Intimacy After Birth: 14 Things Your OB Is Not Telling You

It’s time for new moms and dads to get their freak on. Is mom and dad ready? After they're home with their new bundles of joy they'll encounter sleepless nights, dirty diapers, milk leaks, and healing hoo has.

All the while that thought starts creeping into mom's mind, “Only six weeks until my body is supposed to be ready for doing it.” Or for some of us the thought could be, “I can’t believe I have to wait six weeks before I can do it again!”

For numerous women it can be sooner, but for numerous others it can take longer, so following the healthcare provider’s advice is important. Also, listening to the body and recognizing that women all heal in different ways is essential. It’s amazing that our lady parts can comply with the need of our unborn baby to tunnel through it.

Luckily for us, those lady parts are also resilient, so they will bounce back.

Health care providers don’t talk much about intimacy unless we bring it up and sometimes we wonder if the OB, midwife, or doula is the right person to speak with about physical connection. It can be uncomfortable, but these people have been caring for us since we peed on a stick and found out that we were going to be Mommies!

I imagine they've heard it all and if they haven’t, they most likely want to. So ladies be brave and ask all sorts of questions, even the embarrassing ones. Here are 15 things the OB is not telling women. Theses 15 things don’t apply to all of us, but they are possibilities that we can educate ourselves about.

14Some Women Experience Climaxing More Frequently

Could it be possible that those two words could be combined? Many women’s orgasms are already so wonderful. Could having a baby actually result in having new and improved orgasms? Some women, Ob-Gyn’s, and Sexologist’s alike, agree that being more easily orgasmic after childbirth is a real possibility.

Oh my goodness! One ob-gyn, Susan Lin, M.D. asserts that the vagina could change direction after giving birth or nerve endings in the clitoris could increase during pregnancy. Both of these changes would result in more frequent orgasms for mom’s.

Clinical Sexologist, Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., points towards nerve compression during birth and increased vaginal muscle control after carrying a baby, as catalysts for orgasms to occur more frequently. Whatever the cause of the increased orgasms I don’t think that you will find many women who will complain about having better sex post baby than they had pre baby.

13Intimacy Can Cause Milk Showers

When our ripe, engorged breasts are looking so juicy to our partner that he would like to bite into them he should be expecting some milk to be coming his way. During sex, our lovely round breasts may let down or squirt. If he squeezes or bites them he should definitely be expecting a milky shower.

Some men find this new addition to the intimate play to be erotic. Some Mamas may too. Even if they aren’t being fondled or groped or rubbed up upon, they may just release some milky flow because they are too full and mama decided to use her free time to get down with her man instead of hooked up to the breast pump.

If this is embarrassing in any way, laughter is the best medicine. If this idea is a complete turn off, then wearing a bra with nursing pads and making sure to nurse or pump before doing the deed could keep things in the bedroom less slippery. However, embracing our changing bodies is part of the experience of becoming a mother and remaining confident in ourselves.

12Mom Can Work On Her Lady Parts

It’s safe to say that after baby arrives our vaginas will be altered. Yes, they stretch, but they are very elastic and can and will bounce back in one way or another. Time heals all wounds. It does take time. Another way we can get our peach back into shape is by doing Kegel exercises.

We can do Kegels almost anytime anywhere. There are also some tools to help with vaginal strengthening such as Kegel balls, Kegel weights, and Yoni eggs. Let’s not forget Terry Hatcher’s personal favorite, the KegelMaster 2000. She was such a huge fan that she went on Jay Leno and raved about it after buying one for herself and the other Desperate Housewives.

Whichever route we choose is personal, but it is truly amazing how our bodies heal and bounce back. Although we change we realize that everything in life is impermanent.

11There Will Be Queefing Or Varting

No one wants to talk about it but it happens to many women, baby or not. Expelling trapped air from the vaginal areas is a natural occurrence, even for women who have not had children. It may happen during yoga class or when you are getting down and dirty in any intimate position.

Some women may experience it more after childbirth when their vaginal muscles have been loosened. This could affect intimacy if it happens quite regularly or if either party is extremely uncomfortable with it. So, let’s think about how a woman can deal with the poof of air before letting her sex life suffer.

Laugh with your partner and get back to business. If you really feel the need to expound upon it, talk about it later. Your body is going through so many changes, post baby, that a little air explosion from down there might be the least of your concerns. As always, Kegels, Kegels, Kegels!!

10Intimacy Doesn't Have To Include Doing It

So, our doctors give us the red light or the green light to get up on the saddle again, but many times we are not talking to dear old doc about other intimate acts that can help us grow stronger as a couple and stay connected. This could be a good time to get to know each other’s bodies in a new way.

We can look at each other as mysteries waiting to be solved like when we were dating. Of course, there is the obvious massage that makes many feel connected but what about all of the other stuff in between. How about a good old fashioned hand job from start to finish?

What about him returning the favor with some clitoral stimulation start to finish. No one said we couldn’t orgasm while our bodies are healing. Last, but not least, oral stimulation is one of the most intimate acts out there and now is as good of a time as any to rekindle the romance.

9Mom's Psychological State Can Make Her Libido Suffer

Some women suffer from low libido and postpartum depression. There are the others who see this as an opportunity for a fresh start with larger breasts and wider hips. Some new mom’s feel sexier than ever and just want to get their freak on. Hey, you’re in a committed relationship. Why not?

It’s still okay to be a mommy on the street, but a freak in the sheets. Horney mothers everywhere give you permission. As a new mom, it’s so easy to get caught up in the baby talk and sleep deprivation. It helps to remember that besides being a mom we play many different roles in life.

Being mommy is not our only job so once we get the green light to role play in a naughty, naughty way, it’s time to rediscover our changing bodies and remember that as females our minds play a huge role in our orgasms.

8There Could Be Lots Of Dryness Down There

We all might as well start putting lubrication on our baby registries now. We're already asking for nursing pads and breast pumps. People give us items to pamper ourselves after the baby is born. What more could we ask for when we are being pampered than a mind shattering orgasm.

If our sweet flower is dehydrated, which it could very well be, then we need to think ahead and fill our nightstands with lube. When we go to our OBGYN for our prenatal checkups they send us home with samples of all sorts.

If those lubrication companies were smart, they would start sending home samples from the doctor’s office at the six-week postpartum checkup. Anyway, many women experience this dryness down there and think there may be something wrong. It is completely normal after childbirth to experience this temporary dryness due to hormonal changes, especially if we are breastfeeding.

Don’t worry though, your natural secretions will most likely eventually return.

7Women Can Have Surgery Down There

Being comfortable with our bodies genuinely increases the quality of the intimate time we share with our partners. There are some extreme situations where women may feel the need to surgically renew their vagina after childbirth. The procedure that is used for this transformation is called Vaginal Rejuvenation or Vaginoplasty.

According to a well-known Cosmetic Gynecologist, Dr. Troy Robbin Hailparn, there are many reasons women may choose Vaginoplasty. Some women turn to Vaginal Rejuvenation when they feel that they have a wide or loose vagina and have a decreased sense of friction with sexual intercourse.

Other reasons women to look to this procedure include tampons falling out, scar tissue, or gas-like noises during intercourse. Whether it’s for cosmetic or medical reasons, this is an option for women who are uncomfortable with their postpartum vagina. This surgery could be life changer for couples who are having trouble connecting intimately.

6Expect Some Unexpected Body Changes

It can be quite shocking to look at our bodies after the baby is born and realize that everything did not just instantly bounce back to normal. The clothes that you wore before you were pregnant may not yet fit so bring some elastic waist pants to the hospital for the trip home.

There are also the other stunning changes such as stretch marks and new scars. These changes may make women feel insecure about physical intimacy. Some tips to help adapt to these noticeable changes are to make sure you are getting enough exercise when you feel up to it.

Secondly, embrace the new you. There is no need to let yourself go, but we all change as we grow and a few stretch marks or a C-section scar could be part of the new you. Look at yourself with the same eyes of loving gentleness that you gaze at your sweet newborn with. This may be a great time to treat yourself to some sexy new lingerie or a perfume that makes you feel beautiful.

5Being Intimate May Hurt

Concerns that sexual intimacy may hurt at first are sometimes justified. Each of us heals differently and even after six weeks we may still be healing in a variety of places and ways. If we had a Cesarean the friction against the new scar and healing vicinity may be bothersome.

In this case it’s obvious that trying positions that don’t cause friction with the scar are your best bet. If we had a vaginal delivery than it may be necessary to take things slowly and gently at first. This could be a prime opportunity to tune into each other be honest and open about what is working for us and what we just are not ready for.

With all of the changes that have occurred things may be painful and we may need to use lubrication even if we did not before. In time, we all find a new normal for our lovemaking. Practice Makes Perfect. If at first you do not succeed, try, try again.

4Aphrodisiacs May Be Crucial

I will tell you what is not an aphrodisiac, crying!! Other things that do not stimulate passion are changing diapers, baby talk, spit up, and co sleeping with your baby. Luckily for us parents there are many things that do cause excitement that may peak our interest in intimacy.

Some of these may work better than others for stimulating arousal, but as women much of our sexual pleasure originates in our brains so mind over matter ladies. When we get that short window of opportunity, when the baby is sleeping and are awake, here are some aphrodisiac foods to help trigger passion.

Let’s remember the oysters, chili peppers, avocados, chocolate, bananas, honey, coffee, watermelon, pine nuts, arugula, olive oil, figs, strawberries, artichokes, Chai tea, pomegranate, cherries, pumpkin seeds, and whipped cream.

Now that you have this week’s grocery list, happy shopping and happy lovemaking. A few of these like olive oil, honey, and whipped cream could also be used in the bedroom. Olive oil makes a great massage oil and we can all use our imaginations when it comes to the honey and whipped cream.

3Daddy May Be Wary About Doing It

Along with your healing body, your man may have some healing to do with mental and emotional scars of his own. We all hope that when we are ready to get back to bedroom play that Daddy will be ready also. Our men know that without them we would not have morphed from the woman he first met to the woman he watched carry and deliver his child.

Along with the bonding and growing together as a couple and as parents, he may have some other emotional issues going on that could halt his desire for intimacy. First and foremost, if he was in the delivery room he witnessed the stretching, ripping, tearing, heavy breathing, screaming in agony, or the Cesarean procedure.

He may be afraid that his penetration could hurt you even further. Also, if he’s helping like a good Daddy should, he also could be too tired. Let’s not forget, adapting to being a father is also a life changing event and while he may be showing strength on the outside he could be depressed on the inside with learning how to grow into his role as a father. This is a life changing event for him also.

2There Could Be Urinary Or Anal Incontinence

So, you finally get a much needed night out with your S.O. You get all dolled up and feel a spark of excitement until you remember that you forgot to put on your special drugstore purchased panties or pads. Not every woman has these issues but some do.

Some only experience urinary incontinence otherwise known as stress incontinence. Stress incontinence many times presents itself when women cough or laugh. Fewer women experience anal incontinence. Anal incontinence could be the result of a serious tear of the anal sphincter during delivery.

Each of these issues may be the result of the effect of birth on the pelvic floor muscles or nerves. If either or both of these are issues for you then first and foremost speak with your caregiver. Secondly, make Kegels a lifelong habit, thirdly if all else fails you may need to seek out the help of a pelvic rehab physical therapist.

1Mom May Want To Use Birth Control

If your doctor has not addressed this with you this is one intimacy topic that needs to be discussed, especially if having another child in the near future is not on your radar. Amidst the sleep deprivation and life changes, the thought of birth control may not enter your mind until it’s too late.

If you were trying to conceive, then using birth control again may be an adjustment for you and your partner depending on what type you choose. Some women are under the impression that they cannot become pregnant while breastfeeding. This is not true.

Although breastfeeding may delay the return of fertility and your period, women can become pregnant while breastfeeding. We can also become pregnant before we have our first postpartum period. Doing your research and talk to your doctor about which method is right for you and your family.

Sources:  WebMD, WomensHealthMag, BabyCenter

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