to move on.
4 The Stories she reads to Sadie every night Involve Math
After the birth of a baby many mothers often read books to their children when they are an appropriate age. Melissa recently shared on her Instagram three children's books written by her friend Danica McKellar, which involve children's stories with numbers as a dynamic way to teach them.
Melissa captioned the picture saying the following "LOVE all three of these terrific books by my friend, the awesome @danicamckellar 💜 So wonderful how she incorporates math in such an organic and fun way for little ones (and by “little ones” I also mean myself)!" Apparently her role as Dr. Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz has influenced some aspects of her personal life.
3 She Believes That The Unknown Is A Scary Place, But It’s Also Where Hope And Possibility Live
Rauch explains in her essay that many times in her life she has been able to get through difficult situations by reminding herself of the classic adage: “Everything happens for a reason." But as it turns out—for her—miscarriage was more of a difficult situation to cope with. There was something very healing about simply acknowledging where she was, rather than trying to completely make sense of it or wrap her head around some cookie-cutter rationale. We all process grief differently.
And for those women who are dealing with prenatal loss, she suggest to them find something to bring them comfort (whether it’s planting a tree, having a small ceremony, or giving a big double middle finger to the universe). "The unknown is a scary place, but it's also where hope and possibility live," she said. Currently, she is trying as much as she can to embrace the reality of that uncertainty.
2 Her Husband Has Been Her Rock During This Entire Journey
One of the heroes who often remain anonymous in this type of circumstances are the spouses or partners. As women we know facing a loss is not easy, and bodies will experience the changes of that loss and is something that is often difficult to explain to others.
But this doesn't mean that partners do not go through a grieving process after a miscarriage. For Melissa, like many women, her husband was her support during those difficult times. She said in her essay that for a while, her husband and she just started saying to each other—without any judgment or acrimony to the baby, of course—that the baby "bailed" instead, when they were referring to their loss.
1 She Doesn’t Like To Talk About Her religious upbringing
Melissa was raised as Jewish, but she very rarely talks about her beliefs in public. The actress of The Big Bang Theory is by nature a reserved person, so it should not surprise us that she prefers to keep a private attitude in regard to her religious beliefs.
Nevertheless, she once told Entertainment Tonight, months before the launch of season 5, that she was waiting on her doorstep for the first script to arrive, like it was Christmas morning! and she clarified saying "Not that I celebrate, or anything but if this little Jewish girl knew what Christmas felt like, I'm sure it would be very close."