Being a mom is one of the hardest things a woman will ever do in her life. It encompasses so much. Being a mother also starts as soon as she sees those two pink lines on the test. She is now all of a sudden responsible for nurturing and caring for the growing baby (or fetus) in your uterus. Then comes one of the hardest tasks a mother will ever face, and that is childbirth. The mother plays a large part in the delivery of her child and goes through a world of pain to make sure that little one comes out healthy and happy.
Then comes the hardest part, a woman is now a mother for the rest of her life. Sure, at age 18 children are considered adults and start to go off to college or move out on their own but that doesn’t mean a mother’s job is done. Whether her child is three or thirty-three, she will constantly worry about them and hope that they are eating right and safe.
Being a mother is not for everyone. Not every woman has the inclination to be a mother, and that’s not a bad thing. It is just the way it is. Then there are women who wanted nothing more than to be a mother, but now the moment is here, she is having regretful thoughts and is starting to realize that her reality is nothing like she thought it would be.
There are a lot of signs that mom is not enjoying motherhood and a lot of them are tired to burn-out. Mom’s can get burn-out and they can get it fast, and it can turn even the most motherly mother into one who is just going through the motions and whose heart is just not in it.
15 Forgetting Your Name
The first sign is not so clear. There are such things as preggo brain and mommy brain, and this is the ability to forget even the simplest things. Or, when you place the milk in the cupboard and the bowl in the fridge. This happens to the best of us but is normally a passing phase. It goes just as quick as it comes as you adjust to the changes that come with motherhood.
However, chronically forgetting things is a sign that you are burnt out and that you are just not enjoying motherhood as you thought you were.
It should be stated that if someone experiences any of these symptoms, it does not mean that they are a horrible mother or that they can not get to a place of calm and happiness. It simply means that now is the time to reach out for help. Whether the help comes from your spouse, family or even a medical professional. Forgetfulness often means that there is a lot on your mind. When your mind is too full of worries and anxieties, it is common to forget anything else that is supposed to be stored in there.
14 Normal Tired Vs. Bizarre Tired
If we thought that forgetfulness and irritability were confusing than this one is sure to have us scratching our heads even more. Being a mom is a tiring job. It is normal to be sleep deprived in those early days, when the baby is up every few hours making it impossible for you to get a good solid chunk of sleep. People will say it gets better, but they are not believed. Then one day it does get better. The baby starts sleeping for longer stretches at night and mom finally feels like she is getting back to “normal.”
There does reach a point when mom’s tiredness can be blamed on her not enjoying motherhood. If her go-to response when asked how she is feeling is to say she is tired, then something may be wrong.
If mom is getting a solid 7-8 hours of sleep a night and yet still waking up feeling like she could sleep for years, then chances are she is burnt out and not enjoying the new role she has been given.
Not enjoying motherhood could be an indicator that there is some depression going on, and one of the symptoms of depression is being chronically tired or just not wanting to get out of bed.
13 Doing The Job Halfway
No mom is perfect, and there are bound to be moments where you don’t feel like making a three-course healthy meal. When you want to tell the family to just fend for themselves or you order in a pizza for the family. These moments are normal, but they should only really occur occasionally.
Moms understand that being a mom is a 24/7 job and that we can not always phone it in every day. A mom who is not enjoying being a mom, will find herself doing her job half way more than she is not.
This counts for more than just planning and preparing meals. How often is mom playing with her children? Does she mostly just let them play by themselves? Not enjoying motherhood doesn’t always start right at the beginning, it can be something that changes over time. Mom could be hands-on for months and even years and then suddenly, her urge to play with her children or interact with them at all goes out the window. To where she is just going through all the motions without really putting any heart into it.
12 Mom Dislikes Herself…
Everyone struggles with how they view themselves. It is a never-ending cycle that comes and goes throughout our lives. A mother struggles with how she views herself more than any other. She is her own worst critic and often overanalyzes every single decision she makes.
Is she making sure her baby is getting enough to sleep? Was she a little hard on them earlier? These are some things that go through a mother’s mind when it comes to her parenting skills.
If mom ends up disliking herself, it is a sign that she is not enjoying motherhood. It also could be a clear sign that she is struggling with depression. Mom may even have thoughts that she is not enjoying being a mother and that will lead to her disliking herself even more. It can be a vicious cycle with no end in sight. One of the best things she can do if she finds herself having these thoughts is to seek help. Speak to a professional who can help her work through these feelings, they don’t have to last forever and a professional can help you reach an inner calm.
11 … And She Dislikes Her Life!
When a mom is not only disliking herself but disliking her life, then that is one sign that she is not enjoying her life. If mom was enjoying being a mother, then she would have no reason to dislike her life. Sure, there are always bound to be moments where she misses things about her old life, but those moments are normally fleeting, and it doesn’t take long for her to remember that she has children she loves. This would be a good time to mention that if a mother is not enjoying motherhood it does not mean that she does not love her children. The two are not matched together.
There are a lot of things that a mom can do when she feels like she is not enjoying motherhood. Due to this being linked to burn out a lot, there are a ton of strategies to try when it comes to handling a burnt-out mommy. Yoga and other types of physical exercise have been known to help reduce stress and have a calming effect on people. Not only will mom get to burn off some steam and take care of her body, but she will also get that break 1-2 times a week away from her children and spend it doing things that she loves.
10 Physical Responses
Our bodies are amazing things, and as mothers we know this. They are able to conceive and grow a child, and then go through the marathon that is child birth. They also will tell us a lot about our mental health if we just listen to it. There are physical changes that a mom can experience if she is not enjoying motherhood. Surprisingly, a lot of the physical reactions can be found in a mother’s mouth.
Is she grinding her teeth? Clenching her jaw? Or just experiencing jaw pain in general? If she answers yes than chances are she is burnt out and is not enjoying motherhood.
One of the leading reasons for moms being burnt out and not enjoying motherhood is because she feels overwhelmed. She feels like she is being pulled in a million different directions and feels like she needs to be superwoman. She constantly says yes to everything that is asked of her, and very rarely says no. An easy fix for this solution is to start saying no. It is OK to turn down event invitations that you are just too tired to attend, or to take on any extra tasks around the house.
9 Not Having Any Fun?
While being a mother can be hard, it also is a lot of fun. Watching our little ones grow, learn and explore the world around them is one of the best parts about being a mother. While there may be moments you lock yourself in the washroom and cry, most of your time is spent having fun and laughing with your children. If you are reading this wondering where the fun is than chances are you are not enjoying being a mother. There should be moments of joy in every day, even the hardest most difficult days will have a few rays of sunshine in them.
If you need tips and ways to have fun, the first thing you want to do is to turn off all electronics. Take a break from any and all screens you have.
Technology, internet and social media have taken over our lives, that is just the direction the world is going towards. However, these items sometimes cause more stress than they do calm. With a million stories of tragic events every day, as well as the number of judgy people in your various mom groups it can be hard to see any sunshine. Put them away, and fully immerse yourself in playing and being with your children.
8 Can You Get Out Of Bed?
When we look at depression and anxiety, one of the leading symptoms of these (and many other) mental health concerns is the inability to get out of bed. You want too, you know you have things to do but you just can’t physically make yourself get out of bed in the morning.
The world outside seems so overwhelming and hard that you would rather just not deal with it at all. We get it, motherhood is hard, but we all still manage to get up and take care of what needs to be done.
There is a very real chance that a woman who is not enjoying motherhood is experiencing some form of depression, possibly even post-partum depression. If she has any other symptoms, such as a feeling of disconnect with her baby, it is important that she gets help as soon as possible. There is also a chance that she is just momentarily burnt-out, and a mother who is not enjoying motherhood is not doomed forever, she can get that feeling back. One of the best things to do is get more hands. Start to ask people for help. New moms are awful at asking for help, they don’t want to appear to the world that they can’t handle it. Now is not the time to let your pride take control. Ask for help and take it when offered.
7 Hygiene How-To
While we are on the topic of someone living with depression there is another clear sign that usually always indicates something is wrong. When someone lives with depression the first thing to go is normally their personal hygiene. Getting time for a shower or bath when you are a mom sometimes feels impossible, however it’s not. There are normally moments when mom can sneak in a quick shower. Heck, a lot of moms bring the baby in a bouncer right on into the bathroom and wash away.
If mom has been ignoring this for some time, chances are something is wrong. If you are the partner in this situation, you need to realize that mom needs a break and she needs one ASAP. Not just a few minutes to jump in a shower, but a break that is a few hours long, a full day is even better.
She may not even choose to shower in that time, but by giving her moments to relax and focus on her self, she may return to the mom who you knew before you know it.
If mom used to love reading in a hot bath before the baby came along. Buy her a new book, some candles and a couple bath bombs and tell her to relax. Everyone loves a present!
6 Self-Care Is Either Non-Existent Or All You Do!
When a woman is pregnant, she is given a lot of advice. Some of it is good and some of it is thrown right into the trash bin. One of the biggest pieces of advice she will get is to make sure she takes care of herself. She will always have that one friend or family member who asks how she is doing and doesn’t just ask about the baby! People tell her to make sure she does things that she enjoys and doesn’t get lost in motherhood. Some women do still get lost in motherhood, they get so lost that they start to really dislike it.
Another sign this is happening is if mom is either not doing any self-care, or if that is all she does. If she is not doing anything for herself in order to feel better, it means that she has become so enthralled in motherhood that she has forgotten about herself.
It also could mean that she doesn’t think much of herself anymore. That she doesn’t feel worthy of any self-care. If mom is doing nothing but self-care it could mean that she is trying to find an escape. A way to get out of her current life and deal with it as little as possible.
5 How She Defines A Date Night?
Marriages can really take a toll when a new baby comes into the world. Now, you have two very tired parents who just want to sleep when they get a moment without the baby. This means that there is a time period when it seems the romance is dead. This normal, and it is to be expected. This is normally just a phase and when the baby gets older and starts to sleep more, the romance slowly returns.
In order to help the romance, come back is to make sure that mom and dad get date nights. If mom and dad do not get any time alone, this can make mom resent motherhood and the changes it brings.
If mom is referring to doing groceries or going to the dry cleaners as ‘date night’ she needs help. This means that she is not getting an actual date night. If you are a friend or family member and you notice this trend happening, offer to babysit. Offer to watch that little baby so mom and dad can have a much-needed romantic night out. If you want to take it the extra mile, make it an overnight babysitting session and have them book a hotel room for the night.
Auto-pilot is a feature that you will find on planes and even some cars, and it is normally a good function. However, motherhood is not something that should be done on auto-pilot. There are moments when our brains kind of shut off and we just go through the motions. However, this normally lasts about 5-10 minutes and we snap out of it. If this is how you are living your day, every day, then chances are you are a burnt-out mommy and you are not enjoying anything.
If you feel like your mommy life is overwhelming and you are on the brink of burn out and not enjoying motherhood, there are several things you can do to bring yourself back. One of them is very simple. How are you eating?
When you are a mom it can be hard to make sure you are eating a well-balanced meal, but it is so important. When we eat right and healthy, it can have a large impact on our mental health.
We feel better and like we have more energy to get through the day. Keep a journal of what you are eating throughout the day and if you notice that there needs to be changes, do them, it will make a large difference.
3 Dad Is No Longer An Ally
If you are having a baby with an active spouse, they should really be seen as your partner. They are there to help. Even so, mom feels like she takes on most of the responsibilities.
If mom is exclusively breastfeeding, this feeling can be even worse as she is tasked with getting up with the baby all night, every night. This can lead to a lot of friction in couples and can lead to a lot of fights.
Not because either party has done something wrong, but because mom is burnt out and may be feeling a little resentful towards her partner.
This can mean that mom is not enjoying motherhood. She is not happy with the changes that this baby has made in her life, especially the changes that can happen in a relationship. They don’t really know why they have such angry feelings towards their spouse, the person they love more than anything. If this is happening, it is more important than ever to make sure that the lines of communication are open. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling and make sure you two have time to reconnect as a couple.
2 Quick To Snap
Hormones and emotions will always run high through pregnancy and the early days home with a new baby. Pregnancy hormones are no joke and they can make the mom-to-be very snappy and quick to tears. This normally comes in waves and is fairly predictable. When a new baby comes home, the routine of a couple will automatically change. Partners will get to know each other’s parenting styles and when there is a lack of sleep involved, there are always bound to be little arguments.
There is a moment when this becomes not normal. When the baby has outgrown the newborn stage and there are no other external reasons for mom to be snapping at people, it may mean that she is not enjoying the life she is living.
If mom is snapping and then almost immediately wondering why she was so angry in the first place than chances are she is burnt out and not enjoying being a mother.
It may not even be a bad idea to check out anger management classes. These classes can give you some pretty great insight and ideas on steps to calm yourself down before you reach that point where you snap at everyone around you.
1 Where Is The Love?
An overall statement about women who are not enjoying motherhood is that it feels like the love has gone. The love for everything. For themselves, their partner, their children and their life in general. They are yelling at everyone and everything for every reason. People yell because they are unhappy and because they have no other way to express how they are feeling. It all comes out in an angry mom who won’t stop yelling. This can be very dangerous.
Not only is it not healthy for mom, but it is extremely harmful to young children to be around so much negative feelings and yelling. An important thing that needs to be brought up again is that a mom who is not enjoying motherhood is not a bad person or even a bad mom. She is a mom who needs some help. The type and form of help she needs is going to be different based on the individual person. She still loves her children and chances are, she would never trade them for the world. She just needs a taste of her old life back. A reminder of who she is outside of being a mom.